The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  “She gave up everything for me,” I bit out. “It’s the least I can do for her.”

  “Son, I want you to know—”

  The door creaked open and both our heads snapped up to see who was entering.

  “Mya,” her name fell from my lips in a whoosh of air.

  “You.” Dad shot out of his chair. “You have no right to be here,” he yelled.

  Mya’s eyes went wide, darting between us. “I- I should go. This was a mistake.”

  “You’re damn right it was; you’ve caused enough pain already,” my father seethed at her, spittle flying from his mouth. But he didn’t approach her. Thank fuck, he didn’t approach her. I couldn’t bear the thought of him laying one hand on her.

  Inhaling a shaky breath, I moved around the bed, putting myself between him and Mya. “Give me a minute, Dad,” I said, keeping my eyes locked on her. She slipped out of the room, and I followed, ignoring Dad’s grumbles of disapproval.

  Mya didn’t wait. She kept walking, hurrying down the hall.

  “Wait.” I grasped her arm, pulling her around. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came…” Her voice wavered, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. “For you, Asher. You won’t return my calls or texts. I haven’t seen you in days. I just needed to know you were okay.”

  “You can’t be here,” I said, still stunned she was even here after the way I’d dismissed her before. I’d ignored her for the best part of two weeks. Yet, she was here. Standing in front of me, silently begging me to let her in.

  Fuck.

  I fisted my thigh.

  She smothered a sob, turning from me to walk away, but I grabbed her arm again, pulling her to the side. “I didn’t mean…” Shit, what did I mean?

  “I just had to know the truth.” Mya’s expression was crestfallen.

  “The truth? I don’t understand.”

  “I just needed to look you in the eye and see it.” Silent tears ran down her cheeks now, gutting me in a way I hadn’t been prepared for. “You used to look at me with such adoration. But now you look at me like you can’t stand to be around me… like you blame me. And I get it, I do. There is nothing more I wish than to take your mom’s place. But I can’t change what happened. I can’t do anything. So instead of sitting at my aunt’s, driving myself crazy with worry over you, I had to come and see for myself.”

  “Mya, that’s not fair—”

  “None of this is fair.” She gave a small shrug. “I’m going to testify, Asher. I want you to know I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you and your family get justice for what happened. But I’m not going to cling onto the hope that things between us will ever heal. I can’t.”

  I dragged a hand down my face, trying to process everything she was saying. “You’re breaking up with me?” Disbelief coated my words.

  “You can’t break up with someone you already lost, and I lost you the second that gun went off.” Pain flashed in her eyes and I wanted to do something—anything—to take it away. But it was like my head and heart were at war. My heart knew how special she was, how much we needed her. But my head; my stupid, foolhardy head, looked at Mya and saw Jermaine. Jermaine holding a gun up at my parents, at me. Saw my mom bleeding out, cradled in my dad’s arms.

  It was like no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t separate the two.

  “I was going to do it, you know? I was going to accept a place at Cleveland. I want you to know that, Asher. I want you to know I was going to choose you.” Mya pushed damp curls from her eyes and sucked in a harsh breath. “I really hope your mom makes a full recovery. Goodbye, Asher.”

  I should have gone after her. I should have told her that we could figure things out, that I just needed time to get my head around everything that had happened.

  But I didn’t.

  I took the coward’s way out.

  I stood there as Mya walked away from me for the last time, my heart breaking all over again.

  Mya

  “Oh my god, did you hear? Asher’s mom finally woke up.” Kellie Ginly locked eyes on me as I tried to give her and her friends a wide berth, her mouth curving deviously. “He called to tell me last night.”

  I faltered for a second. He’d called her? But I quickly pushed aside the hurt. It wasn’t the important titbit of information I’d overheard. Mrs. Bennet was awake and that was all that mattered.

  “That’s amazing, I bet he’s so relieved.” Her friends quickly burst into questions.

  How is he?

  What is the long-term damage?

  Is he coming back to school soon?

  I hitched my backpack up my shoulder and carried on down the hall. Three weeks had passed since that day in the hospital when Asher let me walk away. I hadn’t gone with the intention of ending things between us, but the second Mr. Bennet saw me standing there, I knew I had to let Asher go. I’d already caused enough pain and heartache for his family without making things worse.

  The closure had been a good thing. News spread quickly that I was no longer Asher’s girl and within a few days people’s interest in me simmered. There were still the whispers and stares, but it was nothing I wasn’t used to. I filled my days with class and my new part-time job stacking shelves at the Seven-Eleven where my aunt worked. Felicity and Hailee remained loyal in their friendship, but it wasn’t the same now me and Asher were no longer together.

  To the outside world, I had moved on. But I didn’t anticipate getting over him anytime soon. Asher Bennet had imprinted himself on my soul in a way that I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from. To deal, I kept my head down and my focus on college. I’d decided to accept an offer from Temple University to study social work. If growing up in Fallowfield Heights had taught me anything, it was that more help was needed in communities where young men and women felt they had no choice but to turn to gangs, drugs, and a life of crime. It felt like coming full circle somehow, and I was counting down the days until graduation.

  “There you are.” Felicity found me by my locker. “I’ve been texting you.”

  “I think my cell is on silent.”

  She rolled her eyes. It was a common occurrence these days. “Asher called Jason earlier, his mom is—”

  “Awake, I know.”

  Flick’s brow pinched. “You do? Did he—”

  “I overheard Kellie Ginly telling her friends.”

  “Kellie… but how would she know?”

  I shrugged, trading out some books. “Apparently Asher called her last night.”

  “But that doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t—”

  The reverberation of my locker slamming shut cut her off. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

  “But—”

  “Felicity, you promised.”

  “I know, I know, it’s just, she’s awake. This is a good thing.” She looked so hopeful. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that some things couldn’t be fixed. That just because Mrs. Bennet was awake didn’t mean me and Asher were going to find our way back together.

  “You’re right, it is great news. I’m happy for them.” Shoving the books into my backpack, I shouldered it and took off down the hall.

  “That’s it?” Flick hurried after me. “That’s all you have to say?”

  “What else is there to say?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I just thought…”

  “Life isn’t a fairytale, Felicity. Not all stories get a happy ending.”

  “But…”

  I let out an exasperated breath and levelled her with a hard look. “You’re my best friend and I couldn’t have gotten through these last few weeks without you, but you need to let this go. I’ve accepted it’s over between me and Asher. You should too.”

  I’d just walked through the door after a long shift at the store, when my cell phone blared to life.

  “Hey, Shona,” I said, kicking off my shoes and letting the cool tiles soothe my burning soles.

  “Hey, girl. How’s it goin’?” />
  “It’s… going. How are you? How are things back home?” After Jermaine had forced her to give up my location, Shona had felt responsible for everything that had gone down. But I didn’t blame her. I’d asked her to keep it a secret; I’d burdened her with that.

  Me.

  “Diaz is actin’ like it’s all business as usual, but since Jermaine’s arrest, things feel… different.”

  “Keep safe, yeah?” I said.

  “I will. Jesse and Leroy watch me like a hawk.”

  “Leroy, huh? You got your way then?” I smirked.

  “He gave in eventually.” She chuckled. “Jesse gave him a black eye for it though.”

  “I’m glad you have him to look out for you.”

  “Any developments with JT?”

  “It’s done.” The words punched my chest. “But I found out his mom finally woke up.”

  “That’s good news, right?”

  “Yeah.” I couldn’t keep the pain out of my voice.

  “Hey, it’s almost spring break. We should totally hit the city. Girls’ trip. It’s only weeks until graduation and then college will be calling your name and I’ll never see you.”

  “Shona…”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. We can’t all be brains like you. But I’m proud of you, Mya. I’m so fucking proud you got out and made a life for yourself, even if you do live in some hick town in the ass crack of nowhere.” Her laughter soothed the ache in my chest. “I know things suck right now but soon this will all be behind you.”

  “I know.” But the idea of leaving Rixon, of leaving my aunt, and the place I’d come to call home, didn’t fill me with joy. Because Asher is here, a little voice whispered. But come the summer he wouldn’t be here. He’d be in Pittsburgh, moving on with his life.

  Moving on from me.

  “Listen, Shon, I need to go start dinner. But I’ll call you soon.”

  “You’d better,” she warned. “Laters.”

  Pocketing my cell, I got up to go into the kitchen, but a knock at the door made me pause. Traipsing back into the hall, I checked the peephole before opening the door. “This is a surprise,” I said to Felicity who stood on my aunt’s porch.

  “We’re going out.”

  “We are?” My brows knitted together.

  “Yep. I miss hanging out with you. I know things are awkward, but you’re still one of my best friends, so get ready and let’s go.”

  “Flick, I’m not sure…” We hadn’t been out since the Ice-Ts incident.

  “Ten minutes. You have ten minutes and then we have to get Hailee.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Worry less about that and more about what you’re going to wear.” She frowned at my work uniform. “Is that tuna fish I smell?”

  I sniffed myself and realized she was right, I stank. It must have been when I’d cleaned up a spillage in aisle three. “I’ll need to take a quick shower,” I said.

  “The clock’s ticking.” Mischief twinkled in her eyes.

  “This is just like old times,” I said, half-mockingly. When I’d first arrived in Rixon and she’d taken me under her wing, we’d gotten into all kinds of trouble together. It felt comforting to know that after everything, she was still here.

  “Eight-and-a-half minutes,” she grumbled. “Let’s go, Hernandez.”

  But as she started marching me up the stairs, I was sucker punched by her words.

  Hernandez.

  No one ever called me that.

  No one except Asher.

  Bell’s was crammed. I couldn’t believe I’d let Felicity talk me into coming here. But I couldn’t deny there was a part of me that wanted to see Asher. To witness his easy smile once more, and to know he was okay.

  That’s all I’d ever wanted.

  “Breathe,” Flick whispered to me as we moved deeper into the bar. The whole team was here with their friends and girlfriends. I spotted Kellie and the gymnasts straightaway, and the cheerleaders holding court the other side of the room. It looked like the entire senior class had come out to celebrate the Bennets’ good news, and my heart swelled for Asher.

  “Look, Cam saved us a seat.” Hailee pointed to a booth away from the football team.

  “I hope you’re going to marry him one day,” I said, hardly surprised that he would do such a nice thing for me.

  Felicity offered to go and get our drinks while we weaved through the huddles of people to reach Cameron.

  He stood up, letting Hailee slide in. I took the other side.

  “Thanks for this,” I said, drumming my fingers against the table.

  “It’s the least I could do. I’m glad you came.” His eyes slid from me to Hailee. “I’m going to go hang out with the guys, but I’ll come check on you later, okay?”

  She nodded, leaning in to kiss him. My heart ached watching them. But if two people deserved happiness it was the two of them.

  “This is silly,” I said when he’d gone. “You don’t have to sit over here with me. I’ll go and you can—”

  “If you think we’re going to abandon you, you really don’t know us at all,” Hailee replied around a small smile. Flick appeared seconds later, sliding a tray of drinks onto the table. “We’re celebrating. My treat.” She handed me a bright pink cocktail.

  “What is it?” I sniffed the contents.

  “Happiness and sunshine in a glass. Drink up.”

  “Isn’t Jerry going to get into trouble for serving everyone?”

  “Asher’s mom is awake; it’s a private celebration.” She winked at me, slurping at her own drink.

  “Have you seen—”

  The words died on my tongue as Asher filled my line of sight. He was joking with a couple of his teammates, his hair pushed back in that messy style of his, his smile easy and eyes bright.

  I swallowed, feeling tears pool behind my eyes. “He looks happy,” I whispered. Just then, Kellie Ginly sauntered over to him and hugged him, making a show of kissing him on the cheek.

  “It doesn’t mean anything,” Felicity said under her breath, a hint of disapproval there.

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s a free agent.”

  “Mya, you don’t mean that.”

  “So, do you have any plans for spring break?” I changed the subject, forcing myself to look away from Asher and Kellie. He wasn’t mine anymore. He could hug and kiss whoever he wanted. It was something I was just going to have to get used to.

  “I think Cameron and Jason want to take Asher away for a few days; maybe to his Dad’s place in the Hamptons.”

  It was like I couldn’t escape him.

  But slowly, I was becoming okay. I glanced back and found Asher watching me. Our eyes locked, so much passing between us. My pulse spiked. His mouth curved into a smile and he gave me a little nod before turning away.

  I smiled to myself. Things between us would never be the same, but maybe, just maybe, we could find peace after everything.

  “Come dance with us,” Felicity pouted, her eyes glassy with the effects of all the sugary sweet cocktails she’d consumed since we arrived at Asher’s house.

  I hadn’t wanted to come when they’d announced the party was moving to the Bennets’. It didn’t feel right. But the need to be in close proximity to Asher, to see him happy, was too much of a temptation, plus, she wouldn’t take no for an answer and no one else seemed to care whether I was there or not. People were too happy and relieved to have their loveable funny party host back. And Asher played up to the role flawlessly. But I couldn’t help but wonder how much was real or whether he felt forced to oblige them. It wasn’t my place to ask him though, and despite caving to Felicity and Hailee’s insistence I come with them to the party, I kept my distance.

  “I owe you an apology,” Jason came up beside me as I watched the girls twirl and dance without a care in the world.

  “I’m listening,” I said, running my thumb around the rim of my cup. It had been tempting to get drunk and join the celebrations, but I didn�
��t want to lose control, not surrounded by Asher and his adoring fans.

  Especially not with Kellie Ginly throwing me icy stares like we were mortal enemies.

  “Asher is like family and you’re—”

  “Not?” My brow rose.

  “I’m sorry, okay. I shouldn’t have treated you like you had a hand in all of this. Because for the record, I know you didn’t. What happened, that’s all on your piece of shit ex. Me and you, we’re good.”

  “As far as apologies go that sucked.” I smirked. “But I’ll take it.”

  He barked a laugh, shaking his head with disbelief. “I’m glad you’re here, Mya. We all are.” Jason gave me a look I didn’t quite understand before he stalked over to Felicity, hooking his arm around her waist. The two of them started dancing as if they were the only two in the room, and I had to turn away, their love too much to bear.

  “I’m surprised to see you here,” another voice said, this time one I never wanted to hear again.

  “It’s a party.”

  “Yeah, at your ex’s house. I mean how pathetic do you have to be?” Kellie Ginly glowered at me, flicking her hair off her shoulder. She looked cute in a skintight knitted dress that scooped low in the front and landed just below her knee. It was demure but sexy and even I couldn’t deny she looked killer.

  She looked like a girl out to impress.

  My stomach knotted.

  “What do you want from me, Kellie? In case you didn’t get the 4-1-1, me and Asher are over. I’m only here to celebrate, just like everyone else.” I moved around her to leave, before I said or did something I would regret. But she caught my wrist, demanding my attention. “You should do Asher a favor and just leave. He doesn’t need you anymore, not now that he has me.”

  My eyes widened, just for a second, before I schooled my expression. But she saw it and she was about to go for the jugular. “Oh, you didn’t know? I’ve been helping him through this difficult time. Even spent some time with him and his dad. Andrew is such a lovely man. Good taste too.” She smiled but it looked more like a snarl. “He’s so relieved Asher decided to get rid of the trash.”