The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

It was mine.

  “What?” I said, disarmed at his silence. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

  “Oh, I have plenty to say.” His expression softened in a way that rendered me speechless. “But something tells me you’re not going to listen anymore, so I think I’ll save my breath.”

  My mouth tipped at one corner. “I think that’s the most real thing you’ve said to me in years.”

  He chuckled at that.

  It was weird.

  The whole fucking thing was weird.

  We’d been at odds for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like to be on the same side. Even if we were still sitting at either end, a vast space between us. It didn’t matter though. He needed to focus on Mom. If he was going to prove he’d changed, that losing Mom had made him realize what was important in life, then he needed to let me walk away and make my own decisions. He needed to let me walk my own path.

  A path I hoped led me straight back to Mya.

  “You sure about this?” Jason asked as I folded the last note and added it to the pile.

  “Never been surer.” I looked at my two best friends and grinned. “But if this doesn’t work, you’ll probably have to lock me up in a cupboard until graduation because I can’t promise I won’t do something stupid.”

  “Don’t talk like that.” A dark look crossed Cameron’s expression.

  “I’m joking,” I laughed. “It was a joke.” Well, for the most part. Although I was pretty certain I would go off the deep end if Mya didn’t take me back.

  I needed her in a way I couldn’t explain.

  A way I didn’t even want to try to understand.

  “I gotta say, man,” Jase said, “I didn’t know if you had it in you.”

  “Fuck off,” I grunted. “We can’t all be like you.”

  “What do you think he’ll say?” Cam asked me, wariness in his eyes.

  “Honestly, it doesn’t matter; not anymore. He hasn’t been my father in a real long time.” I hesitated.

  “Tell me I’m not going to have to kick Mr. Bennet’s ass all over town, because you know I’ll do it, even if it’ll land me in a whole world of trouble with Penn.”

  “There are some things I need to tell you, yeah.” I dragged a hand down my face. “But I want you both to know that the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I was ashamed. Well, that and my father is a piece of shit and as good as blackmailed me.”

  “What the fuck, man?” Jase’s eyes bugged, the vein in his neck throbbing violently.

  “If I tell you—”

  “When, when you fucking tell us. I’m not kidding, Ash, if something happened—”

  “Jase.” Cam laid a hand on his shoulder. “Let him talk.”

  “Thanks.” I gave my calmer friend an appreciative nod. “If I tell you everything, I want something from you in return.”

  “Anything, you know that,” Cam said without hesitation.

  “It ends with us,” I said. “As much as it pains me to say this, Mom is going to need him and he’s changed, I really believe he has. I don’t want what I’m about to tell you to go further than the three of us, okay?”

  “But Mya knows?” Jase rubbed his jaw.

  “She does.”

  “Good,” he said, his shoulders dropping. “I’m glad you have her, man.”

  I didn’t have her yet, but if my plan worked out, I would soon enough.

  First though, I needed to lay all my secrets to rest.

  I needed to tell my friends the truth.

  Mya

  I didn’t see Asher all week. By the time Friday rolled round, I was beginning to think he’d given up on us.

  On me.

  Then I found it. A folded white note that fluttered out of my locker when I’d gone to collect some books I needed.

  * * *

  Mya

  I thought long and hard about how to fix things between us… in the end I realized actions speak louder than words.

  * * *

  I love you more than words can say

  And I know you love me too

  So take a risk on me today

  And let me show you the story of me and you

  * * *

  I glanced round, half-expecting Asher to leap out from somewhere and say, ‘gotcha’. But no one appeared. In fact, no one paid me any attention as I re-read the note, absorbing every detail. It made zero sense. Until my cell vibrated.

  * * *

  Asher: Your driver awaits outside.

  * * *

  He was serious, he really wanted me to cut class.

  * * *

  Me: You’ve lost your damn mind.

  * * *

  Asher: I’m crazy. Crazy for you. Now hurry or you’ll miss your ride.

  * * *

  He’d lost his goddamn mind. But I couldn’t deny a thrill shot through me at his boldness. My cell vibrated again, and I smiled when I read his words.

  * * *

  Asher: Time’s ticking, Hernandez.

  * * *

  Hernandez. God, it felt like forever since he’d called me that. Since things had been easy between us.

  Before I started second guessing myself. I shoved my books back into my locker, slammed it shut, and hurried down the hall. My eyes immediately found Jason’s sleek Dodge Charger across the parking lot. He stood propped against it with a smirk plastered on his ridiculously handsome face.

  “Your chariot awaits,” he said with a hint of amusement as I reached him.

  “Do I get to know where we’re going first?”

  “Not a chance.” His smirk grew. “If you want this you have to trust me.”

  “Just like that?” My brow rose, my gaze hardening despite the butterflies stroking my stomach.

  “You either want him to make things right or you don’t.”

  “I’m scared,” I admitted, unable to meet his eyes.

  “That’s not a bad thing, Mya,” Jason replied, the softness in his voice making me look at him again. “If you weren’t scared it would mean you don’t care. And we both know that’s not true.”

  “Okay,” My lip curved a fraction. “Let’s do this.”

  “Thank fuck, I thought I was going to have to kidnap you.”

  Rolling my eyes, I climbed into his car, clutching the note like it was my lifeline.

  “Ready?” Jason said.

  I nodded, too nervous to speak.

  “Relax,” my chauffeur said. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

  But we both knew he was lying because this was it.

  This was the moment me and Asher moved forward together or walked away for good.

  “Okay, this was not what I was expecting.”

  Jason’s car rolled to a stop outside my aunt’s house. “Are you sure he told you to bring me here?”

  “I’m only the driver.” He flicked his head to the door. “But there might be someone waiting inside for you.”

  Hope swelled in my chest as I hopped out of the car and hurried up to the house. But when the door swung open to reveal Aunt Ciara standing there, my heart sank.

  “Don’t look so disappointed.” She chuckled, ushering me inside. “Your boy left you something.” Aunt Ciara pulled another white note out of her pocket and handed it to me. “I love you, Mya, and all I want is for you to be happy. Lord only knows you deserve it. And I can admit when I was wrong about someone. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  With a wink, she disappeared down the hall and left me standing there in disbelief. My hands trembled as I opened the note and read Asher’s handwriting.

  * * *

  Here marks the spot I first called you beautiful… and it’s true, Mya. So fucking true. You’re beautiful inside and out and I’m so thankful I let it slip out that day. Because if I hadn’t, maybe we wouldn’t be here now.

  * * *

  But this is only the beginning…

  * * *

  Now you must go back to the start

  To find out when you
stole my heart

  The clue is home to Milton and Shakespeare, Steinbeck too

  Hurry though, Mya, because I’m waiting for you

  * * *

  Swiping a rogue tear from my eye, I folded the note back and stuffed it in my pocket. “I’ll see you later,” I called out to my aunt before slipping back outside, relieved to find Jason still waiting.

  “So?” he asked when I climbed into the car. “What did it say?”

  “He didn’t tell you?”

  “It was a need to know basis,” he grumbled. “Apparently, I didn’t need to know everything.”

  Stifling a snicker, I handed him the note. “What the fuck does it mean?”

  “It means we’re going back to school.”

  Because I knew exactly where the next clue was.

  “The library?” Jason gawked at me. “What the hell does the library have to do with anything? Wait a minute…” His eyes lit up. “Did the two of you get freaky in the stacks?”

  “Jason!” I groaned. “You can stay out here for that.”

  “Oh, hell no. I have chauffeur rights. Let’s go.”

  “Fine but stay quiet.” The last thing we needed was to upset Mrs. Hegarty.

  The library was almost empty, and I had no problems locating the chairs me and Asher had sat at all those weeks ago. “Crap,” I whispered when I realized a couple of guys were studying there.

  “What?” Jason asked.

  “That’s where the clue will be.”

  He puffed his chest dramatically. “Have you learned nothing from being with Asher? Come on.” Stalking up to the guys, Jason glared down at them.

  “Hmm, can we help you?” One said quietly, glancing nervously to his friend.

  “Yeah, I need you to mov—”

  “Jason,” I interjected, offering the guys an apologetic smile. “Sorry about my friend, he has no manners. I’m looking for something. You didn’t happen to see a white note lying around, did you?”

  “This white note?” The other one grinned, plucking the note from his piles of books. “A friend asked us to look after it.”

  “He did, huh? Well tell your friend, thanks.” I snatched the note from him and headed for the door.

  “You’re no fun,” Jason protested.

  “I’m plenty fun. Now back up so I can read it.”

  * * *

  I wanted to kiss you so badly that day… I almost strangled Mrs. Hegarty when she interrupted us! Do you remember? The words were right there on your tongue. You wanted me to kiss you because you felt it, Mya. You felt the connection between us.

  * * *

  And when you forgive me and we make up, I’m thinking we should probably revisit the library and make up for that day.

  * * *

  But that can wait because it’s time for your next clue…

  * * *

  I drank too much because life got hard

  But you were there like a shining star

  You held my hand and comforted me

  And soon you became all I could see

  * * *

  “Got it,” Jason said, snapping his fingers. “It’s his house, right? The night he got wasted.”

  “Dude, back the hell up.” I looked over my shoulder, frowning at him.

  “I’m right though, aren’t I?”

  “You’re annoying.”

  “But you need me, so come on, Hernandez, let’s get this show on the road.”

  My stomach was churning by the time Jason pulled into Asher’s driveway. I’d only been here once since the incident; the night of the party when all people had been thinking about was celebrating Asher’s good news. But now, in the harsh light of day, it seemed wrong to be here.

  “Hey, you okay?” Jason asked, his eyes burning into the side of my face.

  “I’m not sure I can do this.” The memories of that night strangled my voice.

  “Mya, look at me.” His commanding tone coaxed me to glance over at him. “You need to do this. If not for Asher, then for yourself. What went down here was not your fault, okay?”

  “Okay.” I nodded unsure whether I believed him.

  We climbed out together and I was relieved to have someone by my side, even if it was Jason. “Do you think he’s here?” I asked as we slowly advanced on the house.

  “I’m not—”

  “There you are.” Felicity burst from the front door. “I’ve been waiting all morning.”

  “Hmm, hello,” I said, my brows pinched.

  “Oh, don’t give me that look. Like you didn’t know I’d have a hand in making this happen.”

  “The thought hadn’t really crossed my mind.” I’d been so swept up in it all, I hadn’t stopped to think about what it took to pull off something like this.

  “It’s amazing, right? He put so much thought into everything.” She clapped her hands, excitement dancing in her eyes. “And the notes. I almost died.”

  “Hold up,” Jason growled. “You’ve seen the notes?”

  “Well, yeah. Why, haven’t you?”

  “No, I haven’t seen the fucking notes. Unbelievable.” He skulked past us, into the house.

  Felicity laughed at her boyfriend’s tantrum. “He’ll get over it. How are you holding up?”

  “I’m… okay, I guess. This is all…” I swallowed. “It’s a lot to take in. I still can’t believe he did all this.”

  “You haven’t seen anything yet.” She winked. “Come on. I think he left a thing or two for you.” I took Flick’s hand and let her pull me inside. “You want some space?”

  “Yeah, actually, I think I do. Is that okay?”

  “We’ll be in the kitchen. Find us when you’re done.”

  Inhaling a deep breath, I made my way to the back of the house, where the downstairs bathroom was located. Inside, I found a white note propped up against one of Mrs. Bennet’s marble soap dispensers.

  * * *

  I didn’t know if you’d get to this point. I know it’s a lot to ask of you to be here, so thank you. Thank you for trusting me.

  * * *

  I can’t remember much about that night. I’d drunk so much. But everything I can remember is you. Your voice. Your gentle touch and soft skin against mine. How good it felt. You were like a bright light in the darkness. My own North Star in dark skies. And even though everything’s a little hazy, I remember being hit with this overwhelming need to make you mine, in every single way possible.

  * * *

  I wanted to keep up with the little rhymes, but I’m not going to lie… I never was very good at poetry. Besides, I think you know this next one.

  * * *

  Your next clue is where we shared our first proper kiss…

  * * *

  I dashed out of the bathroom, running down the stairs to the basement. Part of me wanted to find Asher there waiting for me. But I knew our story wasn’t finished. Deep down, I knew there was more to come. So when I spotted the next note laid on a cushion on the couch where we’d first made out, I snatched it up and greedily drank up the words.

  * * *

  Do you remember?

  Do you remember how good it had felt to have my body pressed against yours? The way we kissed like we were both running out of air?

  Do you remember telling me to stop?

  I would never ever take advantage of you or push you to do something you didn’t want to do, but in that moment, you really tested my resolve. I wanted to drown in you, Mya. To never come up for air.

  You do that to me.

  Only ever you.

  * * *

  …do you remember what happened next?

  * * *

  Tears streaking down my face, I took off back upstairs, taking the stairs to the second floor. The second I stepped into Asher’s bedroom I was assaulted with memories of him. Us. Nights tangled in his sheets. Mornings wrapped in his arms.

  I dried my eyes with the backs of my hands, searching for the next note; hardly surprised when I found it in the middle o
f his bed alongside a tiny velvet pouch.

  * * *

  Now this is where we go off course a little… but if it leads you back to me quicker, then I can live with it.

  Open the pouch, Mya.

  Have you opened it yet? They should all make sense but in case they don’t, here’s a little reminder.

  * * *

  The heart represents the first time you said, ‘I’m yours’. We were at Flick’s house (and while she desperately wanted to be included in our little trip down memory lane, I needed to speed things along. I’m a patient guy… but where you’re concerned, I’m not THAT patient).

  * * *

  The boat represents the first time you gave yourself to me. Best. Night. Of. My. Life. Hands down. I predict the only days that’ll ever top that are the day you become my wife and the day you give birth to our child. Because, babe, I want it all with you. Every-fucking-single-thing.

  * * *

  The Empire State Building represents our night… and what an amazing night it was… in New York. We might have said the words for the first time that night, but I’d felt them long before that. In fact, I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you that night you tucked my drunk ass in bed.