A storm brewed in those eyes, like he was trying to show me his vision for my future. Things were coming together. If this happened in real time, I wouldn’t have understood what he meant, but having seen the future, I realized this put the ball squarely in my court. “Have you worked with Lucille?”
My grandmother used me as vampire bait. She brought Rainey and me to Las Vegas with the seemingly ridiculous mission to lure vamps and destroy them. I always thought she meant it as a trap, that they’d destroy me, and there was a chance I was still right. But now I saw there was an outside chance she was trying to save me. Lucille had visions, too. But unlike Rainey, she was selfish with them, and never shared what she saw. She barked out orders and expected us to follow them.
“She brokered the original agreement.” Gabriel ran his thumb along my jawline, studying me the same way I’d done to him, like it was the first time we got a good look at each other. Anyone who observed this exchange from a distance would think a very different negotiation was happening between us. “She fears you.”
“Is that so?” Lucille tortured Rainey and I most of our lives, and made us feel ashamed of our talents, even though she relied on them for our livelihood. A wave of relief rolled through my body, crashing against Gabriel’s vibration. It didn’t put me at ease. “What does she have to fear?”
I could play his game, too.
“That your darkness will snuff the light out of you. Out of everything around you. She knows you have a lot to give, and that you’re swayed by gifts, by people who will tell you everything you want to hear. Remember, Holly, balance is a lie.” The last part of that was a whisper against my cheek, but he didn’t kiss me. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend to.”
I laughed. “You were getting your dick sucked when I found you.”
He pulled away enough that I didn’t miss the light sparkling in those gray-green eyes. “Who said that wasn’t business?”
I made faces at him behind his back when he got off the bed, let the blanket slide to the floor, and walked away. Of course his ass was perfect but it didn’t make him any less infuriating. Those women probably agreed to give him head so they didn’t have to talk to him.
The buzzing was back as soon he faded from sight. I pressed my hands against my ears to get it to stop, but it intensified. I did not want to put my head down on the pillow he just had sex on. My head weighed more than the rest of my body, and I feared he’d cursed me, like Rainey and I had done to others so many times to get what we wanted. But this time, I’d be trapped in a world where I didn’t belong, and I still wouldn’t have Rainey.
THE PILLOW SMELLED like Rainey, and I got what I wanted after all. I was home. But overwhelming dread weighed me down like the hangover from Hell. I was alone, and that meant the city was being catapulted toward disaster at an alarming rate. A long, hot shower helped me put the jumbled details of my travel together, but as with most of my trips, I wasn’t sure if it had happened or if it were a dream.
I needed Rainey so bad.
I made the bed and put my tea mug in the dishwasher just in case she came home. She’d be pissed if the place were a mess.
The show must go on. The Afterlife was on shaky ground, and it had nothing to do with the reviews I couldn’t bring myself to read. I had enough problems. I hadn’t been able to replenish myself. Opening night had been a test of my fire, but I had no idea if I had enough left in the tank for another four nights this week, or for the run of the show. We didn’t have a routine established yet, no plan B. With Rainey missing, and the energy balance completely out of whack, we barely had a plan at all.
“What happened to you?” Lennon intercepted me as soon as I got to the theater. She led me down a corridor, away from the camera crew. “Please tell me you didn’t stay up all day trying to find Rainey. Nothing will get accomplished if you burn yourself out, doll. Pun intended.”
She managed to get me to laugh. “No, I went home. And then I’m not sure if I travelled or had a nightmare.”
“Sounds like you had a rough day.” Lennon followed me into my dressing room and sat on the couch, spreading her full skirt out around her. “Tell me about it.”
I recounted the trip, having a hard time trusting my memory. “It was Vegas, but it wasn’t. But it was like a dream. Which sounds perfect, but it was missing something.” I poured myself a cup of tea, and handed her a steaming mug. “The consequences.”
“There will be consequences.” The steam obscured Lennon’s face as she digested my story. “He knew who you were. Do you think that will change anything? Like, if you think back to your interactions with Rainey recently, were they different?”
Like my brain hadn’t been screwed with enough in the last couple of days. The problem with memories was they all looked a lot like Gabriel’s Realm. Idealized versions of the truth. I was willing to forgive Rainey, if she left me of her own accord, for one more chance. But this wasn’t about Rainey, it was about Gabriel.
“Do you remember anything about our encounter in the past?” I turned the question around on Lennon.
“Holly.” She shifted on the couch, looking away from me and putting the mug down. She wrung her fingers in her lap. The fabric of her dress twisted with each movement, just like my heart did waiting for her answer. “There’s no denying I feel protective of you, but that’s how I am with all my friends—”
“We’re not friends, Lennon.” My words weren’t meant as an accusation. “We’ve never gone out for coffee or drinks or spent any time together hanging out. Not until now. We like each other, but it’s not friendship. It’s something else.”
“You’re right.” She sighed. “But if you heard the way Cash talked about you, the way he watched over you—”
I shook my head. Lennon was grasping at straws. “Cash decided it was time to be Dad of the Year when I turned two hundred and thirty-three, and all he managed to do was put me in danger. So let me go at this from a different angle. What drew you to him? Let’s face it, he wasn’t an easy man to love.”
Unless you had to. If there was something inside you so intertwined with Cash Logan it was impossible to walk away. He didn’t have a working heart or a soul, so it had to be something much deeper than that.
Lennon stared into space, her parted lips curling into a smile. Cash made me do the same thing when I was blindsided by his memory. “I couldn’t tear myself away from him. I wanted him more than I wanted things for myself. It’s hard to put into words.”
“You’re doing a good job.” I tipped my head to catch her gaze. Cash had a similar effect on me since we’d grown from the same root. Beyond that, I understood because that was how I felt about Rainey. “Are there any similarities between your feelings for Cash and me?”
“Maybe.” She straightened her posture, still uncomfortable with her past. “What does any of this have to do with finding Rainey?”
“A couple of things. You don’t directly remember your past life, but just for the sake of this argument, let’s assume my theory is true. You felt drawn to both Cash and I, because we’ve met in the past. So there’s a chance Gabriel will have some sense we’ve had contact. It could change things. I mean, Rachel is your creator, and she’s got no problem crapping all over me every chance she gets. But you feel no pull to her.”
Lennon shook her head. “She wants to hurt people. I’m not into that.”
But so did Cash. She was dangerously close to contradicting herself.
“That’s my second point. If you were my mother in a past life, and I’m half-vampire and half-something Gabriel thinks can tip the balance of the universe away from chaos—then you’ve got the same light inside you that he sent Rainey to fight for.” I bounced in my seat. Everything was coming together. Now I understood why we were brought here. Not just Rainey and me, but Lennon and Cash and Gabriel. It gave me faith that Lennon was the key to keeping balance in the city, and I’d get Rainey back. “Your power doesn’t have to manifest the same way Rainey
’s does, but the message is the same. You care deeply for the people around you. And you walked away from Embrace when it became ground zero for the apocalypse.”
“Gabriel scared me,” she said quietly. “That might blow a hole in your theory.”
It did, in a way. “You’ve been comfortable with the vampires for a long time. And he’s jarring, even in his own element, because he’s the center of all of it.” I hoped connecting to Lennon would tell me if we were destined to pick a side or if we chose it. “What I don’t know is how I’m going to get back to his Realm when his headquarters doesn’t exist anymore. I mean, we’re in it.”
“Exactly,” she said. And it flipped everything on its head. If she was right, Gabriel was here, at the Alta Vista. Holy shit. “And that brings me to my point. I talked to Callie and Tristan, and we all think you should stay here until Rainey returns.”
“Why?” If I couldn’t have Rainey, I needed her things around me. I had to keep her alive in any way I could. My heart skipped a beat, considering the worst. No. Gabriel wanted her alive. There was no other alternative.
“We’re worried about Blade. He’s confusing the carnage at Embrace with reality. And he had anger issues to begin with. If you pissed him off...” She shook her head. “I was with Callie when her roommate was killed—”
“Don’t say that,” I whispered.
“He’ll strike as close to your heart as possible.” Lennon put her hand over mine. “Stay with us. We’re worried about you, doll.”
Callie murdered people, too. Just because she wore a cute little dress when she did it didn’t make the results any less gruesome. “That’s not a good idea, either.”
Staying in this building would give me carte blanche to search for Rainey. Especially if Gabriel’s Realm overlapped the hotel. If Callie and Tristan had anything to do with her disappearance—they disposed of Immortal Dilemma when they no longer served them—there would be hell to pay. Literal Hell, since I was the one who would usher it in. Rainey could’ve been getting in their way. Keeping an eye on them was a good idea. I spent my whole life searching for someone—my parents, and now Rainey—and I was good at it now. I was willing to take chances to get what I wanted. I removed myself from vampire life because I was treated like an outsider. It was time to dig deep, make myself a part of their lives, and use it to my advantage.
“I’ll consider staying here,” I said, letting Lennon think I was simply taking her suggestion, not coming up with my new offense. Staying at the Alta Vista was the easiest, safest scenario for all of us. And if I was wrong and Gabriel didn’t have Rainey, whoever did have her could be coming for me. I didn’t expect the vampires in residence to fight for my honor, but there was strength in numbers. “But first, I have to get through tonight.”
Lennon wrinkled her nose. “Stop reading the show reviews. They’ll get in your head and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“Like I have time to read reviews. I’m worried about my fire.” Lennon might not be my mother in this lifetime, but my stomach churned at the prospect of sharing the down and dirty details of my sex life with her. “It’s strongest when I’m with Rainey and Blade. Like, with them. Completely. The darkness and the light combined has been the only thing powerful enough to make me ignite. Now they’re both gone, and I don’t know what will happen during my performance. The audience will put up with a couple of misfires, but if they figure out we’re promising something we can’t deliver, we’re doomed.”
Callie installed cheaters, as I called them; the lyra and pole were electrified. But if I had to rely on those nightly, it would be lights out. Literally. The show would go dark, and the only thing capable of electrifying the city would be a bloodbath.
Lennon kissed my cheek. I didn’t imagine the spark that ignited between us. I relished it, a confirmation that I held a piece of the two most important people inside me, no matter where they were. And only my mother could remind me of that. “It’s only the end if you give up, doll. I’ve watched you come back from the ashes. You’re a fighter.”
Damn straight I was. I’d been fighting my whole life. First to exist as a supernatural creature that had no peers, and then against the vampires who didn’t want to share their darkness with me. Like there was only so much of it to go around. Ha. They’d find out soon enough there was more than enough darkness for everyone. That hunger would consume them and make them do the unthinkable. They didn’t have to go further than Embrace to see I was right. But enough about them. Now more than ever, this was about me. I wasn’t a leader, or even a planner, but I had good instincts. So I thought. I’d relied on Rainey for so long to make things right, and now to get her back, I had to show her I’d been paying attention. Come up with a plan and execute it. And never stop fighting.
I’d never felt more alone than when the door clicked shut behind Lennon. No Rainey to kiss it and make everything better. No Blade to make me question my bad decisions. A makeup chart hung on the mirror so I could live the lie that this was business as usual. The stylist left it for me before I chased her away. And the moment I opened that door, I’d be greeted by a camera crew and a dozen questions I didn’t want to answer.
But there was no avoiding them as show time approached. I smiled and winked at the crowd that stood outside my door. They’d have to blur my body out to make it past the TV censors. I wished they could blur all of me that night.
“Any word?” Tristan asked when I came to the side of the stage. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I wanted to hug him, but I’d been strapped into my fake wings and was otherwise topless. The last thing that night needed was to get weirder.
“I have a couple leads.” I never discussed my powers outside of fire with Tristan. He knew I could ignite, but he had no idea I could travel. “I haven’t figured out how I’ll get to her.”
He nodded. “We want you to stay here.”
“I’ll think about it.” Everything in me screamed, it’s a trap. Rainey had disappeared in this building, and it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility I could do the same.
That tingly feeling was back—Tristan was trying to glamour me. “You need the energy the crowd gives you. It doesn’t go away after the show.”
The lights fell, and his offer danced along the surface of my skin, driven home by the hard beat of the crowd chanting my name. Shitty performance last night or no, they hadn’t given up on me. I stood at the top of the stairs, eyes closed, waiting for the spotlight to baptize me in its warm light and welcome me to one of the only places I’d ever considered home—the stage. Each step felt foreign. This was the first night I made the journey truly alone.
We’d choreographed this number with pure indulgence in mind. It was all about me, wearing sparkles and feathers and baring my soul. I paid attention to things I never had before, like the way people broke off from the Holly chant and dissolved into screaming. I put the work into the show, but our audience put the work into getting here, and now it was time for them to revel in their abandon. To celebrate their hard work and the chance to be the person they always wanted to be if they were truly free. That was who I was to them, an embodiment of their fantasy. I let the roar, the raw wall of sound absorb into my bare skin. I’d take their energy and give them exactly what they paid for in return.
My next act was just Tristan and me. His guitar and my silks. My muscles quivered with the aftershocks of last night’s performance; this was the part of the show when I realized Rainey was gone. A random person sat in the seat that should have belonged to her. The rest of the world had moved on, having no idea what awaited them in the future.
I had no idea how much longer before the vampires drained the city of its energy. When the crowds would disappear, or when blood would become the most valuable currency.
I was lost in thought and the crowd was silent. The only sound in the theater were the foreign notes Tristan pulled from his acoustic guitar. It sounded completely different tonight, and I had a hard time following the beat. I was to
o much in my own head and I wasn’t paying full attention. I tumbled through the fabric, down to the floor.
I clung to the silks, wrapping it around me, hoping the thud of my landing wasn’t louder than Tristan’s music. I wasn’t mic’d. The theater darkened, the applause enveloped me with a false sense of security as I headed backstage.
“We need to talk.” Callie hopped off the road case, blocking the path to my dressing room.
“Not here.” I jerked my head toward a man with a camera who stood behind her. Everything I said would be used against me. “If you want to talk, we can do it in my dressing room.”
She narrowed her eyes at me and didn’t budge. She must’ve had some power to make herself seem larger because she took up the entire path. “It’s about your performance.”
“The song was different.”
She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. Don’t you dare try to blame this one on Tristan. Even if it were different, as a professional, you should be able to adapt on the fly.”
“You try it when you’re twenty feet up in the air.” Heat rose inside me and I hated having to push it down. I had to save it for my next number, but the real show would be on the side of the stage when I turned The Mistress into a toasted marshmallow. “I don’t see you putting yourself out there.”
I could tell she really wanted to pull one of her scary vampire moves on me, but she was regretting keeping the camera crew around. “You have no idea what I do. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have a show.”
“No, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have a show.” I pushed her shoulder hard. It took a lot of force to move a vampire. No one was more surprised than me that The Mistress conceded. This was not a time to show any weakness.
Once I got to my dressing room, I debated doing something I’d never done before. Quit. Put my street clothes back on and walk out the door. I’d be halfway back to my Rainey-less apartment before anyone noticed I was gone. If I thought it would have brought Rainey back to me, I would’ve done it without a second thought. Darkness gripped me by the wrist, pulling me toward the door, but something more powerful made me stay.
Queen of the Night Time World Page 4
