He reached for me again. “I can help you, but to do that, I need to know why you’re here.”
I had about three seconds to make up my mind whether or not I could trust this man who was as naked and needy as I was. He knew things about this Realm I didn’t, but I had so much to lose. If I got trapped here, what would happen to me? I had nothing, not even clothes. He licked his lips and shifted on the mattress.
I slid my gaze to the man next to him. He narrowed his eyes at me, but sat forward. So there was some competition between them. Everyone here was sexually fluid, judging from the tangle of limbs on the beds. I forced the best smile I had, and he matched it with his own smirk.
“I’m trying to find his daughter,” I said. My heart was pounding and the vibration was like electric shocks against my skin. I wanted to slap it away, but instead, I held that smile. Gabriel knew damn well I was here, and it occurred to me that pissing him off, not fucking my way off the main floor, might be the best way to get his attention.
“The Dominia?” the second one said, shaking his head. “You won’t to find her here. No one’s ever seen her.”
“Good thing for that,” the one who’d been holding my hands said.
“What’s a Dominia?” It was too important to pretend I knew the answer.
“She’s the regulator. The one who makes sure the messages are carried out.”
Interesting. That was her role in my Realm, too. It hurt to realize that Rainey really did belong to this Realm. And even more that I didn’t. Beyond that, I wondered what the rules were here, that she had to enforce. There had to be some, even if it looked like reckless hedonism. The biggest difference between this Realm and the one that I came from was respect. People cared about one another here. And while I’d had many offers for sex, one no, thank you was all it took for them to back off.
“What happens if the messages aren’t carried out?” I asked. It occurred to me Gabriel could’ve been using the threat of a Dominia so his people would think there were consequences for their actions. I really wanted to ask what the messages were, but then they’d either think I was stupid or figure out I came from another Realm. There was no telling how often they got visitors.
“Chaos. Anarchy,” one of the guys said.
“The sun would fade from the sky,” the other added.
I nodded, swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. I knew exactly what the message was, and what the punishment was for failing to listen. A lifetime in Purgatory, alone in the darkness.
That wasn’t totally true. I had Blade, and the rest of the vampires.
If I could change the course of vampire history, I could get Rainey back. No sweat.
“You’ve been very helpful. Thank you.”
I backed away, but one of the guys stood in front of me, and the other joined him. “Thought you wanted help getting Gabriel’s attention.”
“I don’t need it.” I went up on my tiptoes, careful not to brush my nipple against his chest. “The Dominia is in love with me.”
Their shock was sufficient for me to make my getaway. I didn’t have the time or luxury of expecting to wake up in my bed in the right Realm. I had to get home.
A mirror got me here. The buzzing in my head was louder than ever; either Gabriel or Rainey was nearby. I’d been gone too long, and if anyone realized I was missing in the other Realm, there was no telling what could happen. I was the only one preventing it from slipping into total blackness.
They should’ve known better than to leave me in charge.
I pushed open the bathroom door, and two women yelped when I shoved them aside. I jumped up onto the counter between two sinks and put my hands on the mirror.
“What the hell are you doing?” one of them asked, but I shook my head. The vibration was a screech, and I could barely fucking think.
The glass turned to liquid.
“Holly!” The bathroom door banged open, and there was my Rainey, so beautiful she glowed. Her hair had gotten longer, her skin tanner, and her curves were wrapped in white fabric. She lunged for me, but it was too late. The liquid swallowed me, and I was going home. Without her.
Chapter Eleven
Blade waited for me in my hotel room. I got him a key. My goal was to lure him away from Embrace, to see if the energy that washed over the hotel and kept the other vampires feeling good would have any effect on him.
It worked. Blade wasn’t evil, he just needed love. And I was the only one who believed that.
“What happened to you?” he asked as I crawled into bed. I came to in my dressing room, under my fire blanket like everything about the vibration had been a fever dream. I put on leggings and a tank top and carefully made an inventory of Rainey’s things—including her phone, which had no messages—before I came upstairs.
“I saw her. And she was so beautiful. More beautiful than ever.” My voice was weak again, like I was still recovering. Igniting and travelling in the same night was hard on my system. Being so close to Blade so soon after both could also be filed under bad ideas; I’d probably absorb his energy.
Doing the right thing got me nowhere.
“Where was she? I take it she’s not here.” Blade smoothed his hand over my hair, and it felt so good.
“The passageway between the Realms is in my dressing room. It’s my makeup mirror. I’m not sure if it’s any mirror, or just that one. I got back to this Realm through a bathroom mirror in the Sahara.” I closed my eyes, trying to capture the image of Rainey bursting into the room, to stop time and grab her hand before I fell into the abyss. “But when I woke up, I was under my stupid fire blanket like it had all been a dream.”
His blue eyes held no judgment. He nodded, but took some time before answering. “Was anything different than last time?”
“Gabriel seems like some sort of god, and Rainey is The Dominia, the person who makes sure the rules get followed. Or the sun gets sucked from the sky and everything goes to shit.”
“So he’s using us as an example of what not to do?” Blade laughed. “Did she tell you that?”
“No. That’s what the good people of Gabriel’s Realm had to say. Every time I go, there’s this vibration, and it’s overwhelming.” I missed it. Everything was too still now, especially Blade’s heart. My head was against his chest, and the soft thump would’ve made me feel like I made the right decision to come back here. To protect everything I knew. “I didn’t see her until I put my hands on the mirror and it was too late to change my mind.”
Blade pulled me closer. So maybe his heart didn’t beat, but that didn’t mean he was a total lost cause. “She knew you were there.”
I nodded. “She looked like a goddess.”
“She always does.” It was no secret Rainey despised Blade with every fiber of her being, but Blade only seemed amused by her hatred, and not deterred by it. Admitting he thought she was beautiful made me love him a little more.
“More than usual. Almost surreal, like when you see a famous person pass by and you know that they had a whole team of people working on them. She was tan and her boobs were bigger, her waist smaller—”
“Are you sure this wasn’t a dream?” He grinned when I whacked him. “What would I look like there?”
“Stop it. You know you’re hot.”
“But if I were hotter... Would you be able to resist me?”
Our faces were so close, and I had no idea how that happened. Blade could’ve pulled a quick move on me. His eyes were bright in the darkness. I saw the light inside him, the pure goodness that had yet to fall into the evil muck. It was my job to keep it from happening. “I can’t resist you now.”
I didn’t get to finish my thought before we were tangled in a kiss. To have his lips slant over mine was as natural as breathing, and I needed somewhere to belong. To have a purpose in a place I didn’t want to be. Guilt set in. I wondered what else Rainey could see through that mirror. An image of her standing in front of it transmitted to me, clear as if it were her I was ki
ssing instead of Blade. Her hands were on the edge of the counter, and she leaned forward with a sigh, looking in the mirror. But she wasn’t seeing herself.
I pulled away from Blade.
“I need to go back.” My words were breathy. I wanted Blade but it wouldn’t have been fair to him, because all I could see was Rainey. “I have to bring her back to us.”
“Was she happy when you saw her?” he asked.
The image was still stuck in my head, and she was frowning as she put her hand against the hard, cold glass. I could feel it against my hand. It was no longer Blade’s flesh. I studied her, looking past the pain I caused her. She had a presence that she never had in this Realm. Here, she’d been in my shadow.
“She’s powerful there.”
And I was selfish to want her back.
“Power doesn’t always mean happiness, Holly. It comes with a lot of expectations and unwanted baggage.” He tipped my face back to him. Rainey’s face evaporated like I’d been looking at her in a puddle and there was only Blade. “I know you only saw her for a second, and you didn’t get to talk to her. But was she happy? Is that what she wanted?”
His question made me feel crazy, like I never really knew her at all. Like in this Realm, she was here to cater to my every whim. She always told me she didn’t want more, I asked her many times. Rainey had been content to keep her world small and live in the shadows. But when she thought Cirque Macabre had changed me too much, she left. She didn’t change her life that much, she just got rid of the complications I caused for her. “I don’t think so.”
“Okay, then we need to get her back.” His voice was soothing, and I had a feeling we were on the same page. If my answer had been yes, he would’ve encouraged me to let her stay there. But he knew as well as Rainey did that once I got an idea in my head there was no stopping me. Complete my mission or destroy myself in the process.
“Are you happy, like this?” I asked, testing my theory.
“No,” he said quickly. “But being with you makes things better.”
I gave him a quick peck. I pulled away, but he held my face in his hands. “Are they still better when Rainey’s in the picture?”
I loved it when Blade smiled. He didn’t do it often, so when he did it was totally genuine. Light flooded his face, and warmth filled his eyes. They were always the hottest part of his flame, no matter what he was feeling. “You’re not complete without her. She balances you out and gives you reason. If it wasn’t for her, you’d be as wicked as I am.”
“I don’t think you’re all that wicked.” I bit my lip, daring him to kiss me again but instead he tipped his head and gave me a puzzled look. “I don’t.”
“That’s because you make me want things.”
I knew it. My plan was going to work. “So Rainey’s not here, and I didn’t go bad. I’m still in the show, and I don’t want to be bad. Why do you think that is?”
“Because you have hope,” Blade said. “If you weren’t able to find her, things would be different.”
I nodded. It made sense. “Do you have hope?”
“I do when I’m with you.” He looked away from me, like he said much more than he intended to. He’d let his badass, King of the Dark Side façade drop and told me the truth. He could stop the destruction he put into motion, if he wanted to. He wasn’t the only vampire addicted to desperation.
I refused to think that was why he’d been by my side since Rainey disappeared. Desperation had to be seeping out of my every pore.
“We have to figure out how to get you there, so you can see it.” If I could travel with Lennon, I could do it with Blade. “So we can get her away from Gabriel.”
He shook his head slowly. “No. I can’t go there.”
“Why?” Stubborn jerk. He gave me lip service that Rainey was a part of my life, but he wasn’t really interested in sharing me.
“Because if it’s all light, I’ll burn.”
“You burn anyway.” I nudged him with my leg. “When was the last time you ignited?”
“Usually only when I’m with you. No one dares piss me off anymore.” He wriggled his eyebrows, high off his other favorite food, dominance.
“What if vampire rules don’t apply in that Realm? I mean, they’re all screwing in public. They play by their own rules.” I wished I had the clarity to ask that lady who never heard of fortune tellers if she was familiar with vampires. If she wasn’t, it didn’t guarantee Blade’s safety. Nothing did.
He laughed. “It’s a chance I’m not willing to take.”
I shied away when he moved in for a kiss. He just said Rainey completed me, but he was willing to leave her there, alone in Orgyville. He was as selfish as I was. Maybe even more so. I never hurt anyone. Intentionally. “I need to bring someone with me. Lennon’s travelled with me before—”
“Bring her, then.”
“No.” I never told Blade that I suspected she was the reincarnation of my mother. “She’s got the same sort of light inside her that Rainey does, and I worry she’d get stuck in that Realm and then we’ll have two people to get back. And she’s a vampire.”
He shrugged. I wanted to slap him, but he’d like it too much.
“Someone. Anyone. I don’t know if I’m travelling, or if it’s a dream. If there really is another Realm, it’s possible I can get Rainey back. If there isn’t, I’m fucking around in a dream world and there’s a possibility she’s in real danger.”
“Makes sense.” He licked his lips like he dared me to make the next move. But I already put all my cards on the table. “I think you should bring Rachel.”
Chapter Twelve
“Have you lost your mind?” I jumped out of bed. I couldn’t believe he had the brass balls to even suggest I bring Rachel anywhere, let alone to rescue Rainey. “She’d leave me there and bring Rainey back here just because she gets off on spiting me like you get off on dominating people.”
I did say I needed to bring “someone, anyone.” Ugh. One of these days, I’d learn to be careful of what I wished for.
He lay there with his hands over his head, the most infuriating grin on his face. “Will you let me explain before you flip out?”
“I’m already flipping out, so go ahead. Explain.” I stopped pacing and glared at him. He had the nerve to laugh at me. I flicked a flame at him, which only made him laugh harder. “I’m waiting.”
“Rachel can neutralize powers,” he said. “She’s done it to me, and she’s done it to you—”
“Stole is the word I think you’re looking for.” I crossed my arms in front of me, like it would protect my fire if Rachel decided to swing by and take what wasn’t hers. Like her ears would be buzzing from her name on his lips. “The two of you are working together, I know it.”
“She stole your powers. She neutralized mine. It could be because I’m all vamp and you’re not.” At least he didn’t say stronger than you. “And yes, I am working with her, which should tell you something.”
That bastard was too cocky to even bother denying it. “You said you’d never work with another vampire, but you work with her. And you worked with Cash, too.”
He shrugged. “Guess I like your family.”
“Tell me why you think it’s such a good idea for me to bring her. She’ll neutralize me and leave me there.”
“What if she could neutralize Gabriel’s power over Rainey? Then she’d be free to do whatever she wanted.”
Oh. Interesting. “Do you think she could do it? The rules are different there.” The question really was if she would do it.
“I think it’s the best chance you’ve got.” He sat up. His hair was everywhere after our make-out session. “Rainey’s been doing Gabriel’s bidding the whole time the two of you were together, and she managed to keep it a mystery until he showed up at Embrace. But you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not work.”
“That Rachel’s power won’t be strong enough to neutralize him?”
“I don’t d
oubt she can neutralize him,” he said. “But if you love Rainey, and she’s happy there, you have to let her go.”
FAILURE WAS NOT AN option. The next night at Sin City Vampire Club, Rachel didn’t ignore me. It didn’t mean that we had a date to get lattes in this Realm or any other, but we made eye contact each time I walked by her.
Blade had still been in my bed when I left for work, so he hadn’t spoken to her. I should’ve told him to leave before we established a dangerous pattern. It wasn’t cheating on Rainey. The three of us had been together, for the sake of strengthening my fire. I needed to siphon his evil and let it nourish me. It was called balance, and I didn’t care what Gabriel said. I could have it. I could have it all.
And no matter what Blade said, he seemed happy. I took his evil, and replaced it with love.
At first, I thought Blade’s suggestion of having Rachel help me was absurd. A trap. But then I recalled the night I saw her in the future. I know where she is, she’d said. It was Rachel who tipped me off to the existence of another Realm. Without her, I’d be chasing my tail. I held my head in my hands, sitting alone in my dressing room, trying to remember the rest of the conversation.
Actually, we need the darkness to be stronger than the light.
We need to collect all the energy we can. It’s the only way we’ll be strong enough to get into her Realm.
The darkness isn’t everywhere, but we’re trapped in it.
I was strong enough to make it into Gabriel’s Realm—body, mind and spirit. I wondered if I needed to bring a posse with me, or if I could do it on my own. And I saw Rainey there. More importantly, she’d come for me. Finding her wasn’t the problem. It was getting her back.
Each night, after I ignited, I dragged myself to the mirror, waiting for a vibration that didn’t come. It hurt to cry when my skin was so raw. I missed her, and the pain was as tangible as if a bus had hit me. Bracing myself against the mirror, I wondered what she really did See when I went to visit her. If she still had visions of me barging into her world—naked, filthy, and determined to cause trouble. The reality of that could’ve been enough for her to say no more. Maybe she didn’t want me anymore.
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