Sawyer…I might’ve liked his face, but I didn’t trust him. Not one bit.
Chapter Six – Sawyer
I was thinking about her during my afternoon classes. Sabrina. I thought about her a lot—a hell of a lot more than I used to when she was still alive. Was it my penance? Was it my fault? If I’d been there for her more, would she still be alive? Maybe I would’ve seen the signs, been able to stop things from escalating to that point.
Sabrina was the best of us. She was kind, nice, generous—three traits the Salvatore family tended to stamp out. I had zero out of the three, and I was the golden child, the one each and every one tried to be. I was the heir, the one who’d take over the family business once my father got too old to do it himself. I was so caught up in being who I was supposed to be that I didn’t realize what was happening to Sabrina until it was too late.
Until she was gone.
Now Sabrina was gone and Declan strolled around campus as if nothing had happened. His room looked the same as it did last year. He was rooming in the freshmen dorms to try to steer clear of me too, but it wasn’t going to work. If I told everyone to make his life a living hell, they would, whether they knew the whole story or not. Everyone wanted to get on my good side. Everyone liked my money.
Fucking Declan.
I couldn’t believe we used to be friends. There was nothing likable about that prick. I didn’t know what Sabrina ever saw in him. He was nothing but a bastard who—
My thoughts trailed off when I saw the professor scurry to the front of the lecture hall. Or, more precisely, who came in directly after the professor. Declan himself. So we had a class together.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Now I got to look at his ugly face for an hour and fifteen minutes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Although, maybe I could use this to my advantage. Tear down his grades, get him kicked out. Being the dean’s son could only get you so far…
I sat near the back, able to see most of what went on in the lecture hall beneath me. Declan chose the second row, an end seat. I watched him bend to his backpack and pull out his laptop. He took notes on the fucking syllabus. The syllabus. I could only imagine how furious he’d type once the professor actually started teaching.
God, I hated him. I hated him more than anything.
For years, it’d been me, Declan, and Travis. We were the three amigos, the three musketeers, the three boys who got into shit together, even after Travis was held back in third grade. We were supposed to be friends for life, but there was no forgiving what he did.
Blood was thicker than water. I owed it to Sabrina to make the rest of the bastard’s life hell, and I would be more than happy to do it.
I didn’t think I was cruel before. A player, yes, but cruel? I didn’t go out of my way to be mean to anyone until after Sabrina’s death. Now I had to be cruel. It was the only way to live in this horrible world. No one was nice to each other. Sabrina had been nice and look at what it got her: absolutely nothing. Worse than that, actually.
Dead. It got her dead.
I glared hard at the back of Declan’s head, zoning out as the professor droned on about what we’d be covering the rest of the semester. How in the world could he sit there and act like nothing happened?
He killed her. I was certain he killed her.
I’d voiced my opinions on the matter to Travis, and all Travis had said was that if he’d killed her, why would he write a note incriminating himself? Travis didn’t think it made sense—and I supposed it didn’t, but I didn’t give two shits. I blamed Declan whether or not he was the one who physically put the noose around my little sister’s neck. Even if it was a genuine suicide…he still killed her.
Declan had been an outcast ever since Sabrina’s body was found by my parents. I’d spent the weekend partying, lost in booze and drugs, so by the time they’d found her, she was hard. Rigor mortis had set in. There was nothing left to save.
The point was that I made him an outcast. We used to be close; everyone used to have Travis’s and Declan’s names on their tongues like they had mine, but now it was only Travis and I—and half the time I wondered whether Travis was really in it, or if he was just saying what he knew I wanted to hear. I didn’t want his help because he thought he had to give it to me. I wanted Travis to want to help me.
Everyone shunned Declan like he carried the fucking plague, which was exactly how it should be. He should have no friends and definitely no girlfriends. I’d spread the word at the local public college of what he did, so I knew he wasn’t getting any. He’d die never again feeling a slick, tight pussy around his dick.
I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to suffer so badly that I was willing to suffer, too. I would take him down even if I brought myself down with him.
My mind drifted back to the girl. His roommate. I knew her name: Ashley Bonds. I’d made a stop by the administrative building earlier, asked about her. The secretary was more than compliant after I’d locked the door to her office and given her the best head of her life. It was a good thing she was only thirty, and not some old, ugly broad.
Ashley Bonds.
There was a strength in her, a spark, a fire that threatened to damper my plans for us. Travis and I were going to turn her against Declan, help her see how bad of a guy Declan was, and use her to break him until he was nothing. It was more than obvious the jeers and the notes taped to his door were affecting him, but not nearly enough.
I wanted that bastard to kill himself, and I wouldn’t stop until he succeeded. If Sabrina was gone, he should be, too.
Ashley seemed strong enough to question me. I had to give her some credit. She was new to this whole thing, and she didn’t shrink under pressure. Being the only girl in a guys’ university? Being alone with a stranger in her room? None of it seemed to faze her. It might take a lot of work to get her on my side, but I was up for the challenge.
And then, of course, there was the whole bet between Travis and me. Who could sleep with her first. That would come later.
Right now, my blinders were on, and I was focused on Declan and my revenge.
The professor let us off early, claiming it was the one and only time the entire semester he’d let us go before the class’s allotted time. Not a single student complained. As everyone else packed their stuff and got up, barreling toward the exits of the lecture hall, I watched as a few of the suck ups headed down to the podium to talk to the professor. Probably trying for extra credit or something. Way too early to worry about that shit.
Declan took his time packing up, and I glared at him, feeling my lips frown. It was hard for me to smile nowadays, but frowning and sneering? I had those expressions down pat. I got up moments after Declan did, following him out of the class. He kept his nose down, his eyes downcast. I had no idea whether or not he even saw me, but he was about to.
The second we left the lecture hall, emerging into the hallway, I slammed a hand on his shoulder as hard as I could. “Hey, man. Long time no see,” I muttered, my voice dripping venom and hatred. No one else in the hall paid attention to us, mostly because they all knew who I was. Still holding onto his shoulder, I pushed him to the wall closest to us, slamming his back and his backpack against it hard.
Declan winced, but said nothing.
Good, I hope his fucking laptop got cracked.
“Why the fuck won’t you look at me, Declan?” I hissed, noticing the way his brown eyes remained on the floor. My free hand curled at my side. I wanted to hit him. I’d wanted to beat the shit out of him ever since learning about Sabrina. My fist connecting with his face, breaking his nose? My foot meeting with his stomach after a harsh kick? Two of the best things I could imagine.
My vengeance was what got me through the day. It’s what I lived for now. Sometimes even the girls didn’t help.
“Let go of me,” Declan muttered, finally meeting my gaze. His lips were drawn out into a frown, and I gave him one final squeeze on his shoulder—a bit hard, if his wincing meant
anything—before releasing him.
“Fine. Besides,” I lowered my voice to a deadly whisper, “when I come at you, you won’t know it. You won’t expect it. You’ll be on the ground before you realize it.” Declan on the ground, curled into himself, bleeding and in pain—now that was an image I would pay to see. Until now, beating him up just felt so juvenile.
I mean, what were physical injuries when my loss was eternal? There was no getting Sabrina back. Declan deserved more than a few punches and kicks. He deserved all the torture I could give him, and all the hatred I could get the student body to give him.
How long would he last? Would he make it until graduation? I doubted it. He was thinner than he used to be. Paler, too. His hair was a bit long, like he didn’t care enough to get it cut. Declan was alive, but he wasn’t doing so well. I didn’t realize it before, not when I’d been sitting so far back. Realizing he looked like shit made me feel all different kinds of good.
I started to walk away, but I spun on my heel and returned to him, meeting his dark stare once again. “Oh, and by the way, that new roomie of yours? She’s cute. Might have to make her one of mine.” One of mine, like I had a collection of girls. I did, in a way, but those other girls didn’t matter.
Right now, the only girl that mattered was Sabrina, and getting her memory the payback she deserved.
Chapter Seven – Ash
When Declan came back to the room, once the day’s classes were over, I was prepared to talk to him about the whole Sabrina thing. I also planned on asking him about Sawyer, because try as I might—and I tried pretty frigging hard—I couldn’t get his lazy smirk out of my mind. There was something I didn’t like about Sawyer, something I couldn’t put my finger on. I hoped Declan’s testimony could help me make up my mind.
Two boys pitted against each other. One girl stuck in between. Kind of sounded like the plotline of a romantic comedy, except this rom-com involved a helping of suicide-slash-possible-murder. Honestly, with the whole Sabrina thing thrown in, I didn’t want to be the star of this particular rom-com.
I was sitting on my bed, the noose Sawyer had given me on my lap. I’d been staring at it for what felt like hours—ever since getting out of my last class of the day—hoping its length would give me answers.
It didn’t.
I was so lost in the noose that I didn’t hear a key slide into the lock, and when Declan walked in, I might’ve freaked and jumped to my feet, causing the noose to fall to the carpeted floor. “Declan,” I said his name in the most awkward way imaginable.
His eyes fell to the noose near my feet as he closed the door behind him. Even though it was warm outside, he still wore long sleeves. I’d be sweating up a storm if I was him. He said nothing, going to place his bag on his desk and unpacking his laptop. He’d probably be content to let this whole year fly by without saying a single word to me, but that wasn’t how we were going to play this.
No, he was my roommate. We couldn’t spend the entire year ignoring each other, pretending the other didn’t exist. Plus, I liked Dean Briggs. He was nice, and I couldn’t see his son being a killer.
Declan…he just looked broken, like he lost the one thing he cared about most in this world.
“We need to talk,” I whispered, slowly bending to pick up the noose and set it on the edge of my bed. I’d have to toss it in the trash once this talk was over. Was I going to come back from class each day and find something new taped to the door or dropped right in front of it? It was going to be a long year if that was the case.
Though he clearly didn’t want to speak to me, Declan muttered a dejected, “Okay.” He pulled out his desk chair, flipping it around. When he sat on it, his back hunched, his shoulders drooping. He was cute, even when he was sad. Not once in my life had I ever seen such a cute face look so morose, like he didn’t want to be here.
Like he didn’t want to be alive.
His dark eyes were on my feet as he said, “I figured we’d need to talk sooner or later. I was just hoping…” He trailed off, heaving a sigh. “I hoped this year would be different. I hoped he’d let it go. As much as anyone could let what happened go.” He rubbed his shoulder, and I stared at him, wondering who the he was that Declan was talking about. Sawyer?
“Start from the beginning,” I said. Just because I knew most of the story didn’t mean I didn’t want to hear Declan’s side of it.
“Senior year of high school I started dating my best friend’s sister. Things were going great, I thought. I was happy. But apparently she wasn’t.” Declan’s jaw clamped shut, and I let him sit in silence as he thought of what to say next. “It was just after second semester started last year that she killed herself. She’d told me she was hanging out with her friends that weekend, so I didn’t think anything was wrong when she didn’t text me back. I was studying for an exam anyway, so I didn’t think twice about it. Sawyer is her brother, and needless to say we aren’t friends anymore.”
That was a name I knew already. “Sawyer was the one who brought that to me,” I told him, gesturing to the noose on my bed, and he didn’t look surprised.
“Of course he did. He wanted to see you.”
“Why would he want to see me?” Really, what did I have to do with any of this? Yes, I was the test subject, the only girl in a private, all-male school, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be dropped in the middle of a feud like this.
“Normally I’d say because he wants to sleep with you, but in this case, I think it’s because he wants to turn you against me, just like he turned everyone else.” Declan fiddled with the sleeve on his right wrist, meeting my gaze. The sadness lingering there hurt to see. I didn’t know Declan well, but I didn’t like seeing him in so much pain.
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, I think I would trust Declan over a guy like Sawyer. Sawyer radiated trouble. Trouble and sex were his middle name. I’d be stupid to trust a single word that came out of Sawyer’s mouth.
Though I already knew, I asked, “Why did he turn everyone against you?”
“When Sabrina hung herself, there was a note blaming me.” He ran a shaking hand through his hair, his voice trembling with real, genuine emotion. This was not something that was easy for him to discuss. “I didn’t kill her. I would never hurt anyone like that. I loved her…but I guess he just needed someone to blame. Even though I didn’t kill her, in his eyes I was the one who made the noose.”
I stared at him from across the room. “Why would she blame you in the note? If you were happy…”
Declan smiled a bitter smile, though it fell off his lips almost instantly. “That was the thing about Sabrina. You never knew what she was thinking. One minute she could be calm and happy, the next she’d be screaming and so upset she made you feel like an ant compared to her. She never snapped at me though, but I guess at the end she did.” He shrugged. “At the time, I loved her unpredictability, and I had the biggest crush on her while growing up, so I ignored it, thinking it would go away once we got older.”
It sounded like Sabrina had some behavioral issues. “But it didn’t.”
“No,” he said. “If anything, it got worse. Try to tell Sawyer that, and he shuts down. Now that she’s gone, nothing will ever tarnish her memory. Even though she was the one who did it, I’m the one he blames.”
“And he’s got the whole school against you,” I said, watching him nod. I couldn’t imagine going against a whole school who blamed me for my girlfriend’s suicide, right after said suicide. It just seemed awful, a horrible situation no one should be in. I felt bad for Declan. I wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay.
“He comes from the richest family here, I’d say. Even if they hate him, they like his money.”
Somehow that didn’t surprise me. “It always comes down to money,” I muttered. Growing up, Mom and I never had much, so I’d learned to do without. Goodwill was a staple of mine for the longest time. A guy like Sawyer probably never had to worry about going to school wearing a ten-year-old
shirt that was so ridiculously out of style it hurt.
Things children cared about. Seemed silly now.
“I’m sorry,” Declan added, his warm, chocolatey eyes still so sad. “You’re involved in all of this because you’re my roommate.”
I wanted to shrug it off like it was no big deal, as if I was thrown into feuds between cute boys all the time, like I was born into mystery. I wasn’t, and this was all new to me. The thing that wasn’t new? People like Sawyer. He reminded me too much of my dad, the kind of person who thought his money could solve every single problem the world threw at him. People like that—the people who thought they were better than you simply because their pockets were lined with gold and their beds were made of money—weren’t worth it.
I didn’t believe Declan hurt Sabrina. Listening to him talk about it, it was obvious he was still torn up about it, still depressed. I might’ve suspected him when I first found out, but now? There was no way he hurt her. He was someone who’d lost the love of his life, maybe even his first love.
It’s funny. In the books and the TV shows, first loves always seemed to last. They went on forever, the couple staying together regardless of what happened. But in real life? In real life things tended to be messy, and people grew apart. When bad things happened, first loves crumbled. Mine might not have ended in a suicide, but it ended all the same—and it wasn’t pretty.
Declan needed a friend; even his dad knew it. Dean Briggs wanted me to keep an eye on his son, and I would do it. I would also be the only person on campus who was nice to him, apparently. God, I couldn’t imagine going to class if I was in his shoes. I was sure the other students whispered shit under their breaths and constantly gave him glares.
I would be his friend. I would support him. He very desperately needed a friend, I’d say.
“Don’t apologize,” I told him. I grabbed the noose, headed to my trash can, and threw it in. “I don’t know what Sawyer was hoping when he came here—if he was trying to get a feel for me, to see if he could turn me against you like everyone else—but I’m not going to fall for his tricks.” If my eyes could’ve stared a hole in the side of the plastic trash can, they would’ve in that moment. “Sawyer’s never met a girl like me before.”
Loser: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 1) Page 4
