Another lie, but it was one I would keep telling myself.
Morning came after a while, the light of dawn creeping in through the window above the bed. Sometime during the night I had fallen asleep, which was just nuts to me. I’d actually fallen asleep on my side with Declan’s arm around me and his front spooning me. Realizing that we were in much the same position as we were last night, it wasn’t the worst thing.
The best thing, though? That was the telltale hardness pressing against my lower back and my ass. Declan was sporting some pretty hard morning wood. Another girl who’d been expecting nothing but cuddles might’ve been offended, but I knew how male bodies worked. Plus, I was a bit of a tease, purposefully rubbing my butt along it once I noticed it.
Declan was still asleep, but he managed to murmur, slurring his words, “Stop it…” And then he said another word that made this so much worse, a word that made my ass-wiggling cease instantaneously: “Sabrina.”
Well hot damn. If there was a better mood killer out there, I’d yet to hear it. This was…this was both unsettling and unsurprising. If I reminded him of Sabrina, of course he’s going to picture holding her when he’s holding me. It shouldn’t upset me.
And it didn’t, I thought.
I wasn’t upset. I was completely fine. A-Okay.
I bit my lower lip, resisting my urge to tell him I wasn’t Sabrina. He might not even remember saying it once he woke up, and if that was the case, I’d rather avoid the awkward can of worms altogether. Call me selfish. So instead of saying anything, I stilled, waiting until Declan got up on his own. Might have to wait a few more hours, might have to miss my morning class, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
I know. Skipping class? Who was I, some kind of student at a local, inexpensive college? I’d done a bit of math, calculating how much each and every class period cost to enroll here. Granted, I wasn’t paying it out, but still. For the other students, it was…a lot of money. Let’s just say one semester at HU could buy you a nice, intricately detailed sportscar.
Yes, it was that expensive. Yes, I wish I was joking.
Time was slow, and I was practically itching to leap out of the bed when Declan began to stir behind me. The arm around me moved, and he set his hand on my upper hip, his fingers curling into me as they found the bare skin between my shirt and shorts. Such sensitive skin, you’d think with the way I shivered in response I’d never been touched there.
When I heard him groan, still fighting to go back to sleep, I couldn’t take it anymore. Even though he held onto my hip, I turned, moving onto my back so I could look at him. Hopefully seeing my face would make him realize I wasn’t Sabrina, this wasn’t a second chance at his lost love. I was…I was me.
After last night, that sentence rang hollow. Sometimes I didn’t want to be me.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” I spoke, grinning. We both had bad morning breath, so there was nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. And, thankfully, the morning wood situation was nearly gone. Nearly, but not one hundred percent. I still felt a bit of it poking my upper thigh.
Declan blinked a hell of a lot, finally focusing on me, finally realizing who he was holding onto. His hand could not have flown off me faster. He rolled away from me, falling off the bed and onto the floor. “Crap,” he muttered, meeting my gaze sheepishly. He was quick to set his hands on his lap, covering his semi-erect dick. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
Lest he go on and on about it, I spoke as I sat up, immediately missing the warmth of his bed and his sheets, “It’s okay, Declan. Nothing happened. You’re fine.” If he didn’t remember the whole calling me Sabrina thing, I wasn’t about to bring it up, otherwise I’d only depress and freak him out more. “I’m fine,” I added, sliding out of his bed.
Declan didn’t move from his spot on the floor. Whether that was because he was too self-conscious about his hard-on or what, I didn’t know. I had to get ready for class anyway. I walked by him, patting him on the head.
“Stop worrying. Everything is fine. Just because we slept in the same bed doesn’t mean we’re besties now. You and your moodiness are safe.” I went to my closet to pick an outfit, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anything more.
Why did Declan calling me Sabrina hurt so much? It wasn’t like I wanted to date him. I might’ve had a teeny, weeny crush on him, but that was it. No more, nothing real, nothing too deep. I shouldn’t care that he called me Sabrina when he was mostly asleep. Of course his subconscious was going to think about her still; she was torn from him in a horrible, brutal way. I bet he’d never get over her.
That…that thought hurt me more than I was willing to admit.
Chapter Seventeen – Sawyer
I sat on a hard, unwelcoming chair in one of the common areas of Hampton Hall, where the psychology classes were taught. I might’ve had to go back to scheduling and done a bit more persuading to get a peek at Ash’s schedule, but I was here now, and that’s all that mattered. I knew her schedule like I knew my own. I had zero classes with her, so seeing her around campus had been next to impossible. Once I saw her schedule, it wasn’t a wonder why I never saw her around. She was always on the opposite side of campus from me.
My legs were crossed, and I had a notebook on my lap, a black ink pen in my hand. I doodled absentmindedly, not really watching what I was drawing as I waited for time to pass. Ten minutes and Ash’s class would let out, and I’d talk to her, beg her to give me another chance. The Declan front had been quiet, too quiet—and after what she did at my party…she needed a bit of payback.
Declan was still my primary focus, don’t get me wrong, but Ash had found herself on my shit list right beside him. Kneeing me in the goddamn balls…still hurt, when I thought about it. I wasn’t able to have sex for way longer than I’d ever wanted to refrain from it. Anytime I’d thought of sex for the day following, my balls ached in memory. The bitch.
And, because it’d been filmed and practically televised to everyone at Hillcrest, no one could let me forget it. She got you good, man. I’d heard that sentence alone so often in the past few weeks I was ready to shoot whoever said it next. I didn’t have a gun, but I could find one. My money could buy anything.
Ash…if I had to use my money to find her weakness, I would. I was not above using my wealth to play dirty. In fact, playing dirty was the best way to play.
I’d told everyone I could to lay off her. Ash was mine. Declan was mine. I would make them both pay for what they did. My cock would enjoy Ash, and my black heart would enjoy breaking Declan. I would follow them across the country if I had to. I would never let up. If they decided to seek police help, I’d just toss a bit of money around. Green loosened a lot of things in America. It loosened lips, caused eyes to look away, and made instant friends.
Ash had no fucking idea who she’d messed with that night. I wasn’t the kind of man who’d take an insult like that lying down. She’d get what was coming to her. She’d get it, and more. The bitch would take everything I’d give her, and I’d only stop when I had her on her knees, begging. Hell, maybe not even then.
The clock struck the magic number, and suddenly all the rooms around me opened, students flooding out. Most of them steered clear of me. I watched the door to one particular classroom, waiting for her to emerge. I was a strange kind of eager; it threatened to swallow me whole.
Sabrina wouldn’t even recognize me now. For starters, I hadn’t touched anything but alcohol since she died. No more drugs for me, and no overdoing it on the drinks. I would always be in my right mind; never again would I get so lost in the high that it took me days to stumble home and realize my family had been trying to get ahold of me the entire time.
Another reason why she wouldn’t recognize me? I didn’t look the same. I was beefier now than I was when she was alive. I weight-lifted probably a bit too much, but it was the best way to release steam when there were no girls around.
The last reason she wouldn’t know me w
as…well, because I’d never been this vindictive before. I’d never wanted to watch someone die before. Declan? I’d watch him drown in a pit of acid if I could, and I’d videotape it for prosperity.
Ash eventually emerged from the classroom, in the process of zipping up her backpack. She held onto her skateboard under an arm, her eyes averted toward the floor. She looked a bit out of it, which was good; it meant I could sneak up on her.
I let her walk right by me before following her. Before she made it to the building’s outer doors, I grabbed the skateboard from her, causing her to instantly jerk back, ready to yell. Those lips of hers, so full and pink, pouting, fire in her storm gray eyes, but the moment she saw it was me, she faltered.
Holding onto her skateboard, I moved aside to let the crowd of students leave the building. Ash said nothing as she reached for it, but I was much taller than she was. If I had to, I’d hold it above our heads. Unless she planned on climbing me like a tree, she wouldn’t get it back.
“What are you doing?” she hissed, unable to hide her frown. Ash wasn’t the prettiest girl around, but when she frowned like that, it was a little hard to think straight. Most people looked downright hideous when they frowned, but her? She looked like a fucking pissed off angel with pink hair.
“I want to talk to you,” I said, shooting a glare at a group of guys walking by, checking Ash’s backside out. When they noticed my glare, they were quick to hurry away, leaving the building.
Ash’s frown deepened. “So you steal my skateboard? Clever, because that’s about the only reason why I would stop and talk to you.” Her words were knives, meant to hurt me. Pity. She should know by now that I wasn’t one to be hurt. Superficially, sure, but deep down? I was ice.
“I like it when you’re upset. There’s a fire in you I can’t help but be drawn to.” Blowing smoke up my ass, or hers? Who cared. All that mattered was that I was finally here, talking to her, meeting her death glare with one of my own. I would not be intimidated by the likes of her. I’d stared down worse things, uglier things than a street rat.
“I’m sorry, it’s hard to hear you over all the bullshit,” Ash deadpanned, lifting a single blonde eyebrow. “What do you want, Sawyer? I already told you I’m not playing your game. You’d think after what happened at the party you would’ve learned your lesson.” She set her hands on her hips.
My balls tightened in memory. “I admit, I acted like a douche,” I told her exactly what she wanted to hear. “I shouldn’t have tried to drag you in the middle of me and Declan.”
“So this is an apology?” Ash questioned, not having any of it. “Stealing my skateboard?”
“The skateboard, actually, is incentive. You’ll get it back, if you agree to a date.” I had the feeling that eating a meal with her at the student union wouldn’t be enough. I’d have to really put my all into it to sway her to my side, to make her believe I wanted to be better. Maybe she’d think she had a chance to change me, to make me a better man.
Hah. As fucking if.
“A date?” she echoed, looking a bit less confident. “With you?”
No, I wanted to say, with my dead baby sister, but instead I said, “Of course with me. I’m here, aren’t I?” I was here, two feet from her, holding onto a piece of wood with wheels as a bargaining chip. Skateboards weren’t exactly a common thing nowadays. I had no idea how much they cost, but I could imagine buying another one was out of her hands and her wallet. This skateboard was the easiest way to get her to do what I wanted; I was reasonably sure it was her only one.
If she happened to have another…well, I guess I’d have to recalculate my plan, then.
Her eyes fell to the skateboard. I could tell she waged an inner war with herself, but I had no idea which side was winning. It was a long, tense moment before she finally muttered, “Keep the skateboard. I don’t need it.” Without saying anything else, she stormed away from me, leaving Hampton Hall and heading out into the sunlight.
I did not expect her to say that, or leave so easily. I figured it’d take some convincing, some ass-kissing…hmm. Maybe I wasn’t nice enough. A girl like her probably ate shit for breakfast growing up; she was used to dealing with people who thought they’d get their way with her.
I was not most people, though. I was Sawyer fucking Salvatore, and I was not going to let her slip through my fingers. I’d have her, even if it was the last thing I did. No, wait. I’d have her, and then rub it in Declan’s face. That would be the last thing I did.
It was more than clear Declan cared for her. Why, though—now that was a question I didn’t know the answer to. Like I said, she wasn’t that pretty. Skinny, yes. Nice rack, hell yeah. But beyond that there was nothing unique about her, nothing that drew you in. The bottom few inches of her hair was pink, but that’s it. She definitely wasn’t my kind of pussy.
But then why did seeing her walk away so easily make me so fucking annoyed? No one walked away from me; she did it at the party with Declan…she wasn’t going to do it again.
I was out of Hampton Hall and outside before I knew it, jogging after her while holding onto her skateboard. “Really?” I asked. “That’s it? You’re not going to put up a fight for it? I thought for sure this skateboard was the way to your heart—” I half expected her to make another comment about not hearing me through all the bullshit, but she didn’t.
What she said next made me pause, but only for a moment.
“The way to my heart is a maze, Sawyer,” Ash whispered, flipping her head to me. The wind whipped at her hair, dragging tendrils of it along her cheeks. “A labyrinth. You wouldn’t last an hour inside.”
Regardless of how she meant it, I took it as a challenge. “Then go on a date with me. Let me try.”
Ash stopped walking, crossing her arms. “Why should I trust a single word you say? How do I know this isn’t just another game to you?” When I said nothing, she muttered, “Everything’s always a game to you, isn’t it? You never stop and let yourself feel anything real.”
Feeling something real—what good would it do me? What good would any of it do me? Why would I want to feel something real when that real thing could be taken away by the cruelest thing of all, fate? It was something Ash would never understand. I’d lost so much, blamed myself; there was no more feeling anything for me.
“I deserve that,” I relented, hating to agree with her. But doing so made her expression soften, just a bit. “I do. I was an ass, and I deserved what you did at the party, which is why I’m trying to make it up to you now. Let me take you on a date, Ash. Let me show you there’s another side to me.” The arm holding onto her skateboard shifted, and I watched as her eyes fell to it.
Go on a date with me, and you’ll get your stupid skateboard back.
It’d been ages since I took any girl out on a date, so I’d be a bit rusty, but it’d be worth it. Lower her guard, make her like me, wrap her around my pinky before I use her up and throw her away. And I would—I would throw her away like fucking trash. I would’ve been nicer about it had she not embarrassed me, but since she did, it was no holds barred. She’d pay for doing what she did.
“That’s the thing,” Ash spoke, taking a step closer to me. She didn’t reach for her skateboard, but I tensed all the same. A small, five-foot girl making me tense. How stupid. “I don’t think there’s another side to you. I think this is all one big game, and I’m choosing not to play.” She moved away, turning her head to the side. “You really want my skateboard? Keep it. I’m not going on a date with you.” She started walking again, her hands fists at her sides.
My presence really riled her up, didn’t it? Good, it meant I was under her skin, and if I was under her skin, it meant she was thinking about me, that she’d think about me long after this conversation was over.
“Come on,” I said, trailing after her yet again. God, I wasn’t used to begging a girl for anything. This one…she was making me work for it, and it annoyed the shit out of me. Like she was some supermodel, too good
for me. “One date. That’s all.”
Ash said nothing as she kept moving, a determined look on her face. I lost myself for a moment as I stared at her, noting the way the corners of her eyes wrinkled just a bit, as if she was lost in thought.
Finally, her feet halted, and she turned to me, full of attitude. “One date?” she asked, and I nodded perhaps a bit too quickly. One date with me usually meant sex, but in this case we were talking about an actual date. Me, spending money on her, taking her out, all that shit.
Fuck it, I was dreading it.
“I’ll agree to go, as long as you give me a detailed list of where you’re taking me and at what time. I want it handwritten, signed and dated by you, and I’m going to leave it in my room, in my dresser. If something happens to me, I want to make sure all signs point to you.”
Did Ash think I was stupid enough to try to hurt her physically? No, physical pain wasn’t really my thing. Mental anguish was. I wanted her and Declan to feel the absolute agony I did each and every day. I wanted them both to wake up hating the world, believe in no happily ever afters, to generally be as miserable as I was.
It was a longshot, but I was pretty sure I could do it; it would just take time.
“All right. I’ll pick you up at five on Friday,” I said, grinning, “note ready. I’ll even hand it to Declan, if you want.”
“You will not be coming into my room again,” she said, shooting me a dire frown. If she kept frowning at me so much, I might start to like it. She better be careful. Ash went to reach for her skateboard, but I jerked it away from her. “Ah, ah. After the date, Ash.”
She let out a stifled groan.
Loser: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 1) Page 13
