Hmm. Maybe I just needed to get laid by a third party, no one who had any say in what happened between Sawyer and Declan. Just a random guy who’d come in, do his job, and leave, no strings attached. The problem with that was I wasn’t too good at finding guys to hook up with. It was a skill Kelsey had, but not me.
I happened to glance over at him, catching him looking at me as we sat at a red light. “I really hope my skateboard is in the nonexistent trunk of your car,” I spoke dryly, leaning my head on my fist near the window. The night air was cool, and when he started driving, it blasted my face. Kind of like a cold shower, but different.
And not nearly as effective.
“Admit it,” Sawyer spoke with a half smile, “you had some fun, at least.” That damned half smile was starting to get to me. I had to be careful. If I spent more time around him, I might start to like that half smile way more than I should.
I shouldn’t like it at all, considering.
“Sometimes you’re not bad,” I said. “Most of the time though, I want to strangle you.” I froze after I said it, wanting to take the final words back. Today was just…not a good day for me. Sawyer was busy living in the past, trying to get revenge for what happened, and I was avoiding my past like the plague.
“Travis is into that kind of shit, I think,” Sawyer remarked. With his left hand on the steering wheel, he reached his right out toward me, setting it on my leg, closer to my knee than another part of me, but still. The jerk shouldn’t touch me at all. “I’m not. I like my fucking wild, but not that kinky.”
I had a thought just then, a thought about all three of the guys that I was crushing on. Separate thoughts, actually. Travis liked the kinky stuff, involving strangling and other things like handcuffs. Sawyer liked it hard, fast and wild, just like earlier when we were eating. And Declan…Declan I bet was a gentle lover most of the time, but I also knew he had a wild side to him, too. Three different guys, three totally different ways to fuck.
Also three things I shouldn’t be thinking about while Sawyer’s hand was on my leg.
I nudged Sawyer’s hand off me. “I bet you nut after three seconds of being inside a girl.”
Sawyer chuckled. “You want to make that a bet, Ash? I was going to drive you back to your dorm, but we can always extend the date. I can take you back to my place, lay you down on the bed, and show you just how long I can last.”
The thought of fucking Sawyer was…damn it, a nice one, but I wasn’t going to admit it aloud. “No,” I said, turning my head to gaze out the window instead of at the handsome man beside me. “My dorm is fine, thanks.” If I agreed to go back to his place, I knew it would all be over.
As it was, I kind of felt like it was only a matter of time until I gave in to him. He must’ve felt it, too. Why else would he be here? A guy like him wanted to use me up until I was dry—or soaking wet and full of his cum, in this case—and then toss me aside, meaningless.
I was many things, but I wasn’t meaningless.
We pulled up to the dorm’s turnaround, and he shifted gears into park, allowing him to take his foot off the break and lean closer to me. Before I could get out or demand my skateboard, he grabbed my face—much in the same way he’d held onto me at the zoo—and hungrily pressed his lips to mine.
I was a deer in headlights. I was a rat in a trap. I was…I was not an animal, so I should stop with the analogies right now.
Heat burst inside of me, warming me from head to toe. My core ached with a need only a certain male appendage could fill, and my mouth took everything he gave me. His kisses were rough, savage, wild, just like how he said he liked his sex. I felt out of breath, but I didn’t want to break away to do something as stupid as breathe. I wanted him. God, I wanted him so badly. This kiss; I never wanted it to end.
But it had to.
It took all of my strength to push him back by the collarbone, gaze into his hazy, lust-filled eyes and say, “That’s all you get tonight, rich boy.” That’s all I get, too. No more Sawyer kisses, no more Sawyer dick. No more Sawyer anything.
Sawyer pouted. “But it was just getting good.”
“Just?” I asked. If I had to remind him about the whole nutting in public thing, I would.
His usual half smirk was his response, and he unbuckled his seatbelt, hopping out of the car. I followed him, getting out and heading around to the back of it. Even though it looked like there wasn’t room for anything back there, there was a teeny, tiny trunk. Sawyer popped it open, and I saw my skateboard sitting there amongst the black fabric, calling out my name.
“As promised,” Sawyer said.
I went for it, picking it up. Its rough board under my fingers—God how I’d missed it.
“Maybe next time you’ll agree to go on a date with no skateboard incentive,” Sawyer suggested, and I looked up at him sharply.
“A date? You mean another one with you?” Why on earth Sawyer felt the need to continue this charade was beyond me. The only one who knew what he was thinking was himself, and even then, I seriously wondered sometimes.
Sawyer nodded, closing the trunk with a pull of his arm. “Maybe next time you can come over, and I—”
Before he was finished, I let out a giggle, waggled my fingers and said, “I’ll see you later, rich boy.” Whatever he was about to say died, and he watched me go, silent for once. All I could think was: Good. I left him speechless. Still too nice. Should’ve said something meaner.
I hurried upstairs, holding onto my skateboard for dear life. No one would ever take it from me again. I’d break their foot before I let anyone take it. Walking to class was miserable, especially since my dorm was so far removed from the main part of campus. I hopped up the stairs to my floor, reaching for my keys as I stood before my room.
Another note was taped to it, but this one was a bit different. It was in an envelope, shut.
What the fuck ever. I didn’t need this shit, and neither did Declan. With my key in the lock, I yanked the note off the door and pushed inside, dropping the note in the trash immediately and tossing my keys onto the bed. Declan sat at his desk, a blanket draped over his shoulders.
“Tell me you’re not jacking off over there,” I said, falling onto my bed while hugging my skateboard to my chest. If I could kiss it without wondering what kind of germs I’d be picking up off it, I would.
Declan was instantly embarrassed. He closed his laptop, turning around to face me in his chair. “No,” he quickly muttered. He wore athletic shorts; a hard-on in those would’ve been obvious, and there was no lotion or tissues around. “I see you got it back.” His cheeks were red, and I sat up, setting my skateboard aside.
“I did,” I said, kicking off my shoes and getting back on my feet. He watched me approach with an expression I couldn’t read. “If you weren’t jacking off, what were you doing?” Whatever it was, he didn’t want me to know. His cheeks were so red, it was adorable.
“Nothing,” he said, but I wasn’t quite finished.
I moved closer to him, grinning, and once I was close enough, I darted for his laptop. If you closed and opened it within a few minutes, you didn’t need to put in a password. I was dying to know anyway; he should’ve known I wouldn’t let this go.
He was faster than me. Declan spun on his chair, grabbing me and pulling me onto his lap, spinning me away from his laptop, facing me in the opposite direction, toward my desk and all of my shit.
“It’s called privacy,” Declan muttered.
I squirmed, trying to escape his grip, but Declan was a lot stronger than he looked. One arm was clamped around my back, the other around my front in a vice-like hold. “No fair,” I whined, all my wiggling to no avail. “You know how nosey I am.” I turned my head toward him, giving him my best pouty face.
Declan was…a bit closer than I thought he was, which was stupid, considering I was on his lap with his arms around me. Of course he was close.
“Let it go,” he advised, his gaze dropping to something just below my n
ose. My…my lips? Was Declan staring at my lips? Why would he… “Just please, let it go.” I had no idea if he was still talking about me wanting to know what he was doing on his computer before I walked in, and I didn’t care.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“I tried texting you, but you didn’t respond,” Declan said, looking sheepish. His arms hung around me, refusing to let me go. Sitting on his lap, basically being held hostage, it wasn’t the worst position in the world.
In fact, I kind of liked it.
Just as he was drawn to my lips, I happened to realize his were so very close too. They were a bit fuller than Sawyer’s, and I wondered what kind of kisser he’d be. Soft and gentle, like I imagined, or maybe I was wildly off base and he had an inner alpha waiting to emerge. He had been very upset at the party…
“I was on a date,” I spoke, reminding him. It wasn’t polite to text someone else while you were on a date.
Declan’s stare lingered on my lips still, even as he asked, “Did he try anything?” So curious about me and another guy, something that was honestly not his business. I was his friend, but he wasn’t mine, remember? Telling him how my date was came dangerously close to equal friendship territory.
All I could do was nod, my heart catching at the base of my throat. Why did I feel like leaning in? Why did I feel like kissing him? I’d just kissed Sawyer; I should go wash my mouth with soap, brush my teeth and all that. I shouldn’t be daydreaming about putting my mouth on Declan’s.
Declan’s lips drew into a frown. “I knew it,” he murmured, and I set my hands on his shoulders, running them back a bit, getting them beneath the blanket draped over him. Holy fuck, was he warm.
“Why do you want to know?” I asked, meeting his dark stare. So dark in the unlit room they were nearly black. Black and endless, and I was drawn to them like a moth to the flame. “Jealous?” I offered the word easily, as if it didn’t matter if he was or not, but it did. It did matter. If he was jealous, it meant he cared, even if it was just because I reminded him of Sabrina.
Declan opened his mouth, but he stopped himself from saying whatever he was about to say. Was he seconds from admitting he was jealous? I wished he’d just say it. Instead, his grip on me loosened, and he sighed. “Do you want to see what I was doing?” he hedged, one of his fingers delicately tracing a line over and over at the base of my shirt. A gesture that would be meaningless between two people who were dating—but between us? I wasn’t sure what it meant, or if he knew he was doing it.
I gave him a nod, and he helped me to spin the other way on his lap. As I moved along, as Declan tucked both of our legs under the desk, I pretended to not notice the gentle hardness beginning to form under my butt. If neither of us addressed it, it didn’t exist, right? That’s how the whole tree falling in the forest but no one was around to hear it, so did it make a sound? thing worked, right?
Eh. Maybe not. A tree falling was nowhere near as deliberate as an erection.
Declan kept one arm wrapped around my waist, his other moving for his laptop. He hesitated before opening the screen up. “Promise you won’t freak out?” he questioned, his breath hot on the back of my neck.
Again, all I could feel was his breath and his dick. I should really get off his lap before this escalates…
But all I did was say, “I promise.”
Declan opened up his laptop, and the screen turned on, showing me just what he’d been doing when I walked in. I would’ve fallen back into him if my back wasn’t already leaning on his chest and he didn’t have an arm around me.
My eyes scanned the page, recognizing it all, and yet I still found the words to say, “What?”
Okay, not words. Word. One word, because that’s all I could get out.
It was one of the many social media giants there were, a page I knew well, mostly because it was full of pictures and posts from me. It was my page, and it looked like Declan was pretty far down it.
“Me?” I asked, turning my head to look at him and finding that he’d been watching me, waiting for me to freak out. This was…a bit on the creepy side, but I’d had worse. I’d had a lot worse than someone stalking me online. “Why were you looking me up? You know you can ask me anything, and I’ll tell you.” I was an open book, pretty much, which was why this whole thing stunned me.
That, and his arm still being around me. That was surprising, too.
Declan bit his lower lip. It was a strangely alluring gesture, and I had momentary thoughts of wanting to be the one to bite that lip, but I shot down those thoughts as quickly as they arrived. No kissing Declan, regardless of how cute he was.
“I missed you,” he said.
He…he missed me? I mean, yes, tonight was the first night I’d been away from the dorm room since that stupid party, but to go so far as to miss me? I didn’t think Declan had it in him. Missing explicitly meant he cared, that he’d rather have me here with him instead of anywhere else.
“Why?” I asked, my voice a whisper. I could not speak any louder than a whisper right now, not when we were so close, not when I felt his hand on my side inching its way up. If Declan was trying to cop a feel, I’d be flabbergasted.
And I’d probably let him get a good one in before I got mad.
“You’re my friend,” he told me.
I wasn’t sure why, but hearing that made me so fucking happy. So happy I could scream.
“You’re my friend, and I care about you,” Declan went on. “You’re the first person who’s wanted to be close to me since…” He closed his eyes, and I saw his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Since Sabrina. I kept picturing you going off with Sawyer, forgetting all about me—”
My breath was swept from my lungs when he held me closer, turning me away from the desk and towards him. His arms surrounded me once again in a hug I could not escape.
“—and I couldn’t imagine losing you.” He pressed his nose into my hair, near my ear, breathing in deeply. I could feel his lungs rise against my chest, could feel the still-present erection beneath me. This wasn’t a position friends took with each other, not at all.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I whispered, too tight against his chest to hug him back. I ignored the growing warmth in my lower core, the urge I had to tilt his face just a bit and smother his mouth with my own.
Then Declan said something that made me stop and think: “Promise?”
He made me promise not to freak out over what he was looking up, which, okay, fine. Easy enough. But a promise like this? It was worlds different; it meant more than promising not to get freaked out. Promising I wouldn’t leave him, that he wouldn’t lose me…it wasn’t something I could entirely do. Sometimes life happened. Sometimes life took you by surprise and forced things on you that you never expected.
Like what happened with Sabrina.
This time, this particular promise, I wasn’t sure I could make. I didn’t want to lie to Declan, didn’t want to tell him it would all be okay when it wouldn’t be. I was a fan of the truth, no matter how difficult it was to hear.
I knew I shouldn’t promise him anything, but I found myself murmuring softly, “I promise. You won’t lose me. I’m not going to leave you.” Was I telling the truth? At the time, yes, but who’s to say what would be true at the end of the school year? We wouldn’t be roommates the entire time at Hillcrest. We wouldn’t have time like this.
We remained like that for quite a while, and I could’ve sworn I heard Declan mutter something along the lines of “You’re all I have.” I let it be, knowing he needed this right now. I wasn’t about to break his spirit, which he so recently got back. I wouldn’t tell him that I was just a normal girl, unworthy of all of this attention.
When he disappeared into the bathroom for a while, I pretended not to know what he was doing in the shower. I lay on top of my sheets, pulling out my phone. Declan had texted me a lot. A lot. So much so that if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was a bit obsessed.
Go
od thing I knew better.
Chapter Twenty-Two – Travis
I stood outside the library, waiting for her. It was early on Saturday, the day after her and Sawyer’s date, and I could not get it out of my mind. Sawyer could never appreciate someone like her. He wouldn’t know what to do with a girl like her. Between him and I—I was the one better suited for her.
Even if Sawyer hadn’t dragged me out for breakfast this morning, I would’ve known where they went last night. The fucking zoo. I knew it because I used some of my family’s connections. It wasn’t hard to find her phone number with her full name, and once I knew her number I was able to use it to track her. I knew where she was at all times, and she didn’t have a single clue.
Or maybe she did. Who could say?
It was fucking torture, sitting there listening to Sawyer go on and on about what they did, how he thought he was getting to her. He told me they’d kissed, and that she’d helped him with his boner once. None of which were details I wanted to know, but they were enlightening. She was getting too close to him.
I didn’t like it. It had to change. Ash had to realize that Sawyer was a no good prick, and I was the one who deserved all of her attention.
Did it make me mad to think it? Did it make me a stalker? Some would say yes, others no. I didn’t give a shit as to what I was. Sawyer was spiraling anyway. Honestly, it was a wonder he lasted this long. I didn’t think I gave him enough credit. I thought he’d spiral long before now.
I gave him until the anniversary of his sister’s death, then Sawyer Salvatore would lose it completely. Lose his mind, lose his chance with Ash, lose his sanity and maybe even his student status at Hillcrest. Honestly, the place would be better off without him. He didn’t do much around here besides boss other students around and fuck everyone’s sisters.
Ash knew what kind of guy Sawyer was, and yet she still kissed him. More than once.
Yes, that girl had to pay for her mistakes. Luckily for her, I paid enough to have my own room in one of the dorms. No roommate, no cameras. Nobody watching what I did with my spare time.
Loser: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 1) Page 17
