by Phelan, Tom;
Patrick began to stand up—to remove himself from an intimate situation. Sam stopped him. “It’s all right, Patrick. Sit down. I couldn’t tell you, Else, because I am ashamed of myself and still feel guilty about what I did.” He silenced his wife with an outstretched hand when he heard her pulling in her breath. “It’s no use trying to rationalize for me, Else. There’s nothing you can say that will relieve me of my guilt. I have lived with it a long time and I’ll manage for whatever is left.”
“But let me say, Sam,” Elsie insisted. “Guilt feelings or not, you did right by the people of Gohen by protecting them from the ones who’d returned bearing nothing but misery. And as far as the people believing they pulled sheep’s wool over his eyes, Patrick, I can tell you that underneath the wool he has always been a lively ram.”
“Aw shucks, Else,” Sam said. “We watched The Wizard of Oz for the ten millionth time last Sunday, Patrick. And Patrick, are you satisfied now? Is this the end of the story for you?”
“I am satisfied, Sam.”
“I am satisfied, too, Sam,” Elsie said. She bent down and kissed him on the lips. He rubbed her back.
“I am very glad you came to see us, Patrick,” Sam said. “Very happy you did.” Elsie kissed the top of Sam’s head. Then she fluttered over to Patrick and took his face between her hands. She pulled him down and kissed him on the forehead. She said, “Patrick, I am delighted that you came today, so delighted. I can’t tell you how delighted I am. Sam will soon feel the relief that Catholics feel when they confess their sins.”
“All right, Else! Don’t push it too far,” Sam said.
Elsie said, “In a few days, Sam, you’re going to say, ‘Why didn’t I tell Else all about this years ago?’ And now I’m going to put the dinner on. Can you call your wife, Patrick, and ask her to come into town? We’d love to meet her.” Elsie went back to her husband’s chair and rubbed the top of Sam’s head. “You’re such a big galoot sometimes, Sam,” she said in the same tone she would use to tell a grandchild he is a fuzzy wuzzy teddy bear.
Patrick said, “Wait, Else. Molly and I have plans to go out to dinner. I told her if Sam and you didn’t throw me out, I would ask both of you to come with us. And Molly would love to get a tour of your house.”
“That is very generous of you, Patrick,” Sam said, “and before Else says another word, we accept your invitation. Where are you taking us?”
“I was hoping you’d have a suggestion.”
Acknowledgments
THANKS TO my brother Mike Phelan for his thatching knowledge and to Jerome Ditkoff, M.D., for medical information.
I am grateful to the Heinrich Böll Association on Achill Island in County Mayo, the Tyrone Guthrie Centre in County Monaghan, Cill Rialaig in County Kerry, and the Ireland Fund of Monaco and the Princess Grace Irish Library for residencies that were a great help to me while writing Lies the Mushroom Pickers Told and other novels.
Thank you, staff of the Freeport Memorial Library, for your unfailing and enthusiastic assistance.
My gratitude to Cal Barksdale, executive editor, and his colleagues at Arcade Publishing and to my agent, Tracy Brennan of Trace Literary Agency, for their hard work on my behalf.
Thank you, family: the Hourigans and Phelans for their detailed information about farming life; my sons Joseph and Mica for their support (“Keep at it, Dad. Maybe you’ll be a best seller when you’re dead and we’ll get the loot.”)
I am especially grateful to Belfast/Mayo artist Keith Wilson.
Patricia Mansfield Phelan—my wife—has been my great encourager, she has been of wonderful and patient editorial assistance, and her suggestions, despite my occasional resistance, are always on target.
Glossary
1014: the year Brian Boru defeated the Danes at the Battle of Clontarf, near Dublin
an oul: an old; has a negative connotation: He’s an oul bollicks.
Abel Magwitch: character in Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations who becomes Pip’s secret benefactor
alopecia: fox mange; in humans, a disease causing hair loss
Angelus: prayer honoring the announcement of the Angel Gabriel to the Virgin Mary that she was to become the mother of Jesus
ashplant: ash sapling cut to length for use as a walking stick or as a reminder to misbehaving animals
assencart: ass (donkey) and cart
aten daltar rails: eating the altar rails; receiving communion very often; showing deep religious devotion or hypocrisy
Autry, Gene: American actor (1907–1998) known as the Singing Cowboy
babby: baby
backband: chain attached to each shaft of a cart; the chain fits onto the bridge of the straddle to keep the shafts in place. See straddle.
Batens: name of a field, probably corruption of “beatings,” meaning a place where beaters walked to raise game for shooters
Bay of Fundy: bay between New Brunswick and Nova Scotia; has the highest tidal range in the world
Bayreuth: German town where Richard Wagner’s operas are per-formed at an annual festival
bed of straw: pile of straw neatly shaped into the size of a double-bed mattress and about five feet high
Becher’s Brook: a notorious hedge-and-water jump in Aintree Racecourse in Liverpool, England. Many steeplechasers fall here.
billhook: a machete-type heavy knife on a long handle; used for cutting bushes
biro: ballpoint pen, named for the Hungarian Biro brothers, who invented it
Boadicea: queen of a Celtic tribe in Britain, she rebelled against the Romans c. 60 A.D. She lost.
bob: a shilling. There were twenty shillings in a pound, which was about $3.50.
Bogger: a person who lives in or near Ireland’s Bog of Allen, which covers much of Counties Laois and Offaly. Sometimes used derogatorily by outsiders to describe an uneducated country bumpkin who speaks unintelligibly through half-closed lips
bollicks: testicles; a curmudgeon; an annoying person; one who is a pain in the arse
Brehons: judges in early medieval Ireland who dealt with civil laws, commonly called the Brehon laws. They made decisions concerning ownership of property, contracts, compensation for injury, and inheritance.
bridge (in a horse’s tacklings): shaped like a Japanese-garden bridge, with three-inch “parapets” and attached to the straddle; it accepts the backband, which in turn bears the weight of the cart and its cargo on the horse’s back. See straddle.
calfshare: rich mixture of boiled cereals fed to young calves
chester cake: made from a mixture of molasses and stale confections returned to the bakery by shops. A thin layer of pastry was applied to the top and bottom of the mixture; it was then baked and sold in small squares.
Children’s Allowance: government payment to mothers to assist with the cost of rearing children
cod: a prankster; a fake. Also a verb
codding: kidding; pulling a leg
colcannon: peeled boiled potatoes mashed with butter, milk, and chopped scallions
continental money: euros from the European Union
cornerboys: out-of-work men standing at street corners and waiting for Godot
council cottage: cottage built by the local County Council and rented out
cruke: crook
dant: the aunt
dead bell: when there was a death, the parish was alerted by the ringing of the church bell at spaced intervals after the Angelus had been rung at 7 a.m., noon, and 6 p.m. Same as the bell in John Donne’s “Ask not for whom the bell tolls.”
deal: pine wood that has been preserved in a bog; when dry, it burns furiously; usually called bog deal
Desker: the Esker
Dinglish: the English
dock leaf: leaf of a dock plant, containing tannins and oxalic acid. When rubbed on skin stung by nettles, it gives immediate relief.
Doul Yank: the old Yank
eat the face off: scold viciously
eegit: idiot; fool
eleve
nses: in Ireland, farmworkers were given tea and food at 11 a.m. as part of their pay
elder: udder
et: ate
fair day: day the local farmers drove their livestock into the heart of the town to sell
feck, fecking: mild form of fuck, fucking
ferninst: opposite to; also fernent
First Babies: first year of kindergarten
First Fridays: pious belief that attendance at mass on the first Fridays of nine consecutive months would guarantee the ministrations of a priest at hour of death
fixed-wheel bike: bike with a drive train that keeps the pedals in motion and thus allows a person to propel the bike with one leg
frig: mild form of feck
Garda Siochána: literally, the civic guards; Ireland’s national police force; pronounced “GAR-dah shee-a-CAW-na”
garda, newly minted: The Garda Siochána was established in 1925, so in 1951 the institution had only been in existence for twenty-six years.
get: literally, the offspring of an animal; a son-of-a-bitch, a bastard, a shithead, a cheat, a sneak, an oul shite, an old bollicks, an arsehole, an oul fecker, and possibly a real fucker
gobshite: nasal mucus; a bollicks; an underhanded person
gombeen: pejorative: merchant who takes advantage of the misfortunes of others to enrich himself
Good Companions, The: 1929 novel by J. B. Priestley
haggard: small (quarter acre), roofless, enclosed area for storing straw, hay, turnips, potatoes and other winter food for housed animals
ha’penny: halfpenny: pronounced “HAPE-ney”
hure: whore. Not necessarily a woman; often applied to a man who is a real bollicks
Indian torture: the tight grabbing of the enemy’s wrist with two hands and twisting each in the opposite direction, thus inflicting pain
jobber: person who buys farm animals and sells them off quickly for a profit
jow: excrement
knickers: women’s underpants
lamb’s-quarters: a weed that can grow to five feet tall. It is an invasive enemy of farmers
laocoöned: to be suffocatingly entwined in woes. Laocoön was a Trojan priest who, with his two sons, was strangled by sea serpents
le vessie vieux: the old bladder
lorry: truck
Mafeking: town in South Africa where, during the Second Boer War, the British were besieged by the Boers for eight months until relieved
Marbra: corruption of Maryborough, a town in County Laois; now renamed Portlaoise (“port-leash”)
mass, buying a: When a Catholic asks for a mass to be offered for a special intention, a donation is given to the priest. Masses for the souls of the dead were often requested. People could arrange to have masses said for their own souls long before they died.
me hole: my asshole; akin to saying “My ass!”
Messenger of the Sacred Heart: monthly pamphlet promoting devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
motor: automobile
murrain: disease of cattle, noticeable by blood in the urine
nettles, stinging: plant with tiny hairs on leaves that sting by delivering histamine, acetylcholine and serotonin into the skin
noul, a: an old
odor: repute. Saints were often said to have died in the odor, or reputation, of sanctity
ouha: out of; depending on the speaker’s tone, “Get up ouha that” can mean “You’re kidding me” or “Move your fecking arse.”
oul: old; considered disparaging
oul lad: old man; my old man (my father)
Our Lady of Mount Carmel: patroness of Christian hermits who lived on Mount Carmel (Israel) in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries; the present-day Carmelites are the spiritual descendants of those early hermits.
paddy bollicks: Irishman who dispenses unasked-for, useless advice under the misconception that he is exhibiting wisdom, knowledge and experience
Padre Pio: Italian catholic saint reputed to have the gift of multilocation, the power to be in more than one place at the same time
Passchendaele: town in Belgium located five and a half miles from Ypres. The Third Battle of Ypres, fought during the First World War, is also called the Battle of Passchendaele. During the war more than 88,000 soldiers disappeared into the mud between the two towns.
Pat: There was a time when English people believed every man with an Irish accent was named Pat.
Plain, the: large stretch of level terrain between Dublin and Gohen
poepot: chamber pot
pollard: the part of grain beneath the bran; used in cattle feed
pooley: urine
Portarlington: town straddling the river Barrow, one half in County Laois, the other in County Offaly. Sometimes pronounced “por-TAR-le-ten”
praiseach: Irish word for charlock or wild mustard; a vicious, invasive, yellow-flowered weed much feared by farmers.
praskeen: Irish for “apron.” Usually made with a burlap sack. One end of the sack is tied around the waist and the two hanging corners are brought together in the grasp of one hand. The grasping hand is pulled up to the belly and a bag is formed. Praskeens were used to carry apples, potatoes, hens, cats, rhubarb, eggs, feed grain, dead rabbits, suckling pigs, a goose, ducks, one large turkey, artificial fertilizer for spreading by hand, and anything of medium size on a farm in need of carrying in a bag.
Princess Elizabeth of York: the future Elizabeth II of Great Britain
pull the straw: straw for thatching was straightened by pulling it in small handfuls out of the bed of straw
quare: queer, meaning odd; eccentric
R.I.C.: Royal Irish Constabulary; police force founded in 1822 and disbanded in 1922
right y’are: you are right; I agree with you; you’re a good man; can also mean goodbye
rise the pump: prime the pump by pouring water down its dry throat
sally: the sallow tree; pussy willow
scall crow: carrion-eating grey crow that also eats small animals and young birds
scapular: two postage-stamp-sized pieces of cloth, made of the same material as the Franciscan religious habit and worn on a string around the neck
schelp: a blow, as in I gave him a schelp on the side of his head
scollops: thin, pliable saplings used in thatching roofs
seal of confession: Catholic priests may never repeat what they hear in the confession box
settle bed: piece of wooden furniture about six feet long and shaped like a wooden box. The lid could be opened for the storage of bedclothes. During the day it was used to sit on.
shag, shagging, shagger: a mild expletive on the same level as frig; the word had no sexual connotations
shebeen: an illicit Irish drinking house—illicit because no excise tax was paid
Sloper: person who lives on the slopes of the Esker
sloping: slyly sidling
snug: separate small room in a pub away from the “public” drinkers; usually occupied by single women or married couples
Somme, First Battle of the: major battle of the First World War that took place on July 1, 1916; there were 57,470 British casualties within the first four hours, of whom 19,240 died. Many Irishmen, especially from Ulster, died that day.
stag: rough game of tag
Stations of the Cross: a Catholic devotion of contemplation before fourteen images from the passion of Christ, beginning with the death sentence and ending with the entombment
stone: unit of weight equal to fourteen pounds
stooking: four sheaves of cereal straw were placed standing against each other, the end containing the grain at the top. The stook was erected to keep the grain dry until the sheaves were brought into the farmyard for threshing
straddle: similar to a horse’s saddle, but with a wooden bridge for the backband
suck: piglet
sweets: candy
swingletree: corruption of singletree; a thirty-inch piece of stout wood with a hook on each end; attachment for horse-
drawn, fieldwork machinery
thin (sugar beet): to thin out sugar beet seedlings so they do not smother each other. Seedlings were left nine inches apart.
thruppence: three pence, or pennies
tinker: (now considered pejorative) a person who worked with tin; an itinerant mender of kitchen utensils. The word evolved to mean a person of low character with no fixed above.
townland: for identification purposes, all of Ireland is divided into small areas called townlands. There are 61,402 townlands in the country, most of them not signposted. Most of the names come from ancient times.
tractor me hole: tractor my hole; tractor be damned. The “arse” part of arsehole is often omitted in Ireland.
tuppence: two pence, or pennies; twelve pennies in a shilling; twenty shillings in a pound sterling. In 1950 one pound was valued between three and four American dollars.
turf, turn the: after some weeks of drying in the sun and wind, sods of turf must be turned over to help the drying process
Valley of the Squinting Windows, The: 1918 novel by Brinsley MacNamara. The book, about the happenings in a fictitious Irish village, came too close to the truth and was easily recognized as the author’s hometown of Delvin in County Westmeath. After publication, MacNamara never went home again, and his schoolmaster father had to emigrate.
whitewash: mixture of lime and water used to waterproof the outside walls of houses, and often used on inside walls, too, for waterproofing and decorative purposes
Wolfe Tone, Theobald: one of the leaders of the United Irishmen rebellion of 1798. He was captured and died in a British prison under suspicious circumstances.
Women’s Sodality: a pious association for women organized under the patronage of a heavenly personage
woodquest: large pigeon; also called wood pigeon and ring dove
yoke: thing; something whose name the speaker momentarily forgets
yoking: placing the tacklings on an animal
Ypres: ancient walled town in Belgium, site of major battles of the First World War
