“I will,” she says solemnly. “I made you a present to take with you on the airplane.” She runs back over to the table and grabs the drawing.
Luke glances at it, then at me. “Is that me in this picture?” he asks, pointing to the stick figure man with the guitar.
“Yes, and the house where you and Ginny will live when you get married,” Lily replies. “Ginny plants flowers. I drew a yellow one for her. That’s her favorite color.”
“It’s perfect,” Luke tells her. “I’ll take the picture with me on the tour bus so I can see it every night before I go to sleep. Thank you. I love you, baby girl.”
I wonder if Lily realizes it might be a long time before she sees Luke again. She’s growing up so fast with the time flying by. Luke made me promise to send him photos of every time she loses a baby tooth or has a special program at church. I told him I would, knowing it will only be a cheap substitute for being here in person.
Nothing can take the place of real life.
Charles is sitting in his favorite chair in the living room watching television. He hasn’t shown any indication that he knows Luke is leaving town even though we’ve talked about it occasionally at meals. Charles’s short-term memory issues prevents him from being able to recall recent conversations for more than a few minutes before they dissolve into nothingness.
Luke goes over to him and pulls another chair closer. “Dad, I’m going out of town for a few days,” he tells him. “I’ll be back soon.”
Charles doesn’t take his eyes from the television game show he’s watching. He smiles and pats Luke’s arm absentmindedly with hands gnarled by arthritis. “Have fun and drive careful,” he says. “I’ll see you at dinner. Tell your Mama what time you’ll be home, so she won’t worry about you. She might need you to pick up some milk from the store too. Check with her before you leave.”
Luke starts to say something or correct him, then changes his mind. He stands up slowly and wipes his eyes. Grasping his father’s bony shoulder, he gives it a gentle squeeze.
“Okay then, I’ll see you later,” he says, choking on the lie. “I love you, Dad.” He’s emotional and barely holding it together. I turn to gaze out the kitchen window, unable to watch the sad, heartbreaking scene in front of me.
“Love you too, son,” his dad replies.
After a long moment, Luke walks up behind me and slips his arms around my waist. I turn and pull him into my arms, holding him tightly. For a long time, we hug without saying one word. At this point, there’s nothing left to say.
I drink him in, desperately trying to memorize everything. The feel of his hardened muscles beneath the palms of my hands, the smell of his cologne, the rhythm of his steady heartbeat beneath my fingers. I cling to him as if it’s our last embrace, because it might be. Anything that will help me get through the long, empty weeks ahead.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers in my ear where only I can hear. “I love you, Ginny.”
“I love you too, Luke,” I reply, pulling back to gaze deep into his eyes one last time. “Always. Stay safe.”
“You’ll watch after my family?” he asks, already knowing the answer. “And send lots of photos?”
“I will, don’t worry,” I say, trying to be cheerful and reassuring. “I’ll come out to the ranch often and I’ll see them every Sunday. They’ll be taken good care of.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I get settled in,” he says. “We’ll talk every night, I promise. Don’t be so worried. We can get through this.”
I nod, pretending to him that I believe everything will be alright when we both know it won’t.
It can’t be.
I’m relieved when Matthew steps into the kitchen, interrupting our conversation. The stress over Luke’s departure is showing in the lines around his eyes and the dark bags underneath. Matthew’s load will be heavy without Luke around to help.
“Are you ready to go to the airport?” he asks Luke. “I had to run out and do a quick temporary patch on the section of fence that a tree took down. I shouldn’t leave it long. I’ll need to work on a permanent fix this afternoon.” He rubs his tired eyes with the back of his hands. “Those cows always find the one spot where they can get out. We could have five hundred acres of pasture for them to roam around on and they’ll find a three-foot spot where the fence is down to escape.”
“I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” Luke says with a long sigh. “I hate this.” He turns to give me one last quick kiss on the lips then steps away from my embrace. I feel empty the moment I’m no longer touching him.
“Help me carry out the bags, Matthew, and we’ll be on our way,” Luke says. “I know you’ve got a ton of work to do here at the ranch. It’s too bad I couldn’t turn the rental truck back in at the airstrip. It would’ve saved you a trip running me around and wasting your time.”
Matthew walks over to pick up the suitcases sitting on the floor by the staircase. “It’s not a problem,” he says. “It’ll give us a few minutes to catch up on the way out there. I appreciate Ginny coming by to stay with Dad and Lily while I’m gone.”
“You know I’m glad to help,” I say to the two brothers. “Take your time. I’ll fix lunch for Lily and Charles while you’re gone. I’m not due at the pharmacy until three since I’m working the evening shift today.”
“I’ll call you if it’s not too late tonight when I get in,” Luke says to me as he goes out the door.
I manage to hold back the tears until the door closes behind him with a loud thud. We had our one chance to make it work.
And now it’s over.
30
Luke
Matthew and I are both quiet on our way to the airstrip. I try not to think about the overwhelming sadness on Ginny’s face when I kissed her one last time. Or my own heartbreak in leaving everyone behind.
Matthew glances at me across the truck seat. “How are you holding up?” he asks. “Are you okay?”
“No, leaving is harder than I expected it to be.”
“You still love her?” He says it as a statement more than a question.
“You need to ask? I’ve always loved her. My feelings for Ginny never changed. Not in all these years. Love doesn’t change the situation though.”
“I wish I could offer you words of comfort,” Matthew says. “To tell you things will work out if they’re truly meant to be.” He lifts his hands from the steering wheel and shrugs. “I don’t know if that’s true or it’s a bunch of bull to make us think we don’t have to put the effort in to make things happen. I’m not sure I believe in destiny. You make your own destiny and don’t leave anything to chance.”
“Do you think I made a mistake by leaving?”
He pulls his cowboy hat down lower to shield his eyes from the sun. “No, we all knew this was the only thing you could do. Besides, I’m the last person who should be telling someone else how to live their life. I’ve made a ton of mistakes too. Some that I regret, and others that I don’t. If I hadn’t married Sheila, I wouldn’t have Lily now. If I hadn’t chosen to be a rancher, Dad would be all alone with no one around the house to take care of him. We all have choices to make. It’s not my job to say if your choices are right or wrong.”
“Thanks, Matthew. It means the world to me for you to say that.”
“I’ve been too hard on you,” he confesses. “We both know that. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since you came home. I was full of resentment about Dad getting Alzheimer’s and I’ve been so angry. I took my pain out on you.”
“I don’t blame you,” I say. “The pressure you’re under would crack the toughest man. You have a ton of responsibility with Dad, Lily, and the ranch. Some of that responsibility is mine to bear too, and I wasn’t here to do my part.”
“I’m beginning to realize that now.” He glances over at me again. “Is that offer you made to hire some help and renovate a downstairs bedroom for Dad still good?”
“You’re willing to let me do that?” I say, relie
f flooding through me. “Yes, absolutely, the offer is still good. I can hire a caregiving service and have someone out at the house twenty-four hours a day. Ginny has been researching the different options we have. If you want to draw up the plans for an expansion and find a reliable builder, we could add a whole wing on the lower level of the house. It wouldn’t take long.”
“You’re sure you can spare the money?” he asks. “It won’t be cheap.”
“What else am I going to spend it on? Please, I want to help. The house addition should be handicap accessible in case Dad gets worse. Ginny keeps telling me that we need to plan ahead. Things are only going to go downhill from here. We should be prepared.”
Matthew nods in agreement. “That’s what I was thinking too. Maybe a shower where a wheelchair could be rolled in and ramps on a couple of the outer doors. I don’t know how much longer he can continue to sleep upstairs. I can barely shut my eyes at night, worrying about him wandering around and falling down the stairs. A broken hip would land him straight into a nursing home, and there wouldn’t be a thing I could do about it then.”
“If you’re willing to let me, I could make your life a lot easier,” I say. “Money can’t fix everything, and it can’t make him well, but it can sure keep him out of a nursing home.”
“It would kill me to see him locked up in one of those places,” Matthew says. “Dad wouldn’t last a week. The ranch is everything to him. He’s spent his entire life there. He was born in the house.”
“Then we need to make a pact with each other not to move him,” I say. “There’s no reason we have to. If you’re willing to let me hire outside help and fix up the house, then we can keep him in his home. It takes money to do that and luckily, I have plenty. More than enough to take care of the whole family forever.”
“You’re a good brother, Luke,” he says. “I’m stubborn and have too much pride. For no good reason really. Pride is a curse sometimes. I watched Dad care for Mama when she was sick with cancer. He didn’t bring in outside help and did it all himself without complaining, along with taking care of the ranch. I was deep in my own problems at the time with Sheila leaving and a little baby to take care of. I always thought that if Dad could do it, then I should be man enough to do it too. It wasn’t until you came home that I realized I’m hurting everyone by not accepting help. Your coming home has opened my eyes to the reality of the situation.”
“I know it’s hard for you to accept help,” I say. “It’s time to think about Lily and even yourself. You deserve happiness too, Matthew.”
He glances over at me. “And you’ve got to think about yourself too, Luke.” He signals left and turns down the narrow road leading to the airstrip. “I’ve been a jerk, and I’m sorry for that. You never wanted to work on the ranch. We all knew it. You made that decision long before Mom or Dad got sick. I know you’re only trying to live the life you’re meant to live. And as it turned out, your career will give Dad a chance to spend his last days at home, surrounded by family and everything he loves. That says a lot right there. It’s the way things were meant to be, I guess.”
“That means more to me than you know,” I say.
“Just don’t get so busy and caught up in life that you forget the people here. We’ll all miss you. Lily adores you and Dad is happier with you around. I’m even learning to like hearing you sing in the shower every morning again. Not to mention Ginny. I don’t know how she’s going to handle you being gone.”
“I won’t forget about everyone,” I say. “We’ll talk every day. Maybe once we get a caregiver settled in at the ranch, you and Lily could come to a show sometime. I’ll fly you out wherever I am. I’ll miss you all.”
Matthew nods at me. “I’d like that. I’ve always been proud of you even if I never said it. Mom and Dad were too. She kept a scrapbook of clippings from every newspaper and magazine article about you. No matter how big or small. Dad would tell everyone he saw in town that his son was Luke Collins, the country music singer.”
“I didn’t know they felt that way,” I say.
“Country men don’t always show their feelings,” he says. “They’re tough, hard on the outside. It’s not manly to show emotion. Dad is proud of you. You’re a good son and brother.”
“Stop Matthew,” I say, almost choking up. “It’s hard enough leaving as it is. You’re killing me here.”
“No, you go on to Nashville and don’t look back,” he says. “I just wanted you to know it’s okay. We’re all good here and we’ll be fine. You’ve got a job to do. Now that Dad’s depending on the money for his care, you don’t have a choice.”
“If he gets worse or if you need me, will you promise to call right away? I’ll answer your calls this time, I swear. Things will be different than before.”
“Don’t worry, I will,” Matthew says. “I’ll keep you informed about everything that’s happening.” He pulls up to the curb at the small airstrip and turns off the truck.
“Let’s not make this a long goodbye,” I say. “You’ve got work to do on the ranch.”
Matthew helps me unload my suitcase and guitar from the bed of the truck then grabs me in a quick hug. “Don’t be a stranger, Luke,” he says. “Lily loves you. We all do. She doesn’t have much family left to depend on. She needs you in her life, we all do. You’re important to us, so remember that.”
I nod, blinking back tears. “Take care of everyone for me,” I say. “I wish things could be different.”
“Stop wishing your life away, Luke. It’s time to make the best of the only one you’ve got.”
31
Luke
“Tell me I’m not seeing a mirage?” Maverick yells out when he sees me, grinning from ear to ear. “Is that Luke Collins in the flesh?” He jumps off the top step of the tour bus to greet me, holding tightly to his big black Western hat to keep it from falling into the dirt. “I can’t believe it!” he says, slapping me hard on the back. “I thought you were never coming back to Nashville. Me and the boys were starting to sweat wondering what we were going to do without you. Thank goodness we don’t need to figure that out now because I didn’t have the slightest idea. I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you, buddy.”
I laugh at his contagious enthusiasm about my return. “It’s good to see you too, Maverick. I hope you didn’t get into any trouble while I was gone.”
“Nah, things have been pretty boring this summer,” he says. “Life at home is dull. All I’ve done is watch too much reality tv and sit around the pool by my lonesome trying to get a tan. I can’t wait to get back on the road. How about you? Are you raring to go?”
“You bet I am,” I say, lying through my teeth. “I can’t wait to get back on the stage.” I force a phony smile and try to appear as excited as he is about joining the tour again. While deep down inside I know it’s all a big, fat lie I’m telling everyone and myself.
Since returning to Nashville, everything has felt forced and phony. The beautiful mansion I once thought would be my pride and joy now feels sterile and empty. After walking through it once after I returned to Nashville to check on the renovations, I moved straight into a hotel and put it up for sale. When I wake up in the morning now, there’s no sounds of life coming from the kitchen or the smell of bacon wafting up the stairs. There’s only silence to greet me.
I’ve never felt so alone.
I keep telling myself that once the tour starts and we’re all back on the bus, that I’ll adjust. That the empty hole inside me will be filled back up with my music. I’m not super optimistic about it happening anytime soon.
Meanwhile Harry has been acting as if I’ve never been away. “You had me scared for a moment that you were going to back out,” he tells me as he comes up behind me and places a hand on my back to herd me into the tour bus. “I should have known you wouldn’t let us down. You’re a one-of-a-kind star. I always believed in you. You’ve got what it takes.”
His familiar suck-up makes me want to puke. For months, I’ve ha
d to put up with Harry yelling at me, and now we’re back to being best friends again. I’m nothing but a pile of cash to him, and I see it clearly now.
I climb onto the tour bus behind Maverick and glance around. For some reason, it seems smaller than before, more claustrophobic. How did I ever spend weeks at a time on this thing without suffocating? I miss the fresh air of the ranch and the big, open Texas sky.
Already sitting inside on the small sofa is one of my new backup singers. He’s young, eager, and hungry. He’s tried to copy Maverick’s style and has failed. In his grey tweed sport coat and large black-rimmed glasses, he strikes me as more hipster than country. He stands when I enter the bus and thrusts out his hand towards me. “Mr. Collins, I mean Luke, I’m Joshua. It’s an honor to meet you. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be working with you and the band. I won’t let you down.”
“I’m sure you’ll do a fine job,” I tell him. “Is this your first time on the road?”
He nods quickly. “Yes, sir. I’m ready to go. I’m a fast learner and a hard worker.”
“Alright then. That’s all I need to know. We’ll get along just fine.”
I look around the bus again at my companions for the next six months. There’s hot-blooded Maverick, always ready for a good time, newbie Joshua who doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into, and Harry, who’s jerking all our strings like a puppet master. I settle down on the seat next to Joshua, and the driver sets off.
“We’re starting off the second leg in Virginia,” Harry tells me, “then making our way down to the Carolinas, then the east coast of Florida. We’ll stay four days in Miami to give everyone a quick breather and a chance to hit the beaches.”
“I can’t wait,” Maverick says. “The women in Miami are hot!” He lets out a low whistle. “And always up for a good time if you know what I mean. Those Miami girls know how to party.”
Every Good Cowboy Deserves A Second Chance Page 23
