by AJ Alexander
Liam takes his shot, grabs my hand, and leads me toward the kitchen. “I can tell you don’t want to deal with the heavy questions, so I’ll table it for now. Let’s eat.”
Well, that was easier than I anticipated, crisis averted. At some point tonight, we will have to discuss what happened, but I will put it off for as long as I can.
The kitchen is small but clean, with all the essentials. “Sorry it isn’t much, but I tried to make this a little special.” I look to see the table set like one of those little Italian restaurants you see on television. A red and white checkered tablecloth covers the small table with an old oversized wine bottle in the center with wildflowers in it. Two small votive candles flank it on each side.
“This is perfect.” I place a gentle kiss on his cheek as I continue toward the table. Liam holds out my seat for me, pushes my chair in, and grabs two plates off the counter. He places a plate of lasagna with a medium size piece of garlic bread on the side in front of me, and he turns to open a bottle of wine.
“Red wine okay?” I nod my head, yes, and he pours me half a glass before taking a seat.
“If it’s gross, I have a frozen pizza sitting in the oven just waiting to be cooked.” I laugh at his candor. It’s nice to know that he is comfortable with his failings. Sometimes men try to hide behind their insecurities, but Liam embraces them.
“You had an amazing teacher. You may be rusty, but I’m sure it will be great.” I give him a reassuring smile before taking a bite. A blast of spices fill my mouth, and I moan at the taste. “Fuck, this is so good,” I mumble before grabbing another bite.
Liam chuckles. “Thanks. I guess I wasn’t as rusty as I thought.”
He digs into his dinner, relieving some tension in the air. It’s time to enjoy the dinner that Liam took the time to make for me. Time to forget about everything else and focus on the here and now. It’s the Liam that’s sitting in front of me now that lights a fire in my soul, a fire I thought was extinguished years ago.
21
Liam
Rachael and I have had an amazing night. We moved to the living room after dinner, and she doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. We’ve laughed and talked about the past three years we spent apart. However, both of us are dancing around the inevitable conversation. Neither one of us want to go there, I can tell, but it’s an important conversation we must have if we want to see where our relationship is headed.
I take a deep breath before refilling Rachael’s glass of wine. “Are you ready to have that conversation?” I ask, taking a seat close to her on the couch.
“Ugh, do we have to?” she whines, and I can’t help but chuckle at her displeasure.
“No, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I whisper before placing a kiss on her lips. “I’m not the same boy I was three years ago when I left Shawnee with my tail between my legs. I’m a man.” I lean in again, brushing my lips against hers. I want to put all my feelings into that simple touch, to let her know that I never stopped loving her.
“Lamb,” she says breathlessly, before gripping the back of my neck and pulling me in for a deep kiss. I’m caught by surprise at first, but soon lean my body into hers. Rachael drags her lips up the left side of my face and whispers in my ear, “Make me forget. I want to forget that any of this ever happened.”
I pull back and search her eyes, looking for any signs her judgment is clouded. Finding none, I respond, “I’ve never been able to deny you anything,”
Pressing her body into the leather couch with mine, I place gentle kisses down her neck. “This is just in my fucking way.” I reach down and grab the bottom of her shirt, dragging it up. Exposing her stomach, I lean down and place gentle kisses on her skin before circling her belly button with my tongue. “Lift up for me. I want to feast on all of you.”
Rachael wastes no time arching her back as I inch her shirt higher, exposing more skin. I pull her shirt up and over her head, but instead of pulling it off, I use it to secure her hands. “Don’t want you trying to get away from me.” I give her a wink before slinking back down her body.
I nip and suck at the sensitive skin of her stomach, using my right hand to massage her tit through her bra. I look up once I reach the waistband of her yoga pants, seeing nothing but desire in her eyes, I bite down on the band and pull. Rachael lifts her hips and helps lower her pants and panties before kicking them off onto the floor.
“That always looks sexier in the movies, but in reality is hard and awkward as fuck to do,” she giggles as she lays back spreading her legs wide. “Now can you get back to it?”
I always loved how she knew what she wanted. Never demanded but was never shy about it either. Without a word, I lean down and suck her clit deep into my mouth while easing my middle finger into her folds. We both groan in pleasure as her walls tighten around me.
“Nothing will ever taste as good as you for as long as I live,” I mumble as I bury my face deeper, lapping her juices as they drip from inside her.
“Oh, Liam. I need more!” Rachael reaches down, gripping my hair in her hands and pulling, sending ripples of pain mixed with pleasure down my spine. I grind my hips into the couch pillows, needing some relief.
“Careful, baby. You’ll make me cum like a teenage boy all over this couch if you keep that up.” I nip at the inside of her left leg as I insert another finger, continuing to pump them in and out.
Rachael arches her back, screaming my name as I find that bundle of nerves, bringing her closer to the edge. “You want my cock now, don’t you? You want me inside of you. Fucking the shit out of this pussy,” I growl before attacking her clit and sucking hard, sending her over the edge into oblivion.
I drag my fingers from her pussy, licking them clean, before crawling up her body. Unable to control myself, I grind my rock-hard cock against her core as I take possession of her mouth. I’m throwing all of my feelings from the past three years into this one kiss.
I love you.
I missed you.
Please be mine again.
I rock back and forth, rubbing my cock between her folds — not so accidentally hitting her engorged clit in the process. “Stop teasing me, damn it!” she shouts as she reaches for the waistband of my sweats.
“You’re the one that made the rules, Roo. I’m just trying to help you stick to them, although it’s oh so hard.” I insert just the tip inside her, just enough for the both of us to ache for more. This is torture for both of us, but watching her squirm is like a drug. Knowing I’m the one that is giving her pleasure, and that she hasn’t had pleasure like this from anyone but me since we were together all those years ago, is my personal aphrodisiac.
Rachael sits up, wrapping her arms and legs around me. “Fuck the rules.” There is a fire in her eyes that wasn’t there before, a fire that tells me she needs this as much as I do.
“Your wish is my command.” Gripping her under the ass, I swing my legs over the couch and stand. “Hang on Rachael. We need a change of venue. There is not enough space on this couch for me to do all the dirty things I have planned for you tonight.” I nip at her neck before striding toward the back of my apartment.
Once I kick the door open, I drop her on the bed with a bounce. I strip out of my t-shirt and sweatpants and let her devour my body. She licks her lips as if she is ready for her last meal.
“You going to have your wicked way with me?” she asks with a smile.
“I plan to do much more than that,” I say as I shut the door, locking it for good measure. I climb onto the bed, positioning myself on top of her. “I plan to keep you forever.” I place a searing kiss on her mouth, baring my soul to the only woman I’ve ever loved.
22
Rachael
The sunlight filters in from the window of my room, waking me up. What the hell? Did I forget to close the blinds? I roll over trying to get away from the morning light and bump into something hard, my eyes fly open to find I’m not in my bedroom. FUCK! Memories of the night before
are coming back to me, reminders of the night Liam and I spent together.
What have I done — again?
I knew that dating Liam again would be a bad idea but sleeping with him is even worse. I’m letting myself fall back into the old routine, seeing him as the boy I fell in love with. I know he isn’t the same person, but this is not okay.
I need a plan and fast. Looking around the room for the rest of my clothes, I spot my shirt on the floor. I grab my shirt and bra, praying that the floor won’t creak, as I climb out of bed. Getting partially dressed, I search for my pants. Once I notice they’re nowhere in the room, I check to make sure Liam is still sleeping before heading out of the room.
Just as I near the door, the floor lets out a loud creak. Damn it! I hold my breath as I check over my shoulder to see if Liam is awake. He rolls over, letting the sheet slip down his delicious body. I bite my lip to stifle the moan that tries to escape my lips. Shaking the lust from my brain, I turn and reach for the door handle.
“Trying to sneak out, are we?”
I jump at the sound of Liam’s gravelly voice, plastering myself to the bedroom door. I pull my shirt down, hoping to cover some of my girlie bits — not that he hasn’t seen them already.
“No, I was just going to get coffee and didn’t want to wake you.” That seemed like a convincing lie, but I’m sure Liam can see right through it. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands, in all his naked glory. Turning my head to the side, my cheeks turn pink with embarrassment. “Can you put pants on or something?” I squeak out.
“That’s not what you were saying last night,” he responds before reaching toward the ground and grabbing a pair of sweatpants.
“Well, I’m just gonna go…” My sentence trails off as I reach for the door handle, discovering it’s locked. “Is there any particular reason you felt the need to lock me in last night?” I ask facing the door.
“Because I knew you would try to run away. You were the one that begged me to make love to you last night.”
I spin around at the hurt and anger in his voice. I want to lash out at him, but I can’t. “You’re right, but it was just something to take the edge off. Nothing special. It was a mistake.” Even as the words leave my lips, I know they are a lie, but a necessary one. I need to protect myself, protect my heart from the damage he can do to me again.
“Rachael, we can’t keep doing this. I love you, I always have and always will. I tried to explain what happened and why I left last night, but you wouldn’t let me. Now you are trying to punish me for it again. Is it even possible for you to forgive me for leaving?” He steps closer, running his finger down my cheek before unlocking the door. “I won’t keep you here, but you know where to find me when you have answers to my questions.” He takes a step back to allow me room to open the door. I open the door, but before leaving, I turn back. I want to tell him I forgive him, that my head just needs time to catch up with my heart, but I can’t. The only thing that comes to mind is, “I’m sorry.” I head out the door, grab my pants and underwear off the floor, and quickly slip them on. I take one last look down the hall hoping he came after me but see nothing.
With tears in my eyes, I whisper, “Bye Liam,” before heading out the door toward the elevator. As I wait for the lift, I hope he understands. I need time to figure things out. To understand that although he left me three years ago, he is back now. I may not know the reason, but as he said there is one. Do I need to know it? Do I even care? With all these questions still floating in my mind, there is no way we can be in a relationship.
Once the elevator arrives, I call the only person that will be able to help me figure all of this out. She picks up on the second ring. “Hey babe, how did it go?”
The tears immediatly fall. “It was… everything, Mo. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“What does your heart say?”
“Don’t let him break me again,” I respond humorously.
“I hear you. What do you need from me? What can I do to help?” Morgan has always been my rock, the one person who can help me figure this out.
“Hide me?” I whisper.
“Grab your stuff. I have to work tomorrow, but I have some extra funds, and we can get a hotel room.”
“Babe, I don’t want you to worry about money. I can take care of it.”
“Rachael, you asked me to hide you. I’m going to hide you. I’ll text you the address of the hotel when I get there.”
“I love you, Mo.”
“I love you more, Rach.”
As the elevator doors open, I’m enveloped in a sense of calm. I haven’t figured out a damn thing, but at least I’m going somewhere I can do that. No more games or fake relationships. Heather and the boys meant well, but what I really needed was my best friends and some good old-fashioned girl time.
23
Liam
I sit down to have a quick breakfast, this isn’t the way I intended to spend my day off, but nothing is going as planned. I wanted to tell Rachael everything last night, lay it all on the line, but she had other plans. We ended up spending an amazing night together.
For the first time since this charade began, it seemed like she was seeing me as a new man and not the boy who broke her heart. All those feelings were washed away by the morning sun. I’m not sure if it’s fear or the need for self-preservation, but the walls that came crumbling down last night were stronger and higher this morning.
It wasn’t the best idea to confront her either, but what was I to do? I can’t continue to play this back and forth game with her, either she wants to try to make this work, or not.
I need to let Rachael have a few days. Give her time to figure out all of her issues and come to terms with what happened between us last night. Then she will call me, and we can get back on track.
I need to tell her what happened. I should have done it last night, but she wasn’t ready to hear it. Either way, the next time we see each other, I will tell her. She needs to know in order for us to move toward getting back together.
I push back from the table and grab my half-eaten plate. No sense in sitting here all day, the best thing to do when I’ve got all these things running through my mind is to keep myself occupied.
Cleaning my plate into the trash, I start the dishes, then I clean the kitchen from top to bottom. Working so much doesn’t leave me time to do anything other than sleep. After I finish the kitchen, I checked my phone to make sure it’s charged. I’m not sure if I put it on the charger before I headed off to my room with Rachael last night.
Assuring myself it has a full charge, I head to my room to plug it in just in case. Since I’m already here, I tackled my room. I grab all the dirty laundry splayed over the floor and pulled the sheets off the bed. Rachael’s scent and memories of our night together come flying back to my mind.
What passed between us was real, it’s only natural she’s afraid. The last thing I ever wanted was for her to be afraid of me, but I don’t have many other options. I’m the man who broke her heart, the one who destroyed her for every other man, but I’m asking for her forgiveness and another chance. It’s a lot easier to forgive but asking for another chance may be too much.
Shoving all the laundry into the hamper, I pull out a fresh set of sheets from the linen closet and remake my bed. Once that’s finished, I take it one step further, and dust every surface I can think of until it sparkles.
“The next time Rachael comes to visit, there won’t be a dust bunny in sight,” I say out loud. I check my phone again for any missed calls or messages.
“What the fuck man, just call her already. No rule says you can’t call her.” I should stop talking to myself, but I’m not used to being the insecure one. Who would have thought I would be the chick in this relationship, sitting here waiting for Rachael to call me? She does not understand how she owns me — mind, body, and soul.
It’s been a little over six hours since she left my apartment this morning. A perfectly reasona
ble amount of time before I call to see how she is doing, at least that’s what I’m going with. I dial her number and wait for an answer. Unfortunately, it goes right to voicemail. I debate on hanging up but decided to leave a voicemail just to let her know I was thinking about her. However, the message piques my interest.
“Hey! If you hear this message, I’m on my bike on my way to L.A. to visit my best friend. Don’t worry about me. I’ll call you back when I can if I want to speak to you. Bye.” Rachael’s beautiful voice cuts off right before the tone.
“Hey, Roo! Just wanted to hear your voice. I know it sounds lame, but it’s the truth. Don’t worry about having all the answers right now, just know I love you and always will.” I get straight to the point, no sugar coating. “If you could shoot me a text and let me know you got to L.A., I’d appreciate it. Oh, tell Mo I said hi. Bye.”
I hang up the phone and give a sigh of relief. “You can put your vagina away now, she’s driving to L.A., which is a perfectly good reason for not texting or calling you.
Now I can stop being a girl about everything, I grab my dirty laundry and figure it’s time to get laundry done. The pile is almost as big as I am, might as well get a head start on it.
I go searching in the bathroom for my laundry detergent when my phone chimes in the bedroom, I damn near kill myself trying to make it over the pile of clothes and to the phone in record time. “I need to chill the fuck out,” I chastise myself before unlocking my phone to check my messages.
Surprisingly it’s a message from Rachael. “Arrived safely! Thanks for checking on me, I’ll tell Mo you said hi xoxo.”
“The Xs and Os are a good sign, right?” I mumble. “What in the fuck is wrong with me? I need a dose of testosterone and fast!” I quickly open my contacts and pull up Wyatt’s number. Luckily, he answers on the first ring.
