He spent thirty minutes sobbing into his hands giving his body permission to release the tension with heavy weeping. When he was finally able to stand up, he ran the cold water in the sink and splashed it on his very red face. He used one of the harsh paper towels to dry himself and headed back into the waiting room to wait with her family. His mom greeted him with a fresh set of clothes; he had just enough time to change and clean up when the nurse came out to the waiting room.
“Hi, folks; my name is Bernadette. Call me Bernie. I’m Kelsey’s nurse and can escort two at a time to see Kelsey.”
Melody stood right up, but Coy grabbed her shoulder. “Let him go to her first, Mel.”
Like a caged animal, Melody responded with, “I certainly will not. She’s my daughter, and he is the reason we’re here in the first place!”
“Melody Chapman, that is a harsh and unfair thing to say in this moment,” Coy ripped back. “I’ll wait to go back with Ellie. I want Jason to go first.”
Melody glared at Coy and continued to argue, but Jason was immediately at the side of the nurse who saw the urgency in his eyes and didn't quite care for the attitude of Kelsey’s mom. “Follow me this way, son,” Bernie said softly.
When he reached Kelsey’s side, he couldn't believe how pale yet peaceful she looked. How she had gone from looking as if death would claim her at any moment just hours ago to this peaceful sleeping beauty before him. He was lost for words. With a half smile on his face, he held her hand and stroked her face as he leaned over and whispered, “Kels, baby, I’m here.”
Bernie was checking her vitals when she looked at Jason. “She’s on some pretty heavy drugs right now.”
“When will she open her eyes?” Jason asked without trying to sound so desperate.
“She’ll probably start to stir in a couple of hours when this first round of meds start to wear off. Just continue to hold her hand and talk to her. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”
As the nurse was leaving, Melody brushed by her, coming to the other side of the bed to grab Kelsey’s hand. “Kelsey, Kelsey, it’s Mom. I’m here, baby, as well. Jason and I both are, and we love you so much.” Jason’s head shot up, and he stared at Melody who had tears streaming down her cheeks but would look only at Kelsey. Kelsey offered no response except for her peaceful breathing as the sounds of beeping machines dominated the room.
Twenty minutes went by before Jason spoke up, “Let me go so Mr. Chapman and Ellie can come back here.” Before he could release Kelsey’s hand, Melody’s voice cut the air like a knife, “No, no, let me go. I’ll get Coy. She needs to see your face when she wakes up.” Melody began to leave the room but stopped short of the door with her back to Jason. “I know I’ve been unfair to you, Jason. I know I’ve been unfair to Kelsey, but that wasn’t my intention. I just want the best for her; she deserves only the best.”
“I only want to give her the best, Mrs. Chapman. I swear to you,” Jason said with all the authority he could muster without sounding angry or hostile.
Melody finally looked up and made eye contact with him, “I know Jason, it’s just, when you try to raise your kids a certain way, you want to protect them from this world and all the bad. I will never apologize for wanting to protect my kids, Jason, even if it seems extreme to others. I know that people think I have sheltered and used faith as a weapon. That was never my intent. Ever. I’ll never apologize for wanting to ground my family in faith. However, after tonight, I’ve learned that my heart needs to open to a different plan. If that plan is to involve you, then I need to pay attention and let some things…change.”
Jason let her finish all she had to say and simply said, “Thank you.” By the time Coy and Ellie came in and spent some time with Kelsey, it was well after one in the morning. “I’m going to stay the night with her, Mr. Chapman. Why don't you guys get home and get a few hours of sleep. Then I can call you if anything changes.” Coy looked over at Ellie who was sitting, dozing off while breaking the two visitors per room limit. He nodded to Jason and said he’d be back with Melody around eight a.m. With that, they left as nurse Bernie was coming in.
“Time to check her vitals again.” This time when Bernie started the blood pressure cuff, Kelsey began to stir. “Her meds are wearing off,” Bernie said. “She’ll be due for more.”
Jason noticed Kelsey tried to open her eyes but only managed a squint through which she barely saw Jason leaning over, his brow furrowed but also a half smile on his lips. “Hey, kiddo, I’m right here, just like I promised I would be.” Kelsey was desperately trying to remember. “What…. what happened? Why am I here? Where is Tri...” before she could finish her eyes grew as large as saucers. “Where is Triton!?”
“Hey hey hey, it’s okay. You’re in the hospital. You took a nasty spill off your horse.” Kelsey desperately tried to remember what happened. Even though she wore her riding helmet, she couldn't believe how bad her head hurt, not to mention the searing pain from her side. “Triton is safe in his stall; do you remember what happened out there?”
“Mom and I had fight. I wasn’t ready to go home when the storm rolled in. I remember the wind got really bad, a large branch, and then something startled Triton, and he reared and I came off. That’s all,” Kelsey mostly whispered.
Jason placed his hand soothingly on her face. “I’m so glad we found you, Kelsey. You landed on a very large branch, lost a lot of blood. When I found you, you were hypothermic and non-responsive. You scared the hell out of me.”
Bernie looked at Kelsey’s chart to confirm dosages. “I’m going to go get your next round of meds, dear. Be right back.”
Kelsey’s eyes closed again, and Jason leaned over and placed his head on her forehead. “Hmmm, Jason, I’m so glad you’re here right now. Where are my parents and Ellie?” Kelsey asked as she slowly reached her IV hand up to stroke Jason’s hair. Jason brushed a gentle kiss over her lips. “They left a few minutes ago. They’ll be back at eight, which is just a few hours from now.”
“They let you stay with me?” Jason could only shake his head yes. They both stayed quiet for a few moments when Jason softly spoke, “Kels, I love you so much. Please don't ever do this to me ever again.”
Nurse Bernie was back with round two of meds and a sleeping chair and blanket she rolled in for Jason. “I’m really getting uncomfortable, the pain in my head and side are so intense,” Kelsey mumbled out. “Well, what I have will fix that for you in about one minute, sweetheart,” Bernie assured her. “Now, Jason, when I give her these meds, it’ll put her right back to sleep, and you, sir, will need to get some sleep as well.” Jason looked at Kelsey and looked at the clock; he was beyond exhausted and decided after pushing the fold out chair next to Kelsey's bed that he could lay on his side and still hold her hand while they both slept. Five minutes later, Nurse Bernie switched the lights off and closed the door as both Kelsey and Jason fell into a deep sleep.
December 2014
Holiday Haze
After returning to work, the next several months flew by in a haze. Like the kind of haze, you find on the most humid summer nights in Virginia. It’s almost as if a curtain was physically in front of Kelsey’s face, and nothing was in focus. The holiday season was in full swing, and a typical day in her line of work offered total organized chaos. There were those who needed their devices fixed and workshops showing customers how to use their devices or reset tricky passwords and wall-to-wall people who wanted to purchase the hottest device to surprise their loved ones for Chanukah or Christmas.
Kelsey loved the chaos; it was something she thrived in, and with this being the first Christmas without Jason, she decided that throwing herself into the long and crazy hours would be the perfect way to help with the pain that seem to loom in her weakest moments. As she was about to take the next customer in the queue, she saw a man walk in carrying a computer almost like a serving tray. His face was ashen. Their eyes met, and Kelsey immediately knew she was supposed to help him.
As she ap
proached him, she knew something was terribly wrong, “What brings you in today?” she asked carefully, not exactly sure of the response she would get. He stared at her in silence and held out the machine, almost as an offering. Kelsey instinctively reached to take it, but before she could ask what was wrong with it, she noticed a red residue on it. She immediately looked back at the customer, and, as if on cue, he told her, “That is my son’s computer. He was killed twenty-four hours ago in a car accident coming home from college for Christmas. The only recent pictures of him are on this machine. It was in the front seat of the car with him. It chimes like it wants to turn on, but I can’t get the screen to work. Can you help me…please?”
Tears were now rolling down the man’s cheek, and Kelsey immediately took a deep breath, unable to react the way she wanted to in the situation. “I don't know what I can do for you, but I need you to have a seat and let me go talk to the technicians.” He nodded, and Kelsey turned to walk to the back using every bit of her dignity to try and get this family a solution and keep her emotions out of it.
As she got to the tech room where the guys and girls certified to fix these things were diligently turning screws, Kelsey walked up to Chris. He recognized that she was barely holding it together. “Kelsey, what’s wrong?” He looked at the machine then at her and then back at the machine and noticed the red residue. In a robotic voice Kelsey murmured, “This computer was involved in a car accident twenty-four hours ago; the owner was killed, and this was up front in the car with him. His father is now here, and they need the pictures off the hard drive.”
Before she could finish, Chris interrupted, “Kelsey we don't do data recovery, and if he doesn't have an appointment….”
Kelsey grew furious, completely appalled that her co-worker seemed to be so callous to the situation. “Are you fucking kidding me, Chris!? Did you not just hear a fucking word I said?”
All the other techs dropped their tools and began to shuffle out of the room, except for Jon, who slowly came up behind Kelsey and laid his hand on her shoulder. “Kelsey, let me help with this, can you hand me the machine?” Kelsey turned and made eye contact with Jon who saw that she was about to crumble to the floor. He carefully removed it from her hands and walked it to the bench and sat it down. As he began to remove the screws to get into the inside of the machine, he saw the trail left by the red residue; removing the back of the machine revealed fresh blood pooled over the fan and logic board. Kelsey heard a quiet, “Oh wow, my god!” Jon jumped into action. “Okay, I need bio hazard bags, gloves, and safety goggles immediately,” Jon yelled for his team as Kelsey walked closer to the bench where she saw the blood inside. Images and smells from that day immediately flooded her senses, and she ran to the bathroom where she began to cry and vomit. She collapsed on the floor in a heap where she spent the next forty-five minutes transported back to that day.
There was so much blood that day. The scene played over and over in her head. She was jarred back to reality with a knocking on the bathroom door, “Kelsey? Kelsey, it’s Hannah. Are you okay in there?” Kelsey peeled herself off the floor and opened the door. Jon and Hannah waited for her. “Oh, honey,” Hannah said as Kelsey collapsed into her embrace with a sob. “I’m going to call your dad to come and get you; just come into the office. We’ll close the door to give you some privacy. You need to take the next couple of days off.”
Kelsey wailed definitively, “NO! It’s the holidays and you need coverage and I just came back!”
Hannah sighed, “Kelsey you’ve been working like a dog; we all see it, and this was bound to happen. You’ve been doing so awesome, but everyone has her wall, everyone.”
Just as she finished saying that, Jon came in with the same advice. “Kelsey, we want you to take a couple days off. You need it, and god knows you have earned it.”
“But what about the machine and that father I left out there?”
Jon responded, “I took care of the family; we got the pictures. The father was extremely grateful, and he told us a thousand times to thank you. Go home and take some time for yourself; you’ll be back in here right before the big Christmas Eve rush.”
“Maybe you’re right.” She relented and reached for her phone that had just received a text from her father that he was ten minutes away. They let her leave out the back door to avoid stares, and by the time she got to her dad’s truck she was ready to be back in her home and her bed if only to cry it out and deal with this layer of sadness that the encounter had brought on. Would the magnitude of this pain and ache ever stop, she wondered? At this point, Kelsey was convinced it was here and here to stay.
November 1994
The Weekend that Changed Everything
“I’m so nervous, Jason,” was all Kelsey could manage to say as she lay in a breathy heap on his bed. Jason lifted his head, “Tonight is about you, Kels.” She loved when he called her that. Hovering above her, slowly kissing her forehead, her nose, “I need you to relax and trust me.” He immediately felt the muscles in her neck relax in the hand he was using to support it. “That’s my girl; you’re completely safe with me.” They’d fooled around a lot, but with Kelsey's parents wanting a play-by-play of her date nights with Jason, especially since the accident, being alone with him, at his apartment, was almost impossible. While Kelsey’s parents had definitely turned a corner, to make this night happen there were many half-truths that had to be told to make it all come together. Including using Courtney and Jasper as alibis.
As their kisses became more intense, Kelsey could feel his desire pushing through his jeans. Jason slowly pulled Kelsey’s white t-shirt above her head. Underneath was a cream-colored lace bra. “So beautiful, Kels.” He slowly kissed her from her chin down, then to her collarbone where he focused on her neck. Kelsey had never understood what longing was until this very moment. As he continued the journey to the valley between her breasts, he began to lick and suck one nipple through the lace. Kelsey arched her back up, sucking in a deep breath and grabbing a handful of Jason’s hair. He used his hand to gently but intensely roll the other nipple.
This powerful connection that was finally bringing them both together was more than either one of them was prepared for. Even though she was significantly less experienced than Jason, he was loving her and worshiping her as if she was the first girl he’d ever been with. As far as Jason was concerned, she was. He’d never loved so deeply. All the other times with the other girls, it was just about the sex. This was about experiencing her with a love that he didn't even know he was capable of. Her hands were in his hair, and she began to think about her mother finding out and how disappointed she would be.
“I’m not sure what you’re thinking about, but please stop. This is about me and you,” Jason whispered. She could only shake her head yes, blow out a jagged breath, and let all the distracting thoughts melt into the night. As his hand traveled down to her jeans, he began to unzip and tug them down. Suddenly he realized that Kelsey wasn’t wearing any panties. “Kelsey!” Her eyes shot open, and she looked at him. “What’s wrong? What did I do?” she asked.
“Oh, God, absolutely nothing, I just…I was not expecting you to have…nothing underneath.”
“Oh,” she said relieved.
“Kels, just when I think you cannot surprise me anymore, you completely undo me.”
Kelsey smiled. His eyes grew very dark and his breathing more hitched, and he wouldn't stop looking at Kelsey in the eye. He pulled her to the edge of the bed where he continued to kiss her belly and remove her pants. He found the pink scar on her side and lingered there as he shuttered at the thought that this moment almost did not happen. He gently and lovingly pressed his lips to it. “I promise to be gentle,” he whispered as he continued his trail of kisses all the way down one leg, down to her foot where he focused on the inside of her ankle, using his teeth and tongue before he switched over to the other leg, working his kisses up and up until he paused intensely on her inner thigh.
Kelsey thought br
iefly about how she should have been beyond embarrassed by what he was doing and where he was going. With all this pent up desire, she was too undone by his gentleness to feel inhibited by any self-consciousness—not to mention the overwhelming throb between her legs was about to send her over the edge. The edge of where, she had no idea, but anything at this point to find release at the hands and the mouth of this beautiful man was completely welcome. He pushed her legs a little farther apart and then separated her lower lips where he began to suck on her clit with such force that it sent a bolt of heat through Kelsey’s body.
He stopped briefly, “Kelsey, open your eyes, and look at me.” When she did he, he caressed her cheek. A bead of sweat was tracing down Kelsey’s brow, and she was now calling Jason’s name and begging please. His hands traveled back down between her legs, pressing and kneading the inside of her thighs. With two of his fingers he went for her center as he carefully searched for the spot that would detonate her release. He watched her face as he tried to find different positions and locations, lightly and firmly, all the while using his other hand to roll her nipple. Kelsey was convinced she was having an out of body experience as the pressure began to build and build. She could only utter, “Please, Jason.” Keeping his fingers inside her, stroking and massaging her carefully, he leaned up to her ear, “Come for me, Kels.”
Kelsey could feel the throb of her core at an impasse. But as Jason continued to explore, it immediately caused Kelsey to moan and push her hips forward. Pleading from Kelsey became more desperate, hungrier. She clamped down hard around him and tumbled in a free fall as the muscles spasmed around Jason’s fingers. Kelsey was so vocal as she came, Jason couldn't help but quietly chuckle. He quickly lay next to her as she continued to come down from a high she never dreamed possible.
Dream a Little Dream of Me Page 4
