Hannah shook her head and shielded her face at the thoughts that were going through her mind. Jason tried to put a hand on her from over the console, but she evaded his touch.
"I know it must hurt, Hannah. I would fucking kill a guy if he came to me saying the same thing about you."
She let a few seconds of tense silence pass. "I won't go that far, but I can't say as I've ever hated anyone as much as I hate her."
"What can I do to make it right?"
Hannah laughed. "There's no making it right, Jason. I'm sorry, but nothing can make this right again."
He stared at her, confused. "What are you saying Hannah?"
She sighed and was silent again, thinking of how she could get her point across. "When I was a little girl, my dad took me to the store to buy a lottery ticket. We had to do it behind my mom's back since she's a strict Baptist and doesn't like gambling. It wasn't something Dad did all the time, but he explained to me when I went with him to get the ticket that the jackpot was so many millions of dollars that Mom would definitely forgive him for gambling, and we'd give half of it to the church anyway."
She stared down at her clasped hands, remembering.
"He only bought one ticket, but he said one was all it took, and we both got really excited when we left that gas station, thinking we definitely had the winning ticket. Looking back on it, I'm sure my dad was just being silly with me, enjoying seeing me get all pumped, but I was ten, and I took it really seriously. I spent the next two days planning how we'd spend and save our fortune. I had a whole budget planned out—after we gave half to the church, of course. I was on top of the world, thinking that paper ticket we bought was as good as money in the bank. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that the jackpot would be ours."
Hannah paused, and Jason stayed quiet. There were the sounds of people getting into their nearby car, but it was just vague noise in the background.
"It's stupid, I know, but I was completely devastated when we didn't win the lottery. I went to my dad the day of the drawing to get the big news, and he just sort of casually said we didn't win as if he wasn't heartbroken at all."
She stopped talking long enough to glance at him a regretful expression.
"I guess the point is that I let myself do that with you too. Let's face it, Jason—my parents are janitors for a living. Someone like me being with someone like you is the same as winning the lottery, and like a fool I let myself make plans in my head about how things would go with us."
Jason couldn't take anymore. It broke his heart to see her like that. "I'm not a fucking lottery prize, Hannah. You don't know what you're talking about. And I don't want to ever hear you say someone like you again. I'm not your superior. If anything, you're too good for me."
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't be sweet."
"Hannah, I lo—"
"Don't."
"Shit, Hannah. Don't do this."
"I just need some time to think about everything."
"Are you leaving me because I have a past?"
"She made it seem like you're more present than past."
"Fuck that." He grabbed her by the jaw and made her look at him. "I'm crazy about you. I want to be with you."
She pulled her face from his hands with a flick of her head. "I just need some time to think about everything."
Jason shook his head sadly. "I'm so pissed at her right now, I don't even know what to do. I wish you would understand how I feel about you."
Hannah wanted to say she wished he could understand how she felt about him—that her whole body physically ached to touch him. She kept that to herself, though.
Chapter 19
Jason met with Hannah at five o'clock Friday afternoon where she, in the parking lot of Café Coco, told him she couldn't see him anymore—that she needed time to process everything.
Jason was as drunk as ten Indians two hours later, and stayed that way all of Saturday. It was a Sunday afternoon nap that sobered him up enough to realize it'd probably be a good idea if he'd sober up completely.
He was relatively sure at some point during his drunken binge, he'd made arrangements to have Reagan talked to. He thought he had Paco take care of giving her the message, which meant she would get it in a firm and timely fashion. Jason went back through his texts and read the exchange he had with Paco. Sure enough, he sent a text asking his friend to talk to Reagan and make sure she wouldn't ever go near him or Hannah again.
Jason read the words of the text, remembering the conversation. Paco said he'd have it done by Monday, but he usually took care of things right away, and Jason was pretty sure he'd be hearing from him soon.
Cam and Nick had both come by his house a few times during Jason's binge. They were mostly just there to hang out and check on Jason, but Cam took the opportunity to remind Jason a thousand times that he wanted to record the single he'd just written. He begged Jason to let him record the song, but Jason, in his inebriated state, insisted that, "Nobody was gonna ever record that song."
"Why are you letting her get to you like this?" Cam asked. "You just met her. There's no way you can be this far gone already."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
"You've only been with the girl, what, once?"
"That doesn't matter," Jason said. "Once was enough. That's the whole point of all of this. It doesn't matter how many times, because I feel nothing for Reagan, or Porsche, or anyone else, and I've already given this girl a piece of me, something from way deep inside that I'll never get back."
Cam looked at Jason like he could expect someone who was drunk to say something like that. "Don't you think it's a little soon to be saying all that?" he asked.
"Whatever. I'm gonna remind you of that when you feel like this about a girl."
Cam smiled and shook his head. "You're drunk dude."
"That doesn't mean I don't know what I'm saying."
"Why don't you say I can record that song so I can stop looking for my next single."
"Nobody's recording that song. Ever."
Cam knew he'd talk Jason into it eventually, but he wanted it to be sooner, and was annoyed that he was letting a girl cloud his judgment like that.
Neither Nick nor Cam was anywhere to be found by the time Jason woke up from his drunken stupor Sunday afternoon. There were dirty dishes all over the kitchen, and empty pizza boxes lying around. Jason lived in an extremely nice house, but at the moment, it looked more like a dorm room. He was relieved when he remembered Monday was the normal day for his cleaning lady, and he'd have his house back to normal soon. She would cuss him out the whole time she was cleaning, but then he'd give her a huge tip and she'd love him again. Jason knew how to clean up after himself, but he had too much to do to get Hannah back, and the house would have to wait for Ellen.
****
Just like Jason, Hannah got hammered Friday night after she left Café Coco—only she didn't stay that way for two days. She did, however, have the song Heartbreaker, track number seven on her favorite Alabama Shakes album, on repeat and constantly being pumped into her ears for two days straight.
She sang along really loudly to the especially dramatic parts like, "Oh why, why did you have to slice me wide baby? How was I supposed to know you'd give me my first heart aching?"
She only paused the song long enough to drag herself off of Taylor's couch Saturday so she could work that function with her at the Hall of Fame. Hannah went through the motions, but that's all it was. She smiled and made it through just fine, but she was more preoccupied than she'd ever been in her life.
She could focus on nothing else but the heartache.
She was actually a little surprised that she made it through all of Saturday without hearing from Jason. For whatever reason, she thought he wouldn’t have given up as easily as he did, but when all of Saturday passed and she didn't hear from him, that's exactly what she thought happened.
She went back to her own apartm
ent Sunday morning. Jason hadn't been by the Culbertson's or the coffee shop, and Hannah figured he'd just taken her seriously and given up completely. She knew that should make her feel relieved, but it didn't. She wanted him to fight for her in spite of everything, and it sort of stung that he apparently wasn't going to.
Hannah had to work that Sunday afternoon, which was somewhat of a relief. Taylor and Matt were both there with her, and between the two of them, she knew they'd elicit at least a few smiles. Hannah was aching to smile. She normally did a lot of it, and her face felt sore from underuse.
About halfway through her shift, Cam Bishop in his mega-star splendor came into the coffee shop. She'd gone to the back office to make a cash drop, and in the kitchen on her way back to the front, she heard Taylor say, "Hannah's not here and I don't know when she's working again."
Hannah's heart dropped, wondering if Jason was the one out there asking for her. She scooted up to the doorframe so she could hear without being seen.
"Okay, well my best friend has been drunker than Cooter Brown for three days, and he's holding a song hostage until whatever he wants to happen between them, happens."
"That doesn't make since," Taylor said.
"Listen, bottom line is I need to talk to the girl Hannah who draws, so if you can't put me in touch with her, I'll just go over your head."
"I'm the manager," Taylor lied.
"Then I'll go to the owner."
"What do you need to tell Hannah? I'll make sure she gets the message. Was it just about that song? Because I don't think Hannah has anything to do with that."
"Yes she does, because he won't agree to let me have it because he's all messed up over her. But it's not just that. I'd like to give her a piece of my mind for messing with my boy's emotions like that."
"Messin' with his emotions?" Taylor asked, incredulous.
"I was here when that stupid blonde threatened her."
"You're blonde."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"I'm not blonde like her."
"No, but your blonde."
"You know her?"
"What?"
"You agreed when I said I wasn't as blonde as her. Do you know her?"
Hannah cringed and held her hands close to her ears in case she needed to cover them as she waited to hear where the conversation would go.
Cam laughed. "Yeah, I know her. I guess you could say that."
Hannah closed her eyes, waiting to have to live through hearing some sexy details.
"You're all a bunch of harlots." Taylor said.
Hannah's eyes got big, as she listened for what he'd say next.
She heard the sound of him laughing. "Hey listen…" Cam hesitated, waiting for Taylor to tell him her name.
"Taylor," she said, annoyed.
"Listen, Taylor, can you be a good girl and get me Hannah's number?"
"Aw, no I'm afraid I can't."
"You know I'll find it, don't you?" he asked.
"Not from me," Taylor said.
"You can at least give her the message, can't you, kitty cat?"
"Oh I know you did not just call me that."
Again, Cam laughed that confident, carefree laugh before heading out the door. Several fans stopped him on the way out, and he stopped to shake a few hands.
Hannah waited till she knew he'd left the place completely before she went through the doorway.
Taylor turned to her with a stunned expression. "Cam Bishop just came in here," she said.
"I know, I was standing right there and heard everything."
"That was crazy, coming in here like that just asking for you."
"No kidding. I met him the other day. He's just a normal guy, I guess, but it's weird to see someone in person after you've seen their face plastered on everything."
"Tell me about it. I saw him on Juicy-Juice the other day. It's seriously hard to say no to someone like that," Taylor said. "I see how they could get used to getting their way, because it took every ounce of my willpower to deny him."
"You did good."
"Thanks."
"He called you kitty cat."
Taylor gasped. "I know! Did you hear that?"
Hannah smiled thinking of the audacity.
The rest of the shift was uneventful compared to the Cam Bishop visit. Thinking of Cam made her lonesome for her little brother and she called Nate on her break to catch up with him a little. She wanted to call Molly too, since she was in the mood for the comforts of home, but she waited till she got off work for that.
The phone call to Molly was the highlight of her night, and even though talking to her friend had helped, she went to bed thinking pitiful thoughts about how much she hated Jason for not coming after her.
Hannah had to work that next morning. It was Monday, which meant it was Jason's normal day to come in. If he stuck to his schedule, he'd be there at 9AM, and she was nervous and anxious at the possibility of seeing him.
Hannah was on full alert, and completely ready to run to the back, but nine o'clock came and went with no sign of Jason. It was a busy morning, and every time the door chimed, she glanced to see if he was there.
At 10AM, Hannah rang up a bagel and coffee for a guy who looked extremely familiar.
"You're Hannah who drew our band's picture," he said.
Recognition dawned once he said that. He was different because he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, but she studied the lines of his face and realized she had drawn it. It was Jason's friend Trip, the drummer for The Shifty Seven.
"Heyyyy," she said, smiling at him.
"We all loved how you drew us!" He smiled and rolled his eyes a little. "All except Paul who said you really over-exaggerated the size of his nose."
Hannah laughed. "I thought I took it easy on his nose."
Trip laughed with her. "You totally made it smaller than it really is."
"What'd you tell him when he said he didn't like it?"
"That you got his nose all wrong and it isn't nearly that big."
Hannah gasped in mock horror. "Did you really?"
"Yeah, we totally did," Trip winked at her, "but we all know the truth."
Hannah just smiled and shook her head.
Trip got all of a sudden serious. "Hey, how are things?"
Hannah smiled. "Fine."
"Really? Are you fine?"
She narrowed her eyes from across the counter. "What are you asking?"
"I talked to Jason," Trip said. "I just wanted to come by to tell you could do a lot worse, you know. Jason's a good guy, and I think he really likes you a lot."
The frustration she felt had Hannah wanting to roll her eyes, but she held back. "I haven't heard from Jason in three days."
"Well I talked to him last night."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that just because you haven't talked to him doesn't mean he's not thinking about you."
Hannah felt a glorious wave of hope hit her at the words. No matter how much she claimed to, she didn't want things to be over between her and Jason.
"Did Jason ask you to come here?"
"Yes he did, and he told me I wasn't the only musician you're gonna be hearing from today."
"What in the world does that mean?"
"I don't know," Trip said as if he knew a secret. "I guess you'll see."
A few people had come in and gotten in line behind him during their conversation, and they couldn't continue. It seemed like that was all he had to say anyway. Hannah didn't know what to make of any of it. She couldn't help but wonder why Jason had someone else come talk to her instead of doing it himself.
Chapter 20
Just after noon that same day, Cam came into the coffee shop to look for Hannah again. It was the second day in a row, and his presence caused just as much of a stir as it had the day before.
"If you make a habit of coming by," Anne said when he walked in, "we'll have to start selling tickets." She was talking about the
fact that Cam had to stop and take pictures with about three different people on the patio before he even made it to the door.
Cam smiled graciously. "I don't know about all that," he said.
Hannah was working the register, and didn't make a move to hide or avoid him at all. She told herself it was because she was being brave, but really it was because she missed Jason. She was anxious to hear any news regarding him and hoped that's what Cam came to talk to her about. It was a far cry from the day before when she'd hid from him in the back, but she was desperate to get any word on Jason.
There were a few people in line, and Hannah was stuck on the register. She hoped he'd stick around until she had the chance to talk to him. It was really strange watching Cam wait in line like a normal person. Even the other people in line ahead of him thought it was weird—they kept acting shifty and awkward like they thought they should let him cut or something.
None of them let him, and he stood in line just like a normal person. (A normal person who elicited whispers, stares, points, and photographs.) When he got up to the register, he put his hands on the counter and leaned on it as if he owned the place. He looked straight at Hannah, who felt a bit like she wanted to change her mind and shrink away or duck behind the counter.
"You're Hannah, right?"
"Yeah," she said, "I met you the other day at Jason's work."
She didn't really want to remind him of that, she just wanted any excuse to say Jason's name in hopes that Cam would tell her how and what he was doing.
Cam ignored her statement. "Is there any place we could go to talk for a second?" he asked, looking around.
"We're not busy," Anne said when she overheard, "I'll cover the register for you.
Hannah thanked her and told Cam she'd be right back. She ran to the back office where she took a few deep breaths and checked her face in a mirror to make sure she didn't have anything embarrassing going on, then she went back up to the front to meet him.
"Where do you want to go?" she asked as she came around the counter.
You're Dangerous Page 15
