by Folktales
The tales explore various facets of married life, from the first stirrings of desire to the building of a family and the birth of children. With regard to the awakening of sexuality (the third group of tales in Group I, and elsewhere), the cultural sensitivity about this subject is accurately reflected, being dealt with indirectly, usually through symbol (a bird in Tales 10, 11, 12). Yet at the same time the tales adopt an imaginative reality that would not be tolerated in the culture. In fact, what gives some of these tales their particular character is the way this reality is used to present the woman's viewpoint. Specifically, in several tales (10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17, 23) it is the woman who either expresses an interest in acquiring a husband or goes out and actively pursues one. In life, in stark contrast, a woman must show no public interest in the subject of sex, lest she compromise her honor. Even when the subject is her own marriage, a modest woman would not say yes should her father consult her wishes in the matter; most likely she would leave it to her father to make the decision. Yet in some tales, as we have seen (Tales 12, 22), the girls decide themselves, and against the wishes of their parents.
The marriage relationship is not necessarily a harmonious one, especially when the couple remains within the confines of the extended family. As we have said, the wife comes from the outside into an already formed unit whose members share not only a common descent but also a way of doing things. They have established a life together over many years, and until the wife learns to conform to their ways she is subject to criticism, perhaps even ridicule. Her in-laws do not necessarily accept that she comes from a different background and so may do things differently; more likely they will simply consider her way wrong. With the husband under strong pressure to remain loyal to the family, he may, even against his will, find himself in a situation of conflict with his wife, as in Tales 18, 29, and 32. In Tale 29 the man chooses - to his peril - to believe a ghouleh who claims to be his aunt rather than listen to his wife. A striking theme common to several of the tales (24, 25, 35, 42) is that of the calumniated wife. Tale 24, in which a suspicious husband wrongfully punishes his wife, clearly serves a didactic purpose, for it addresses a specific abuse in domestic relationships. Tale 25, too, deals with male suspicion and jealousy of a wife who proves to be in the right. And in Tale 26 the wife insists on living with her husband on her own terms - and wins.
Finally, we turn to the relationship between the sister and the brother's wife. This is one of the most important of women's relationships, and the one with the greatest potential for growth. Initially, the sister feels great joy at the prospect of her brother's marriage, which she expresses publicly by dancing at his wedding and singing songs of praise for his wife. And in fact, as we mentioned earlier, the sister plays an important role in the selection of her brother's wife. Together with her mother, she searches for a girl with whom they can get along, since they will be living together in one household possibly for life. Thus the sister provides her brother with a critique of the girl's character and appearance - at which juncture the potential for conflict is already strong, for the sister might find fault with a potential bride who nevertheless marries the brother. In the close-knit social milieu of the family the sister's negative judgments cannot long remain a secret, and so already at the start the new bride must overcome the sister's antipathy in order to please her husband.
Assuming, however, that harmony reigns at the beginning, nevertheless the conflicting interests of wives and sisters are bound to give rise to hostilities and friction. The wife sees the sister as a junior mother-in-law, and so she lumps them together as a common enemy. This conflict, which springs out of the brother's lifelong obligation to his sister, is clearly exemplified in Tale 31, where the wife accuses the sister of being a ghouleh. It may also explain the paternal aunt's portrayal as a ghouleh, both in this collection (Tales 6, 29) and throughout the tradition. Here again, the conflict between brother's wife and sister in the tales may arise from the conflicting loyalties both of them expect from the brother in real life. Even though the family has actually gained a new member in the daughter-in-law, the sister (and her mother) still feel that they have lost a brother (and a son). The sister may think she is losing not only influence over her brother but also his affections as a result of this "stranger" coming into the household. Whereas the struggle between mother and daughter-in-law frequently breaks out into the open, that with the sister is more likely to remain muted. The wife in turn fears, and not unreasonably given the structure of the extended family, that her husband will be more of a brother to his sister and a son to his mother than a husband to her.
Another possible source of friction here (which does not occur in this collection) is resentment over inheritance. Sisters, at least before they marry, spend much of their lives working in the house, assisting the wives in housework and childrearing. Yet the sisters do not inherit, whereas the wives at least benefit from the fact that their sons inherit. If a sister marries into a family poorer than her own, she is bound to feel that her brother's wife has somehow disinherited her.
With age, however, especially after the sister marries and becomes occupied with the affairs of her own conjugal family, raising her own children, and coping with her husband's sister, the hostility between her and her brother's wife lessens. As we said, the sister has a vested interest in maintaining a harmonious relationship with her brother and his children, and very often this harmony eventually includes the wife, who herself no longer feels threatened by the sister's presence in the house.
The Tales and Authority in the Society
Thus far we have discovered that the tales are themselves empowering and constitute a form of authority for the old women who narrate them. The narrative style and method used draw their authenticity from the rules and conventions handed down by the Palestinian tradition in folk narrative. Similarly, the individual tellers, who already enjoy social authority through their special position as old women, derive moral authority from the tradition, which serves to validate the act of narrating the tales to the young, thereby providing them with heroic models for behavior. Furthermore, we discovered that the social structure itself, which provides material for basic plot situations, also provides the models for the authority that regulates individual behavior in the tales.
Authority, we said, is also invested in gender (male over female) and in age (older over younger). We now turn our attention to these categories, particularly in relation to the tales. Because authority regulates behavior, knowing how it works helps us understand the meaning of action in the tales. Reinforcing the working of authority is a system of rewards and punishments based on deeply held cultural values, such as respect for tradition and old age and obedience to parental authority. Age commands respect and should command obedience. A man, for example, might feel offended if he is taken to be younger than he actually is. Children are taught from a very early age to kiss the hands of their parents, uncles and aunts, and grandparents. Even grown men do so as a sign of obedience and respect. To the extent that behavior follows the rules, it is rewarded - mothers are always asking for divine blessing for their children (Tale 4). Obedience to one's father, even in situations where he is unfair or cruel, is considered honorable behavior. In most of the tales the action embraces a cycle of conflict and resolution that revolves around these themes. Conflict arises when a person in authority abuses his or her power (as in Tale 3), or when an individual wishes to go against the dictates of the family (as in Tales 4 and 22). Resolution consists of the return of the domestic situation to a new harmony, entailing necessary adjustments on the part of the individual. The social order always remains intact.
The question of authority is also relevant to the individual's relationship to society, and hence to the meaning of heroism in the tales. The extended family deals with the outside world as a corporate unit; because it is ultimately responsible for the behavior of its members, it supports them materially, shelters them, and comes to their aid in case of conflict. In r
eturn, the family must be able to count on the loyalty of individual members, for only then is its viability as a unit that can incur and fulfill social and legal obligations guaranteed. If, let us say, the head of one family were to promise his granddaughter's hand to the head of another family, he must be able to count not only on her approval but also on that of her father, his son, even if the younger man was not consulted ahead of time. Similarly, the head of the family receiving the offer must be able to count on all those concerned to accept it. Therefore, the family exhibits a proprietary interest in its members, viewing them not as independent agents but as resources. In the tales, because the social order always remains intact, the ethic of authority is constantly confirmed; yet at the same time there is an unquestionable focus on the individual. One aspect of heroism thus consists in individuals undertaking or initiating action on their own, an emphasis that we see reflected in nearly all the tales.
Heroic action in the tales also concerns the idea of identity in the society. Again, from the perspective of the extended family, identity is collective. Through respect for tradition and deference to age, individuals are socialized from childhood to harmonize their will with that of the family. They are encouraged to perceive themselves as others see them and to validate their experience in terms of the approval of others. Standing out, doing things differently, or disobeying authority bring punishments ranging from the physical to the psychological, such as the show of displeasure, reproach, public censure, or social ostracism - as in Tales 10 and 35, where the calumniated wives are placed in the "house of desertion" (bet il-hijran). Therefore, heroic action - that is, action in accordance with individual will - necessarily entails a capacity for isolation and separation of self from the collective identity. In the tales, this capacity is reflected in the prevalence of the journey motif (Tales 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 23, 28, 35, 42, 44), with separation generally being followed by some form of reunion after a new balance is established. Significantly, the journey is often undertaken by a woman, as in the archetypal (in this regard) Tale 13.
With reference to sexuality, the third determinant of authority, the relationship between the tales and the culture is extremely complex. On the one hand, the tales reflect prevailing moral standards; yet on the other, they also articulate attitudes and explore relationships and practices that are in almost total contradiction to social norms. The attitude of frankness we find in many of the tales may be attributed to the fact that their narrators are older women who are liberated from the social constraints governing verbal expression of taboo subjects like sex. The best example we have of this freedom occurs in a variant of Tale 1, as told by Im Nabil. When she came to the part about the man defecating in the cooking pot and the pot closing on him, Im Nabil laughed; then, still laughing, she said that the pot chopped off the man's "equipment" (idde). In Tale 33 there is a reference to the child's "little pecker." Such examples are to be found throughout the tradition. In ordinary conversation, however, especially in mixed company, women would almost never bring up the subject of sex, particularly if they are still unmarried.
We noted earlier that the extended family as an institution maintains a proprietary relationship toward its individual members. This relationship manifests itself in a system of social controls based on family structure and on a highly developed sense of shame (eb) that is inculcated in the individual from a very early age. And of all the forms of behavior that the family seeks to control, the sexuality of its women, which has the greatest potential for incurring shame, is by far the most important. The sexual urge is recognized to be a powerful drive that by its very nature threatens family unity because, as a private and individual matter, it is not susceptible to control or direction from the authority figure. At the same time, sexuality constitutes a vitally important resource that, if handled properly according to the traditions of the society, can advance the goals and interests of the family in relation to the outside world. If mishandled, however - if, for example, family members, especially females, allow themselves the freedom of acting on their individual needs or desires - it can be a most dangerous resource.
Female sexuality is precious for several important reasons. First, it is the source of reproduction. Palestinian families value children highly, as the tales often show, the prevailing attitude being that the more children the better, as long as a reasonable sexual balance obtains (e.g., three males to two females). Second, women's sexuality, through marriage, involves the actual winning or losing of individuals, a most important economic resource in an agrarian society based on manual labor, in which women as well as men play an important part in the production of food. And third, marriage commits a family to a relationship of nasab (in-laws), through which it can make allies or enemies and compete for power in the society. The value of sexuality in the Palestinian context of endogamous family relations, in which first cousins can marry, is clear, for it allows the family to grow larger and more powerful without having to resort to an outside relationship. Furthermore, because the Palestinian extended family is also polygynous, an excess of daughters, even though they are less favored than sons, is not. necessarily viewed as an evil, as long as there are enough cousins to marry them - provided, of course, that no two sisters end up as co-wives, since that is forbidden by Muslim religious law (saria).
By viewing sexuality from the perspective of the extended family we can put into meaningful focus one of the most important themes in Palestinian and Arab culture - and in the tales as well (e.g., Tale 28) - namely, the question of sexual honor. It is important to note that in a sexual relationship the man is generally considered to take, or gain, something, whereas the woman gives away, or loses, something. Undoubtedly, the issue of female honor (which is actually the honor of the male) also involves psychological, religious, and perhaps even spiritual considerations, but these do not negate the notion of possession if a man feels that what he holds most sacred has been violated because his sister has given herself illicitly to a man. The wife in Tale 44 helps her husband escape her father's wrath because she, having been together with him sexually, was now "beholden" to him - that is, she had surrendered to him part of her identity.
Because female sexuality is such a valued possession of the family, it is guarded with utmost care. The family that fails to protect this most precious of assets incurs great shame, because the stakes are high, as in Tale 22, where the hero's revenge on his mother for marrying behind his back is quite terrible. Protecting female sexuality (that is, male honor) is the most important value in Arab society, on which the family's sense of honor, its integrity, and its self-respect all hinge. If a female were a willing participant in an illicit relationship, she would be considered a great offender, a traitor to the honor of the family (Tale 25), and her punishment could be severe indeed, including (until recently) the possibility of death. Illicit sex is considered as serious a crime as murder and carries, along with the revenge feud, the greatest potential for violence in the society.
Because sexuality is so important and so closely connected with the family's honor and reputation, families do restrict, channel, and control the sexual activity of their members. It is on the foundation of the power of sexuality that the Arab practice of sexual segregation rests. Although this practice is perhaps not as pronounced in the Christian as in the Muslim community, nevertheless gender governs social relations from childhood to old age in both communities. Generally, individuals are given no chance to abuse sexuality by engaging in it outside prescribed channels, and all possible temptations that might lead to sexual activity are removed through segregation. Indeed, a girl need not actually establish a sexual relationship for her reputation to be ruined; just falling in love - by which she transgresses the barriers of separation - if it becomes publicly known, is enough. Because people consider that even an innocent love relationship could be the pathway to sex, it is a definite threat to the family's honor.
The separation of the sexes starts early. Boys grow
up in the men's world, and girls in the women's. Although they are allowed to play together when young, as they grow older and the potential for sexual contact increases, the barrier of separation is made stronger, particularly if marriage is a possibility. For example, first cousins living in the same house, who may be intended for each other, will stop talking together and will avoid each other on every possible occasion; thus their relationship will take on a sexual definition. Regardless of whether the pair are cousins or not, however, the stronger the possibility of a sexual relationship (i.e., marriage) between them, the more intense is the isolation imposed on them by society and the separation they feel individually. If a girl hears that a certain family is interested in her for their son, she will start to feel bashful in front of him and his family and will probably try to avoid contact with them altogether. As we have indicated, for a girl merely to show interest in any matter relating to sexuality is dangerous to her reputation. Hence the safest course for her is to act as if she does not want it (as Sackcloth does at the end of Tale 14), even on her wedding night - or perhaps particularly then, for a display of aversion would prove her innocence and modesty.
After marriage husband and wife must behave discreetly, showing no affection in public. Indeed, public show of affection is permitted only in situations where there is no likelihood of a sexual connection. Thus men will hug and kiss each other on the cheek after a prolonged absence, and women will do likewise, but the men will not kiss the women, or vice versa. Teenage males hold hands unself-consciously, and may come into much closer physical contact in public than would be acceptable in Europe and North America. Women, at least until menopause, are supposed to be more circumspect in their behavior at all times; thereafter, however, they are given wide leeway.
