Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
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ilies who let me hang around with them, and to the people whose introductions made all that hanging around possible: Valerie Picard, Cécile Agon, Hélène Toussaint, William Oiry, Véronique Bouruet-Aubertot, Gail Negbaur, Lucie Porcher, Emilie Walmsley, Andrea Ipaktchi, Jonathan Ross, Robynne Pendariès, Benjamin Benita, and Laurence Kalmanson. Thanks to crèche Cour Debille and crèche Enfance et Découverte, especially Marie-Christine Barison, Anne-Marie Legendre, Sylvie Metay, Didier Trillot, Alexandra Van-Kersschaver, and Fatima Abdullarif. Special gratitude goes to the family of Fanny Gerbet.
It’s much easier to write a parenting book when you’re blessed with extraordinary parents—Bonnie Green and Henry Druckerman. It’s also a gift to be married to someone who’s better at what I do than I am. I couldn’t have written this book without the encouragement and tolerance of my husband, Simon Kuper. He critiqued every draft, and in so doing, made me a better writer.
Finally, thanks to Leo, Joel, and Leila (rhymes with sky-la). This is what Mommy was doing in her office. I hope that one day you’ll think it was worth it.
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index
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. To find the corresponding locations in the text of this digital version, please use the “search” function on your e-reader. Note that not all terms may be searchable.
adult time, 7, 187–88, 194, 223
American Academy of Pediatrics, 124
American Baby magazine, 125
attend, xv, 60
authority of parents
absence of, 68–70, 225–26
allowance of bêtises, xv, 161–62, 234–35
authoritative versus authoritarian, 232–33, 236–37
the big eyes, xvii, 221, 232–33
building cadre, 228–30, 237
caprices, xvi, 72–73
child-king syndrome, xvii, 5, 223, 228
child’s security and happiness, 53, 84, 86, 221
complicité, xvi, 232, 237–40
édr. cité versus discipline, xvii, 7, 220, 233–34
fear of stifling creativity, 70–71, 224–25
leadership in family hierarchy, 226–28
punishment, 240
saying “no,” 71–74, 220–21, 240–41
shouting, 233
strictness, 234–35
autonomy
as child’s need, 246, 256–57
child’s time alone, 53, 66–67, 144–45
classe verte, xvi, 246
colonies de vacances, xvi, 243–44
cursing, xv, 166
dealings with other children, 248–50
overprotection and smothering, 146, 245, 250
praise, 251–56
school vacations, 243–44, 246–47
self-reliance, autonomie, xv, 244
tattling, rapporter, xviii, 249–50
trust and respect for children, 247–48, 257
awakening and discovery
within cadre, 237
éveillé/e, xvii, 82
independent play, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45
as natural developmental process, 78–84, 110, 244
> for pleasure, 84
Baby and Child Care (Spock), 92, 186–87
BabyCenter Web site, 17, 56
baby weight
gain, 19, 26–28
loss, 124–28
bedtime. See sleep
bêtises, xv, 161–62, 234–35
the big eyes, xvii, 221, 232–33
birthing. See childbirth
Bitoun, Pierre, 121–22, 124
Blessing of a Skinned Knee, The (Mogel), 245
Bloom, Paul, 95–96
bonjour, xv, 154–58
boundaries and limits
for child’s happiness, 84, 221
permissiveness, 68–70
boundaries and limits (cont.)
protection of child from own desires, 74–75, 237
stifling of creativity, 70–71, 224–25
See also cadre
breastfeeding
American recommendation on, 124
as competition, 119
size="-1" face="Goudy Old Style MT Std">French disinterest in, 119–22
lack of correlation with baby’s sleep pattern, 39–40, 51
Bronson, Po, 254–55
Bruckner, Pascal, 193
caca boudin, xv, 149–50, 166–67
cadre
allowance of bêtises, xv, 161–62, 234–35
child’s blossoming within, 237
child’s predictable and coherent worl
d, 84–85