A friend of mine later told me that she thought I survived the night because with all of those people praying for me, God would have been embarrassed to let me die. I don’t know about that, but God’s compassion certainly reinforced the power of prayer to everyone involved.
CHAPTER 16
CLARITY OF VISION
“Don’t worry about anything;
Instead, pray about everything.
Tell God what you need,
And thank him for all he has done.
If you do this,
You will experience God’s peace.”
—Philippians 4:6 (NLT)
I was awakened the following morning by the arrival of two deacons from our church. They own a local outdoor shop and came bearing a stack of great magazines for me to read. As delightful as my deacons were, I will admit that I was looking forward to their departure so I could get started on the magazines. Strangely, I felt great. I had no pain and was quite clear mentally.
I picked up a Cross Country Skier magazine as soon as they left and was surprised to find that, despite my historically having 20/20 vision, the pages were too blurry for me to read. I put them aside and turned on the television. The picture on the screen was too blurry for me to understand. The nurse came in and I found that she, too, looked blurry. I was no longer comfortable having a conversation, as I could not look at any one spot for more than a couple of seconds without the blurriness becoming too uncomfortable. It was very distracting and irritating, so I opted to take a nap. When I awoke, I asked the nurse if there was a Bible anywhere. She produced a Gideon’s Bible—I always wondered who read those—and I proceeded to look for verses about gaining strength and such. I looked to Psalms and searched for well-known verses such as these:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present
help in trouble.”
—Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
“When you call to me, I will answer you. I will be
with you when you are in trouble.
I will save you and honor you.”
—Psalm 91:15 (God’s Word)
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
—Philippians 4:13 (NRS)
Unfortunately, the printing in the Bible was also too blurry for me to read. Just as I was closing the book in frustration and tossing it aside, something distinct and clear flashed before my eyes. Presuming that my vision had cleared, I returned to the psalms. The words were still blurry. Again I began to carelessly flip through the pages as I closed the book. Again, something became clear and legible. I then carefully searched through the pages until I was able to find the verse that was crystal clear.
It read:
“Rejoice always.”
—1 Thessalonians 5:16 (ESV)
Wow. I began to contemplate the meaning of this verse, as it was clearly a directive from God. In my contemplations, I thought about the fact that a joyful heart and a joyful spirit are clearly important to God, and the word “joy” is mentioned throughout all the books of the Bible. I had always been a “happy” person and generally saw the rosy side of things, but joy is clearly different than happiness. It is not based on circumstances, but on the presence, hope, and promises of God. Even when it feels as if we are being crushed by earthly troubles, we can remain joyful. If we keep our focus on God, our spirit cannot be trampled. Joy is a state of mind and a state of being. It reflects a conscious choice to believe in the promises of the Bible.
Later in the day, a second verse became clear to my vision. It read:
“Pray without ceasing.”
—1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ESV)
Prayer is the way we are able to communicate with our Lord. This verse directs us to maintain a continually open line of communication with Him. It instructs us that we should live a life of prayer, continuously offering silent prayers with every breath we take, and always listening for God’s leading.
In the past, I had believed in the power to pray for one’s self: for forgiveness, for change, for insight, and so forth. I had subscribed to the concept that prayer does not change the outcome of a situation, but it changes us in the process. While I still hold firmly to my belief in this aspect of prayer, I have subsequently realized that it does not represent the whole story, for Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” I had now personally experienced this promise of Jesus and the remarkable power of people praying for the well-being of others. I began to see my life and each breath I am given as a living prayer to God and a way to pray for others and for our world.
The last verse that became clear to my vision that day was this:
“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of
God’s in Christ Jesus for you.”
—1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV)
Double and triple wow! I was immediately reminded of the often-told fable about giving thanks and being grateful for little things:
“When a poor man was given a loaf of bread, he thanked the baker, but the baker said, ‘Don’t thank me. Thank the miller who made the flour.’ So the poor man thanked the miller, but the miller said, ‘Don’t thank me. Thank the farmer who planted the wheat.’ So the poor man thanked the farmer. But the farmer said, ‘Don’t thank me. Thank the Lord. He gave the sunshine and rain and fertility to the soil, and that’s why you have bread to eat.’ ”
The rest of the Bible, other written material, the television, and even the faces of those people I love continued to be blurry for several days. Due to this continued blurriness, I wasn’t able to read anything other than these three Bible verses, couldn’t watch TV, and didn’t want to converse with anyone. All I did was read and re-read these three verses. These are three of the briefest verses in the Bible, yet I believe they are far reaching and summarize much of what God asks of us.
CHAPTER 17
CONVERSING WITH AN ANGEL
“Ask and you will receive;
Seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you.”
—Matthew 7:7 (GNT)
I spent a great number of hours contemplating what God was asking of me. Even before my boating accident, I did not really believe in luck or coincidence as phenomena. I believed that God has a hand in most things and that most of what happens is part of a larger plan. I was laying in my hospital bed wondering about the purpose of my accident when I suddenly found myself sitting on a rock in a large, sun-drenched field.
I was having a “conversation” with an angel who was sitting on a nearby rock. I call the being an angel, but I don’t really know what he was: angel, messenger, Christ, or teacher. I do know that he was of God, in God, and from God. As we conversed, I asked questions, and he gave me answers. We discussed how to “rejoice always,” even in the midst of terrible circumstances, and discussed the longstanding question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” During this conversation, I received the following wisdom.
We are each given the opportunity and privilege to come to earth for different reasons. Sometimes we come in order that we may personally develop and strengthen the fruits of our spirit: those of love, kindness, patience, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Sometimes we come to help someone else develop the fruits of the spirit. We all come to earth to become more Christ-like, as noted in Romans 8.
In preparation for our journey to earth, we are able to make a basic outline for our life. This is not to imply that we, the humans, are entirely in charge of our life’s design. It is more like God creates it, then we review it and discuss it with our “personal planning” angel. Within the algorithm are written branch points in our lives at which times we may exit, returning to God, or we may be redirected to a different task and goal.
We may be directed to these branch points by our own conscious choice and by our circumstances, or we may be pushed along by angelic intervention. Have you ever shown up somewhere at “just the right time”? When you think back
on your life, can you remember a person who briefly entered your life, saying something or doing something that impacted your life out of proportion to what they actually said or did? What were the circumstances that brought you together with your spouse or the detailed circumstances of other such notable events in your life? Have you ever been randomly thinking of someone who then unexpectedly shows up or contacts you? Has something ever happened that left you thinking “That’s weird”? Consider whether these are sets of “coincidences” or whether they might be orchestrated events; evidence of God’s hand in our lives.
Although we are rarely aware of angels or their intervention in our world, I believe there are angels all around us every day of our lives. Angels are spirit beings who are mentioned more than 250 times in both the Old Testament and the New Testament of the Bible. They appear as creatures, events, and humans, offering praise and worship to God. They care for, protect, and guide God’s people, frequently intervening or bringing messages to people from God. They are the ones orchestrating the “coincidences” that occur so commonly in our lives.
Of note is that most theologians would agree that angels live among us according to God’s will, not our own. Lewis Sperry Chafer wrote in Systematic Theology (Kregel, 1993), “One reason angels are rendered invisible to human sight may be that if they were seen, they would be worshiped. Man, who is so prone to idolatry as to worship the works of his own hands, would hardly be able to resist the worship of angels were they before his eyes.”
While often unrecognized, angels certainly seem to be present and active in our world today. A Newsweek article titled “In Search of the Sacred” (November 1994) observed, “Twenty percent of Americans have had a revelation from God in the last year, and 13 percent have seen or sensed the presence of an angel.”
Angels often expose us to, or push us into, a situation that will force our redirection. Of course, our redirection is not really forced; rather, as we are compelled to approach the fork in our road, we make a choice to turn left or turn right. Every choice leads us forward, and there is no going backward, no “redo.” Every choice we make today affects the choices that we face tomorrow. Planet earth and the humans living on it are truly interconnected, and there is no action without some sort of reaction.
Even the most terrible circumstances and events can stimulate great change in individuals and/or societies. Without observing cruelty, we would not be moved to compassion. Without personal trials, we would not develop patience or faithfulness. It is the recognition that our earthly concerns matter little when compared to life eternal that allows us to know joy in the midst of sorrow and worry. Have you ever really changed or experienced personal growth during times of comfort or complacency? The acceptance that change rarely comes without difficulty and challenge can truly free a person to “rejoice always.” It also allows us to live daily with a grateful heart and “give thanks in all circumstances.” No matter what the circumstances, we can be grateful that God fulfills His promises, that our faith is sufficient to sustain us, and that our eternal life is assured.
Sometimes uncomfortable situations or irritating people are placed in our lives to lead us in a direction more in line with God’s will. One example I like to use is that of a beggar who may sit outside of a wealthy businessman’s office in an attempt to help that person develop more tolerance and compassion for others.
I am able to see examples of this in my own life as well. Before my accident, the behavior of some of my colleagues deeply aggravated and irritated me. Afterward, while I still didn’t like the behavior, I realized that I do not know their purpose on earth, nor why they are in my life. As difficult as it sometimes is to accept, I do know that God loves each of them every bit as much as He loves me. Rather than being irritated by their behavior, I now take joy in the knowledge that their behavior is teaching me patience and I give thanks for this. I also began to pray for them, which has changed my perspective significantly. The exercise of praying for others (and I’m talking about praying with love, not praying as is humorously presented in the country-western song about praying for the car brakes to go out, the flower pot to fall, the engine to stall, and such) can lead to dramatic results and to greater peace and contentment. This exercise is definitely worth trying.
As the angel sitting on the nearby rock continued his explanations and patiently answered my questions, I began to visualize a reasonable analogy for our individual lives; each of us is like a small piece of thread that contributes to the weaving of a very large and very beautiful tapestry. We, as single threads, spend our lives worrying about our thread—what color it is and how long it is—even becoming upset if it becomes torn or frayed. The complete tapestry is far too large for us to see and of too complex a pattern for us to appreciate the importance of our single thread. Regardless, without our individual contribution, the tapestry would be incomplete and broken. We should, therefore, recognize and take joy in our contribution. Indeed, our threads—our lives—are important; what we do and the choices we make, even the seemingly small ones, actually make a difference.
I find it interesting that when people describe how terribly awful some events or circumstances are, it is rarely the people directly involved who are doing this describing. I have spoken to person after person who has been at the center of a situation described by others as “awful, tragic, or disastrous,” yet they themselves are grateful for the situation and would not change their circumstances if they were given the choice.
My point is this: interpreting something that happens as being inherently “good” or “bad” is entirely a matter of perspective. Do “bad things happen to good people”? I’m not so sure. Jesus was certainly a very “good” man. His crucifixion would certainly be interpreted by many as a “bad” thing. His disciples were devastated, yet the Old Testament prophecies would not have been fulfilled and a new covenant with God would not exist if Jesus had not been crucified. From this perspective, it is difficult to declare that the crucifixion of Jesus was a “bad” thing. In fact, it is the very heart of the “good news” that Christians celebrate.
Even when we are frustrated by our inability to understand a circumstance or event, there are unseen angels bringing comfort and protection as directed by the wisdom of God. Our only reasonable option is to rely on the word and promises of God.
CHAPTER 18
THE PATIENT CARE UNIT
“This is the day the Lord has made;
Let us rejoice
And Be glad in it.”
—Psalm 118:24 (NIV)
When my health allowed for it, I was transferred to the patient care unit (PCU). When I first arrived, I still had no pain to speak of and still felt wrapped in the cloak of God. I actually felt blissful. When people entered my room for the first time, they would literally take a step backward and with a look of surprise on their faces ask, “What is going on in here?” They would go on to describe a feeling of physical power and presence in the room. The first time someone noted this, I sort of ignored it. When it occurred again and again, and with a variety of different people, I began to believe that they were feeling the almost palpable energy in my room. I should not have been surprised that they could feel God’s presence—I could certainly feel it.
It had been a couple of weeks since my accident, but I was still spending most of each day in pensive contemplation, trying to make sense of all that had happened. I believed that all things work together for good and I began to contemplate the possible reasons for this accident. Before I knew it, I was once again sitting in a beautiful, sun-drenched field with an angel. The brilliance and intensity of the surrounding beauty and the purity of the angel’s radiant love were simultaneously overwhelming and rejuvenating.
We spoke for what seemed like many hours, and I never wanted to leave. We talked about the specifics of my accident and I was given more information regarding many of the reasons I was returned to earth. Later in this book, I will tell you about several of these directives, including t
he protection of my husband’s health, being a rock of support for my family and community after the death of my son, helping others find their way back to God, and sharing my story and experiences.
When our conversation was over and it was time for me to return, the angel kissed me on my forehead and bade me farewell. I knew it would be our last conversation and with that kiss, much of what had been told to me seemed to be placed beneath a veil. I sensed that I could later choose to lift the veil and recall all of the words said to me if I really wanted to, but I also knew that I was expected to let them remain veiled.
With my transfer to the PCU came the added joy of being allowed visitors. I looked forward to my children’s first visit and ached with a longing to hold each of them tightly and reassuringly. When they arrived, my three older kids were reluctant to approach me and my youngest stayed as far away from my bed as was possible. I imagine that I must have been frightening to see, and perhaps unrecognizable with all of the various tubes and machinery attached to my body, but their hesitation was heartbreaking. Within a few days, their comfort was restored and we spent glorious hours lying together in my hospital bed watching movies and cuddling. Although I adored them and loved the time we spent together, part of me still longed to be with God. This realization made me feel torn and depressed.
One afternoon I was awakened by a visit from Al Forbes, one of the partners in my medical practice. He was a Christian man and I felt I could tell him the details of my extraordinary experiences on the river. As I told him of my drowning, of God’s loving embrace, and of the miracles that had occurred, he began to cry. I asked why he was crying and was surprised when he told me that he was overcome with envy at my being so close to God, and was crying because he was not usually an envious man. Not wanting to upset others, I then chose not to tell many more people the details or extent of my experiences with God.
To Heaven and Back Page 7
