He loved her. It was pure and simple. And he wanted her in his life, forever. She could be clinical and almost scarily intelligent, but then on the flip side she was warm and compassionate, as well. No matter how he viewed the woman he’d known for half his life, he couldn’t see her doing what Burton had suggested.
Which meant that possibly, hopefully, she hadn’t gone through with it. Maybe Burton had it wrong. Maybe she still carried his child. There was only one person who could tell him, and he’d make certain she did as soon as he could see her again.
Thirteen
Shanal took her time getting ready to go out to The Masters for dinner. She’d initially turned the invitation down. It was a weeknight, she’d protested when Isobel had phoned to ask her to come over, and she was very busy at work. But Isobel had cut straight through her objections and to the heart of why she didn’t want to go, and had told her that while Raif would be there, he’d been warned to be on his best behavior and not leave her in the same state she’d been last Saturday when he’d gone.
She lifted a hand to apply her eyeliner, having to pause and take a breath when her fingers shook slightly at the prospect of seeing him again. Could she do it? Deep down, she craved the sight of him, but every time she saw him made it that much more unpalatable to think about going through with her marriage to Burton. But surely she’d be able to keep her distance from Raif for just one night. The whole Masters family would be at the gathering. She knew them all well, and as Ethan’s friend, had been a part of these types of gatherings for years. How difficult could it be? she reasoned with herself. Either way, Raif could hardly abduct her from his family home in front of his relatives.
Last Saturday, he’d said he wouldn’t let her go. What exactly had he meant by that? If he intended to try and change her mind again, he was definitely running out of time. Her rescheduled wedding was in only three days’ time.
Her tummy did that all too familiar flip at the thought, warning her that she was going to be sick. She fought back the nausea, gripping the bathroom basin until her fingers ached—their pain distracting her from the roiling sensation deep inside.
She heard the whir of her father’s chair as it passed the bathroom.
“You all...right?” he asked from the doorway, enunciating his words with care.
“Sure, Dad. Just getting ready to go to The Masters for dinner.”
“That’s...nice. You work too...hard. You...deserve a break.”
And so did he, she reminded herself in the mirror as he wheeled away again. He deserved a break from the guilt that plagued him every day over the medical error that had killed his patient, and from the ill-fated decisions he’d made about his investments. He deserved a break from the illness that took away his control over his life one piece at a time. And most of all, he deserved a break from the relentless fear that they’d lose the house over their head if she didn’t go through with her marriage to Burton. Of all the horrors that her dad faced as his disease slowly claimed what was left of his body, this was the one thing that she could help with. She could make that single fear go away. And she would.
With that thought clear in her mind, Shanal finished applying her makeup and twisted her hair up into a loose chignon. There, she was ready for anything, she thought as she eyed her reflection. No one needed to know about the turmoil that alternately slithered and coiled in the pit of her stomach, every waking hour. She could only hope the tension wasn’t harming her baby. She placed a hand over her still-flat tummy as a surge of protectiveness shot through her. She would allow nothing to hurt her child, no matter what Burton said or did.
She was the last to arrive at the gathering. She smiled her hello to Ethan’s aunt Cynthia, who presided like some matriarchal queen over these evenings, and kissed Ethan on the cheek as he came forward to welcome her. Raif’s parents must still be overseas, Shanal thought as she scanned the room, her eyes skimming over the man himself quickly. She knew the second he was aware of her presence there, and from the corner of her eye noted his movement as he excused himself from talking to Isobel.
“Do you want to talk with Raif,” Ethan asked at her side, “or would you rather I head him off?”
“No, it’s okay,” Shanal responded, her heart beating like a trapped bird in her chest. “We need to be able to be civil with one another.”
“Civil?” Ethan huffed a quiet laugh. “He doesn’t look as if he has civil on his mind.” But respecting her wishes, he stepped back. “I’ll be just over there if you need me.”
“Thank you,” she said, swallowing hard. “But I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
She had mere seconds to shore up her defenses and then Raif was right there in front of her.
“I’m glad you came tonight,” he said simply.
“I wasn’t going to let the thought of you scare me away.”
She knew her response was blunt, offensive even, but she also knew that if she was to get through this evening she needed to maintain the upper hand.
“Like I said,” Raif said, with a smile that made his eyes glitter dangerously. “I’m glad you came. We need to talk.”
She sighed in exasperation. “Raif, we’ve said all there needs to be said. Can’t you just accept defeat? I’m marrying Burton on Saturday and that’s final.”
“Sweetheart, we can do this in front of my family or we can do this in private. Your choice.”
There was something in his tone that made her spine stiffen. “Look,” she started, “I told Ethan I’d be fine with you here, that we could be civil. If I thought for one minute that you’d be anything else, I wouldn’t have come.”
“Oh, I’m being civil.” His voice was clipped, as if he’d clenched his jaw and was biting his words out in tiny chunks. “More civil than you realize. So, tell me about the baby.”
A chill ran the full length of her spine. “B-baby?” she gasped.
“Yes, our baby, if I’m to believe your fiancé.”
Shanal looked at Raif in horror. Burton had told him about the baby? If that was the case, he would have told Raif about the abortion, as well. That would go a long way toward explaining the anger that vibrated off him right now.
She shuddered. She hadn’t wanted it to come to this, but now it seemed she had no choice. Could she maybe let him go on believing the baby was gone? No, she knew she couldn’t. It was not only unfair to him, but grossly unfair to the child she carried. Raif deserved to know. Her mind fractured into a hundred scattered thoughts. If he knew that she was still pregnant, though, what would he do? Would he tell Burton that she hadn’t gone through with the abortion, after all? Would she lose that final chance to save her parents from homelessness, and keep her own job? She had to find out.
“Is there somewhere private—?”
“Come with me,” he said, taking her by the elbow and leading her from the salon where they’d gathered for predinner drinks.
Ethan looked up and started toward them when he saw Raif begin to lead her away, but she mouthed, “It’s okay,” and he halted in his tracks. A look of concern was still on his face as Raif closed the door behind them.
He led her a few doors down the wide, wood-paneled corridor into a room she recognized as the library. She’d always loved it in here. The high ceiling looked as though it was held up by all the knowledge and stories held in the books that lined the tall shelves on all walls. A padded window seat beckoned the avid reader, who had the choice of reading there or in one of the comfortable, deep armchairs that flanked the large fireplace.
“Private enough for you?” he asked, as he closed the heavy door behind them with a thud.
“Thank you,” she answered, wrapping her arms about her as if she could somehow protect herself from what she had to say.
“Is it true?” he asked.
“Is what true?”
“Don’t play games with me, Shanal. You’re better than that. You know how I feel about family. How important it is to me. Were you or were you not pregnant with my child?”
She couldn’t find the words to tell him the exact truth, and instead just nodded. The instant she did Raif paled, and a look of grief so raw, so painful it tore at her heart, crossed his face.
“Raif, no!” she cried, rushing to him and reaching up to cup his face with her hands. “It’s not what you think.”
He pulled away roughly. “Don’t. Just don’t. You can’t console me on this, Shanal. You made a decision about something that affected both of us without telling me anything. If I hadn’t brought it up tonight, I never would have known, would I? You had no right to do that.”
“But I didn’t do it. Please, you have to believe me. I didn’t go through with the procedure. Burton doesn’t know. I’m still pregnant with your baby.”
“What are you saying? That you didn’t have the...the...” His voice trailed away, as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to even say the word.
“I couldn’t do it.” She couldn’t help shuddering a little at her next thought. “Burton will be furious when he finds out.”
“Burton has nothing to do with this.”
“But he does!” she cried out. “I’m marrying him on Saturday. He doesn’t want your baby in our marriage, and can you blame him for that? Would you want his if the situation was reversed?”
“You’re kidding me, right? You’re comparing me to him?” Raif shook his head. “You really don’t know me at all, do you? If you were marrying me and carrying his baby, I would still do my very best by that child because, no matter what, it would be a part of you first. A child can’t choose its parents, but parents can make all the difference in the life of a child.”
Shanal felt her entire body sag at his words. She had misjudged him and she owed him an apology for that.
“Raif, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”
“Too right you shouldn’t. But that’s got nothing to do with this situation, with us. You can’t marry him, can’t you see that? This baby, our baby,” he said with a wealth of emotion in his voice. “It changes everything.”
She shook her head. She was so dreadfully trapped. She’d promised her father she’d make everything right for him and her mum. She couldn’t let them down now. She couldn’t abandon them.
“I have to marry him, Raif.”
“Have to?”
“You don’t understand,” she cried, her voice breaking as the pressure and responsibility threatened to swamp her like a mud slide rapaciously consuming everything before it.
“Then explain it to me. Tell me why,” he demanded, frustration and anger creeping into his voice.
She wrapped her arms tighter around her body and shook her head, her eyes blurring with tears. She closed them, not wanting to see the confusion and hurt on Raif’s face a second longer. Not wanting to see the questions in his eyes that only she could answer. But they weren’t her answers to give. They were her father’s, and she knew his pride couldn’t take any more. With his health so precarious now, another blow would merely hasten his inevitable death. She couldn’t bear to have that on her conscience.
Strong arms wrapped around her from behind and the warmth of Raif’s body filtered through her clothing to her skin. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until she felt his heat and his comforting touch.
“It’ll be okay, Shanal. I’ll make it okay for you, but you have to let me in. I’m working in the dark here until you tell me what kind of hold Burton has on you.”
His words penetrated the sorrow in her mind. What kind of hold Burton had on her? What would make him ask a question like that? She asked him.
Raif’s sigh was deep and she felt it all the way through to her bones. He turned her around in his arms so she was facing him.
“Burton Rogers is the kind of guy who gets what he wants. By fair means or by foul. I’m guessing he’s gotten you by foul, am I right?”
She didn’t so much as blink.
“Shanal,” Raif coaxed. “I meant what I said last Sunday. I love you. I want to make everything right for you, but you have to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it. I want there to be an us. A future with you and our baby.”
The authenticity in his words, in his delivery of them, pierced the shell around her, making her want to dream that he could be right. But Burton held all the cards in this particular game. If Shanal could have seen a way clear to leave him for good by now, she would have.
“It’s impossible,” she said, her voice so quiet that Raif had to bend his head closer to hear her. “He controls everything, Raif. You know what he’s like. He doesn’t make mistakes, not when it comes to getting something he wants. There’s no way out of this for me.”
“There’s always a way out,” Raif said, determination clear in every syllable. “Tell me, why does he have such a hold over you?”
She had to tell him. The burden of bearing it all on her own for so long was simply too much. Slowly, she began, going back five years to her father’s motor neuron diagnosis, to his negligence, to his guilt and shame.
“I don’t mean to sound callous,” Raif said when she paused. “But didn’t your father have insurance for that?”
“He did, and the settlement at the time was a generous one. But how do you make up for taking a life—a man’s future? It tormented Dad. If he hadn’t operated that day—if he’d told another consultant about his illness and admitted that he shouldn’t be operating anymore—that patient might still be alive. He’d still be a loved and valued, contributing member of his family. Dad felt he owed it to the man’s wife and kids to make sure they had monetary stability at the very least—that there would be money available for the children if they wanted to attend university, that his widow would have no financial concerns about loan repayments or being forced back to work just to provide for her kids. So he took out a loan using his home as security—a very large loan, thinking he could pay it back when his investment portfolio matured.”
Understanding lit in Raif’s eyes. “And he was one of the affected parties in that Ponzi scheme that made the headlines a couple of years ago, wasn’t he? Did he lose everything?”
She nodded. “They had some funds aside, separate from the investment accounts, which they used to meet their loan repayments for a while, and to live on. I gave up my apartment and moved back home to help them out financially, and to give my mum some assistance with Dad’s care.”
“Could your mum and dad not sell the house? Move somewhere smaller, maybe?”
“We considered it, but we’d already done alterations to the house to accommodate Dad’s mobility issues. Besides, he’s lost so much already, Raif. I promised him he’d be able to stay in his home right up until the end, and that I’d look after him and Mum. He’s counting on me.”
“So where does Burton come into this?” Raif asked.
“One night, when I was working late, Burton caught me at a weak moment. I broke down and told him about our financial troubles. He offered to make everything all right. He’d personally take over the mortgage on my parents’ house, repay their loan to the bank and provide a living allowance for them, on one condition.”
“That you marry him.”
She nodded.
“And what will he do if you don’t marry him?”
“He will expose my father’s negligence case to the media. The settlement was private and the facts of the case were never brought into the public eye. Also, Burton said he’d evict them from their home. Raif, the private shame of that case is already driving Dad into an early grave. I know he did wrong, making the decision to continue to operate that day, but he’s done everything he possibly can to make amends. He stopped practicing, stopped everything that gave him pur
pose in his life. That error of judgment aside, his reputation, the good work he’d done up until his retirement, is all he has left.
“And there’s something else. Burton made it clear to me that if I don’t marry him, I will lose my position with Burton International. And aside from my two-year restraint clause, he assured me that I would never be able to find work here in Australia again—or anywhere else his reach extends. Dad needs specialized care for the rest of his life, and it won’t be long before Mum can’t cope on her own anymore, even with me helping where I can. If I can’t support my parents financially, Raif, what am I to do?”
Fourteen
Raif held her close. He was still trying to assimilate the news that she hadn’t gotten rid of their baby, along with the information she’d just given him. She was trembling now—with emotion, with fear and with helplessness. He understood it all. Had gone through it all himself when Burton had flung his cruel gibes in Raif’s direction. But there was one thing Burton hadn’t counted on: that Raif would do anything for his family, no matter what. Family always came first—including his unborn child and that baby’s mother.
He eased her away slightly and tilted her face up to his. “Shanal, answer one thing. Do you trust me?”
Her lips quivered and she drew in a sharp breath. Her irises were all but consumed by the pupils of her eyes as she stared up into his face. “Yes, I do. I trust you.”
“Then believe me when I say I will help you, if you’ll just let me. Get me a copy of the loan agreement your father had with the bank. I’ll ensure that the debt he owes Burton disappears. And trust me when I say that I can more than adequately provide for your parents, Shanal. And for you and our baby, too.”
“But what about my work?” she protested. “Burton doesn’t make idle threats. He’ll spread out his tentacles and make it impossible for me to work anywhere.”
The Wedding Bargain Page 13
