Tawny Sands

by Violet Winspear

  `You must please me and try a cake, Janna. These we call gazelle horns; they are a horn of flaky pastry filled with cream and nuts, and are quite delicious. Raul himself has a fondness for sweet things.'

  A tiny flush stole into Janna's cheeks as she took a cake and held it on a serviette so the flaky crumbs wouldn't fall to the carpet. It was a pleasure to eat, and she wondered what would be the reaction of Mildred Noyes if confronted by her ex-typist taking refreshment with a real Princess. She smiled, and felt the dark eyes of Princess Yamila taking notice of her smile. Was she thinking that it was like the purr of a stray kitten given a saucer of cream?

  `Raul tells me you are entirely alone in the world. It must be lonely for you, child, to have no one who is close to you. It has made you a little shy of human contacts, eh?'

  `I—I suppose it has that effect, Princess, of making one either greedy for friendship, or shy of it.'

  `You are a little afraid, eh? Of finding that friends can hurt you because you care for them? You want to creep into

  a shell, like a small urchin of the sands, and hide from the hunter in a man . . . the lover?'

  `I know that life has to be faced up to—'

  `Life, yes. We are talking of love—do you find my grandson a handsome man?'

  `I think both your grandsons are very attractive.' `You admire Ahmed?'

  `He's very easy to get along with.'

  `Easier of temperament than Raul, do you find?' `Yes, in some ways.'

  `And in what way is Raul so hard that when you are in his company you look as if you would like to run and hide from him? He told me Joyosa ran away. What nonsense! Even as a schoolgirl she could never take her eyes from him, and because she was lively and pretty I hoped they might fall in love and marry when she grew into a woman. But Raul is his own man. He will bow to some of my wishes, but not all.'

  The Princess fingered a bracelet on her wrist, of filigree silver and Arabian as her surroundings, and her deepest instincts. 'Please tell me why you are cool towards Raul.'

  `It's just my way—' Janna's voice shook, for the conversation was getting dangerous.

  `It is not our way, child. We regard warm feelings as we regard the sun; everything is enriched by its glow, and we shiver when the sun clouds over. Do you shrink from a masterful man? Do you want a tame rabbit, who will never lose his temper with you . . . or love you until the world spins over?'

  The Princess smiled quizzically at Janna, and then glanced at the bracelet she wore. 'This was the betrothal gift from the man who became my husband. Raul is like him . . . do you know what the creed of the Spaniard is? That he should die a lover, and love as if each day lasted a year. Spaniards are virile men, Janna. Men of temper, passion, and vision. Men who can bear great suffering, yet who can cry like boys on the breast of a woman who gives them

  great happiness. They are not easy to know, or understand, but if you win the deep love of one of them, then you are rewarded beyond other women.'

  Janna sat quietly intent beside the Princess, absorbed in all she had to say about life and love, and Raul in particular. She longed to know about his boyhood antics and his youthful escapades. She wanted to speak as a girl in love, but for his sake, and Rachael's, she must remain the young stranger who came to call, and left again. Raul must marry the woman of his choice. For his own sake, and for the people of El Amara, who as desert people were going to need in the future a strong leader who could safeguard their peace and security.

  `I can understand your wish, Princess, to see Don Raul happily married, but I don't think he brought me here to be his—bride.'

  `Why did he bring you, child?' The Princess smiled shrewdly. 'As a diversion for his persistent grandmother? Someone to amuse me in place of my ward . . . whom he meant never to marry?'

  `You knew, Princess?'

  `I know my grandson.'

  `Then why did you send him to France to fetch her?'

  `I thought he might bring Rachael Corleza instead.'

  `Then you know how he feels about Data Rachael?'

  The Princess didn't answer for a moment, she just looked at Janna, slim and fair against the cushions of the divan, the great emerald weighing on her hand, a tip-tilted slipper half fallen from her left foot. 'How does he feel about Rachael, my child?'

  `He—loves her.'

  `You are certain of this?'

  `She's very lovely-I saw them together and she wept because he had to leave her for a while. Princess, why have you never told him that you know his feelings with regard to Rachael? It would have saved him so much heart-searching.'

  `You speak as if you want his happiness to be with a woman other than yourself.'

  `I am only a friend of his.'

  `And he told you Rachael was more to him than a friend?'

  `He was so anxious about Rachael's security that I guessed how he felt. Love is wanting to make someone secure and happy.'

  `Love is a passion, my young English girl. Love is a drive and a need. Love at times is more cruel than kind. Love is obstinate, and confusing, and a pleasure close to pain. Are you unaware of all this?'

  `No '

  `Then tell me something, my child. I promise not to divulge your answer to Raul . . . do you love him?'

  `Please

  `You feel nothing for a man so tall and strong, with eyes so fine and flashing? You feel no stirring of your pulses when he looks at you?'

  `It's possible to be stirred without loving someone, Princess.'

  `Very true, but the hot blood of the south does not run in your veins, Janna. You have to feel love, or you feel only retreat when you are embraced. You are the cool, reserved one . . . only the right man will stir your senses.'

  `It would be foolish of me to—to fall in love with Don Raul.'

  `You think we can stop ourselves from falling?'

  `We can fight an attraction.'

  `Were you fighting it the first time I saw you with Raul?' The Princess smiled. 'I like you, Janna. You have the courage of your kind, and the cool beauty of your country.'

  `I'm not beautiful,' Janna protested. 'You are kind to say so, but compared to Doña Rachael

  `I am not comparing you to other women, my child. Rachael is a Latin, and you and she are as different as a camellia and a lily. Both in their own way are beautiful ah, you look at me with large and wondering blue eyes. You

  are too modest, pequelia. And I am sure Raul has found attractive your cool fairness and your shyness.'

  `I might have teased his curiosity,' Janna admitted, 'but desire comes easy to a man, and it soon flickers out if love doesn't light the flame.'

  `You are wise to know that, Janna.'

  `I—I don't want to be a substitute for the woman he really loves, Princess.'

  `You will never be that.' The ringed hands took Janna's and pressed them soothingly. 'I make you this promise, child, you will never be less to anyone when you deserve to be everything You have the capacity to give much love, and it must not be given if it cannot be returned in full measure. My dear, just regard yourself as a very welcome guest in my house. Enjoy your visit, and rest assured that Raul will learn very soon that I know his secret, and that he has my consent to marry the woman of his choice.'

  `He will be so happy, Princess.' Janna smiled though it hurt. She could so easily have said to the Princess, 'I want to marry your grandson,' and the impossible dream of every Cinderella would have come true for her. But it would have been a dream as fragile as the glass slipper itself, and too soon would it have broken into pieces. She loved Raul Cesar Bey, but he felt no more than a passing desire for her .. . who was not really beautiful, only fair and different to the eyes of the people here at El Amara

  With affection and homage she bent her fair head and kissed the hands of his grandmother.

  `My

  `I shall always remember my visit to the House of the Pomegranate, Princess. Nothing like it has ever happened to me before. You have all been so kind to me.'

  `There ha
s not been too much kindness in your life, eh?' `Only the charity kind.'

  `I am happy Raul brought you here. The young devil could not have pleased me more.'

  Janna gave a husky laugh. 'He can be a devil, but I

  learned during our trip across the desert that he can also be nice. He takes after you, Princess.'

  `I have always liked to think so. From a boy he has been in my keeping, and I have watched him grow into the man El Amara must have in control if the province is to survive in peace and a certain independence. The world is not the ideal place we would like it to be, Janna. There is unrest, a lack of fellowship, and one cannot be sure of abiding peace. But Raul will do his utmost for my people, and his voice will be listened to by others in authority. I am certain in my heart that he will help maintain peace in this part of the desert. I pray for it, child. With all my heart, which grows tired and is no longer the strong heart it was.'

  Janna took note of the drawn look that had come over the lined but still lovely face of this woman who had governed El Amara for many years, and was now ready to let her grandson Raul take charge Janna rose quietly to her feet and said smilingly that she would now leave the Princess to rest.

  `You have a birthday to celebrate in two days' time, Princess.'

  `And you think I need to ration my strength, eh?' The Princess smiled nostalgically. 'Once I could talk all night, flirt outrageously with a dozen men, and outride my own sons. Ah, it has been a good life and a long one, taking the bitter with the sweet, the sad with the beautiful. I hope you may be as happy, Janna.'

  `Thank you.' Janna's smile was an aching thing on her lips, and as she left the room with its oriental furnishings and its faint aroma of incense, Farima entered to attend to her mistress. Her large brown eyes smiled into Janna's. She was a girl born and bred here at El Amara, the gentle proof of how content were the people of this desert province, and how vulnerable they would be if left to fend for themselves.

  She felt both glad, and sorry, that her talk with the Princess was over, and that they had been frank with each other. So all along that shrewd old lady had known how

  Raul felt about the lovely young widow, but she had hoped it was a mere infatuation and that he might love someone who had not already been married. But love was not so easy to manage once it took a hold on your heart; you couldn't forget it was there; you couldn't walk away from your own self.

  Janna would run .. . she would depart with Ahmed without risking a goodbye to Raul. She would flee while the party was in full swing, and the Princess would understand, and Raul would soon forget that for a while a little ice-flake of an English girl had teased his curiosity.

  Sunlight struck and she found herself in one of the courtyards of the house. From the look of some old and twisted myrtles she was in an unused courtyard, where the circular lily pool was clumped with flowers, and purple oleanders grew wild and tall. A cloak of rusty honeysuckle lay over a wall and within its mesh there cheeped a lonely bird. A bush of pomegranate had gone to seed and scarlet petals fell upon the old stone flags. The scent of eucalyptus hung upon the air, mingling with that of sun-warmed aged stone archways.

  The place suited Janna's mood. She felt already that approach of melancholy that comes before a parting with someone beloved.

  She sat down upon the stone rim of the pool and touched a floating flower. It drifted away from her fingertips and she sighed. Why did love have to hurt so much? Why couldn't a girl be gay and carefree about it, and sure of finding the same feelings with someone else? Why was she so certain that Raul would be her only love?

  She rose and paced about the courtyard, and slowly the sun turned to a burning bronze in the sky and around it spread the exotic colours of an Eastern sunset.

  Her gaze dwelt sad and tenderly upon the scene. Tomorrow, and then again tomorrow, she would see this, the tall palm trees etched against the silk of the sky, while the hunting hawks winged dark and blinded in the glow. She would hear the song of the blackbird—the garden slave-

  and the crying of quails as dusk fell over the desert and the Arabian stars began to burn in the deep violet sky.

  She felt unbearably moved, and was about to go indoors when she heard the chink of a spur and saw a tall figure emerge from the shadow of an archway. Her heartbeats quickened, for no one else was quite like Raul; she would know his supple figure anywhere, the wide shoulders covered by a riding cloak whose folds fell to the glint of steel at his booted heels. He came to her, and his fingers were unclasping the cloak, and she stood very still, like a creature hunted who hoped the hunter would be kind, and let him wrap the cloak around her. His fingertips brushed her bare arms and she almost cried out, for she felt his touch to the ends of her nerves. He gazed down at her, while a breeze whispered through the palm fronds, and the spider lilies stirred at the edge of the pool.

  `All alone and a little moody, eh, Janna? Do I have a place in your thoughts?'

  `I was looking at the sunset. It always moves me, so splendid and then all at once the sky is dark.'

  `The stars are coming out, and there is a little silver fish of a moon. Look, chica, have you made a wish?'

  She followed his gaze to the slip of silver that had curved into view between the arching fronds of a palm tree. It shone as bright and lovely as a child's eyes, and Janna felt a single wish tearing its way to her lips. She wanted to cry out to the new moon to give her Raul's love and she would never need to wish again for anything. But she could only force a smile, pretend it was a game, and play it gamely.

  `Yes, I've made a wish,' she said. 'Have you, Raul?'

  `You don't often speak my name without the Spanish prefix,' he murmured. 'Are we better friends than we used to be?'

  She winced at the question, for to be his friend was to be one of a crowd, even his slougui, the lean desert dog with its arching tail and the speed of a hare. From a rooftop the other morning, early, she had watched him race his stallion

  against the dog, the cloak she now wore billowing from his shoulders, which she longed to touch with her hands, feeling the hard bone and sinew of him, until he was as eager to crush as she was to be crushed.

  Oh, heaven, where was the shy, alarmed typist she had been? Knowing less than a babe ... unaware, and untouched!

  `I would not have seen El Amara but for you,' she said. `I told your grandmother this afternoon that I liked being here. It's like a dream. Even when I smell the flowers, hear the cicadas and the rustling leaves, I still feel half enchanted.'

  `So you have talked with Madrecita?' He seemed to speak sternly, as if he dared her to say that in some way she had spoiled his chance of having Rachael. 'Did you have an interesting talk? And may I know whether my name was mentioned?'

  `It was inevitable that the Princess mention you, Don Raul.' Janna turned her eyes to his face, and the faint moonlight showed her that he looked as stern as his voice. `I—I had to be frank with her. For both our sakes I had to tell her that you didn't bring me to El Amara with the intention of marrying me. And it's all right! She understood ... how you felt ... how we both felt about a marriage made without the proper feeling, built on a foundation not of love but of duty. She was so kind to me. She said I was to enjoy my visit here and not to be afraid that she would expect you to marry me.'

  `You have been so afraid of that?' His voice held a taunting note. 'I told you myself that you were never in danger of being forced into such a predicament.'

  But you love the Princess ... you are concerned for her health, and I was afraid you might give in to her.'

  `And take for myself an ice-flake for a bride?' His voice mocked, but suddenly his hands were gripping her waist beneath the folds of the cloak. At once she was on the defensive, steeling herself against a response to his touch.

  She tried to pull away from him, and angrily his arms swept right around her.

  `You are in no danger of becoming my reluctant bride,' he drawled, 'so we might as well enjoy the moon in the traditional manner A moon, a garden
, a girl with mysterious eyes. What more could a man ask? A man who is free of the obligation to promise his love in return for a kiss.'

  `Raul ... please.'

  `Well, is it not so, Niña? You have released me from the obligation to marry you, so let us be adult and enjoy the moment. I have kissed you before ... did I not say that I might kiss you again?'

  `You are being unfair ... treating me as if you want to punish me. Your grandmother had already guessed how we both felt ... nothing I said came as a real surprise to her. She is frail, but too sensible to want you to make a mess of your life by marrying the wrong person. She even knew how you felt about Joyosa, and I can't believe that you were entirely unaware of this. The pair of you have been playing a kind of game, and I wasn't going to be a pawn in it ... Raul, you're hurting me!'

  His arms felt like steel, but it wasn't the pain of his embrace that she fought against, it was the pleasure. The longing to give in and let him punish her with kisses ... even if they were the kisses of a man aroused by anger rather than love.

  `I would like to break you in half.' His voice grated low against her earlobe. 'How dare you presume to discuss my feelings with Madrecita. What do you know about the feelings of a man ... a mere slip of a girl who has never been shaken to the bone by a passion for someone, and forced to subdue it, hide it, because the time was not right for a revelation? What do you know about me, beyond what you see with your innocent blue eyes? A Spaniard with a dash of the desert in him. A man trained to demand, and yet who must give much of himself to several thousand

  people. A man who makes you shake at the knees, eh?'

  He pulled her close and hard against him, and her knees wouldn't have supported her if he had let her go instead. His dark head came down to hers, his eyes searched her face, and a smile twisted the edge of his lip. 'You may well look afraid,' he taunted. 'This courtyard is in the old part of the house, and there is no one to see us, no other soul but the owl that has flown about here since I was a boy.'