I blink at his words, staring woodenly as he ambles out of the driver’s seat of my car.
What the hell just happened here?
Derek pulls my door open and gives me a wink when I look up at him wide-eyed. I hold my breath when he leans in a bit closer and presses his lips against my ear. “What I wouldn’t give to see those wide brown eyes staring up at me with awe as I make you come, Ivy.”
I whimper. There’s nothing else I can do. I feel strange, and turned on, and dirty all at the same time. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. Derek chuckles as he takes a step back and I slide from the SUV and hurry past him into the diner.
My eyes frantically search the restaurant and I let out a sigh of relief when I see Mary-Anne sitting in a booth. I hurry toward her and my steps falter when I realize that not only is Genny with her, but so is Cleo, and my sister-in-law, Serina.
“The gang’s all here,” I mutter as I slip into the booth.
Serina grins. “Not really, we figured whatever was up, you wanted to keep low key, so we only invited the needs-to-know, gang,” she quips like the smartass she can be.
The waitress appears and asks for our drink orders. I order water, not planning to stray from my diet, even though I really want to down a Coke right about now.
Mary-Anne announces that we’re ready to order, too. I don’t bother listening to anybody else’s order because I know that it will just make me want junk food. I order a side of cottage cheese, a side of fruit, and grilled chicken breast.
“You’ve really taken this healthy lifestyle thing to heart, haven’t you?” Mary-Anne asks, scrunching her nose up.
“I think you look fantastic, not that you haven’t always, but you know what I mean,” Genny announces.
I give them all a fake smile and when I do, Cleo’s eyes widen. “You’re going to need to start from the beginning,” she whispers.
My bottom lip starts to wobble and I mentally curse myself when it does. I suck in a deep breath and then I tell these women, who are my closest friends in the world whom I’ve been avoiding—everything. Down to West’s new desires, which are still confusing to me because he hasn’t really explained what he wants in detail yet.
“Oh, Ivy, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Serina asks as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a hug.
I sniffle. “I’ve been so embarrassed,” I admit.
“Please, I think you’re handling things much better than I would. Plus, we’re all sisters, there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed of,” Genny says.
Taking the napkin off of the table I blot beneath my eyes, trying not to smear my makeup, though it’s probably a fruitless endeavor. “What do you want, Ivy? It sounds like there is a lot of West’s desires and personal issues in what you’ve told us, and not much about you,” Serina points out.
I didn’t always like my sister-in-law. She was a whore who my brother decided to claim, and I couldn’t understand their dynamic, especially their very open, and in public, sex life. Over the years we’ve become closer, and I’m so grateful to have her.
Once I let my judgments go, I found out that she’s a great person. She’s had her issues in the past, but when she came here, she truly did it to start anew and I couldn’t be happier that Barry claimed her as his own and then married her.
“I found my new job, and I’m excited to start tomorrow. I feel like that’s a step in the right direction. I love going to the gym, and made a couple new friends there.”
“But those are all things that have pretty much nothing to do with your relationship,” Mary-Anne points out.
My eyes glance down as our food arrives, and after the waitress leaves, I exhale. “I love my husband. I’m in love with him, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done because he doesn’t open up to me. He disappears for days at a time. He’s got this whole new kinky thing that he’s suddenly into, and he’s been hiding it from me,” I whisper.
“Would you do that with him, would you want that with him?” Cleo asks before she takes a bite of a French fry.
I think about her question for a few minutes as I stab a piece of honeydew melon. Would I want that? Would I want a man other than my husband touching me? Would I want the attention of two men on me at once? I can’t deny that it sounds kind of sexy. An image of Derek crosses my mind, would I mind if it were him and West pleasuring me together? I don’t think that I would.
“It’s something you both have to enjoy, Ivy. It could make or break your marriage, trust me. There are special couples that can pull this off, Barry and myself included, but even we have boundaries. We communicate them, and often. Personally, I think you guys need to work on your communication before you start to play,” Serina advises. She isn’t wrong. We desperately need to communicate with each other before we do anything else—no matter what that is.
The rest of the lunch is spent focusing on everybody else, and I’m grateful to be able to spend time inside of my own head. I don’t know what will happen in the future, a future that I thought I had all planned out.
The rug has been pulled out from beneath me, but I’m willing to readjust my life. I just hope that it’s with West because, at the end of the day, I love him with my whole heart.
I watch the boys as they practice their archery, wondering how they got old enough that I don’t have to help them with it anymore. Rosalie sits next to me on the bed of my pickup and plays on her phone. She hasn’t said one word to me since I brought them all out here to the woods. Her fingers work fast on the screen of her phone and I want to rip it from her hands and throw it across the forest.
“Mind puttin’ that shit down?” I finally ask. Her eyes widen and she looks up at me but doesn’t put her phone down. “Who are you talking to?”
Her eyes slide away from me and I can already tell that I’m not going to like her answer. I can only imagine who it is, and I have a feeling I already know. She’s had a crush on Bailey Duhart for far too long. At fourteen, although he’s only a few months older than her, he’s also far too mature for her.
I’ve seen him come into the clubhouse with a few of his older sister’s friends. He’s not my kid, and those girls aren’t mine either, but I’ll be damned if my thirteen-year-old baby, has anything to do with a kid that’s already sexually active.
“Bailey,” she admits. I’m surprised when she fesses up to the truth. “We’re just friends,” she lies.
Maybe he’s telling her they’re just friends, but he’s got a little pecker and my daughter is as beautiful as her mother.
I grunt. I feel the need to tell her that he’s nothing but a little prick, that he’s been with other girls but then I look down at her wide, innocent eyes and I don’t. The last thing I want to do is make her cry, I have a feeling she’s done enough of that lately, and I’ve been the cause of every single one of her tears.
“You’re still young, don’t hitch your star to anyone quite yet,” I murmur.
“Daaaad,” she giggles. “We’re just friends.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and bring her closer to my side. I’ve fucked up with her lately, with all three of my kids. Ivy was right. Then again, Ivy’s usually right about shit. I’m just not always smart enough to listen to her.
I should apologize to my daughter, my sons, and I should get down on my knees and apologize to Ivy. What I should do, and what I actually do are two different scenarios.
“Wanna do a little target practice?” I ask.
Rosalie looks up at me with surprise. “I hate archery, Dad,” she admits. I smile because I know that.
“My handgun, sweetie. All women should know how to use a gun, and I think you’re old enough,” I murmur.
I watch as her mouth forms a huge smile, the likes of which I haven’t seen in a fuck’ve a long time.
Mary-Anne wraps her hand around my bicep as we leave the diner, stopping me from continuing on toward my SUV while all the other women go on their way. Turning around to face h
er, I look at her in question. Her eyes flick behind me somewhere before they settle back on me.
“Be careful, Ivy. Shit may seem bleak right now, but you’re still very much claimed,” she warns. I open my mouth to respond but she gives me a small smile and interrupts me. “That doesn’t mean that I don’t get it, or that I’d judge you, at all.” Without another word, she walks away from me.
Turning around, my eyes clash with Derek’s. He’s leaning his hip against my car, his head turned, and his eyes on me. His lips tip in a cocky little smile as I approach him. I don’t know what he’s doing or what I’m doing but I feel different around him. He’s not just one of West’s brothers, or maybe it’s me that’s changed? I don’t know, but I want this man’s touch.
“Ready?” he asks, giving me a wink as he pushes off of the car.
I nod, afraid to speak and climb into the passenger seat. Neither of us says a word as he drives back to my house. I should feel guilty for the thoughts running through my head about this man, but I’m finding it harder and harder to feel that emotion.
Once we pull into the driveway, I’m surprised to see that West’s truck is parked in its usual spot. Glancing at the clock on the dash I notice that it’s well after four in the afternoon. I can’t believe that I spent over four hours with my friends. I really should have gone to the gym for an extra session, but I think that I needed this time with my girls. I’d been avoiding them for far too long, and I shouldn’t have.
I’m appreciative that Derek didn’t say anything to me on the way home. After our conversation on the way to lunch, I’m not sure that I can handle much more from him. Sliding out of the car I walk toward the front door, Derek’s boots sounding behind me as he follows me up the porch and into the foyer.
“Hey, Mom,” Remi calls out from the sofa. He’s watching The Sandlot on television.
Reid’s head pops up from the floor and gives me a toothy grin and wave. “Hey boys,” I smile back at them. “What did you guys do today?”
“We practiced our archery. I’m pretty much the best at it,” Remi announces with a shrug.
Derek laughs behind me and I can’t help but chuckle as well. One thing about Remi is that he lacks humility, I love and dislike that quality in him all at the same time. He is definitely his father’s son.
“I got to do some target practice with Dad’s handgun,” Rosalie announces from the top of the staircase.
She has this goofy smile on her face and my heart leaps inside of my chest. I haven’t seen her happy, truly happy, in a long time. It’s absolutely stunning.
“Wow, it sounds like you guys had a really fun day.” My voice almost cracks at the end of my sentence.
They did have a great day, and while I’m extremely happy that they did, I’m also a little sad that I wasn’t there to witness it. I feel Derek’s fingers trail down the back of my arm and I turn my head to look at him. He gives me a sad look, something akin to pity and I hate it. He called it earlier. He said it like it was and he was right. What about me? Why wasn’t I invited on their adventure?
“I ordered the kids pizza so you didn’t have to cook,” West announces as he walks into the living room.
I lift my eyes to him but he doesn’t come any closer to me, in fact, he stays all the way on the other side of the room. I watch as his gaze sweeps down my body to lift to mine again. He shows zero emotion, no heat or anything. It’s as though he’s just looking at a stranger rather than his wife.
Derek clears his throat behind me and West’s eyes shift to him. “If it’s cool, I’ll go ahead and head out.”
“Be back around ten,” West states.
Derek murmurs his agreement. I feel his presence leave from behind me, and then the door closes gently. Be back around ten. The words repeat in my head and I feel disappointed all over again. My husband is a fucking dick, and he’s growing into an even bigger one by the freaking day.
Ignoring West since he has everything under control and has made it clear he doesn’t want much to do with me right now, I walk upstairs. I make my way to Rosalie and catch her hand before I walk past her. I give her fingers a squeeze, and she tips her head to look at me. “Love you, sweetie,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” she nods.
I don’t say anything else, releasing her hand, I continue toward my bedroom. I have my first day at work tomorrow, and the only thing I want to do right now is go to sleep. When I’m asleep, I can forget the emotional disaster that is my life.
The sun is still very much out, but that doesn’t stop me from changing into a nightgown. It’s one of my favorites, a navy soft cotton with spaghetti straps and lace at the short hem and along the sweetheart neckline. The bedroom door opens and I don’t even turn around to see who’s there. I know who it is, I can feel his presence anytime he’s in a room.
“You going to bed?” he asks, sounding surprised.
Inhaling deeply, I exhale before I turn around to face him. “Yeah, I’m going to bed.”
His brows tug together in confusion. “It’s not even five, Ivy. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I want to pull my hair out and scream in frustration. “Nothing, West. Absolutely nothing,” I deadpan.
West runs his hand through his overly long hair. My eyes trail his fingers and I know I’m pissed at him but he looks sexy as shit right now. My spine straightens at the thought. I’m lusting after my husband only hours after I’d been lusting after another man. What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?
“Rosalie wrote down the kids’ afterschool schedule for me. You don’t have to worry about any of that. What time do you get off work all week?” he asks.
He ignores the elephant in the room, the huge suffocating elephant, and it pisses me off even more. Of course, I’m horrible at communication just as much as he is, so I ignore it as well. “I get off at six-thirty,” I murmur.
West’s fingers dance from my shoulder down to my wrist before he tugs me against his chest. I place my hands on his chest for stability and tip my head back to look into his eyes.
Without a word, he smashes his lips against mine and forces his tongue into my mouth. I welcome him, lifting my arms and wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. My breasts ache and I arch closer to him, feeling them rub against his hard chest—doing little to actually ease the ache.
“I should walk away, right now,” he murmurs as he nibbles on my lips.
I hum in agreement, lowering my hands to unbutton his pants. West takes a step back. I press my lips together, assuming that he’s going to leave but he doesn’t. He removes everything he’s wearing, stripping himself completely naked. Curling my fingers around the hem of my nightgown I pull it off and toss it to the side.
West tugs my panties down and then his mouth is on mine again. His tongue fills me as we fall backward onto the mattress. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I rip my lips from his and let out a long moan when his cock fills me to the root.
He doesn’t allow me to adjust to him, he rears back, his hands spanning my waist and he fucks me. I allow him, arching my back with each downward stroke, grinding his pelvis against me. My breath hitches each time. I feel my body climbing toward my release, my hips lifting on their own.
“Come, Ivy. Fuck, baby,” he chants as sweat beads on his forehead. “Give it to me,” he growls.
My eyes involuntarily close and I do as he’s demanded. I give it to him; my body reaches its climax and I come. I don’t make a noise. It’s too much, but he feels it. I know he does, he groans and slams into me a few more times before he stills and fills me with his release.
Then, immediately his weight is off of me. I open my eyes and watch as he quickly dresses. My heart sinks. He’s doing it to me again, fucking me and leaving me. I watch as he turns away from me. I can’t let him just walk out the door, so I call out his name. Sitting up on the bed, naked and his release leaking onto the sheet.
With his hand on the doorknob, he turns just his head and watches
me.
“Bye, then,” I whisper.
“We’ll get this sorted, Ivy,” he announces. I nod, not believing a word he’s said. “Trust me, baby. We will get all of this sorted. Give me this week, and swear to fuck, we got this.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he opens the door and walks out, promptly closing it behind him. I want to believe him, but he hasn’t given me a whole lot of reasons to trust in him lately. I quickly pull my nightgown back on, refusing to be even more vulnerable than I already feel.
Changing the sheets, I quickly climb into bed, curling up into a ball, I close my eyes. I’m just so emotionally drained. This week I’m going to focus on the kids, work, and me. I’m going to try my hardest to just put West completely out of my mind. Fucking asshole.
The alarm sounds way too early. I push the stop button and force myself to stand. I shuffle to the bathroom to take care of business then shuffle to my closet and quickly dress in my gym clothes. Once my hair is up and my eyes are less bleary, I pick out an outfit for my first day of work and quickly pack a bag with my makeup and toiletries.
It doesn’t take me long to get the kids up and moving on my way downstairs. This week they’re all eating at school so I’m thankful that I don’t have to pack any lunches.
I make them each a quick breakfast of toast and jam with scrambled eggs, and have it plated and ready to go by the time they arrive downstairs.
This morning, I also called the school and set up the bus to take them rather than me every morning. They leave my house a little earlier than I would if I were driving them, but it will shave off at least thirty minutes for me in the routine.
“Now don’t forget Dad’s going to pick you all up from school, okay,” I try to announce cheerfully.
Remi and Reid show their enthusiasm by cheering, but Rosalie just nods and gives me a small smile. When their food is finished, I hear the bus brakes out front, and I hurry them out of the house. Reid gives me a big hug and a sweet kiss on my cheek before he runs off. My baby is still my baby boy, and I’ll treasure it for as long as I’ll have it.
Rough & Real Page 9
