Hammer breaks our kiss and he looks down into my eyes, “I’m not ever gonna lose you, Shiloh. You’re it for me, and I’m gonna make it damn clear to anyone who ever looks in your direction.”
Chapter Eleven
You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow.
~ The Intuitive Wildflower
Shiloh
It’s been a few days since we had our bike ride out to the back part of the property, and I’ve found myself spending a lot more time with him. At first, I was nervous about being around him even more, but slowly I’ve convinced myself I deserve to be happy, that anyone who’s with me will love me for everything I am, even the bad and the ugly. Still, my demons continue to haunt me and nightmares have been plaguing my mind the last few days.
I go to bed with Hammer by my side and wake up with sweat covering my body, unsure if what I dreamt is my reality or a figment of my imagination. He’s woken up a couple of times during this, but I always reassure him I’m fine. I know he has questions. I’m not an idiot, and with the way he looks at me, I know I won’t be able to keep reassuring him I’m fine when I’m not.
Today is Friday and I have to be there at seven tonight for dinner at Capaldi’s. My mother lives in Salt Lake City and I need to get my butt moving if I’m going to make it there on time.
I’ve only naturally assumed he’d take me, and I haven’t bought an airplane ticket as a backup. Yet, I haven’t even asked the man if he’d go with me. I’m not going to lie. I’m scared to ask him to come because at some point I’ll have to explain things. I know I’ll freeze up, or goosebumps will spread across my body like wildfire. I know there will be some sort of reaction from me that grants a question from him. Even with it all, I need him there with me. I sit here on the edge of my bed, terrified he won’t be able to look at me the same after this, but knowing I need the support. There’s no way I’ll make it past the series of events this evening unless he goes with me.
Clearing my throat, I drum up the courage to walk out back where he was smoking a cigarette on the porch and ask him. “Hammer,” I start off, nervousness obvious as hell.
Immediately he turns to face me, raising a brow. “You alright? You sound like you’re about to tell me someone died.”
Of all people, he shouldn’t be the one joking about someone dying. His dad hasn’t, but I don’t believe things are getting any better over there. He hasn’t talked to me about anything for two days, but the last time he did, he got really upset. He’s been talking to me about Oakleigh, though, and how he’s learning more about the girl. It’s so crazy to think he had a daughter for all these years and never even knew she existed.
“I’m not. I was just wondering if . . . if you’d come to Salt Lake City with me.”
A smile breaks across Hammer’s face. “I’d go anywhere with you.”
“We need to leave in a couple hours, it’s for a dinner with my family, and I have to go, and I just really don’t want to go alone.” I stutter and nervousness storms through me. Even though he can pick up on the fact I’m nervous, he softens his expression and nods.
“Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll go with you.”
I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit in my life and even now, I’m not sure how I ended up with this man. He doesn’t ask questions. He simply says what he’s going to do, and then he does it. I don’t know many women who are as lucky as me or any women who end up with a man like him. Guys are always so quick to complain about doing anything, but not him. He takes it upon himself to make me as comfortable as possible. Hell, he even took my car into the garage and worked with Ripper to do a complete rotation, changed my oil, and everything else maintenance-wise I’d need for the summer.
Hammer puts out his cigarette and comes over to me. He’s so quick to wrap his arms around my body and pull me against his chest. “I don’t know why you’re so scared, but don’t be. I’m gonna go with you and shit will be fine.”
Just like that, I can breathe a little easier, like I’m not terrified my entire world will come crumbling down in an instant.
Hammer and I arrived in Salt Lake City an hour ago, wearing the clothes on our backs and a change of clothes. Luckily, his bike has some storage, so I was able to bring some makeup and my mini curling iron. If we’re going out in public for dinner, it’s because there’s a spectacle about it. I told Hammer we needed to both be dressed to the nines, so he got us a hotel room in the city and said we could stop by a store and get some new clothes. He even said we’d take a taxi to dinner, and we’ve both walked in through the front doors of Capaldi’s.
Hammer’s dressed in a way I didn’t think I’d ever see him. He’s sporting a deep burgundy suit jacket and trousers, with a caramel-colored leather Oxford. His tie is a soft toffee color and he’s wearing a dress shirt underneath with a boxed pattern. Right about now, he could be on the cover of GQ.
Meanwhile, I kept my look simple. I curled my hair in loose waves and applied only a spec of makeup. I wanted to show I tried, but I didn’t try too hard. I’m wearing a strappy little black dress that goes down to my ankles with a slit coming up the leg, giving it a sexy yet sophisticated look.
Capaldi’s is one of those restaurants where everyone dresses their best, but upon walking through the door, the hostess wastes no time in taking us upstairs to the private room where I’m sure we’ll be dining. I’m positive they gave her some sort of outdated photograph of me, so they didn’t have to be bothered in the room. My mother’s made quite a spectacle out of this evening, but to think we’d be physically in the public eye isn’t like her. Our family has far too much drama for it. No, I’m sure there will be some sort of photographer upstairs shooting photos of us the entire time we’re here.
The first person I see is my younger brother Brody. He has a fake smile plastered across his face and is laughing at one of the jokes Chelsea is undoubtedly telling him. Chelsea is our youngest sister. She’s twenty-three and thinks she owns the world. Went to all of the best schools, had the best tutors and basically had the best childhood. Brody and I weren’t so lucky, but Chelsea, Darren, and Bailey . . . they grew up in a completely different way.
“Shi, it’s been too long.” Brody rises up from his chair and walks up to me, pulling me into a tight embrace.
“Brody,” I choke out my brother’s name, hoping he’ll give me a bit of air, and he does.
“Hammer, this is my brother, Brody,” I tell Hammer, not missing the way Brody cocks both of his brows.
“Hammer, huh?” Brody teases.
Hammer extends a hand. “Yeah, it’s a nickname.”
Brody wiggles his eyebrows at me, obviously finding amusement already.
My mother and stepfather rise, and just like every other time I see him, I can’t look him in the eyes. It’s too much. It reminds me of every time I’d see him staring into mine. About what would happen, the empty promises, the hushed whispers. Even now, my stomach knots up and I think I could vomit.
“Shiloh Ann, I never . . . I never thought you’d bring someone like this home,” my mother’s tone is full of disrespect. If I had the energy to rear into her right now, I would, but merely being in the presence of my stepfather is enough to put me back into the silent little girl I was all those years ago.
I’m not sure if Hammer knows what she’s insinuating, but I sure as fuck do.
“What, an ex-NFL player? You got somethin’ against football?” Hammer takes her disrespect with class and takes my hand, taking me closer to the table.
My mother doesn’t know how to react to his response and Brody speaks up as we take the two seats across from him and my half-sister, Chelsea. “I like him already. He doesn’t put up with her shit.” Brody laughs loudly and smiles brightly as he speaks.
“Brody, watch your tongue,” my mother snaps from the other end of the table.<
br />
Brody, though, doesn’t stop. He turns to look at her and smiles wide as day, “Why the hell would I do that? You told me if I came here tonight, I wouldn’t have to see you for the next four years, so get all the photos your guy wants, mom. I’ll smile, laugh, and do whatever I need to in order to not see you again.”
“Unlike you, we don’t speak in such a manner in front of guests.” My mother looks right at Hammer and I’m unable to keep my eyes from locking with hers.
“He isn’t a guest, so calm down,” I snap at her with malice.
“He isn’t family,” Bailey mutters, looking him up and down. “How long have you guys been dating anyway?”
“A long time,” Hammer responds, and even though he’s lying, I don’t mind it.
I should be distracted by the fact my half-sister and Hammer are talking, and while Bailey’s trying to learn more about my relationship with Hammer, I feel his eyes on me. It’s almost like my skin is being burned. Each second it gets hotter, uneasiness fills my body, and for some reason, I look over in his direction.
Deep green eyes stare back at me and he smiles. “You’ve grown into quite a beautiful young woman, Shiloh Ann.”
My stepfather’s words cause me to get up from the table and rush toward the closest bathroom. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I can’t fucking do this.
I push open the door to the closest bathroom and kneel down on the ground just as my stomach contents come shooting up my throat and out of my mouth. I hold onto the seat of the toilet and let it all keep coming, knowing this is only natural.
I’m terrified of the man in the other room. As a little girl, I was afraid, but now I know the reality of what was being done to me. The way he fucked with my mind and my body.
This was a huge mistake. I never should’ve come here.
Chapter Twelve
I am there waiting, watching, keeping to the shadows. But when you need me I’ll step out of the shadows and protect what’s mine.
~ J Baby Writes
Hammer
“What the hell . . .” Brody says the exact thing I’m thinking.
“Excuse me,” I tell the table and walk in the direction Shiloh ran off in. She was gone so quickly that I didn’t get a good look at where she was headed, but I’m sure she ran into a bathroom or something. I walk through the doorway and go out of the private room and see the restrooms are to the left.
Instead of just barging into the women’s restroom, I knock, wait a moment, and then finally go in. I look under the stalls and see only one of the three is occupied. I give her a few moments to herself before I go up to the door and rap my knuckles against it. “Shi, it’s me. Are you alright?”
“N-no,” her voice comes out soft, but it sounds to me like she’s crying.
I push open the stall door and find her hands shaking, tears sliding down her cheeks, and she doesn’t look normal to me. It’s like she’s been in some sort of traumatic experience, not maintaining eye contact, looking down at the floor, wheezing as she breathes. I don’t understand what happened in there, but I’m about to find out.
Without giving it a second thought, I slide down onto the floor and grab her hands, lookin’ straight into those beautiful eyes of hers. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I’m here. You’re not alone. You hear me?”
Shiloh nods her head once and her lips quiver.
“Baby, what’s goin’ on? I can see you’re scared, but what am I missin’ here?” I’m desperate for her to give me some sort of answer, anythin’ that might be able to help me help her.
Shiloh’s shoulders shake and she sucks in her bottom lip, tears flowing heavier than they have been. Whatever’s goin’ on . . . it’s bad. “I only c-came here because Stiletto b-beat my m-mother’s ass. S-she threatened to come after the club, g-gave me an ultimatum.” Shiloh barely finishes speaking without sobbing through her words.
“Okay, I can understand why you came . . . but the club’s been through some heavy shit, Shi. We could’ve handled this.” I have no doubts in my mind the club would’ve made this go away. We’ve handled a lot and we all know we’re gonna handle things worse than her momma.
“I f-felt cornered i-into saying y-yes.” I can understand that. Fuck, her brother said the only reason he came tonight is so he didn’t have to see them for four years. I don’t know shit about their childhood, though I’m getting the feelin’ it wasn’t the best.
I rub my thumbs over the tops of her hands, looking into her eyes, assuring her things are going to be okay. “I know you did. I know.”
“C-coming here, s-seeing him . . . it’s b-bringing everything b-back and I d-don’t know w-what I’m going t-to do a-anymore. I’m so s-scared. I t-think you w-won’t w-want to b-be with m-me a-anymore when you f-find out.” Her sobs grow heavier and I pull her into my arms.
“Nothin’ would ever make me wanna not be with you, Shiloh. Not a damn thing. We fought against this for far too long and I’m not goin’ anywhere. We got a lot of things to explore when it comes to us, and I, for one, can’t imagine livin’ my life without you. You’re my woman. You got me? You’re mine and it’s my job to protect you.” I press a chaste kiss to her forehead and hold her against me as she sobs against my chest.
“He u-used to t-touch me after he m-married my m-mom.”
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who she’s talking about. I inhale deeply through my nose, trying my best to be here for her right now, even while the devil deep inside me wants to head back into that fuckin’ dining room and snap his shitty chicken neck.
“I t-told my u-uncle Chris and he t-tried to get my m-mom to h-help me, b-but she d-didn’t b-believe me. S-said I was lying. It g-got worse and I t-told my u-uncle Chris a-again, but n-nothing could be done. They painted it like he was an i-irate man who had something a-against my stepfather.”
All I see is rage. Fury that she told someone, and while he tried to help, her fuckin’ mom didn’t take it seriously. What kind of parent doesn’t listen to their child when they need help?
“We’re leaving right now. You don’t need to stay here, Shi, and we’re sure as hell not stayin’ through this damn dinner.” I try to keep my voice as calm as possible, but I’d be lyin’ if I said it was easy. I don’t want to scare her more than she is already, and I will if I’m not careful.
Standing up, I pull her up with me and we walk out of the stall, exit the bathroom, and just as we’re starting to turn left, the door to the private room opens. Who comes out? Well, her mother and stepdaddy dearest.
“Where do you think you’re going? We have a photo op that needs to be finished. It’s important for the campaign,” her stepfather sneers in her direction.
All he needed to do was open his fuckin’ mouth for me to lose all control, and I do. I release Shi’s hand and run right up to the slimy political piece of shit. I grab the collar of his shirt and shove him up against the wall. I want to fuckin’ kill him for what he did, for the way he’s makin’ her feel right now.
“I know what you did and you’re nothin’ but a pathetic excuse of a man,” I throw him onto the ground and glare at him with all my might. If I get put in jail, I can’t protect Shi and that’s what she needs from me right now.
“Who do you think you are?!” he screams in my face, nostrils flaring as he gets back up on his feet and glares in my direction. “What’re you gonna do, big guy, hit me? I’ll put you in jail. I’ll make sure you never see the light of day ever again!”
“Hammer,” Shiloh rasps out my name, her fear growing by the second.
I look back at her for a moment, “It’s alright, sweetie. We’re leaving,” I glance back to her stepfather and mother. “I know what he did, and I will make it my life’s mission to ensure he never steps foot in office. A vile, disgusting abuser like this shouldn’t be in charge of anything.”
Putting some space between us, I snake a hand around Shi’s waist and lead her out of the restaurant. I flag a taxi and we get in the b
ackseat, where she continues to cry her eyes out. I hold her close against me and know while right now it’s hard, this is the last day she’ll ever be shedding tears over the agony he caused her.
I’ll never let him hurt her ever again.
Chapter Thirteen
Physical attraction is beautiful but it’s the intimate mental attraction that is rare, highly intoxicating, and powerfully addictive.
~ Prince Madness
Shiloh
My eyes burn as badly as they did last night. Only now, they ache from how much wetness came from them. My skin burns, too, only in a different way. Hammer got me back to the hotel and drew me a hot bubble bath. He ordered champagne and tried to make the night as special as he could for me, but it didn’t help. I still feel broken, damaged, used. It’s what I always feel whenever I get too close to my mother and stepfather.
I haven’t even looked at my phone, but I’m afraid to. Knowing my brother, he’s been blowing me up all night.
I lean my head back and stare at the soft gray ceiling, breathing in and out slowly, hoping it’ll help soothe my pain. It won’t, but this type of pain isn’t something others would be able to understand. It’s the type that’s with you every day of your life, and you slowly but surely develop a strength to move on, a need to look at the sun and smile, to reflect and know the trauma you lived doesn’t impact the rest of your life.
“Baby, I have a surprise for you,” Hammer’s voice comes from the left of me and I rise up to see him sitting in the armchair by the window, smiling from ear to ear, which only means he’s planned something magnificent. “And before you say anything, we’re doing it.” Well, there goes me shooting it down the drain.
Hammer (Reapers Rejects MC Book 18) Page 6
