by Lisa Harris
“You know—more than most people—how life throws curveballs. But there are happy endings. Sometimes, like with you and Tyler, God steps in and manages to take your breath away. Focus on that. The relationship you’re building with him. And then let God work the rest out. I had to do that with Michael and our relationship. I had to let go of all my preconceived plans and ideas and surrender everything that I had to God.”
“I want to be able to do that.”
“Then do it, because Tyler’s in love with you, Nikki, not what happens in the future. Not whether or not you can have children. He loves you. And from everything I’ve seen between the two of you, I’m sure of that.”
“But what if you’re wrong? What if it ends up being the wedge that pushes us apart? I’m so afraid I’ll lose him.”
Jamie pressed her hand against her mouth and chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m sorry.” Jamie shook her head. “It’s just that you face death all the time. That would terrify me. Tyler loves you, and he’s not going to push you away because of this.”
“You might be right, but relationships are far scarier in some ways than facing an assailant with a gun.”
“Speak for yourself. But seriously, talk to him. If he really loves you, if he’s even half the man I think he is, he’s going to support you through this.”
“I hope so—”
“I know so.”
“Sometimes I think God must get tired of my always begging for answers,” Nikki said. “About my sister … the cases I work on … and now this health issue.”
“That’s the thing about God. I’ve decided he doesn’t mind us asking questions. He already knows the answers.”
A wave of unexpected peace swept through Nikki. She wasn’t in control. She never had been. And God knew the answers to the questions about what happened to Sarah. What was going to happen to Lily. And what was going to happen between her and Tyler. If she truly believed God was in control, it was time to start living that way. Jamie was right. It was time to talk to Tyler.
30
6:40 p.m.
Tyler’s house
Nikki slid out of her Mini Cooper in front of Tyler’s house, then grabbed the chocolate tart she’d picked up at a favorite restaurant down the street. Normally, she would have enjoyed making it herself, but tonight all she wanted was to see the man she’d fallen in love with.
Even with fall around the corner, the rows of petunias and impatiens lining the brick walkway of the house still looked beautiful. It was a final reminder of Katie’s touch. Nikki paused at the FOR SALE sign stuck in the ground in front of the house. So much had changed over the past year or so. Both for the better and for the worse. And the past twenty-four hours had reminded her—not for the first time—that life was worth grabbing onto with everything she had. Because one never knew when everything could change forever.
She just hoped that what she had to say to Tyler wasn’t going to change everything between them.
Liam bounded out the front door of the house and down the porch steps toward her with a wide smile on his face.
“Hey, bud.”
“Daddy told me to watch for you. He’s on the phone.”
“I’ve missed you these past few days.”
“I missed you too,” Liam said, throwing his arms around her waist. He took a step back with his hands on his hips and a serious expression on his face. “Daddy said your plane crashed. I thought … I was scared something bad happened to you.”
Nikki wound her free hand around his fingers. She’d learned that while he might only be six, he’d experienced more loss than some adults had to deal with. He knew what it was like to have his entire world changed overnight. And he was very aware that sometimes bad things happened.
“Something bad like what happened to your mom?”
Liam nodded. “Grandma didn’t want me to see it, but I saw the plane on TV before she turned it off.”
“I’m okay. The doctor even checked me out to make sure. All I have is this bump on my head and a bruise on my shoulder.” She knelt down and let him run his finger across her forehead.
“Was it scary?” he asked.
“Very scary. I prayed a lot.”
“It’s okay to be scared. That’s what my daddy tells me anyway.”
“Like going back to school and moving?” she asked, taking his hand and heading toward the front porch.
“Yeah.”
“Do you like your new teacher?”
Liam’s blond head bobbed. “Her name’s Miss Tucker, and she’s pretty. Like you are. I think I’ll like her, but I miss my old teacher. But I did make some new friends.”
“And how does it feel to have your daddy back?”
Liam’s smile radiated across his face. “I think he’s happier than he used to be. Like he doesn’t miss Mama so much.”
“He still misses her, but maybe God’s giving him things to fill up those empty places.”
“Did you know that we’re moving?” he asked as they started up the porch steps.
“Yes.”
“We’re going to get a new house. Just like Daddy has a new job. And I have a new teacher at school.”
His smile began to fade as he ran through the list of changes. She and Tyler had talked about the changes Liam had to face. Tyler had been clearly worried about how those changes were going to affect his son, but she’d been amazed at how Liam had managed to adjust.
She set the tart down on the porch rail, then nodded at the top step before sitting down. Liam plopped down beside her. She breathed in the smell of freshly cut grass from the neighbor’s yard and listened to the buzz of the lawn mower. It wouldn’t be long until the seasons changed again and winter settled in.
“You’re right. There are lots of changes happening right now, aren’t there?” she said, to herself almost more than to Liam. “And sometimes those changes can be tough to deal with.”
Liam sighed. “My best friend Logan’s going to a different school now. I miss him. We always traded stuff at lunch. Like the peanut butter sandwiches he hated.”
Nikki chuckled. “How do you feel about all of the changes?”
“Sometimes I wish things would just go back to the way they used to be. When Mama was still here. When Daddy smiled more.” His frown softened into a thoughtful look. “But I guess there are a few good things too.”
“What kind of good things?”
“You come over a lot more now. Especially when Daddy was gone. And he smiles more when he sees you.”
Nikki grinned at Liam’s observations. “I enjoyed spending time with you as well.”
“Are you going to keep coming over now that Daddy’s back?”
“I hope so.”
Liam looked up at her and caught her gaze. “Except Daddy thinks you’re mad at him.”
Nikki felt her heart drop. “Mad at him? Why would he think that?”
Liam shrugged. “I don’t know. I just … I just don’t want you to go away. Like Mama. Like Daddy did for a while.”
“Hey …” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him against her. “I’m not planning to go anywhere. I promise.”
“Does that mean you’re really not mad at Daddy?”
“No, I’m not. But sometimes things get complicated when you grow up.”
“Why?”
Why?
She searched for what to say. Wasn’t that the question of the century. She understood what Liam had said. Sometimes she wished things could go back to a place where everything was simpler and where matters of the heart didn’t leave her feeling torn in two. Where she wasn’t afraid of telling Tyler the truth, or of losing him. Afraid of breaking his heart along with hers.
The screen door squeaked open behind them as Tyler stepped onto the porch.
“Hey. Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to tie up all the loose ends on the house. Looks like we’ve got a buyer.”
“That’s great news,�
� Nikki said, scooting over a few inches so he could sit on the step with them. “And Liam was the perfect welcoming committee.”
“She brought us dessert.”
“A chocolate tart,” Nikki said.
“You definitely know my weakness,” he said, sitting down beside her. “Liam, the trash still needs to be taken out before dinner.”
“Yes, sir.” Liam hopped up and headed into the house.
“The pizza should be here in about fifteen minutes.” Tyler nudged her with his shoulder. “Care to stay here and watch the sunset with me?”
“I’d like that.”
Nikki glanced at Tyler and felt her nerves sweep through her stomach. She shifted her gaze to the colors displayed across the sky. This was the first time they’d really been together since he’d left. Since the crash. It was the moment she’d dreamed about for three months. The moment when he returned and they could continue exploring their feelings for each other.
“So how are you?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.
“My case has taken pretty much everything out of me,” she said, beginning to relax for the first time in days. “But it’s over. My boss sent me home and told me not to come back until Monday. And for once I didn’t argue.”
Tyler laughed as the yellows and golds of the sunset spread across the Nashville skyline. “I’ll admit, I find that hard to believe—the not arguing part—but I’m glad you’re following orders. This was a hard case.”
She studied his profile in the fading light: his strong jawline and sympathetic gaze. They’d talked once about complicated grief. How her sister’s disappearance could never have resolution until they found her. At least Erika’s family had been given closure, even though the hurt and the pain would never completely go away.
“It was hard,” she said. “It’s my job to find people in time and when I don’t …” Nikki worked to blink back the tears. She could still see Erika dying in front of her at the crash site. It was a memory that would be ingrained in her mind forever.
“I’m sorry,” Tyler said. “But at least it’s over, and Russell and his men can’t hurt anyone else.”
“It might be over, but not for Lily.” She leaned against him. “I hate the fact that a little girl will never know her mother. And that Erika won’t be there to watch Lily grow up.”
He looked at her and she knew he was thinking about Katie and the fact that she couldn’t watch her son grow up.
Tyler pulled her closer. Warm. Protective. No matter what their future held, she knew he was the perfect fit for her. But she also knew she had to tell him the truth. Even if that future wasn’t going to be what she’d once imagined.
“I’m just glad this case is behind you,” he said. “And I’m glad you’re here. You’ve got to be exhausted. You didn’t have to agree to my invitation for dinner, but I’m glad you came.”
“I’m glad I came too.”
“I’ve missed you, Nikki.” He stared down at her, making her heart race. “Sometimes so bad it almost hurt. I never expected to feel like this again.”
She could see the emotion in his eyes even in the fading daylight and could hear it in his voice.
“And I’m not the only one,” he continued. “Liam hasn’t stopped talking about you. All the things the two of you did while I was gone. I know I’ve said it before, but thank you. You don’t know how much it meant, knowing you were here for him.”
“You know how much I love him.”
“I do. I also know that you’re going to make a wonderful mother.”
Nikki felt her heart break as she pulled away from him and gripped the edge of the porch step. She’d always imagined having two or three children. And now she longed to have his children. The possibility it wasn’t going to happen still felt raw and unreal. Tyler deserved so much more than what she was able to give him.
“Nikki … hey. What’s wrong?” He lifted her chin with his thumb. “If I learned anything from my marriage with Katie, it’s that if you don’t communicate, this won’t work. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She looked up and caught his gaze, wondering when exactly she’d realized she loved him. In so many ways it seemed as if she’d felt this way forever. What she did know was that one day she’d looked at him and everything changed for her. The unexpected way she longed to be near him. How his touch had suddenly felt intimate. The way he made her heart race when he looked at her.
“There’s something we need to talk about,” she said finally. “Something that might change the way you feel about me. About us.”
“I don’t understand,” he said, the contented look on his face fading.
Nikki took a deep breath and stared out across the lawn that was bathed in the last lingering bits of daylight. Everything had changed since he asked her to wait for him at the airport. Since that first kiss that had made her realize just how much she wanted to be with him. But now …
“Nikki … tell me what’s going on.”
She swallowed hard. “The doctor’s office called me a couple of days ago. Right after the plane crash. They’d run some tests and discovered … the blood work says I have ovarian failure.”
“Which means?”
“Basically that my ovaries have stopped working.”
“Okay. Is there something they can do? Surgery … medicine?”
“There isn’t any treatment. The only thing they can help with is the symptoms.” She blew out a short breath. “But it means it’s going to be very hard, if not impossible, to have children.”
He shook his head. “Doctors can be wrong. God can heal. And if not, there are always other options.”
She watched his expression. He was searching for answers, just like she had when the doctor first presented his concerns to her. But the bottom line was that this was a reality she was going to have to accept. And if they were going to choose to spend their lives together, it was one he was going to be forced to accept as well.
“But what if God doesn’t heal me,” she said, lacing their fingers together and trying to shut out the pain that wouldn’t stop flooding her heart. “I know you, Tyler. I know how much you love Liam. And I watched you with Katie when she was expecting again and saw how excited you were. I’ve heard you talk about how many children you want. If we move forward in this relationship, I might not be able to give that to you.”
“Nikki—”
“And please don’t try and tell me how it won’t affect us, because it will,” she said, unable to hold back the tears.
“I wasn’t going to. Because of course, this makes me sad. Having more children, giving Liam a couple of brothers and sisters … yeah, I wanted that. I still want that. And the past few months have made it clear that I want to have that family with you. But this doesn’t mean I want to call it quits. I’m not going to walk away, Nikki.”
She heard his words but knew things could change once the reality of what she was telling him sank in. And how could she deny him something so important to him?
“Nikki, you get me,” he continued. “That’s why I love you. When I left, needing time to figure out what to do with my life, you supported me. I didn’t want my leaving to change that. And now that I’m back, I don’t want that to change either. Because if anything, being away confirmed that I’m in love with you. And I don’t want that to change. Ever. I want you to be a part of my life.”
Pent-up emotions surfaced, and she fought to stop the tears. “And if you think differently one day? I can’t be the one who stands in the way of the family you always wanted.”
“Then you didn’t hear what I just said.”
She felt her breath catch as he continued.
“Nikki, if we decide to move forward in this relationship, then it will mean for the ups and the downs. We’ll struggle, but we’ll learn to love each other even more. Together. But children or no children—that will never change how I feel about you. I promise you that.”
“I just thought—”
&n
bsp; “That I’d be disappointed? Of course I am. But never with you.” He pulled her against his chest, still looking at her, but close enough to where she could feel his heart beating. “I’ve thought long and hard over the past few weeks about my life. About us. I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you, Nikki Boyd. And nothing—especially a test result—is going to change that. Have I convinced you yet?”
She let out a soft sigh of relief at his response. “Oh, yeah.”
“Good. Because everything I just said isn’t going to change. No matter what the future holds.”
She smiled as the weight of his reaction began to smooth out the raw edges of her fear. She never should have doubted him. Never should have thought that his love for her was conditional. Because it was exactly why she’d fallen for him. She’d known him long enough to realize he wasn’t perfect, but his honesty and integrity had been what had drawn her to him in the first place.
She rested her hands against his chest and felt his heart beating beneath her fingertips. “So what’s the next step?”
He smiled at her and slowly brushed his lips against hers. “I suppose we should go out on that first date. Something romantic and … uneventful.”
“Uneventful.” Nikki laughed. “I’d like that.”
He kissed her again. Gently at first, then with a growing intensity that left her breathless.
“And after that … ,” he continued, pausing a moment to run his finger across her jawline, “we’ve got the rest of our lives to figure that out together.”
1
After another grueling weekend spent wrapping up a homicide, Detective Avery North was not about to let anything get in the way of her one nonnegotiable indulgence on her first day off in two weeks. She pulled into the parking lot of Glam Day Spa and stepped into the sultry Atlanta morning. The rest of her Monday might end up being a marathon, but she didn’t care as long as she had the next hour to look forward to being pampered.
The petite, dark-haired manicurist greeted her at the front counter. “Morning, Miss North. You’re right on time.”
