by Nesly Clerge
“This is not helpful. You need to pull yourself together, for the children.”
“I don’t know how I’ll tell them. I need to go see his family, tell them how sorry I am.”
Jeffrey gripped the phone. “I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet. I plan to speak with them tomorrow. Let me see how they’re doing, first. I’ll come see you after I see them.”
“This can’t be real, Jeffrey. It can’t be.”
“I know. You two were together most of your lives. Even when it got bad, you always knew the other was still around.”
Jeffrey’s sigh was deep. “Listen, it’s going to be hectic for a few days. And, Kayla, if you or the kids need anything, call.”
“I will.”
The phone was still pressed to his ear. He heard her sobs begin again before the call was disconnected. Some of her behavior was understandable, some of it wasn’t. Kayla was filing for divorce, giving up her right to call Starks her husband, yet that’s how she had referred to him. And what was Bret going to say about her word choice, considering she was carrying his child? That was a conversation or argument he was glad to miss.
What an unholy mess.
CHAPTER 59
JEFFREY DRAGGED HIMSELF out of bed at first light, rubbing at eyes red and swollen from intervals of weeping at the thought of how his best friend had been killed, an image he wanted to shake from his mind but couldn’t. More tears mixed with water from the showerhead.
An old electric razor was pulled from the back of the drawer; his hands were too unsteady to use a regular razor. The piece of toast and several cups of strong coffee consumed in the kitchen weren’t tasted but were tolerated out of necessity. He nearly regretted not being married, of being between girlfriends. Anytime something bad or tragic had happened before, he’d turned to Starks. Emptiness filled him.
It was a long wait until eight thirty, a time he felt was appropriate to call Starks’s mother, Lynn. Especially after the night she must have had. The loss of any child was devastating, but Starks had been her only child. Someone she relied on, especially after her father had passed away.
Lynn answered after the first ring. “It’s my other son. How are you? When are you coming to see me?”
Jeffrey cleared his throat and thought, My God, what is going on with that prison?
“I’m okay, Mom. I have some important news for the family. Would you please get them to your house so I can speak to everyone at once?”
“I’ll get as many as I can. Work and school, you know. How’s four o’clock?”
“That’s fine. See you then.”
“Jeffrey, I think I know what your news is. A happy announcement I’ve been waiting to hear, maybe?”
“It’s not that, Mom. I’ll tell you when I get there at four.” Jeffrey shook his head, now dreading meeting with the family even more.
He’d hoped to get this part of it over early but the delay until four o’clock gave him some needed time, as long as the media didn’t reveal what had happened before he could speak to Lynn.
There was so much to think about, a lot to address and many details to be taken care of. A quick call was made to his now confused secretary to tell her he’d be unavailable the rest of the day. No way would he tell the staff about Starks until Lynn and the rest of the family knew.
He turned off his phone and mourned.
CHAPTER 60
JEFFREY DROVE PAST Lynn Starks’s house. Cars he recognized filled the driveway and were parked up and down the street in front. He found a place to park a few houses down, but remained in his car, trying to prepare for what was about to happen. He turned his cell phone off and prayed that the prison had already broken the news to them.
His knock on the door was anemic. No one responded. Straightening his posture, he knocked harder then stuffed his shaking hands into his pants pockets.
Lynn opened the door, wagged a finger at him. “Phone calls are appreciated but it’s been too long. I know you stay busy, but you need to make time to visit.” She kissed his cheek. “You look tired. Let me get you something to drink.”
He heard conversations and laughter coming from the kitchen.
They still don’t know.
Jeffrey crossed the threshold and moved through the foyer into the living room. He hugged her hard and said, “I promise to do better.” Especially now, he thought, when you’re really going to need me; not that I’ll ever be able to take your son’s place.
She patted his cheek.
Family filtered into the living room, inundating him with hugs and arm taps and punches and hellos.
Starks’s aunt Anita pushed her way through the group. She frowned then broke into a wide grin as she dragged him to her and bear-hugged him. “Jeffrey, how are you?”
No longer able to meet their eyes and smiles, he looked down. The exquisite bamboo floors came into focus. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to take my shoes off.”
Lynn pretended to chide him. “After all these years. Give them to me. I’ll put them up.”
So befuddled by sorrow and at their enthusiastic reception based in ignorance of the reality, Jeffrey had missed the racks littered with shoes and sandals in the foyer. Shoe removal in this house was a routine he knew all too well.
One of the uncles shouted for Lynn to get Jeffrey some Scotch.
“Water’s fine, actually,” he replied.
Lynn touched his arm. “Sit, Jeffrey.”
Starks’s cousin Hank sat next to him on the sofa.
“Yo, Jeff. What’s up, man? Haven’t seen you since the…” The word “trial” hung unspoken.
Jeffrey shook Hank’s hand. “I always expect to see the little boy who stole French fries from my plate. How’s college?”
“I’m enjoying my engineering courses. Only two years left.”
“You know you have a job with us waiting for you, if you want it.” He flinched when he remembered there was no longer an us. “The company will be happy to have you.”
Hank laughed. “Yeah. Nothing like family being in the business. Some call it nepotism. In this family, we call it prudent.”
Lynn returned with a glass and a pitcher of water. “Enough, you. Jeffrey’s not here to discuss that.”
She poured water into the glass and handed it to Jeffrey. Smiling, she asked, “What’s this important news?”
Jeffrey took a sip of water. Tension caused him to choke when he swallowed. He recovered and said, “If everyone would take a seat.”
Lynn didn’t move. Her smile dropped away. “What is it?”
“It’s bad news about Starks.”
Silence filled the room. Jeffrey put the glass down and stood. Placing his hands on Lynn’s shoulders he said, “I can’t believe no one contacted you. Something has happened and… I’m so sorry. Starks is dead.”
The glass pitcher crashed to the floor, fragmenting into shards; water pooled then seeped into the bamboo.
“They killed my boy. They killed my baby!”
Jeffrey drew her into his arms, held her while she beat his chest with her fists, her mouth open in a silent scream.
The room erupted in chaos of weeping, questions, curses, and denials.
Lynn collapsed against Jeffrey.
He stroked her back. “I can’t believe it, either.”
Lynn slowly pushed herself from him. “This isn’t right. Someone made a mistake. Until I see his body, I refuse to believe it.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Someone from the prison called me.”
“I don’t give a goddamn who called.”
Jeffrey flinched.
Lynn focused on his face and the pain etched into it. “Oh God… This can’t be happening.”
Jeffrey held her as her waves of weeping and growing quiet went on for several minutes.
Once she was still, he said, “I spoke with Kayla—”
Lynn stiffened and stepped back. “Don’t mention that whore’s name to me. This is all her fault. I told him. I warned him. But
he had to have her. Even I believed her innocent act. I hope she rots in hell!”
“They did love each other. Once. Even after all this, I think they still did.”
Lynn’s lips curled a snarl. “She loved his money. She loved leading him around by his balls so she could get anything she wanted from him. And then after all he did for her, she… she became the whore she really is. Even with someone right here in our basement.”
Jeffrey’s posture went rigid. “What do you mean?”
“And now my son is dead. She killed him.” She grew quiet. “If she thinks she’ll get away with this, she’s wrong. I’ll make her pay. It’s time she pays for all she did to my boy.”
“Think about the children, Mom. They just lost their father. If anything happens to their mother…”
He’d had non-stop emotional turmoil for over twenty-four hours and was feeling it. The urge to leave now was palpable. He pulled one of his business cards from his pocket, with a name and phone number he’d written on the back.
“An official from the prison will be calling you, soon, I’m sure. In the meantime, this counselor was helping Starks cope in prison. This is his office number, if you want to call him now. I’ll help with any of the… any of the arrangements.”
He held Lynn’s hands in his. “If you’d like, I can be the go-between with the prison about what’s to happen next.”
Jeffrey glanced at the faces focused on him. “I have some things to take care of but I’ll be back. Probably not today, unless you need me.”
Lynn nodded and took the card. “How did my son die?”
Jeffrey decided to lie. “I don’t have details. I’m sorry.”
He urged her to sit. Leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be in touch soon, but call me if you need anything, yes?”
Staying silent, she nodded.
Jeffrey went to the foyer as family gathered around Lynn. He slipped on his loafers, went out, and stood on the porch, gulping in air.
Hank joined him.
“Thanks, Jeffrey. I know that was tough on you.”
Jeffrey cracked his knuckles and tried to calm the thumping in his chest.
After a few moments, Hank said, “You know, I used to go to Starks for advice and he’d tell me to talk to you.”
“You never came to me for advice.”
Hank shrugged. “That’s going to change now, if that’s okay with you.”
Jeffrey put an arm around Hank’s shoulders. “Any time. Listen, that card I gave Mom…”
“The counselor.”
“If any of you want to talk to him about Starks, about his time there, I’m sure he’ll answer any questions he can.”
They shook hands.
Jeffrey walked to his car, wondering what else could go wrong.
He reminded himself that no one should ask a question they don’t want the answer to.
CHAPTER 61
JEFFREY OPENED THE windows of his car and turned the air-conditioner on high, even though the early May temperature still bore a chill. The air blew on his face but it didn’t cool the heat that flushed his skin.
He turned his cell phone back on. More messages insisted on his attention than he was ready to give them.
There was one person and task he couldn’t avoid.
He started his car and drove to Kayla’s house.
The doors to the triple-wide garage were closed. No cars were parked in the semi-circular drive. He pulled the car level with the ornate front door then shut off his engine.
Every square inch of this house was as familiar to him as his own home. A muscle in his cheek twitched at the recollection of Starks’s fixation on getting the man cave in the basement just right. Together, they’d drawn up the plans for where the bar would go and how to arrange the theater room. The times they’d had down there—either with party guests or just the two of them reminiscing almost as often as they made plans for the future.
It was time to stop avoiding the inevitable.
Bret answered the doorbell.
Jeffrey had never met Kayla’s new love interest, but had seen them out together. How could she tolerate a man who didn’t or wouldn’t work? What did she see in him?
“Kayla’s expecting me. I’m sure she told you I was coming by sometime today.”
Bret replied with a grunt.
Kayla, puffy-eyed, came to the door.
“Come in, Jeffrey.” She glanced warily at Bret.
Jeffrey crossed the threshold. “Where are the kids?”
“At my mother’s. I haven’t told them yet.” Kayla fell, sobbing, into Jeffrey’s arms.
Bret glowered at him; Jeffrey glared back. “Have a little compassion, man,” he said.
Bret swiveled and stormed into the living room.
“Let’s sit down and talk,” Jeffrey said.
Kayla glanced toward the living room. “Best if we go into the family room.”
Jeffrey followed her down the wide hallway punctuated with framed family photos, to the room adjoining the kitchen.
She gestured toward the sofa. “Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”
Kayla returned with two bottles of designer water, gave him one then took a seat in an adjacent chair.
“I still can’t believe it,” she said. “What will you do without your partner in crime?”
Jeffrey shook his head. “I’m still in denial. I don’t want it to be real. Everything should stop, but it doesn’t.”
Tears streamed down her face. “I go back and forth between disbelief and anger and… blame.” Tears turned to sobs. “I did this. I killed him. How can I live with myself?” She wept into her hands.
“There’s nothing simple about any of this.” Jeffrey stood and paced. “But for God’s sake, it’s not going to help anyone if you keep saying you killed him. Least of all your children. Never let them hear you say that. It’ll destroy them. You’re the only parent they have now. Besides, you didn’t kill him. Someone inside that goddamned prison did.”
“I spent most of my life with him.” With a tremulous smile, she added, “You remember how we got together, don’t you?”
“He involved me right from the start.”
“I worshiped him. Even when we had almost nothing. And then he put me after everyone and everything: The business, his family, his women, his friends.” Her eyes met his cold stare. “Twenty horrible years.”
“You know damn well it wasn’t always bad.”
“You’re right. But I put up with a lot from him. Don’t deny knowing about Michelle, his soul mate. Bullshit. He told me if it wasn’t for our kids, he would have left me for her. All the attention I begged him for—that he said he didn’t have time for—he had it for her. It was a knife in my heart, Jeffrey. Can you understand that? Do you have any idea how lonely that was?”
“You had the children. And he always came home to you.”
“It’s not the same and you know it.”
“You wanted the good life. He gave it to you.”
She waved her hand. “Who doesn’t enjoy nice things? He certainly did, just as you do. He knew what I was like before he married me. But I wanted him, as well as all this.”
Kayla’s eyes met Jeffrey’s. “I still love him. I think I always will, but he made me fall out of love with him. The only thing that got him interested again was when he found out about Ozy. And it wasn’t love that stirred him up, it was ownership. He believed he owned me. Then he tried to pay attention to me but I was done. After years of mistreatment and verbal abuse, I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned verbal abuse. That’s news to me.”
“I’m not surprised. Why would he paint himself in a bad light? But he did it… about my weight, how he was no longer attracted to me, and more. Is it any wonder that when someone treated me like I was special and precious, I responded?”
Frowning, she pointed a finger at him. “I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m so damn tired of peopl
e trying to crucify me for what was done in the past.” She punched her thigh with her fist. “It’s in the past, damn it.”
Kayla leaned back in the chair and looked away. After a moment she turned to Jeffrey.
“Ozy made me feel real again. Not like a shadow the way Starks did.”
“That wasn’t love. You only think it was.”
Kayla raised one hand and studied her nails. “Whatever. All I know is it felt good.”
Jeffrey perched on the edge of the sofa. “Listen, I know no one’s perfect. Not me, not you, not Starks. You probably don’t know this, but he used to brag about how you were a virgin when you two got together. Some men don’t care about that but it was important to him. He also bragged that he knew he could trust you to be faithful and loyal. I don’t want to take sides, but try to imagine the pain he felt when he learned that for twenty years, everything but your virginity was a lie.”
Kayla lurched forward in the chair. “Who the hell are you to judge me?”
“I’m not judging you. But improper is improper, whoever does it.”
“I’ll tell you what’s improper. Come to think of it, I don’t have to, do I? I’m certain you know even more than I do about what Starks did to fit that label. And how dare you bring up being loyal to me. People in glass houses, Jeffrey.”
Jeffrey’s shoulders slumped. “I said those very words to Starks.”
“Related to what?”
“Doesn’t matter now. You know, we all made mistakes. And now Starks is dead. I can’t even imagine…”
He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes and nose. “I spoke with Starks several days before he died.”
“I’m sure he mentioned me.”
“He felt what you did was the ultimate betrayal.”
“See what I mean? I had an affair with a man. He fucked how many women? Did you or he ever count them? Did the two of you compete for numbers?”
“A man, Kayla… or men?”
“Fuck you, Jeffrey.”
“My point is—”
“You men stick together. It’s okay for men to cheat, but not the women they promised to be faithful to.” She pointed a finger at him. “It’s all bullshit. Men and their double standards.”
