by Nesly Clerge
CHAPTER 96
AT FIVE FORTY-FIVE, first light cast its blue hue through the window. Starks’s eyes burned from staring through the night at the bunk above him, at the walls, at the window, and at nothing. He tossed the twisted blanket aside, used the facilities then stood at the cell door, hands wrapped around the bars.
He’d been the biggest damn fool regarding Kayla. Years of practice had made him an expert at it. Despite appearances and outcomes or how anyone would define it, they’d shared a life together. As a family. She’d done her best to destroy it, but he’d contributed to that demise. Their children had suffered because of their stupidity and selfishness. Soon the children would suffer in a way they’d never imagined, should never have to imagine, much less experience. Again. And in part, because of him. They needed support. Someone who loved them needed to let them know they’d be cared for. Jeffrey would help. But it wasn’t the same as one’s immediate family. That left his mother.
Starks turned and saw Kane, lying on his side, watching him. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Kane kept his gaze fixed on Starks. “I probably slept more than you, but not much. Not with all the tossing and moaning and sighing going on.”
“Sorry.”
“Something’s wrong. You haven’t been yourself since yesterday morning.”
“Not your concern. Just something I have to work out.”
“I’m gonna ask again: are you in trouble?”
Starks exhaled hard and looked away. “When am I not?” He returned to his bunk, drew the blanket up and said, “Try to sleep before we have to get up for the count.”
Starks removed the phone from the book. “Kane, I—”
“I’ll leave.” Kane was quiet a moment then said, “The guys noticed, you know. They’re asking me what’s with you. When I see them at breakfast, they’re gonna ask again. What should I tell them?”
“The truth.”
“I don’t know the truth.”
“Exactly. Go on. They’re probably waiting for you at the chow hall.”
Starks tucked the phone under his pillow and went to the entrance. Inmates shuffled along the corridor, to breakfast, to a job, to Sunday services. Once the corridor was empty, he went to his bunk and dialed his mother’s number.
Lynn Starks answered with, “Who is this?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“You should call more often. I don’t know how you can treat your mother this way. What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”
“This isn’t the time.”
“Of course not. If it’s not the right time for you, it isn’t the right time for anyone.”
Starks scrubbed his face with his free hand. “There’s something important I need to tell you, and I need you to be quiet long enough to hear me.” When Lynn stayed silent, he continued. “Kayla has cancer. It’s bad. She’s been given a few months to live.” He yanked the phone away from his ear, his mother’s cackling laugh too loud to bear up close.
Lynn stopped laughing and said, “I’ve prayed every night for that whore to get the punishment she deserves for what she did to you. I hope the bitch suffers, like she’s made us suffer.”
“I’m concerned about—”
“She doesn’t deserve your concern. You need to worry about yourself and leave her to deal with her fate. Let her boy-toy take care of her.”
“He’s gone.”
“Ha! About damn time. When I think of my grandchildren being in the same house with those fornicators—”
“It’s the children I’m concerned about.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll raise them. In fact, I’ll go over there today and pack them up. They can live at my house until the bitch dies. Then we’ll move back in, live in your house that you paid for. And I’ll make sure they know exactly what kind of tramp their mother was. I’ll rent my house out. I know a good agent I can call.”
“For God’s sake, Mom, stop.”
“Don’t you talk to me that way. I’m offering to raise your children the right way, the way I raised you. Do you realize how much I’ll have to give up to do that? Who else is going to do it? You certainly can’t. I’d think you’d be grateful.”
“Listen to me, carefully. Don’t you dare say or do anything about this, not until I tell you what to say or do. I don’t even know if she’s told the kids. They’ve had enough to deal with, and it’s nowhere near over for them. Whatever else you think or feel, their well-being has to come first.”
“I’m trying to help.”
“It has to be the right kind of help. At the right time. I thought you should know, is all. Promise me you won’t do or say anything.”
Lynn sniffed. “I promise. But I don’t understand why you—”
“I have to go. We’ll talk later.”
Starks hung his head between his knees and took in several deep breaths. Usually, when his mother railed about Kayla, it satisfied him. Not this time. Worse was that in an excruciating way, it was as though his mother had held up a mirror. The reflection caused his gut to clench. No way in hell would he let her rear his children. No way would he let her feed them her vitriol about their mother. Or, God forbid, push that woman she wanted him to marry on them as someone who’d be their new mother one day.
His mother had always had a temper, had always had to have things her way. He loved her, just like his kids loved their mother, despite whatever she did. But it was too easy to imagine Kaitlin doing something as simple as brushing her hair the way Kayla brushed hers, or looking more like Kayla as she grew into a young woman, and his mother saying, “Just like your whore mother.” He’d put the children into boarding school in Europe before he’d expose them to the environment his mother would subject them to. Maybe his father hadn’t been such a bastard, as his mother had insisted. Maybe his father had left her in order to keep his sanity.
Starks dialed Jeffrey’s number. “Help Kayla in whatever way she needs. Make the house payments. Pay anything and everything until I can get the child support payments turned back over to you. Sell my Bentley if that’ll help. You probably need the space in your garage.”
“That’s the Starks I know.”
“Take her shopping or on a trip, if she wants to go. Make whatever time she has left…” Starks’s throat tightened.
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Talk to the nanny. Ask her to stay on, even until I get out. Double her salary. Triple it, if necessary.”
“I’ll handle everything.”
“And for God’s sake, do whatever you can to keep my mother away from them.”
CHAPTER 97
THE LAST THING Starks wanted was his crew looking at him and wondering what was going on. Or coming out and asking. He wasn’t ready to talk about it, not with them. Would they even understand what he was feeling, or would they see him as weak? That concern was too much to deal with on top of everything else. He could fake courage easily enough, but couldn’t fake his way out of this torment. Better to stay in his cell and avoid facing them. The hard surface of his bunk was as much comfort as he could or would get.
Kane returned in time for the count at eleven. He didn’t leave afterwards, as Starks had hoped.
Silence and tension stretched like elastic between them. Kane said, “What’s it going to take for you to confide in me? You helped me. Let me help you, even if it’s just to listen.”
Starks dragged himself from his bunk and sat in his chair opposite Kane. “I need you to keep this to yourself. I’ll talk about it with the others when I’m ready.”
“You can trust me.” Kane moved to the edge of his chair and waited.
“I just found out my wife…” Tears welled in Starks’s eyes. His head dropped back and he focused on the ceiling. He swallowed several times and cleared his throat. “‘Till death do us part’ has new meaning now. Kayla’s dying, and soon. Three young children are going to be left without a parent to care for them, or love and comfort them. Their entire
lives are about to turn upside down and there’s only so much I can do about that while I’m stuck in this fucking place. Children need their mother and their father, if both are still alive. If one’s gone, they desperately need the other. I’m failing them when they need me most. Again.”
Kane’s concerned expression altered. He slouched back in the chair, stretched his legs out in front and crossed his arms. “Yeah, they do need you. It sucks being without a father.”
Starks’s gaze met Kane’s. “That’s right. You didn’t know yours. But you have your mother. She’ll come around.”
“Don’t bet on it. And if you remember what I said, I said my mother forbade me to know him. I always knew who he was.”
“I didn’t realize… But you wanted to meet him, get to know him?”
“You can’t imagine how much.”
“Didn’t you ever want to ignore your mother and introduce yourself to him?”
“Sure. But that wouldn’t have gone over well. He doesn’t know about me.”
Starks’s surprise was clear. “She didn’t tell him?”
“She knew he’d never love her. College antics, you know?”
“Still, your mother should have told him. At least given him the option to do the right thing.”
“No point. He had a girlfriend he was serious about. Mom was too angry and ashamed to tell him. So you can imagine why I believed he wouldn’t have opened his arms to welcome me.”
“I’m sorry, Kane. That had to be painful. For both of you.”
Kane focused his gaze out the window. “I read everything about him. He was a successful man, so was often written about in the papers, for one reason or another.”
“I still think he should have been given a chance to know about you, even if it was you who told him.”
Kane faced Starks. “You sound like you mean that.”
“Not only did he have a right to know, he was responsible for you. I hope you’ll forgive me for saying this, but you probably wouldn’t be here now if he’d been allowed to be part of your life.”
Kane’s laughter was shrill. He grew quiet then said, “Julie Sandler. That’s my mother’s name. You remember her?”
“Should I know your mother?”
“You knew her intimately. Once.”
Starks sat erect in his chair. “Where’s this going, Kane?”
“I think you know. When you pushed pause on your relationship with Kayla, you dated around.”
“Exactly. I dated around. Nothing more.”
“Except for one night when you went to a party, got drunk, and had sex with my mother. You even called her Kayla. She still resents it.”
Starks leaped up. “That’s a fucking lie. Why are you doing this? I opened up to you and you’re—”
“It’s the truth.”
Starks walked to the front of the cell and clung to the bars.
Kane said, “Every day of your trial, I sat in the back of the gallery. I was sure they’d let you off. I promised myself I’d tell you then, since I figured you’d be in a good mood, or at least more receptive. Instead, you got sentenced. That’s when I saw my chance. To meet you. Talk to you. Be with you.”
Starks turned around slowly. “What are you saying?”
Kane shrugged. “The only way to get in here was to commit a crime that would assure it. When you introduced yourself, it was all I could do not to tell you then. Figured it was better if you got to know me first.”
“I don’t know what your fucking game is, but it isn’t going to work.”
“It’s no game.”
Starks aimed a finger at Kane. “You stay the fuck away from me. I may not be able to get you transferred today, but you might as well pack your shit and get ready to go. Until then, spend as much time out of this cell as possible. Don’t even try to talk to me.”
“I was right. You don’t want anything to do with me, despite what you just said.”
“Get the hell out of my sight.”
“Sure thing. Dad.” Kane stopped when he was even with Starks. “I waited a long time to call you that. Doesn’t feel as good as I’d hoped.”
“Get out. Before I give you the beating you deserve. A word of warning: If you tell your lie to anyone, it’ll be the last thing you do.”
Starks watched Kane until he turned left at the corridor entrance. He stumbled to his bunk and collapsed onto it. Either Kane was making it up for some inexplicable reason, or the kid’s mother needed to put a name to the sperm donor and picked his. No wonder she was adamant Kane have no contact with his father. No wonder she disowned him when he got sentenced to time at Sands. She knew he’d say something, knew the lie she’d told him all his life would out and he’d hate her. He’d feel betrayed, twice.
Julie Sandler. The name meant nothing to him.
The story was ridiculous. Sure, he went to a few parties during the several months he and Kayla were apart, but he never had sex with anyone; his penis wouldn’t cooperate—because none of them were Kayla. Instead of good times, he’d been disappointed and embarrassed. Maybe Kane was lying about his mother, to make the lie more believable. But how would either of them know some of the story from that time. The trial, of course. Kane learned enough during that public humiliation to weave intricate details for his deception.
The music and lyrics of “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” began to waft through his mind. The song was blasting from speakers at—was it a house or apartment? Bryan Adams had pummeled him with lyrics that reminded him how much he loved and missed Kayla during those months. Reminded him that he could see their unborn children in her eyes. Brought home that his idea for a temporary respite from their relationship wasn’t as good an idea as he’d imagined.
That night years ago began to come back to him in hazy threads. There was a young woman at the party who had the same hair color and haircut as Kayla’s, and a similar figure from the back. He’d thought it was Kayla, and was relieved when he became immediately hard. Was surprised when he staggered to the young woman, tapped her on the shoulder and saw it wasn’t Kayla. At first he was disappointed, but the throbbing between his legs wouldn’t cease.
He’d said to the young woman, “Any port in a storm.” He must have said something else to convince her to have sex with him, or maybe she was as drunk as he had been. That’s why he didn’t recognize her name. He never knew it. Hell, he hadn’t remembered anything about that time until this moment.
That doesn’t mean you’re my son.
There was only one thing to do.
CHAPTER 98
“I NEED ANOTHER DNA test run. ASAP.”
Jim Rogers said, “What the hell’s going on, Starks?”
“My cellmate, a kid by the name of Kane Sandler, is messing with me. Says he’s mine. From back in college.”
“Aw fuck. Any chance he’s right?”
Starks sighed and scraped a hand through his hair. “Yes, damn it. But I’m sure as hell not going to take his word for it.”
“How am I supposed to get said DNA? It’s not like you can hand it over to me.”
“Plus, it’ll take too long for you to get vetted as a visitor. Only one way to do it. Parker. I’ll call him and tell him he needs to get here as quickly as possible. Today, if I can get him to blow off his Sunday. There’s something else I need to talk about with him, as it is.”
“Good thinking.”
“Stay available. I’ll call him then call you right back.”
“You got it. I’ll shoot a quick call to my guy and tell him he’s about to earn a grand.”
“If he asks for more, give it to him.”
Starks dialed Parker’s cell phone number. He bit at his cuticles each time the phone rang. “C’mon, Parker. Pick up the damn phone.” On the fourth ring, his attorney answered.
“I know it’s short notice but I need you to get over here today. I wouldn’t ask unless it was urgent.”
“Relax, Starks. Margaret Hessinger called me yesterday to confess ab
out the knife. I’ve already arranged my schedule to see you tomorrow afternoon.”
“Glad to hear about Margaret, but I need to see you today.”
“I thought you’d have more to say about that. Do you realize what this means?”
“We can talk about it when you get here. Drive over as soon as we hang up.”
“What’s up?”
“I’d rather talk in private. Please, Mike. I said it’s urgent.”
“Give me an hour and a half to get there and into a room.”
“One more thing. You need to see Jim right after our visit. You can meet up with him or he can find you.”
“I can hardly wait to learn what’s going on.”
“That makes two of us.”
The call to Jim was brief.
“It’s set, Starks. My guy’s on call. Soon as I get Kane’s and your DNA, I’ll get it to him. No matter what the result is, you want me to check into this Sandler kid and his mother?”
“Not yet. Let me get the result first. Tell your guy I need it—”
“Yesterday. No problem.”
“I’ll call you after Parker leaves.”
“Don’t hang up yet. So far, Emma checks out. I even hid cameras in your house, since I wasn’t doing round-the-clock surveillance. As for now, she’s staying faithful.”
“At least something’s going right.”
Starks put the phone away. He removed Kane’s hair from his comb and slipped it into an envelope, which he sealed and labeled. Some of his hair went into a second envelope. Both envelopes were tucked into his underwear.
He returned to his bunk.
Only one thing to do: wait.
CHAPTER 99
CO SIMMONS MADE the announcement Starks was desperate to hear. He accepted the guard’s offer of an escort to the private room, but made it plain he wasn’t up for chatting.
Parker stood when Starks opened the door.
Starks extended his hand and said, “You didn’t have to wear a suit on a Sunday.”
“I always prefer to look like I mean business. Now, tell me what’s going on. You only use my first name when you’re desperate.”
