Yet four beers in, I decided to take action since I had a mild buzz going, and the conversation around me was boring. I sent Syd a text.
You were really great tonight.
It wasn’t technically a lie, since although I hadn’t been at the show, I knew she’d been great. I set my phone down after she didn’t respond right away. I wondered if she would. She was probably pissed about the text she’d thought I’d sent the night of the concert.
“Who are you texting,” the blond girl, whose name I’d honestly already forgotten, asked me.
She’d been attempting to flirt with me all night, but I’d only half paid attention to her. A part of me felt bad, but another part didn’t. I hadn’t exactly agreed to hang out with her. I’d been pretty much coerced.
“My friend,” I said, wishing that was the case.
“Is it a girl?”
She pouted at me while she waited for my answer.
“Yes,” I said, earning myself a kick from Jake under the table.
I grunted as silently as I could and glared at him. He shook his head and gave me a look that said ‘Dude, occupy the friend. I’m this close to getting head’.
And he was probably right. The brunette he was with was practically sucking his tongue down her throat. She looked about ready to crawl under the table and blow him right there. And it would not have been the first time that happened to Jake. Nor would it have been the first time I’d been there when it happened. I’d never look at Chicken Marsala the same way again.
I was about to comply with his request to entertain the friend when my phone dinged, and I looked down to see a reply from Sydney.
Oh, so he finally decides to respond to me.
I was going to go out on a limb and assume that was meant to be sarcastic and that she was mad at me. Well, two could play that game.
So the next time I’m five feet from you, are you going to pretend I’m not there? That you can’t see me?
Take that.
I hate you, she texted back, and it actually made me smile. She only told me she hated me when she didn’t mean it.
No, you don’t. You love me.
How easy it was for us to slide right back into what felt like normal. We’d been doing it for so many years. I actually forgot for a few seconds that things were weird.
But then Sydney didn’t respond for a few minutes, and I wondered if she really was mad and that she really did hate me.
Syd?
I’m here.
You okay?
I held my breath as I waited for her to respond.
Not really. I’m sorry about the other night and the past five months. I miss you, and I’m sorry – for everything.
And that ladies and gentlemen is what we like to call just putting it out there without actually saying it. She was apologizing for rejecting me. I knew that, and it sucked, because all I wanted was for her to tell me that she’d made a mistake and she actually wanted to be with me. I was so pitiful.
Of course, she didn’t say that, so I decided to just respond to her apology.
I’m sorry too. You know I love you – even after all the shit from the last few months.
I know. So, did you really come to the show tonight?
She was finally acknowledging my initial text. I took a deep breath and responded.
No, but I didn’t need to be there to know you were great. You’re always great.
It seemed like ages before she responded. Are you going to tell me I looked like a hot piece of ass again?
I sighed. That actually wasn’t me. I’m sorry. Someone swiped my phone, texted you, and then smashed it against the wall. I just got a new phone today.
Wow, I didn’t think that could have sounded any less believable.
Weird story, but okay. I guess that’s why I’m just now hearing from you?
Yeah, it is. Sorry – again.
That actually makes me feel a little better. I don’t enjoy being blown off.
Neither do I!
Yeah, me neither. I sent back to her. She needed to know how I felt.
Point taken. What are you doing now?
Having beers in a bar.
With who?
Jake.
I left out the part about the two girls. She didn’t need to know about them. I never talked to Syd about girls. I never had.
Lucky guy. I wish I could join you.
Shit, me too. Now all I wanted was to see her. This was the first genuine conversation we’d had in months.
Are you still in Tampa? I sent to her, holding my breath while I waited for her response.
Yeah, we leave in the AM. I wish I had time to drive up and see you. I need a Ryder hug.
Damn, did she have to say that? How this girl had the ability to keep me whipped when I wasn’t even her boyfriend was beyond me, but I was practically bent over a barrel for her.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I responded.
Oh yeah?
Now that she said what she had, all I could think about was what it was like to hold her, touch her face, just be close to her. I just knew I was opening myself wide up to be slaughtered if I let her back in, if we were friends again, because I’d have to remember that friends was all we could be. I’d never get what I wanted.
Yeah. I pretty much want a Ryder hug every day.
Damn. I closed my eyes and shook my head. She was literally killing me with those words, and staring at them on the screen was making me nuts, but there they were in bold letters when I opened my eyes, mocking me and teasing me and getting me a little hard if I was being honest.
She texted again when I didn’t show any signs of responding.
Can you come to the show in Jacksonville tomorrow night? I want to see you. Please.
What are you doing right now? I send back. I was being bold. Consider it liquid courage since I’d just finished my fifth beer.
Sitting in my hotel room.
Are you alone?
Please say yes. Please say yes.
Yes.
Yes! I was glad her tattooed boyfriend wasn’t around.
Can I come see you?
You’re going to drive all the way from Gainesville? Wow you must really love me.
You have no idea.
Confession time. So, I’m actually in Tampa.
Seriously?! Come see me! Please? You can bring your guy with you.
My guy? What? Was she talking about Jake? No way was I bringing him, and when I looked up to see him still making out with the brunette I knew he wasn’t coming even if I asked. I’d bet money his hand was up her skirt under the table.
Give me ten minutes, I texted back, and Syd responded with the name of her hotel and her room number.
“Dude,” I said to Jake, but he didn’t answer, so I raised my voice. “Jake!” That didn’t work. “JACOB!”
“Huh?” he looked up in surprise, the brunette’s lip gloss smeared all over his mouth. She was trying to tug him back to her lips, and I realized I only had a few seconds before he dove back in. He had a gnat-like attention span when getting laid was on the horizon.
“I’m going to see Syd. She asked me to come hang out. I’m taking your car.”
Yeah, hiding the excitement in my voice wasn’t really an option.
“Al-right,” he said around a smirk, nodding his head in encouragement. “That’s my boy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nothing’s going to happen. I just want to see her.”
“Riiight,” he said, nodding conspiratorially. “Just kiss her again and see what happens. I’ll bet she doesn’t push you away this time.”
I rolled my eyes. He was delusional. No way was I kissing her again.
“Who are you guys talking about?” the brunette asked.
“Sydney Chase,” Jake blurted out, and then he must have realized what he said, because he smacked his hand over his mouth.
I felt my shoulders sink as Jake’s eyes met mine. He could have handled that so much better. He coul
d have laughed and said he was just fucking with me, but instead he’d basically implicated us both.
“I’m so sorry, dude,” he said, his hand still over his mouth, his words muffled.
“Are you dating Sydney Chase?” the brunette asked, her eyes wide.
“Is that who you were texting?” the blond asked eagerly.
They were going to ask if they could meet her. I knew it.
“She’s just a friend,” I muttered.
“You’re actually friends with Sydney Chase? Like for real?”
“Yup,” I said, really not wanting to get into it. “We grew up together.”
“Can we meet her?” the blond asked, all animosity the had been aimed toward me just five minutes earlier gone in an instant.
“Not tonight,” Jake chimed in. “Let Ryder meet up with his friend. Maybe we can introduce you to her another time.”
Yeah, right. I knew that was Jake’s way of getting out of a tough situation. He’d never see either of those girls again.
“You promise?” the brunette asked.
“I promise,” Jake said, and both girls started talking a mile a minute.
Jake turned to me, rolled his eyes and made a talking motion with his hand. “Have fun, man. Wear a condom.”
“I always do,” I joked, even though there’d be no need for a condom that night. I already knew that. “Text me when you’re ready to head home. I’ll come get you.”
“You can pick me up in the morning,” he offered. “I’ll text you the address. If you don’t end up getting any, you guys can always do one of your weird, platonic sleepovers if you want.”
I grinned. I loved our weird, platonic sleepovers. And this time I wasn’t going to ruin things with Syd by kissing her. I was going to get our friendship back, and if that meant I had to hide my feelings for the rest of my life, so be it. Anything was better than what I’d been dealing with for the past few months. I just wanted my Sydney back.
Fifteen minutes later, I was knocking on her hotel room door about ready to wet myself out of fear and excitement. I heard noise inside – chatter and music and laughter – and my heart sank. She wasn’t alone anymore.
Then she opened the door with a flourish and smiled at me, one of her wide, open smiles that had made me fall in love with her in the first place, and I momentarily pushed aside the fact that she’d basically invited me to a party. I hoped we’d get time to talk.
“It’s so good to see you,” she said, pulling me into a hug that felt familiar and foreign at the same time as she enveloped me in her warmth. “I’ve missed you, babe, so much.”
I loved that she was casual in a white t-shirt and jeans, her face was scrubbed clean of make-up, and she had an olive beanie over her long brown hair. God, she looked hot. No, in actuality she looked like the girl I used to go to the skate park with in middle school. I liked her this way better than the girl who’d been up on stage earlier in the night. It made her look like the Sydney I’d always known, the one only I got to see.
I found myself hugging her back, the feeling as wonderful as I remembered it to be. “I’ve missed you, too, Syd,” I said over the beat of The Naked and Famous song pulsing in the background. Someone at the party shared my taste in music.
As I hugged her, my eyes shifted over her shoulder to see the suite packed with people. Some of them glanced over at me, no doubt wondering who I was. When she released me, she stepped back and shook her head, smiling at me.
“You look so good, babe. I’m glad you’re here. Is Jake with you?” she asked, as I drank in her familiar features that I’d been deprived of for so long. She looked good too. Damn good.
“No, he’s hanging out with some girls that we met at your show on Wednesday. You gave your umbrella to one of them.”
Jake’s girl had been gushing about getting Sydney Chase’s umbrella non-stop earlier in the night so much so that it got annoying. And yeah, it was annoying because she’d gotten it and not me. I was jealous. But that jealous part of me also wondered if it would make Sydney jealous that I’d met a girl and that girl had wanted to hook up with me. Probably not, but the girls we’d met were good looking, so maybe it would make me seem more appealing if Syd knew a hot girl wanted me.
Okay, probably not.
Syd nodded as if she remembered who I was talking about while I wasted my time cooking up schemes to make her notice me, even though it was a completely futile effort.
“That was nice of him to give us some time to hang out,” she said, smiling sweetly.
Yeah, Jake was a friggin’ saint.
“He’s a good guy,” I told her, just to have something to say in response.
She smiled again, and I wasn’t sure why. Then I guess she realized we were still lingering in the doorway since she stepped back and closed the door behind us.
“We’re having an impromptu party.” She gestured to the room with a sweep of her hand and then turned toward the throngs of people sitting on every available surface. “Hey guys, for those of you who don’t know him, this is Ryder, my oldest and best friend.”
Around the party, people I didn’t know looked up for a few seconds before going back to their conversations, apparently uninterested. But it was a different story with the people I actually knew. Most of them were part of Sydney’s core team who I’d known for years but only got to see a few times a year when I visited Syd. They all came over to hug me and catch up and to tell me how good it was to see me.
I liked that she’d surrounded herself with people who seemed genuine since she’d had issues with that when she first made it big. A lot of people tried to use her, but she was smart enough to weed through the ones who were trying to get close to her for the wrong reasons. She’d kept the good ones around, and once you made it into Sydney’s inner circle, as long as you stayed faithful – or didn’t try to kiss her, I suppose – she kept you there for life.
Her stylists were probably the people I knew the best since I always found myself hanging out around them while Sydney got ready for some appearance, interview or show. They always flirted with me and told me how cute I was. Of course I hadn’t always liked the attention. I’d been shy and quiet when I first started hanging out in Sydney’s crazy world, and they’d realized early on how easy it was to tease me. They loved to embarrass me in any way they could, and they’d been doing it for years. Fortunately, my confidence had grown, and I’d developed a much thicker skin along with a quicker wit since I’d hit college.
“Oh, my God, it’s the hottie best friend,” Sydney’s hairstylist Clea said as she hugged me. “How are you, Ryder?”
I smiled. “Hanging in there. How’s life in the world of hair?”
She ran her hand back through my hair and shook her head. “Would be better if you’d let me give you some highlights.”
I jerked away from her. “No way,” I said shaking my head. “I like my hair the way it is.”
She pouted. She’d been asking to highlight my brown hair for years, but there was no way I’d let her touch it. My frat brothers would give me serious hell if I came back with blond streaks.
“Boo. You suck,” she said playfully and stepped aside so Denise, Sydney’s stylist, and Shelly, the girl who did her make-up, could hug me.
The three of them talked my ear off for ten minutes, asking me about school and how I’d been and telling me how much they’d missed me. I wasn’t sure how much they knew about what was going on with Syd and me, so I tried to be as political as possible and let them do most of the talking, which wasn’t hard.
By the time they finally gave me back to Syd, I’d been hugged like nine times, and I was sure I smelled like a flower garden from having their perfume rub off on me after each hug.
“Do I smell like a chick?” I asked Sydney, and she leaned forward and inhaled. I tried to pretend I wasn’t affected by her proximity.
She smiled at me when she pulled back. “No, you smell like you – all woodsy and clean – but with just a hint of lavend
er and vanilla that I think belongs to Shelly.”
I groaned. “Great.”
Syd elbowed me. “Don’t worry about it. No one else will be able to tell. It’s nice on you anyway.”
I rolled my eyes. That was what I got for having a girl for a best friend.
Sydney clapped her hands together then. “Oh, you’ve got to meet Paul. He’s the lead singer of Star Finger, our opening act. You’re so going to love him.”
Fantastic. I so did not want to meet Paul.
She turned around to face the room and cupped her hands around her mouth. “Paul!” she said, and I saw him look up from where he was talking to the guy I recognized as the bass player from his band. “Come here, babe.”
He smiled and sauntered over to us, then slung his arm over her shoulder. I swallowed hard and clenched my fists, almost annoyed with myself for coming. I hadn’t expected it to be so hard to see her with another guy. I’d seen her with plenty of guys over the years, but it had all been in pictures. This was the first time I was actually meeting a boyfriend of hers. I didn’t much care for the experience.
“Hey, mate. I’m Paul,” he said, offering his hand for me to shake. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I’m Ryder, and I hate you.
I took his hand tentatively, not wanting to be rude, but I didn’t say anything for fear of what might actually come out of my mouth.
Sydney hugged him closer to her. “Paul’s the best,” she said, looking up and grinning at him.
He looked back down at her. “Aww, love, you’re too kind. I was just about to go have a smoke. You care to join me?”
Sydney shook her head. “Nah, I’m good. That stuff’s bad for my voice anyway,” she said. “You know, secondhand smoke.”
I could not believe she was dating a guy who smoked.
“No worries,” he said in that Australian accent of his that she probably thought was soooo sexy. Then he winked at her, and she smiled all goofy-like. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Be back soon, babe.”
Sydney blew him a kiss as he sauntered away, and my face twisted into a sneer.
She turned back to me then, and I adjusted my expression before she could call me out on it.
Only With You Page 7
