“I will.”
“And call me when you get there,” I insisted.
“Try and stop me,” she said before she leaned forward and kissed me once more. “Now go study, you big smarty pants. Make me proud.”
I smiled as I closed the door and she turned on the car, shifting it into reverse. I stood there as she backed out of the space, waved when she waved to me and then watched her drive until she was out of sight. Then I trudged back into the house feeling like something was missing, like Sydney had taken a part of me with her, which shouldn’t have surprised me. She’d always had a little part of me with her.
I realized after she’d gone that although I’d told her I’d been in love with her for years, I’d never actually said the words, and come to think of it, neither had she. A part of me felt like I should have said them before she left, but then it just felt like it was too soon. Sometimes at the start of something like what we seemed to have, saying too much cheapened the experience, and I liked that I was pretty sure I knew how she felt, but she hadn’t rammed it down my throat. It made me look forward to hearing her say the words, because I knew she didn’t toss them around lightly. Not someone like her who wrote about love with such passion and force. When she said them, she’d mean them.
And because I’d spent longer than I should have saying goodbye, I had to hurry to not be late for study group. We were planning to spend the entire day in one of those library cubicles, studying and doing practice problems for calc which ordinarily wouldn’t have bothered me since I was a nerd underneath it all. But I knew it would be a slow torture when I had the memory of Syd’s taste and smell on my skin.
I almost didn’t want to shower and wash it away, but that was gross, so I headed straight for the bathroom when I got upstairs. Jake was in there taking a leak.
“What’s up, lover boy?” he teased, and I just shook my head as I stripped off my clothes and turned on the hot water.
“Not talking about it,” I told him.
“Aww, come on. I always give you details, and you usually reciprocate. What gives?”
“Probably the fact that I actually care about this girl, so I don’t want you to know what we did. It’s personal.”
“Did you at least get head, because I know you didn’t boink her.”
I kept my eyes closed as I massaged the shampoo through my hair. “Don’t say boink. Not when we’re taking about Sydney. And how do you know I didn’t sleep with her?”
I couldn’t resist responding to his assumption.
“Because I would have heard it. I used to hear you and Kirsten all the time.”
“That’s because Kirsten was a moaner,” I justified.
“And Sydney’s not?” he questioned.
“No clue,” I told him, as I let the hot water stream over my head, rinsing the shampoo away.
“I knew you didn’t get any.”
Yeah, but she called herself my girlfriend, which was so much better.
“It’s not like that with us,” I justified.
“Like what? Can you not get it up?”
“I’m going to throw my bottle of shampoo at you,” I threatened.
Jake just laughed as he left the bathroom, but I figured it wouldn’t be the last thing I heard on the subject, which was just one of the many joys of having a best friend who didn’t pull punches. He’d hit me up for details later for sure.
Twenty minutes later, I walked out the front door with my backpack slung over one shoulder. My eyes darted to where I’d said goodbye to Sydney not even an hour earlier as if I half-expected her to be there again.
“What are you looking at?”
“Huh?” I asked, my gaze shifting to my left where my friend David was walking toward me from the TEP house.
We’d met in a class the year before and had been in the same study group all semester. He was a good guy and smart as hell, but he was also funny which helped when my brain started to fry after a couple of hours of hardcore studying.
“Wow, did you get any sleep last night?” he asked as he came closer, staring at my eyes. I’d given Syd one of my pairs of sunglasses, and then I couldn’t find my aviators, so I was going without.
“Not much,” I told him as we walked up Frat Row toward the main road that led to the central part of campus and the library.
“Girl keep you up?” he asked.
I couldn’t help smiling. “Yeah, something like that,” I mumbled.
It was like I couldn’t keep the damn smile off my face. I was exhausted, but I didn’t care. Every lost minute of sleep had been completely worth it.
“Right on. That’s awesome. Was she hot?”
David had been dating the same girl since high school, so he liked to live vicariously through me.
“Yeah, she was hot,” I told him, wondering what he’d do if he actually knew who she was.
I’d never told him about my friendship with Sydney. Jake was the only person who knew the truth. It was one of those things that I usually kept to myself. But that was hopefully going to change. Of course most people would be impressed that I’d landed someone so famous, and they wouldn’t understand that Sydney had been a celebrity in my book long before she’d ever sung a note on the radio. To me she’d always been so much more than her music, her pretty face, and her rockin’ body, although I wasn’t complaining about any of that. It’s just to me, she was my Sydney, and now, if I was as lucky as I was starting to think I was, she really would be my Sydney.
Chapter Thirteen
Sydney
“Chris, I need to talk to you,” I said, going to sit on a lounge chair next to his on the covered part of the deck.
I’d changed into one of my new bathing suits – an all-black bikini that I’d bought a few days earlier when I’d gone shopping with Isabelle, one of my back-up dancers. Most everyone else was in the ocean, and I’d be down there with them if I hadn’t seen a prime opportunity to talk to my manager about Ryder. Chris was finally alone, and this was something I hadn’t wanted to share with everyone else just yet since they all thought I was dating Dillon. I had to rectify that.
“What’s up, babe?” he asked, setting his laptop down next to him.
I’d talked Chris into coming down to The Keys with us since he’d needed a break too, and he finally said he would, but only if he could bring his laptop. I figured I wouldn’t fight him on it since he probably did need to work. We had a lot going on at the moment, but he didn’t get a lot of downtime, so I figured he could mix work with some relaxation. He’d been my manager from the start, and we were close. He’d always felt like a big brother to me. I liked that we had a friendship in addition to him being my manager.
I bit my lip. “It’s Ryder.”
“Your best friend, Ryder?” he questioned, and I nodded. “What about him?”
“Um, I, uh, think I want to start seeing him,” I said, sounding incredibly uncertain.
Why did I sound uncertain? I wanted to be with Ryder. I really wanted that. Hell, we’d been talking on the phone for the past three days whenever he took a break from studying, and just hearing his voice made me crave more of him. I wanted to see him and touch him and wrap my arms around him. I wanted to take him back to my bed and do all the things we hadn’t been able to do in his room the weekend before. I wanted to make this thing between us official, and telling Chris was the first step, because I needed to get Dillon out of the picture.
“So, do you need me to send him some more tickets or something?” Chris questioned. “He got the backstage pass for Philly, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. He did. Thanks for sending that. But, um, the thing is, he’ll be with us for the week after Philly too.”
“That’s cool,” Chris said, not getting it, but then again I probably wasn’t doing my best to explain everything very clearly either.
“No, see, I, uh, went to see him last weekend, and things sort of happened.”
He lifted his aviators off of his eyes to look at me. “
Oh. Okay, then.”
“Yeah.”
“So, what does that mean exactly?”
I bit my lip. “I need to break-up with Dillon, so I can officially be with Ryder. I don’t want to hide with him.”
“You sure about this? It’s a big deal going public with a relationship, especially one with a non-celebrity. You and Ryder just hooked up. Are you sure it’s for real?”
I knew Chris was only looking out for me, but what he was implying annoyed me. Of course, Chris had been around for every very public break-up I’d had, and he knew what I’d been through over the years. He’d signed me when I was sixteen, taking a chance on a young girl who had enough confidence to know what she wanted but none of the political savvy to not get eaten alive in a town like L.A. He’d been my political savvy from day one, and I trusted him implicitly.
“Yeah, I am. I’m in love with him. It’s that simple.”
Chris also knew how easily I tended to fall for guys, so I knew he was skeptical and wouldn’t outright believe my feelings until he saw them. And he would in two days. I thought about how I probably needed to tell Ryder how I felt too since I’d held back the weekend before. But telling someone you loved them was always harder than it should have been.
“Isn’t he in school? He’s pre-law, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he’s a total brainiac. It’s actually really sexy.”
“Great. Didn’t need to know that,” Chris said, smirking at me, and I smiled. “But Syd, if he’s going to school in Florida, and you’re going to be traveling as much as your schedule has you doing in the next few months, can you really have a relationship?”
I started to respond, to refute what he was saying, but I didn’t really have a good rebuttal to make. He had a valid point, one I hadn’t wanted to think about. I’d just been focused on the present and Ryder having a week off of school that we could spend together, but I didn’t want to think about what would happen when he had to go back for summer classes and then fall classes. He’d be off for winter break, but that was only a few weeks, and then it would all start again. I told him we could make it work, but I hadn’t been a hundred percent certain when I’d said that. All I knew was that I didn’t want to let him go because of something like distance.
Maybe I could rent a house in Gainesville when I wasn’t on tour. But would that be logical? I had appearances and awards shows and events I had to attend. I needed to be in L.A. or New York for a lot of them, not a remote city in the middle of nowhere Florida. Besides, what would I do there? I’d have to bring my security team with me because a large majority of my fans were college-age students, and in a small town like that, I couldn’t just blend in.
I suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up.
“Syd,” Chris said, putting his hand on top of mine. I looked up and met his gaze. “You don’t have to do anything radical right now. Why don’t you see how it goes having him on tour with you for the next week. If it works out, and you want to go through with it, then we can put together a strategy with Laurie. In the end, I’ll do what you want, but I want you to make the right decision.”
I nodded. “Okay, I think that sounds good.”
“Good. Just be careful of the PDA, okay? The world thinks you’re with Dillon, and we have an obligation to Westside’s management team to keep up our end of the bargain.”
“I know. We’ll be discreet. I promise.”
“I know you will.”
I stood then and started to walk back into the house.
“I thought you were going down to the water?” Chris asked.
I turned around. “I’m actually kind of tired. I think I’m going to take nap.”
“Okay,” was all he said, but I knew he wanted to say so much more. He knew me well enough though to know that it wasn’t the right time. I needed to process what we’d just talked about on my own and figure out what to do.
Chapter Fourteen
Ryder
The flight to Philadelphia was one of the longest of my life, because I wasn’t sure what I was walking into. I was exhausted, and all I really wanted to do was pass out for a few hours against the window, but that wasn’t going to happen – even in the first class seat Sydney had purchased for me. I didn’t feel great about taking handouts from her, but I was broke, she had money to spare, and I wanted to see her. I didn’t really have any other options.
I just needed to get used to the fact that the girl I was seeing – still couldn’t believe that was something I could actually say – had money. It wasn’t like I wouldn’t have money one day too, but that was a long way off.
I tried not to let it bother me, just like I tried not to read into Sydney’s tone when we’d talked for the past two days. She’d seemed different, almost like she was forcing emotion or something. It kind of rocked me a little bit and not in a good way. Earlier in the week when we’d talked, she’d been flirty and playful, telling me how excited she was to see me and counting down the days, but then it felt like something had shifted, and I didn’t know what it was.
She’d told me that she’d talked to Chris, her manager, and he’d asked her to go along with the charade with Dillon for a little longer, so maybe that was it. It wasn’t ideal, but I’d known it might be a possibility. Maybe we could talk more about it before her concert. I just hoped it wasn’t something else. I hoped she hadn’t changed her mind, and a part of me knew I’d live in fear of that for a while until I was confident enough to believe that she wanted to be with me.
The guy who’d been overlooked and then rejected, or so he’d thought, was still a little gun-shy. And the more time spent apart from Sydney, without being able to see her face and read her expressions, had my nerves on edge.
So I settled for plugging into my iPod in an effort to take my mind off of things I couldn’t control from thirty thousand feet above the ground, which worked until Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus came on, and I couldn’t help but let my head fall back against the seat. Oh, the irony. I’d played that song over and over again as a fifteen year-old so much that it had become my freaking anthem back when I just wanted Sydney to notice me as more than a friend. Now that she finally had, I couldn’t accept it. In my head I was still that shy, skinny, dorky teenager who was so in love with his best friend he couldn’t see straight.
I took a deep breath, willing myself to get over it and get my goddamn confidence back. I was tall, I worked out, I had good hair, and yeah, I was good looking. And I was smart. I knew that. I wasn’t fifteen anymore, and I was on a flight going to see the girl I loved because she wanted to see me, plain and simple.
My confidence had never faltered with any other girl, ever. I didn’t care if they liked me or not or if I even talked to them again after a night of flirting or making out or even casual sex. I hadn’t put much thought into what they thought of me, but they’d stroked my ego enough for me to know that they liked what they saw. I probably should have been a conceited prick, but I wasn’t, because for the longest time, there was just one girl who mattered. And she hadn’t given me the time of day until now. Now she wanted me. And as the captain announced that we’d be landing in Philadelphia shortly, I tried to keep that in mind.
Syd had told me a driver would be waiting at baggage claim to pick me up and bring me to the arena where she was performing. I wished it would have been her picking me up, and as I introduced myself to the man named Gerald holding the sign with my name on it and followed him to the Town Car parked out front, a part of me held out hope that Syd would be waiting in the car when I got in. My heart actually sank when I saw that the backseat was empty, and I threw my duffel bag across it and slid in. Gerald closed the door after me.
Why did I feel like I was on my way to my own funeral?
Her tone. It was her freaking tone. I could read that girl like a book, and something was wrong.
I just didn’t know what it was.
I pulled out my phone from the sheer need to have something to do and shot of a text to Syd,
letting her know I’d landed and was on my way to her. I don’t know what I expected back, but when she responded a few minutes later, all she said was, Great! See you soon.
I let my head fall back against the seat and looked out at the passing scenery. I’d never been to Philadelphia before, and I wanted to soak in as much as I could since we weren’t staying long. I’d be with Sydney for a few stops in the Northeast, and I wondered if I’d get to see more of them outside of the arenas she’d play at and the hotels we’d stay in.
I thought she might have one or two days off between shows during the week, but I was pretty sure Syd had other things on her schedule that would keep her busy. I figured it didn’t really matter if I got to sightsee. As long as I had time with her, that was all that I needed. I wanted to stay longer, but I only had a week before I had to head back to Gainesville for my first week of summer classes.
It was the second summer I’d stayed and taken classes. UF required all students to take at least one summer semester, and I’d fulfilled that the year before, but since I was double-majoring, taking summer classes allowed me to work more electives into my schedule during the school year instead of killing myself with all core classes.
But I was suddenly regretting being so strategic with my school plan. Having the whole summer off would have made things a lot easier for us. Then again, maybe after a week Sydney would be tired of me, and I’d go home with my tail between my legs feeling like a failure. All these possibilities, and no way of knowing where the chips would fall.
We pulled up to the arena at five, and there were already crowds of people milling around. The concert didn’t start for a few hours, and Sydney wouldn’t go on until at least nine, but radio stations were there hosting contests, there were several merchandise booths set up, and people were trying to sell or buy tickets. My driver took us around the back and pulled up to a nondescript entrance. A few dozen fans lingered around and got excited when they saw a black car drive up. I bet they thought I was somebody, and boy would they be disappointed when they realized the truth.
Only With You Page 13
