“Only because I got blindsided by your ‘boyfriend’ and found out that we were going to some club that’ll probably be douchy as hell.”
“Hey! That’s not nice. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”
I gave her a pointed look. “For you. Not for me. I don’t like clubs all that much, in case you don’t remember.”
“I remember,” she grumbled. “It’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Syd, I’m not upset about going to a club. I can get over that. I’m upset that you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie,” she defended.
I threw my hands up. “Fine, you omitted information. It’s kind of the same thing.”
“Ry, I’m sorry,” she said, and she must have known how weak I was when she did something as simple as call me Ry.
“Listen, just do your thing, and I’ll see you later,” I offered, trying to find a way to keep my cool and not blow up on her.
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re not coming with me?”
“As the third wheel to you and your public boyfriend? No. I think I’ll just go back to the hotel and chill until you get back. Is that cool?”
Even if she said no, I still wasn’t going out. I wasn’t in the mood anymore. Just witnessing the little that I had of her and Dillon, I knew I didn’t want to see any more.
“I guess, but I’d rather have you there.”
“Why? So you can shoot me looks of pity as you sit on Dillon’s lap and flirt with him? I don’t think so.”
She rolled her eyes. “It won’t be like that, and you know it. Besides, the other guys from Westside will be there, and I know I can convince Paul and the guys to go. It’ll be a group thing.”
I shook my head. “Maybe next time. I’m tired. I’m just going to head back.”
She looked so hurt, standing there in the middle of the room, not moving as I walked past her to grab my textbook. I stopped next to her, and she looked up at me.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
I closed my eyes for a few beats and then opened them again. “I get that, but it doesn’t make this feel any less shitty. You said you wanted a trial period, and maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a part of everything in your world. I don’t know.”
“Ryder, no!” she exclaimed, her mouth dropping open. “You can’t seriously mean that.”
I watched her eyes fill with tears and knew I’d taken things too far. I was upset, but throwing it in her face felt wrong. We’d already had one fight the night before. I didn’t want to have another one.
I kicked the toe of my shoe against the floor a few times. I looked up and met her gaze. “No, I don’t. I told you last night that I wanted this, and I want you, including all that comes with it – no matter how bizarre it is. But you can’t blindside me. You have to tell me stuff like this.”
She nodded. “I will.”
“I’m serious, Syd. If I can’t trust you, then a long distance relationship isn’t going to work. It’ll drive me crazy.”
She nodded quickly a few times. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. I’ll see you in a few hours,” I said, and I knew she could tell from my tone that I just needed some distance. She didn’t say anything. She just looked at me from across the space that separated us, regret written all over her face.
“You’re the first guy who’s ever cared,” she said as I started to leave the room.
I stopped and turned to look back at her. “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath and shakily exhaled it out, almost as if she was trying to keep the tears that had filled her eyes from spilling over. “No one has ever cared before. The guys I usually date are so wrapped up in their careers and their own lives that I never had to tell them what I was doing. This is new for me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t buy that,” I told her, and she looked a little taken aback. “Syd, this is me you’re talking to, and I’ve always cared. You never would have treated me like this when we were friends. Don’t treat me differently now. Shit, if anything, I should get more consideration as your boyfriend.”
She nodded. “I know.”
It looked like she was about to come apart, so I closed the distance between us and wrapped her up in my arms. Then gave her the briefest of kisses, because I couldn’t leave with her thinking I was pissed. I wasn’t pissed, per se. I was hurt, and I needed her to know that. Hopefully she wouldn’t fail to tell me things in the future now that she knew how it made me feel. I wasn’t overly sensitive, and I was supportive of what went on in her world, but I also didn’t appreciate being left in the dark.
As I left I started to wonder if holding off on telling the world we were together might be a good thing. Maybe getting through the summer to see if we could even handle a relationship with our lives as crazy as they were would be better. I certainly didn’t want this relationship to crash and burn and then be splayed all over the Internet. If there was even a chance of that happening I’d rather keep things private.
The worst part was that I loved her, and I knew she loved me. But sometimes loving someone, even when it made you as nuts as I felt when I was around Sydney, wasn’t enough. And I was slowly learning that no matter how bad I wanted this, I might not end up getting it in the long run.
* * *
“Yo!” Jake said when I called him an hour later.
“Hey man, what are you up to?”
“I’ve been chillin’ with the guys. We had a major Assassin’s Creed marathon happening, but now I’m back in the room, because Leslie’s coming over to watch a movie.”
I couldn’t miss the not so subtle innuendo in his tone. I knew exactly what he’d be doing in an hour. Hell, it was what I should have been doing, what I’d planned on doing before Sydney and Dillon blew that idea all to hell.
“Sounds fun,” I said, trying to be upbeat for my friend’s sake. “Which one is she again?”
“You don’t know her. I met her last night at Gator City. She’s a redhead, man!”
“Sweet.”
I knew what he was thinking, so I’d only said it for his benefit. He was a big fan of redheads because of the whole carpet/drapes thing.
“Yeah, so what’s up with you? Did you tap that sweet pop star ass yet?” he asked me.
I shook my head at his brazenness. “No comment.”
“You did!” he cheered. “Awesome! My boy’s back. How was it? As sweet as I imagined?”
“Dude, that’s my girlfriend. I do not want you imagining her in any capacity where she’s not fully clothed – nor do I want you fantasizing about her pleasuring you in any way while clothed,” I added quickly, knowing how Jake’s mind worked.
His resounding chuckle proved I was right. “Okay, fine. I won’t imagine her naked, but just know that millions of guys probably whack off to her nightly.”
I sighed and shook my head, but he was right. “Yeah, I know.”
But I was the only guy who actually got to live that fantasy. Or, I’d been that guy until I’d let her go off with her ‘boyfriend’ so I could spend the night alone in a hotel room. I was an idiot. I should have gone with them.
“So how is it for real?’
“I don’t know. It’s good, but it’s weird. This is so not our world, man. I don’t even know how to keep up half the time. I sort of just feel like I’m along for the ride.”
Every time I’d ever been on tour with Syd it had been like that, and I’d gone with it, because it was fun and it took me out of my element for a while, but this time, faced with merging my world with hers, it seemed a little daunting.
“Yeah, but she loves you. That girl’s so over-the-top for your ass that I’d say you gotta do it. She was ready to fight me for you if she had to.”
I laughed, because he was right. Sydney had so much fire in her eyes that night, that I had no doubts she would have taken Jake out if she had to.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know I am. And
like I said, a million guys would kill to be in your shoes right now. Hell, the guy you were two weeks ago would have killed to be in your shoes. Embrace it. Don’t overanalyze it like you do with everything else. I know you’re wicked smart and all, but if you overthink shit like this, it’ll make you crazy, and Syd won’t like it.”
He was so right. And it was exactly what I was doing. Why couldn’t I just ride the wave an enjoy it. I was making myself nuts.
“When did you get so wise?” I asked him.
He laughed. “Only after a few shots of Crown, my friend.”
“You’re such an idiot,” I told him, laughing along with him.
“Yeah, but I’m an idiot who’s about to get laid. I kind of rule.”
I laughed again. “Bye Jake. See you next Sunday.”
“See ya, man.”
I tossed the phone next to me on the couch, unmuted Sports Center and kicked back to see what had happened with the Mariners that day.
I must have drifted off because a while later I started having the most amazing blow job dream of my life. That is until I woke up and realized it wasn’t a dream. I was sprawled out on the couch, my jeans were open, and Sydney was looking up at me as she licked up the length of my rock hard dick.
It took me a few seconds to fully wake up, but when I did, I still wasn’t able think coherently. Sydney was using me as her own personal lollipop.
“What are you doing?” I asked her, my voice sounding gravelly with sleep. I glanced at the clock on the cable box. What the hell time was it?
She smiled up at me. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
“It’s three-thirty in the morning,” I told her, wondering why in the hell I was saying that when I should have been letting her get back to business. That was the hottest way I’d ever been woken up. Ever.
“You wouldn’t wake up. You sleep like the dead. I tried calling your name a few times and even shaking you, but you just mumbled at me. So, I figured I’d do something that would definitely wake you up.”
My eyebrows rose in disbelief. “I think it worked.”
I could not believe she’d gone to those lengths to get me up, but she was right. I was a heavy sleeper.
“Are you still mad at me?” she asked softly.
“No,” I said, looking at her in disbelief. She was pouting just enough for me to feel bad about the way I’d acted earlier, and after what she’d just done, I couldn’t justify being pissed at her. She probably knew that. “Come here.”
I opened my arms and let her crawl up my body as she wrapped herself around me.
“I’m sorry, Ry. I really am.”
“I know,” I said, as I held her against me.
“I should have told you he was coming into town, but hopefully I won’t have to worry about that again. I’m talking to Chris and Laurie tomorrow, no matter what. They’ll both be at the shoot.”
She felt so damn good in my arms, and when she said things like that, I couldn’t be mad at her. “Thank you,” I said, kissing her forehead. “And I’m glad you’re breaking up with that Dillon guy. He seems nice and all, but he’s not as cool as that Ryder guy you’ve been hanging out with.”
She smiled up at me. “Yeah, and Ryder is way hotter.”
“Way,” I agreed as she settled back against my chest.
For a few minutes, I listened to her rhythmic breathing, feeling the rise and fall of her chest against mine.
“I think we should wait to make any big announcements about us,” I said, breaking the silence.
She looked up at me in surprise. “Are you having second thoughts?”
Just the tone of her voice let me know how panicked that thought made her. Hell, it panicked me too.
“No,” I said, looking her in the eyes as I shook my head. “But I think maybe we should think about this logically. I love you. Don’t doubt that, but I think you were right. If we do this, we can’t go back, and quite honestly, I’d rather not have my love life splayed all over every media source. Hell, I’d kind like to tell my parents first. Can you imagine my mom finding out I was dating you from TMZ?”
She laughed, and I was glad she was laughing. She understood my logic.
“I can’t imagine Sharon watching TMZ,” she said.
“She actually doesn’t watch it, but you know what I mean.”
“Why? Would she not be happy?”
I laughed. “She’d be thrilled. You know she loves you, but she’d be pissed at us for keeping it a secret.”
“That’s a good point.”
“And I know you said this yesterday, and I got all upset, but I’m okay with waiting to go public quite honestly.”
I watched as she bit her lip and eyed me, but she didn’t say anything.
“Go ahead. Say it,” I told her, and her lips curved into a smile.
“I told you so.”
I laughed. “Yeah, you did.”
“It’s just, it’s a big risk to fully come out with who we are to each other, because suddenly I’m opening you up to all sorts of things that I know you won’t want. Do you want the paparazzi to follow you to class, stalk you at the library and dig up all sorts of dirt on you?”
“I’ve got nothing to hide,” I said honestly, and she looked at me skeptically.
“You want them interviewing girls you’ve dated?”
My face fell. “Oh, no. Probably not.”
“Well, they will. They’ll do whatever they can to figure out who you are and how we got together. It can get pretty invasive.”
“They’ve never cared before,” I said, remembering the few times I’d been around Syd when she’d been photographed. “But I guess no one cares about the friend. The boyfriend is a different story.”
“I’ve been asked about you before,” she confided, and that surprised me.
“You have?”
She nodded. “Just once or twice. After I pulled you on stage last year, there were questions, but I was dating Gabe Winters, so they didn’t really probe any deeper.”
I could see in her eyes that she was holding something back. I knew her that well.
“You told them I was your gay best friend, didn’t you?”
She dropped her head to my chest and nodded. “Yeah, I did, but to be fair, it’s what I thought was the truth.”
“Jesus,” I hissed.
She raised her head and looked at me. “I’m sorry.”
I laughed, but there wasn’t a lot of humor behind it. “It’s fine, I guess. As long as it wasn’t printed. Shit, never mind that I’m dating you, can you imagine if my parents found out I was gay via TMZ.”
Syd bit her lip. “Yeah, I can guess that wouldn’t be so good.”
“No, it wouldn’t – mostly because it’s not true.”
“I promise I’ll never tell anyone that you’re gay ever again,” she offered.
“I’d appreciate that.”
“But getting back to your original request, I still want to officially end things with Dillon, because I’d like to tell our families and my friends that we’re together. I know my parents will be thrilled I’m dating someone so normal, and I’d like people that I’m close with to know what you mean to me.”
I smiled. “I’m totally good with that. And then let’s just decide at the end of the summer if we want to go public.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” she said, leaning forward to kiss me. “Ry, I don’t want to fight with you.”
Her mouth was so sweet, and I’d missed it in the hours I’d had to stay away from her all day. I was pretty sure I was good with keeping things private as long as we didn’t have to hide altogether.
“Okay,” I agreed, as I kissed her back. “Let’s not do it anymore then. How about that?”
She wrapped her arms tighter around me and buried her face in my neck. “Okay, I’m good with that.”
“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” I asked.
She turned her head and yawned. “Photo shoot for a cosmetics line. I�
��m one of their brand ambassadors. Then I figure I’d take you out for dinner afterward, like on a real date where we’ll pretend like we’re just friends.”
I looked down at her and smiled. “I’d like that, but I’m buying.”
“No, I’ve got it.”
“Syd, I know you have a bagillion dollars, but let me have my dignity with this one. I’ll let you buy me plane tickets and pay for my hotel rooms, because there’s no way I can afford those, but dinner’s on me. It’s a pride thing. Please.”
She turned and kissed my neck. “Okay.”
“Good. Thank you. But I might need a recommendation on a restaurant since I don’t know anything about this city.”
She smiled against my skin. “I’ll have Elisa take care of the reservation. She’s from here, so she’ll pick a good place.”
“Cool.” I wrapped her tighter in my arms. I loved holding her. “So, do you, uh, frequently wake your boyfriends up like that?” I asked, not sure why I’d phrased it that way. I didn’t want her to think of those other jerks when she was with me and my dick was still relatively hard from her earlier ministrations. “I mean, should I expect more of that in the future?”
She laughed lightly. “I’ve never done that before to be honest. I just figured you couldn’t be mad at me when I was making you feel so good.”
Damn, she was smart.
“It did feel really good,” I told her.
“I can finish,” she offered, and although I was tempted, it was late, and she looked exhausted. It had been a long day for both of us.
“Maybe tomorrow. Right now I just want to hold you while you sleep, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, tucking in next to me on the couch. It was a tight fit, but I kind of liked that about it.
And as I drifted off again, I found myself wondering how many more things we’d have to get out in the open as we adjusted to being in a relationship. A week into it with any other girl, and two fights in two days would have sent me packing, but maybe this was expected when you went from friends to in love in three seconds flat. Not that I was complaining, but I wasn’t a dramatic guy. I didn’t enjoy knockdown drag out fights with girls I was seeing. It was why I’d eventually ended things with Kirsten.
Only With You Page 21
