I walked away from her and headed toward the locker room. Most of my team had already left the field. As the adrenaline from the game started wearing off, fatigue and soreness began creeping in. It was as if all the pain signals to my brain had been blocked during the game and were now sending messages all throughout my body.
My entire body hurt and I knew I’d have massive bruising from all the full-body collisions. Pads only helped so much.
“Taylor!” Brian, one of the linemen, said as I entered the locker room. “We’re goin’ out tonight. You joining us?”
“Nah, man. I think I’m just gonna go to the hotel and crash,” I answered as I got to my locker. After a game, I was always eager to strip out of my jersey. It was far from glamorous and sexy. The damn thing was dirty and soaked in sweat. “Fuck, I swear this thing shrinks two sizes every time I try to take it off.”
Austin, the tight end, came up and slapped my ass. “Need help?”
I grinned and was about to spout off a sarcastic remark, but I caved when I tried again to pull it off and failed. “Please.”
There was an enthusiastic atmosphere in the room as other players talked about their plans for the night. Some helped others out of their uniforms, which was a great indicator of how well we did in the game.
When we lost, most of us acted like we hated each other, but if we won, the camaraderie was strong.
Austin stood in front of me and helped me peel off my jersey and shoulder pads. He was the player I was closest to on the team, and we’d been called out several times for our obvious bromance. The dude was straight, though, and had a gorgeous girlfriend who was also a total sweetheart. He knew I was gay, but I hadn’t come out to the world yet.
I wasn’t ashamed of my sexuality, but in the world of sports—especially football—it wasn’t exactly a common thing. Even though I knew it was cowardly, I was afraid of the backlash from it. Other athletes had come out as gay in the past year and some years before that, but only a small handful of pro-football players had. The ones who had come out were usually already done with football when they did.
When I’d asked Austin about me coming out, he’d often told me to wait until my contract was up.
“What are you doing when you get back?” I asked him as I took a seat on the stool. I needed to catch my breath for a bit.
“I think I’m goin’ to propose to Beth soon,” Austin answered with a nervous smile. “That ring has been weighing heavier and heavier every fucking day, but I wanted to wait for the offseason to do it. That way we can enjoy it, ya know?”
“Or have time to mourn your loss if she rejects your ass,” I said.
“Asshole,” he scoffed, punching my arm. Then, he sat on the stool beside mine. “Do you think she’ll say no?”
“Not a chance,” I reassured him.
“Thanks.” He smiled before his face fell. “That shower’s gonna hurt tonight.”
I laughed, even though it wasn’t funny.
After a brutal game like what we’d just had—sixty minutes of tackling, slamming into other players and having the breath knocked out of you, and the abrasions from scraping your skin on the turf—showers were a special kind of torture.
***
Days later, I was home in Kansas City. The offseason had officially started, and it was always a weird thing to grasp at first. After months of every day workouts, practice, traveling, and games, the fact that I had so much free time now took some getting used to. I didn’t have to return to work—for lack of a better word—until April when offseason workouts began.
If the Raptors didn’t renew my contract, I’d only have one more year of pro-football. Next season could very well be my last. Maybe another team would pick me up.
Don’t think about that now.
I was on vacation, and I wanted to put aside all worries and just enjoy it.
“We should escape this horrid winter and go somewhere tropical,” William said as we sat on my couch, looking outside at the dreary gray sky that threatened to pour down sleet and snow any minute.
He was my current fling of three months, and it was the longest I’d ever been with the same guy. Well, apart from Hunter… who I still fucking thought about.
“Not sure I’m up for traveling right now,” I responded, putting my arm around his shoulders. I’d just gotten home and the last thing I wanted was to pack up and leave again. “Winter isn’t so bad.”
“You’re joking, right?” Will asked, raising his brows. “Winter sucks.”
He was a nice guy and everything, but I didn’t foresee it being long term. Not just because of our differing opinions of seasons, but because we differed in a lot of ways. He wasn’t a diva or anything, but he was still high maintenance. Way too much for my liking.
I made a shit load of money, and I knew that’s why he stuck around. However, he was hot and was willing to stay quiet about us. And he was pretty good in bed. So, whatever.
“Give me a few days to relax, and then I’ll take you wherever you wanna go,” I said before nuzzling the side of his face. His light brown hair held loose curls and touched the middle of his ears, and I brushed a stray piece aside. “Deal?”
He smiled. “Okay. Fine.”
“What are you working on?” I asked, nodding to the laptop on the side table.
“Ah, nothing important,” he answered with a shrug. “Just an idea I’m playing around with. Not sure where it’s going.”
William was a journalist for a gossip magazine and he hoped to publish books someday. He mostly covered the juicy gossip in celebrity’s lives—who was sleeping with who, cheating scandals, fashion fails on the red carpet, and shit like that. I’d met him at an after party to some event I’d been invited to. We’d ended up fucking in the upstairs walk-in closet that night, and we’d been a thing ever since then.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table, and I unfolded myself from Will to lean forward and grab it. A picture of me and my grandpa flashed on the screen.
“Hey, gramps,” I answered before sitting back against the couch.
“Boy, I am too young to be called gramps,” he said, still just as spirited as ever. “When are you coming to see me?”
Guilt trickled into my chest. Grandpa Bill had raised me, and ever since I left home all those years before, I’d never gone back to Willow. Of course, I’d flown Grandpa out a few times a year to see me, but I’d never stepped foot back into my hometown. It’d been selfish, but I didn’t want all the reminders of it. Of Hunter and what I’d given up.
“Soon,” I said, not knowing if it was true. “I promise.”
We talked for a few more minutes before he said he needed to finish making dinner. My stomach growled at the thought of eating one of his home cooked meals again. I couldn’t cook for shit, and Will would probably have a conniption fit if I suggested him to. Not even the fanciest restaurants compared to one of Grandpa’s dishes.
“Do you want to order in Thai?” William asked as he scrolled through his phone.
“Sure.” I stood from the couch and started walking to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower first.”
“Want some company?”
I smirked at his offer. But even though my dick sprang to attention, my heart ached.
Even after seven years, I still missed Hunter. I’d been with a lot of guys since him, but he was still the only one who’d made an impact on me. The only one I caught myself thinking about at random hours of the day or before I slept at night.
We’d talked a few times since I’d graduated college. Not a lot, but some.
After years of not speaking, Hunter had reached out to me one day on my Twitter and congratulated me for being drafted into pro-ball. It had come out of nowhere, and at first I’d checked his profile a million times to make sure it was actually him.
After he’d cut off all communication with me that day in my dorm room freshmen year, I never thought I’d hear from him again. Years of me wondering how he was doing and beating myself up
over why he dumped me so easily, as if I’d been nothing to him.
And then there he was again.
We chatted a bit on social media before I gave him my number. He’d never called or texted me, but at least he had the means to do so if he ever wanted to.
William was just another guy to temporarily fill the emptiness Hunter had left behind, and just like all the others before him, I knew it wouldn’t be enough.
Chapter 5
Hunter
Snow in Willow, Arkansas was rare. In fact, it hadn’t snowed there—more than just flurries—in years. Yet, there it was falling from the sky in a beautiful torrent of white.
I stood at my kitchen window that Tuesday morning and watched it fall as I drank my second cup of coffee. Most areas of the grass were already covered. It was mesmerizing.
“Schools in Crawford County are closed,” the news anchor said on TV as a list of the schools flashed on the screen. “This includes Cedarville and Willow.”
A snow day. No work for me today, I guess.
I’d been fortunate to get the teaching position at my old high school right out of college. The previous English teacher had been about to retire, so I became her replacement. Three years of being a teacher and I didn’t want to do anything else. My work was too rewarding. Not all the students took the lessons I gave them, but the ones who did went on to be successful adults, and knowing I helped them for their future made my job worthwhile.
Yet… I still thought of him.
I’d never stopped.
Corbin Taylor had become a rock star in the sports industry, and I’d kept close tabs on him. He’d dominated on the college level at USC, not only kicking ass on the field but also keeping his grades up and graduating with a degree. I hadn’t been surprised when he’d gone pro.
No one was as determined as Corbin.
He became everything he’d always told me he’d be. When he wanted something, he didn’t stop until he got it. He’d been that way for as long as I’d known him, which was why I’d lied to him all those years before.
I’d known he’d achieve his dreams…but he wouldn’t have if he’d had me as a distraction.
Even seven years later, I still remembered our conversation over the phone where I told him I was glad he left—a lie that had crushed my heart to say. Little did he know that I’d thrown my phone against the wall after his last text to me. How I’d cried for the rest of the day and weeks after, wishing more than anything to hear his voice again but knowing I couldn’t; not if I truly loved him.
He had been so close to leaving California and returning home. I’d heard it in his voice. And while that would’ve been incredible, I didn’t want him to later regret his decision—to resent me.
Not wanting to hold him back, I had let him go. It’d been the hardest thing I’d ever done.
When I’d found out he’d reached his dream of playing pro-ball, it had been impossible not to reach out to him, though. Against my better judgment about re-opening old wounds, I had contacted him. We’d started talking after that, however I was careful about becoming too involved in his life.
Get him out of your head.
Even though I had the day off, I decided to look over my lesson plans anyway. I’d given my students a midterm exam before Christmas break, and we’d returned to school last week. I had barely started in on the new material, and now we were out for a snow day. I bet my students were ecstatic about it.
But me? Not so much.
I was in my home office, writing out possible short story activities that would help the kids with their creative writing, when my phone lit up with a notification. After pushing my glasses back on my nose, I checked it and couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. It was a direct message from Corbin on Twitter.
My smile was short-lived, though, as I reminded myself that nothing good could come from talking to him.
Corbin_Taylor: Is it snowing there? Just talked to Gramps and he said it’s really coming down.
My inner smartass wanted to point out that he’d pretty much answered his own question by saying Bill said it was snowing, but I realized he was just using it as a way to make conversation.
So much for getting him out of my head.
HunterWalsh: Yeah it is.
My response was short and to the point. I hated being so distant with him, but it’s how it needed to be.
Corbin_Taylor: Is having a snow day just as awesome as a teacher as it was when we were kids?
I wondered why he was trying so hard to keep me talking. The last I heard he was screwing around with some female model from the UK that he’d done some perfume ad with. Why waste his time by talking to someone insignificant from his past?
HunterWalsh: Not really. It means I have less time to get through my lesson plans.
Before the winter break, I had lectured on Shakespeare—no surprise there—and I’d had the class read A Midsummer Night’s Dream in class. I believed Shakespeare should be read aloud, especially when it came to high school students whose attentions were easily swayed. I had divided the class into three groups—the Royals, the Faeries, and the Mechanicals—and I’d given each of the kids roles to read out loud.
After each section, I’d stopped to discuss the text, ensuring that everyone knew what was happening in the play. The students had a lot of fun with it. I tried to make learning enjoyable, so I was always searching for ways to engage them. A more hands-on approach helped keep them interested in the material.
There was so much more I wanted to get through before summer, and the snow day put me behind. I’d try not to be too much of a sourpuss about it.
Corbin didn’t message me back. Guess he got the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
That made me feel bad, but what more could I do? We’d been in very minimal contact for three years, so it wasn’t like we were used to talking a lot.
I’d been sure to keep my distance.
Corbin wasn’t the same boy I’d fallen in love with so many years before. High school girls had pictures of him hanging up in their lockers, he was on the cover of several magazines, and he was even on a few billboards. Big companies had hired him to do commercials for them too. The goofy, crazy attractive guy who used to kick my ass at Mario Kart, eat all the chips, and talk about being with me forever was gone.
He was too far out of my league now.
After refilling my coffee, I continued working, putting all thoughts of my former best friend and the love of my life out of my mind.
***
The snow had mostly melted by the next morning. Only a few spots in the shade still had some covering the grass, but there wasn’t any ice covering the roads. Therefore, school was back in session.
I was happy about it, but the same couldn’t be said for my students. They walked into class with disappointment showing all over their faces.
“Come on, guys,” I said, refraining from laughing. “You got one day of freedom. Now it’s time to get back to work.”
“The new expansion pack for Dead Smash 2 released today,” Daniel said, plopping down in his seat. “Stupid snow should’ve lasted at least one more day.”
Daniel was the high school quarterback, and he played baseball in the spring. He cared a lot about his studies too and was a great kid. Even if he liked to whine.
“Your game will be waiting for you when you get home,” I said to him before grabbing the stack of papers from my desk and walking to the front of the room. The second bell rang, signaling the start of class. “Okay, this semester will focus a lot on writing. We’ll still be reading a few short stories from Edgar Allan Poe and others, but being able to express your views with writing is important. You’ll be writing a lot of papers in college, regardless of what subject it is, and I want to prepare you guys for it.”
I walked down the aisles and started passing out the papers.
“This is a guide on how to write a paper,” I said. “For an essay, there are three parts: the i
ntroduction, the body, and the conclusion. For creative writing, those rules don’t matter as much, but you still need to be able to string your thoughts into one comprehensive piece.”
After the papers were handed out, I went back to the front of the room and grabbed the marker. I wrote on the board as I continued talking. “I’m going to have you try your hand at both a research paper, and also a creative writing piece on whatever you choose.”
Kasey raised her hand. “A research paper?”
“Yep,” I said, putting the cap back on the marker. “Knowing how to research is important for college, again, regardless of subject. I’ll have a selection of topics that I’ll assign each of you next week. You’ll have class time to work on it, but I expect you to work on it at home as well.”
I spent the rest of class going over the sheet and answering any questions. As expected, most of them didn’t look too thrilled at hearing they’d have to write a research paper, but it was a necessary evil.
They’d thank me later.
When I was in college, I’d found out real quick how unprepared my high school teachers had made me, and I didn’t want any of them to go through that.
At the end of the day, I stayed in my classroom about an hour after school just in case any students needed to come in and talk about anything. Sometimes they had questions about an assignment and didn’t have time during school hours to ask them or were too embarrassed during class to do so. Once the hour passed, I packed up my things and went out to my car.
That’s when I got the call.
“Hello?” I said, not looking at the caller ID before answering. I flung my messenger bag in the passenger’s seat before sliding into the driver’s side and starting the engine. The snow had melted, but a chill still lingered in the air, and I wanted to get the heater going.
“Is this Hunter Walsh?”
I stopped fidgeting with the controls as a weird feeling settled in my gut. “Yes…who’s calling?”
Tangled Up In You Page 4
