by Faith Gibson
Deep down, I know I should call the agent, but I don’t. I don’t owe Adam anything at this point, but I will give him this head start. It will be the last thing I ever give Adam Murdock.
Chapter 26
Cass
“Tell me, Violet,” I say, harsher this time.
Violet sighs and closes her eyes. When she opens them, she downs everything in her glass before continuing. “I don’t know what side of Jamie she showed you, but the side we knew was wild. Don’t get me wrong; she loved you, but you set the bar pretty high when it came to being a good man. She’d never had that. Her mother never had that. She wanted someone as opposite our father as she could get. That was you.”
“Still doesn’t tell me why she cheated if she really did love me.”
“You were what she needed, but you weren’t what she wanted. Neil … Well, you know what Neil liked. Jamie was into the same kind of thing. She and I… let’s just say there’s a club where people like us can go to get what we want. It’s where she met Neil.”
I swallow back the bile in my throat thinking of my wife in a BDSM club. I guess you never really know a person, even if you’re married to them. I clear my throat and manage to say, “I never saw any marks on her body, not like what he did to you.”
“That’s because she got pregnant. He couldn’t whip her for fear of harming the baby. Jamie didn’t know who the father was, but she suspected it was Neil since they –”
“How did your dad know I wasn’t the one who killed her?” I ask, cutting Violet off.
“Because that’s not who you were. It’s still not who you are now, Ryan. You wanted them to go to prison for what they did, not put ‘em down like the dogs they are. He knew you didn’t kill Jamie, so he made sure you were taken care of in prison until he could get you out.”
“What do you mean, get me out?”
“How do you think you got parole seventeen years early? Our dad knows a lot of people in high places. Being the President of his club goes a long way in getting what he wants.”
“And you what, told him of my plan with Neil and Amanda?”
“Yes, only he wanted more than to see them go to prison, so he stepped in. It’s why he wanted you out of there. He wanted to protect you.”
“Did he have anything to do with the Feds across the street?”
“Yes. Don’t worry. He kept Lexie out of it.” Violet downs her whiskey and gives me a sad smile. “He knew from Buddha what you had planned for Adam. While you wanted Adam to be framed for the Tarot Card murders, Dad and Buddha made sure the Feds found all the evidence of everything Adam did over the years. Ryan, my father has the highest respect for you. From going from the nice guy when Jamie married you to the tough as nails man you became in prison, you proved to him to be worthy of that respect. It takes a lot for that to happen. There are men in the MC he doesn’t deem as worthy as he does you.”
“The murders began before I was released. Did your dad kill those men? And how exactly did he convince the Feds that Adam did it?”
“He didn’t kill them, not directly. Cass, you have to understand the Rejects are the second coming of the Hell’s Angels. Their reach is far and wide. Like with Adam’s boss, Captain Murray. He’s been in my dad’s back pocket since before he made captain. Taking out some of America’s most wanted is something the club has been doing for years, but it’s in such a way the local cops or the Feds get credit. When Dad and Buddha got together and decided to go after Adam, they called on other chapters for help. It’s scary what they can do, but I wouldn’t have anyone else for a father.”
“And Buddha? How does he fit in with all this? Is it because of Jared?”
Violet shook her head. “He’s our cousin. He moved here from Beaumont and patched into the Rejects right outta high school. I don’t hang around the clubhouse as much as I used to, but when he got out of prison, you were all he talked about. He wanted to get revenge for you as soon as he was released, but Dad told him it was your revenge to get.”
“Then why didn’t he let me get it?”
“He did, but he also got his own. Are you not satisfied? Adam’s going away for life, probably getting the death penalty if the inmates don’t get him first. Neil’s… Let’s just say Neil won’t be fucking anyone else’s wife ever again. He’s leaving Charles Cutler for you, if you still want at him. Lexie’s free for you to pursue.” Violet turns away from me. I can tell she wants to say something else. I would ask how they know about Lexie, but Buddha must have told them.
“It surprises me your father would include you both in his plans. What if we were caught? You would be implicated as well. And what was up with the tarot cards? I get the newspaper articles, but not the cards.”
Tiffany swirls the tequila in her glass. “The cards were my idea. I suggested a hint at first before they gave a full blown clue to who was really being targeted. A little mystery, if you will. As to why he included us, Jamie was our sister. We were in whether he let us or not. Besides, I’ve known Adam Murdock for a while now. He paid me a visit the other night. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I was still ready for him. I might have a lap dance and a fuck over my desk after on video.” She talks about fucking a married man like she’s talking about the weather. “Anyway, we are our father’s daughters. We grew up around the club, and some of their shit was bound to rub off on us.”
I guess so. Lucky for me where Violet’s concerned, but I guess some of their shit rubbed off on Jamie, too. “So it’s over? Clayton… or whatever your father’s name is… has everything tied up in a neat little bundle that’s not gonna blow back on anyone?” I can’t help but worry about someone from the hotel running their mouth about what I was getting up to. I never intended for anyone to die. Violet was right, I’m not that man.
“Paul. Our father’s name is Paul Bailey. And no blowback. Guaranteed. As much as I hate it, I guess you and I have no reason to hang out now that you don’t need me.” Violet’s rocking from foot to foot, looking at the floor. Tiffany excuses herself to check on their grandmother.
What am I supposed to tell her? Thanks for the pussy while I secretly pined for another woman? I guess it’s not so secret, though. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next. The people renting my house have decided to buy it. I’ll have enough money to start over, and I haven’t figured out if that’s here in The Hollows or not. You’re a wonderful woman, Violet Williams. You deserve someone who can give you what you want, and that’s not me.”
“I know. Your heart is with Lexie. I get that. She’s beautiful, and she’s not a whore.”
“Hey, stop it.” I pull her into my arms. I don’t do tears, and I’m not good with this self-deprecation bullshit, but I can try. “You’re not a whore. You’re a strong woman who did what you felt like you needed to for your family. Our family. I can’t believe I fucked my sister-in-law, though.” I kiss the top of her head. Maybe if I talk about family, she’ll be less inclined to try and make me feel guilty for how I used her. Not that it’ll work, because if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Except maybe the outcome with Lexie, even though I don’t know for sure how that’s going to play out.
“Good luck, Ryan. In whatever you decide to do. I’m glad I got to know you. This you.”
“I’m glad I got to know you, too. Thank you for everything.” I kiss her on the cheek and give her a good slap on her ass before walking out the door. Hey, it’s a fine ass.
When I walk outside, two of the FBI vehicles are still across the street. I don’t need to linger, so I get in the car and head to the safehouse. When I get there, Buddha’s Harley is sitting in the driveway. I park the sedan in the garage beside my Chevy. After I get my clothes from inside, I’ll have no reason to come back. This thing with Charles Cutler is going to take time and research. Now that Adam and Neil are no longer on my radar, I have nothing but time.
Buddha’s sitting on the sofa drinking a beer and flipping through the channels on the television. He g
ives me a chin lift but doesn’t say anything. Maybe he’s gauging my mood. I have no doubt Violet’s already called and told him I know everything. Well, not everything, but the gist of it all. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask as I take a beer from the refrigerator. I twist the cap off and toss it in the general direction of the garbage can.
“Would it have made a difference?” he asks, switching the TV off. He tosses the remote on the sofa beside him and stares my way.
“Probably not. I just… Thank you. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you and your uncle.”
“You’re welcome. It’s what family does, and as far as Paul and I are concerned, you’re family. You could repay us if you wanted to patch in. We’ve got a kutte waiting for you.” Buddha’s grinning, but I have a feeling he’s dead serious.
I can’t help but grin. “I’ll think about it,” I lie. I’ve thought about it, but it’s not going to happen. My future is too uncertain, but even if I stay in The Hollows, I’ve got other things to concentrate on for the immediate future. Like paying Jared back.
“Don’t leave, Cass. Don’t let all the bad shit run you out of town. Stay and fight for her.”
“I’ll think about it,” I repeat. Fuck, it’s all I can think about. Until I see Lexie for myself and gauge how she’s doing…
“Murdock’s going to jail. The Feds had enough on him to get a search warrant. They aren’t arresting him tonight. Instead, they’re hoping he’ll run. When he does, Lexie’s going to need a shoulder to lean on, brother.”
“What if she runs with him?” I need to get to her. Make sure she’s okay.
“She won’t. Besides, if she did, she’d have to come back when they get Adam. Either way, she’s going to need you.”
“I’m the reason she’s going to need someone,” I argue.
“Adam’s the reason, brother. Don’t forget that. Adam’s the one who fucked over her life by being a dick.” Buddha stands and tosses his empty bottle in the garbage. “You can stay here as long as you need. Keep the sedan as long as you need. I meant what I said. You have been my brother since we did time together. You’re family, Cass. You or Wolf ever need anything, you got all the Rejects at your back, not just me and Paul. Yeah?”
“Yeah.” We do our handshake, but Buddha pulls me in for a bear hug. Fucker. He slaps my back a couple of good whacks before strolling out the side door. When he fires up the Harley, I let the rumble of the motor and his words wash over me. I never understood how much pull an MC had until I started dealing with the Rejects. I thought they helped me because of Jared. Now I know it’s because of my ties to Jamie. Instead of blaming me for not being strong enough to protect my wife, they stood by me and took my back. It’s gonna take a while to wrap my head around that. Around all the shit I’ve found out tonight.
Not quite ready to go home, I pull a beer out of the refrigerator and have a seat on the sofa. As I sit in the dark, I think back to the day I met Jamie. God, it hurts to say her name, but now for a different reason. I had left church and stopped to get gas. She was at the next pump, and I thought to myself how pretty she was. It’s kind of ironic how Violet and I also had our first interaction the same way. Jamie winked at me, and I fell in love on the spot. Never really a shy person, I asked her if I could take her out sometime, and she said yes.
My mother fussed about Jamie because she didn’t go to church when I met her. Even after we began dating, she let me know church just wasn’t her thing. I didn’t mind, because I wasn’t judgmental, unlike my mother. It’s the first time I can remember ever being at odds with the woman. When it came time for us to get married, Lindy wasn’t able to afford a big wedding, and it wasn’t what Jamie and I wanted anyway. So we had a small affair in Lindy’s back yard. My parents attended, but my mother never let me forget she didn’t approve.
Life was good. Or so I thought. I had this beautiful girl by my side, and within less than a year, she was pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but I didn’t care. I had always wanted a houseful of kids. This thought makes me sick at my stomach, so I pour the unfinished beer down the sink and put the past where it belongs. Down the fucking drain with her memory.
I gather all my things out of the bedroom and bathroom. I leave the keys to the car on the kitchen counter, but I keep the door key. Just in case.
As soon as I pull down the driveway, Jared comes out of the garage, wiping his hands on a grease rag. Zeus sits on the ground waiting for me to get out of the car and give him some love, which I do. I don’t keep Jared waiting too long. I meet him halfway and he asks, “Well?”
Shaking my head, I say, “We’re gonna need alcohol for this shit. A lot of it.”
“That bad?”
“That fucked up.”
He frowns, but doesn’t question me. “I’m going to shut shit down out here. I’ll meet you inside in a second. Go ahead and pour us that drink.”
I gather my clothes out of the car and head inside. I take the suits and hang them in the closet before putting the hair products in my bathroom. I almost toss it all, but I don’t know what the future brings. I might have a reason to make myself presentable one day. I head back to the kitchen and pull an unopened bottle of Jack out of the cabinet. I take it and two glasses to the living room, pouring both full and setting Jared’s on the coffee table. I have half of mine gone when he and Zeus find me.
By the time I’ve recounted everything that happened from the minute I left home earlier to now, the bottle is empty and Jared’s just as dazed as I am. I tell him the part about the Feds and Adam, but I leave out how I feel about Lexie. What surprises me is he didn’t know any of it was going on. I figured with his ties to the Rejects, he would have known what they were up to. What surprises me most is he had no clue Clayton Hughes was really Paul Bailey, President of the MC.
“They’re solid, Cass. Every one of them I’ve ever met is trustworthy if you’re on their good side. I’ve always known they had a lot of pull, I just didn’t realize how much. They obviously had your back from day one. Buddha wouldn’t have betrayed that trust unless it was a life or death situation. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one in your corner.”
“Me, too.” I turn the bottle up only to find it’s still empty. My head is buzzing, but I’m not drunk. Just feeling the effects of the day. Not knowing what’s going on with Lexie. Not knowing what the future holds. Jared leaves me to my thoughts, but I don’t want to think. I want to drink until I pass out so I can put everything out of my mind for at least a few hours. I grab another bottle of Jack and proceed to get wasted.
Chapter 27
Cass
Just like that night three months ago, I’m sitting in the chair across from Lexie’s bed. It’s getting dark out, but not so dark she won’t see me. She told me – in a text to Amanda – she has a late appointment, so I know I have time to wait. This is a stupid idea. Just because Adam is gone doesn’t mean Lexie is mine. She’s probably less mine now than she was the first night I touched her. The night she captivated me in a way I thought no woman would ever be able to do again. The night she bravely told me “no” with tears in her eyes. In that moment, I felt such a deep regard for her. I also felt something deeper, something a lot like love.
I can’t do love.
Not anymore.
I’m a broken man, and if I allow myself to admit I love Lexie and she doesn’t return that love… I’ll be beyond the point of saving. When you fall in love, you assume it’s going to last forever. At least I did. I envisioned my wife and me growing old together, raising our children. I let myself imagine I would be a grandfather. That’s how far I was planning to go with her. Then she was taken away from me. No chance at that happily ever after fucking fairy tale I’d fooled myself into believing would be granted to me. Never did I think I could find that again. I didn’t want to find it. I’d had my life ripped away before. Who was to say it wouldn’t happen again?
In the past few months, I have found myself wanting. Wanting what was taken from
me. What should have been mine all along. There is something about Lexie that has pulled me in. Dragged me under. It was the softness of her skin. The taste of her lips. The sweet juices between her legs. The look in her emerald eyes. I got lost in Lexie Murdock, and I didn’t want to find my way home. Then I found out the truth. Foolish Ryan Cassidy is gone.
The Ryan Cassidy who walked out of the Texas State Prison is back.
Now I know I’m destined to be alone. Not even Lexie can bring me back from the depths I’ve been tossed into this time. That still won’t stop me from sinking deep into her slick heaven. I’m a goddamn glutton for punishment. Tonight, I’m going to make Lexie mine for a few short hours. I’m going to leave her house with the knowledge of what she feels like surrounding my cock. What she sounds like when she’s coming from the orgasm I plan to give her at the same time I’m getting mine. I’m going to give Lexie something to remember me by. I’m going to take something to remember her by.
A car door slams, and my heart tattoos a steady rhythm in my chest. I have anticipated this moment for months. I’ve dreamed of how this night would play out. No matter what happens afterwards, I’m going to allow myself a few hours to forget the past.
Forget the betrayal.
Forget everything except for the woman I can’t keep.
Lexie hesitates at the door when she spots me. The smile that slips onto her face has my breath catching in my throat. It’s tentative and sad. What I wouldn’t give to be on the receiving end of that smile every night for the rest of my life. What I wouldn’t give for it to be my reality. I would make sure the sadness was gone, though. I don’t move as she walks to where I am. I don’t move when she bends over and places her hands on the arms of the chair. It isn’t until her lips touch mine that I lift my hands, placing them on her waist. I let her dictate how the kiss goes. Soft at first. Teasing gentleness I’m not worthy of. When she straddles my lap, I move my hands from her waist to her tits. I don’t squeeze. I cup them as she leans back in for another kiss. This time, she opens and touches my lips with her tongue. Lexie takes over as she rubs against my hard-on.
