“Look at me, Carly,” he said, reaching out to her. She did, but didn’t take his hand so he took hers instead. “You know me. I like a good rush as well as the next person, but I’m not some adrenaline-junkie, death-cheating thrill seeker looking for his next fix. I’m not going to take stupid chances with my life. You have to believe me.”
“I want to believe you.” Her words filled him with relief, and he squeezed her hand. “But today, tonight, I couldn’t stop thinking about whether you were safe or not. Whether you would come back or not.”
“I’m here.” Jake embraced her. She felt so warm, so good in his arms. “I came back.”
“This time.” She sunk against him so he pulled her closer. “I want a family. I want what Hannah and Garrett have.”
“You can have that, Carly.” As Jake held her, he rested his chin on the top of her head. “Nothing is standing in the way. Our way.”
“But something is standing in the way.”
His gut tightened. “What?”
“The mountain. Mountains,” she admitted. “I can’t live with the uncertainty I felt today. I don’t want to.”
He loosened his arms and looked down at her. “I don’t understand.”
“You can’t guarantee nothing will happen to you, that every time you’re going to come back.”
“No one can guarantee that,” he said.
“But the odds are higher with you.”
Jake felt her slipping away. He didn’t want to let her go. He touched her arm. “I could see why you’d think that after what happened six years ago. But it’s not like I’m climbing a big mountain route in the Himalayas or Patagonia or even Alaska. You have to understand, there are always risks no matter what people do, whether it’s climbing a mountain or driving to the store.”
She said nothing.
“Carly.”
“I need guarantees,” she said softly, backing away from him. “I need to know you’re safe. I need to know you will be coming off that mountain, alive and in one piece.”
“There are no guarantees. You might want them or feel you need them, but they don’t exist, Carly.” He moved closer to her. “Even if I never climbed again, I could still be hit by a bus. That’s how life works.”
“Maybe that’s true, but I can’t go through it again.”
His heart skipped a beat. She didn’t mean…She couldn’t…
Jake stared at her. He expected his father to tell him to change his ways because he wasn’t good enough, but Jake never thought Carly would tell him what he ought to do. He’d given her everything he thought she needed. He was ready to give her everything she wanted. But if she wanted this…“Are you asking me to stop climbing?”
“No,” she said without hesitation. “You love climbing. I would never ask you to give it up.”
Relief washed over him. Climbing was a way of life for him, a life based in relationships with his partners and the mountains they climbed. “Good, because I don’t want to give it up. I can’t give it up. But I don’t get where this leaves us.”
“Where we’ve always been. Where we should have stayed. Friends. Just friends,” she said, as if everything they’d shared had never existed, as if these past few days had been nothing more than boot tracks swept away by the wind.
Jake didn’t buy it. He wouldn’t let her dismiss what they had so easily. Sometimes a single boot print would be scoured into the snow and preserved when the others had disappeared. He wanted to hold on to the woman who had left her mark on his heart. He didn’t see why anything had to change. “What if I don’t want to be just friends? Then what?”
Carly’s eyes glistened. “Then I guess there’s nothing left to say except good-night.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CARLY COUNTED the lunch receipts so she could close the register. She’d been back in Philadelphia more than a week, but still didn’t feel settled. She missed Hannah and the kids, missed being in Hood Hamlet, missed…Jake.
Two weeks later, his words still reverberated in her memory.
What if I don’t want us to be friends? Then what?
Then nothing.
Good-night had turned into goodbye.
She hadn’t seen him again. In a town the size of Hood Hamlet, that took some effort on his part. But Jake had made it clear. He hadn’t wanted to be friends. He hadn’t wanted anything to change between them. But she couldn’t allow things to stay the same, and she couldn’t change the way she felt.
And that was that. Over. Finished. The end.
She’d been trying so hard to avoid heartache again these past six years, but it had found her anyway. The hurt still felt raw. She wanted it to go away.
Brian, one of the brewery’s bartenders, motioned her over to the bar. Two televisions hung from the ceiling on either side of the bar. A twenty-four-hour news channel played on one, a sports channel on the other. He handed on a tall glass of freshly brewed ice tea complete with lemon, a straw and a small purple paper umbrella. “Here you go, Carly.”
“Thanks.” She appreciated his efforts and took a sip, but her favorite drink didn’t make her feel any better. Nothing had. She didn’t think anything would. “The lunch rush takes its toll.”
Brian wiped off the bar with a white towel. “So does spending nights in your office.”
She stirred her drink with the straw. “Who said I’m sleeping in my office?”
“Rumor,” he said. “You have to admit, you’re always here.”
“It’s my job to be here.” Better here at work than at her apartment. That place felt empty. Transitory. Lonely. After being in Hood Hamlet she’d gotten used to being around noise. People. Family. “But I may have been putting in a few extra hours this week.”
Brian raised a brow. “A few?”
Ignoring him, she took another sip of her tea.
He tossed the towel under the bar.
Something on one of the television sets caught her eye. She glanced up. A picture of Mount Hood with the words Missing Climbers was displayed on the screen. A shiver inched down her spine. “Turn that off. No. Turn it up.”
She was an idiot for watching this. The climber on the news wasn’t Jake. It couldn’t be. She was punishing herself needlessly because she couldn’t be the woman Jake wanted her to be. The partner he deserved. But…
Brian adjusted the volume on the news channel.
“The two injured climbers spent last night on the mountain,” the anchorman, who was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit with coordinating tie, said. “The deteriorating conditions have frustrated rescuers trying to reach the two men.”
Jake? Fear slithered through her. No, not him. But someone she knew could be trapped on the mountain. No matter if it were a friend or a stranger, Jake would be looking for them.
Every single muscle of hers tensed. Her stomach roiled.
The news cut to a woman reporter standing outside Timberline Lodge. She looked like she was freezing to death even though she wore a blue down jacket, a matching hat and thick gloves. The swirling snow made it seem as if she were standing in the middle of a snow globe gone wild. More than once the reporter lost her balance when a gust of wind hit.
Carly’s chest tightened.
If the weather was that bad at six thousand feet, it had to be a complete whiteout up top with high winds and—
“Weren’t you just there?” Brian asked.
She nodded impatiently, her attention fixed on the screen. The camera panned the landscape. She recognized the lodge. The Sno-Cats. The men and women wearing OMSAR jackets with the white lettering on them. Where was Jake?
The picture returned to the studio. The news desk looked so safe, so boring compared to what had been shown on the screen before.
“But rescuers haven’t given up and continue to battle the elements,” the anchorman said with a polished tone and blinding white teeth. “The teams were pulled off the mountain due to high winds and whiteout conditions yesterday, but with the break in the weather this m
orning, they headed back up. As you can see from our live footage, the weather has begun to change again. Most rescuers are on their way down, but at least one team may bivouac, that is, spend the night on the mountain, to take advantage of another weather break.”
Oh, Jake.
Rescuer safety is paramount in any mission. We don’t put ourselves in harm’s way.
Carly shook her head. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be one of those spending the night on the mountain.
“Wow,” Brian said. “I bet you’re glad you’re back here in civilization, huh?”
Of course she was. If Carly were there, she’d have to spend every minute glued to the news, shaking with anxiety, desperate to learn the fate of the climbers and the men and women searching for them on the mountain. Just like six years ago. Just like…
Now.
And that’s when it hit her. No matter if Jake climbed or not, did mountain rescue or not, she wouldn’t stop caring about him. She couldn’t turn off her concern even if she lived across the country from him. Because no matter what he did or didn’t, she would love him. She would always love him.
A new image appeared on the screen. The wives of the two injured climbers stood with Deputy Townsend. With amazing composure, one of them thanked the rescuers for battling the elements to search for her husband. She mentioned her husband was in the military and had just returned home after deployment in the Middle East. He’d been counting the days until he could climb Mount Hood with his best friend from childhood.
Hearing what the soldier survived during his tour of duty only to return home and be hurt on Mount Hood seemed ironic and wrong. But Carly realized Jake had right. Guarantees didn’t exist. No one could avoid risk.
Unless they wanted to avoid love altogether.
Carly had. Once. But no longer.
The warmth flowing through her pushed the coldness away. She was ready to take chances even if it meant another broken heart.
Jake.
She loved him. Nothing else mattered.
It was that simple, that complicated.
Carly slid off her bar stool. She knew exactly where she needed to be.
And with who.
The mountain takes; the mountain gives back.
As Jake carved S turns with his skis in the powder, the cold wind stung his face. People had died on Mount Hood. Some who were lost had never been found and were part of the mountain now. It wasn’t right or wrong. Just the way things worked. Which was why climbers, smart ones at least, treated the mountain with respect. No one wanted bad karma following them up there.
Today was one of the better endings. Adrenaline rushed through him. A happy ending.
Boo-ya.
The emotional high overcame his exhaustion. The team had found the two climbers, too late to bring them down safely with the weather conditions, so they’d built a snow cave and hunkered down for the night. Both men had suffered injuries from a fall, but they’d had the right gear and enough experience to survive that first night on their own. They’d been hurting, but relieved to learn they wouldn’t be alone for a second one.
Fresh rescue teams had arrived early this morning to take the injured down. His team had handed off the two subjects and stuck around until the groups headed down the mountain.
Sean, who led the rescue team, swooshed down on his splitboard in front of Jake. Bill and Tim skied behind them. Just like old times. The four of them hadn’t been on a team together in a while.
And like the old days, they turned down a Sno-Cat ride to the bottom. Nothing like the buzz of a successful mission to keep you going when everything else wanted to shut down. Even though they were cold and tired, not to mention hungry, no one wanted to pass up a run on new powder. Jake felt as good as a guy with a broken heart could feel.
Nearing the lodge, he saw the numerous satellite dishes sticking up. The media was out in full force on this multiday mission. No doubt the reporters would be waiting with microphones and questions.
Not that he minded.
Not when everything had turned out well. That was a welcome change from the way he’d been moping around. The last two weeks had been bad. A day hadn’t gone by when he hadn’t thought about Carly. Hadn’t missed her. At least not until heading out on this mission, where he’d been able to push everything out of his mind, including her, and focus.
The team stopped and removed their skis and splitboard. As soon as the press noticed them, the mob with cameras, microphones and tape recorders surrounded them.
People shouted out questions. Jockeyed for position. Waited for a sound bite.
“What was it like spending the night on the mountain?”
“Did you ever think you wouldn’t find them?”
“What led you to the climbers?”
“How do you feel right now?”
A knowing glance passed between Sean and Jake. Explaining to others how they felt right at the moment was nearly impossible beyond the clichéd “exhausted, excited, overwhelmed, running on adrenaline.” At this moment, everything down here felt insignificant, almost trivial, to what they’d been doing up there.
“That’s a good question for our rescue team leader to answer,” Jake said.
Sean shook his head, but he was the one team leader who always had something colorful or incendiary to say. He hadn’t become a media darling for nothing.
Jake would owe him a beer or three for sticking him with that though talking to the media was preferable to being left alone with thoughts of Carly hammering through his brain. Celebrating at the brewpub tonight might bring him out of his funk.
He wove his way through the crowd toward the day lodge where warm beverages and hot food awaited him. His boots crunched against the packed snow. His muscles ached. His stomach growled.
He looked at the double glass doors in front of him and nearly fell flat on his ass. It was all he could do to hold on to his skis so they didn’t clatter to the ground.
“Carly?” The unexpected sight of her brought a rush of warmth. Forget about a cup of coffee, he had all he needed right here. She stood there in her bright purple jacket, black pants and snow boots, blond strands hanging out from beneath her hat, looking like a dream. Except for the worry etched on her face. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw the news.” Her hazel eyes stared into his. All this time, he’d never noticed the gold flecks in them before. “I was worried, but most of all I just really missed you.”
She’d dumped him.
But…she’d missed him.
Worried about him.
Jake got a grip. Yeah, and that’s why she dumped him, because she didn’t want to worry about him anymore.
“Let me get this straight, you dropped everything, hopped on a plane in Philadelphia and flew out here?”
She bit her lower lip. “Pretty much.”
Who was he kidding? Jake rested his skis against the wall. He didn’t care why Carly was here. The fact she was proved…Hell, he didn’t know what it proved. He was just glad to see her.
Jake kissed her, a kiss full of need and pent-up frustration. She tasted warm and sweet. He wanted more.
Carly touched him, her hands shaking. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him, as if to assure herself he was all right.
“I stink,” he said.
“I don’t care.”
She trembled.
“Honey, it’s all right.” He held on to her, holding her close to his body and his heart. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“I know.” She ran her hands up his arms, cupped his face. “You’re trained for this, you don’t take unnecessary risks. I know. But I was still so scared.”
And that’s when he knew.
This wasn’t okay. It wasn’t worth it.
Jake followed his gut, knowing his instincts wouldn’t lead him astray. He couldn’t have her so worried about him all the time. He loved her too much to put her through this over and over again.
He looked down at her. The lo
ve reflected in her eyes nearly ripped his heart apart. She hadn’t asked, but he knew this was what he had to do. “I’ll quit mountain rescue.”
Carly drew back. “What?”
“I’m not letting you go again.” He ran his hand down her arm. “I won’t climb again if that’s what it takes to be with you.”
She stared up at him, her expression full of wonder. “You’d do that? For me?”
“Whatever it takes.” Jake squeezed her hand. “I love you.”
“You don’t have to stop climbing. The mountains are a part of who you are. I could never take that away from you.” Her smile reached her eyes and touched his soul. “What you do with OMSAR is important. That doesn’t mean I’ll like it all the time or not worry, but I’ll try not to think about it too much. As long as I’m with you, it’ll be okay.”
“Damn straight, it’ll be okay.” He picked her off the ground and kissed her. “You’ll be with me.”
“Yes, I will.” Her eyes sparkled as he placed her on her feet. “I was afraid of taking risks, afraid of losing someone I loved again, but you taught me to take chances. I didn’t know what would happen when I got on that plane yesterday. I don’t know what will happen now. But I’m willing to let whatever happens happen. And I’m willing to do that with you. I love you, Jake Porter.”
“Remember, I said it first.”
She laughed. He kissed her again.
Two teenagers carrying snowboarders walked by and snickered. One muttered something about getting a room. Punks.
She stepped back. “As much as I’d like to continue this, you’ve got to be cold and hungry and wanting to get out of those boots. Let’s get you inside.”
“Not yet.” Jake wasn’t prepared, but it didn’t matter. He knew this was the right time. Balancing with his pack on his back, he lowered himself to one knee and held her hand. “This hasn’t been the most traditional relationship, and we haven’t really had an official date yet, but I don’t care. Carly Bishop, will you marry me?”
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