He didn’t know what was right or wrong in all this. Was he putting his own needs before Cody’s? That’s the very last thing he wanted to do. His mother had done that all her life where her children were concerned.
“Okay, we do it your way and wait,” he finally said. “But if he comes home from school and starts asking questions because somebody said something to him, then you need to call me right away and we will talk to him together.”
“Of course,” she readily agreed.
Knox wanted to be angry. He didn’t know if the root cause of that emotion was the tell-all blog, his desire to let Cody know who he was, or his ever-present desire for Allison. And he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t something deeper...something he refused to acknowledge even to himself.
Cody burst through the door, bringing with him sunshine and smiles, and Knox’s anger couldn’t be sustained with his son’s happy presence.
“How was school?” he asked after Cody greeted them and as he put his backpack in the hall closet.
“It was okay. We had a spelling quiz and I got all the words right.”
“I knew you were a smart kid the first time I met you,” Knox replied.
Cody beamed up at him. “So, what are we gonna do today, Knox?”
“I thought we’d go back to Thorne’s and play some catch with a baseball and then build a fire in the barbecue pit and cook some hamburgers and hot dogs,” Knox said.
“That sounds cool, but I don’t have a baseball or a glove,” Cody replied.
“I’ve got you covered. I’ve got two new ball mitts and a baseball in the car. One of the mitts is yours to keep.”
“That’s awesome.” Cody’s eyes shone.
“And what do you say?” Allison said.
“I say ‘thank you,’” Cody replied with a wide grin.
“Go up and get a jacket before you leave,” Allison instructed. “It will be cool as the sun goes down.”
“I’ll be right back.” Cody raced up the stairs.
“Hey, mister...slow down,” Allison called after him and then looked back at Knox. “You’ll have him home by seven?”
He nodded. “Have you gotten any more nasty texts from Chad?”
“No. Nothing today. Maybe Sheriff Jeffries talking to him did the trick.”
“What about Brad?”
“No other problems with him, either. Thankfully it’s been a peaceful day.”
Cody came back downstairs with a navy jacket in his hand. “Okay, I’m ready to go.” He turned to look at Allison. “What are you going to do tonight while I’m gone?”
“I don’t know, maybe I’ll dye my hair pink and start a rock-and-roll band,” she replied, her eyes wonderfully warm and sparkling as she gazed at her son.
Cody rolled his eyes and looked at Knox. “Don’t worry, she isn’t really going to do that. She’s probably just going to watch some sappy, girlie movie.”
Knox envied their easy, loving relationship. It was love without condition and he had never had anything like that in his life...except maybe briefly with Allison...before she lied to him...before she’d ripped his heart out.
“Let’s get going, champ,” he said, and after a final goodbye he and Cody headed out the door.
During the drive to Thorne’s, Knox asked Cody questions about school, his teacher and his friends. He wanted to know everything he could about Cody’s life.
He wanted to know the names of the friends he spent his spare time with and what things interested him other than horses. He needed to know what foods he liked and what television shows he enjoyed. He even wanted to know what his son dreamed about when he slept.
Time.
Allison was right; he needed to be patient and allow the relationship to build naturally. He just hoped Cody didn’t hear about him being his father from someone else.
The way he felt about Cody only magnified the utter dysfunction in his own family. His father hadn’t wanted him enough to fight for him and Livia had only wanted him when it was convenient to trot him out for a photo op. Knox would take a bullet for Cody, but he knew without doubt if faced with a gunman his mother would have used Knox as a shield.
He and Cody played catch in Thorne’s pasture for about forty minutes or so and then saddled up two of Thorne’s horses for a short ride.
He made sure that the horse Cody mounted was a gentle mare and he was proud to see how the boy sat easily and relaxed in the saddle. Cody was obviously a natural.
They rode slowly, chatting about anything and nothing. They were almost back to the stables when Cody asked him if he had a girlfriend.
“No girlfriend for me,” Knox replied.
“And you aren’t married, right?”
“Right. Why?” He looked at Cody curiously, but Cody refused to meet his gaze.
“I was just wondering. You know my mom isn’t married and she doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Cody then shot a quick glance at him. “My mom is really pretty and she can cook real good, too. Don’t you think she’s pretty, Knox?”
Uh-oh. Knox definitely smelled an attempted matchmaking going on. Aware that he should tread lightly, Knox took a moment before replying. “Yes, your mother is very pretty, Cody. But I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now.”
“Why not? Don’t you ever get lonely, Knox?”
Over the past ten years, loneliness had been a constant companion. Sure, Knox had made lifetime friends with some of his fellow Rangers, but friendship hadn’t filled the core isolation that had plagued him since he’d left Shadow Creek behind.
“I think Mom is lonely,” Cody continued before Knox could reply. “She’s got me, but I think she really needs a boyfriend.”
“Maybe she’ll find one someday,” Knox replied, hoping that would put an end to any further idea Cody might have of playing Cupid.
Still, Knox was vaguely surprised that the thought of Allison with another man bothered him more than a little bit. Seeing her again, being around her again, had definitely stirred up some old feelings...feelings he didn’t want to have.
It was while they were eating dinner with Thorne that Cody brought up the subject of a horse of his own. “Maybe Mom would listen to both of you if you’d talk to her. I’m ready to have my own horse, and I’d ride him and brush him and take real good care of him.”
Thorne raised his hands with a laugh. “Don’t get me involved in this.”
Cody looked at Knox. “Then you could talk to her, Knox. She likes you and she’d listen to you. You saw how good I ride. You know I’m ready for a horse of my own.”
“I can’t promise anything but I’ll put in a good word for you,” Knox said.
“Thanks,” Cody replied. “Now could I have another hot dog?”
They finished up dinner and cleanup and by then it was time to take Cody home. “I thought maybe you’d like to spend Saturday with me at Jade’s,” Knox said as they pulled into Allison’s driveway. “I know you usually work there on Saturdays, so your mom and I thought we could hang out there together.”
Knox parked the car but didn’t turn off the engine. “It’s okay with me if it’s okay with you. Aren’t you coming in?” Cody asked.
“Not tonight,” Knox replied.
“But I thought you were gonna put in a good word for me...you know, about a horse.”
Knox smiled at his son. “And I promise I will, but tonight I need to get back to Thorne’s. I’ll be back here bright and early on Saturday and maybe I can sneak in a good word or two for you then.”
“Okay. Thanks for a great day and I’ll see you Saturday.”
Knox watched his son as he raced to the front door. It was only when Cody was inside the house that he backed out of the driveway and headed back to Thorne’s.
He hadn’t gone inside to see Allison
because he wanted to go inside and see her. The talk about loneliness and boyfriends had left him feeling oddly vulnerable, and there was no way he wanted to see her with the hollowness that blew through him at the moment.
He definitely didn’t want to think about Allison being lonely. There had been a time when they’d filled each other up, made each other whole.
She’d mourned the absence of her mother and he’d mourned the absence of a kind and loving parent. Besides their overwhelming sexual chemistry, they had been the best of friends.
But those times were long gone and there was no going back. It was probably just nostalgia making him want Allison again.
He’d dated several women in the last ten years and had looked for that chemistry, that basis of friendship with each woman, but the ideal mate he’d sought had been elusive.
When his mother was caught, he’d return to his job in El Paso. He’d come back to Shadow Creek for vacations and whenever he had time off to see Cody, and he’d have his son visit him there whenever possible.
There was no reason for him and Allison to have a relationship other than what they needed for the well-being of their son. He didn’t need to come inside the house and talk to her when he picked up or dropped off Cody.
He could want her all day long, but taking her to bed without any plans to have her in his life wasn’t fair to her and ultimately it wasn’t fair to him.
There was only one thing he had to keep in mind. Fort Knox didn’t need anyone in his life except the son he hadn’t known existed.
* * *
Allison hurried through the front door and into the kitchen, where she deposited her purse on the table. It had been a hellacious week and if she was completely honest with herself, she’d admit that she didn’t mind that Knox was picking up Cody for their Thursday evening together.
She could use the hours they were gone to completely relax and get the bad taste that work had left out of her mouth. They’d had to make another police report that morning about more vandalism on the Wilkenson place, and she’d had to spend a half an hour on the phone assuring the new owners that there would be no delays on the work being completed according to the timeline they’d agreed to.
She’d also had to move two of her men from another job to the Wilkenson one to make sure she hadn’t made a false promise to the owners.
She sank down at the table and looked at her watch. Knox should be arriving at any moment, but she didn’t expect him to come inside the house.
Both Saturday and Tuesday, when he’d picked up and dropped off Cody, he hadn’t come inside. She should be relieved that he apparently was seeking some distance from her, and it irritated her that rather than feeling relieved she was more than a little bit disappointed.
Cody had come home from his time with Knox bubbling with happiness. It was obvious the two were growing very close. Maybe it was time for her and Knox to sit down with Cody and tell him the truth.
Just maybe it was time for her to trust that Knox would always make Cody a priority in his life. They had been lucky so far that Cody hadn’t heard any rumors after the blog had outed Knox as his father. If anyone was talking about it in the community, then they were talking behind her back because nobody had said a word to her.
She got up from the table, walked over to the window and stared out at the sky blue birdhouse that hung from one of the tree limbs. Next to it hung another birdhouse. It had once been a bright pink, but had weathered over the years to a pastel.
She’d been ten when she and her father had built that one together. She remembered sitting at the kitchen table and listening as he told her how to fit the wood together and how important it was to nail them together tightly so the birds would have a nice, dry home.
She’d felt so warm, so loved as his big hands had covered her smaller ones to guide her, as she’d breathed in the scent that belonged to her father alone.
Father.
Cody needed to know that he had one who loved him. She saw the love that shone from Cody’s eyes when he talked about Knox. Yes, it was definitely time to make it official.
She turned away from the window and walked to the front door. She peered outside to see Knox’s car sitting in the driveway.
She went out the door and walked to the car, intensely self-conscious as he watched her. No man’s gaze had ever filled her with the heat that his did. He could make her feel completely naked with a languid glance from those bright blue eyes.
He rolled down the car window as she approached. “What’s up?” he asked.
“I was wondering if you want to come inside. I think maybe it’s time for you and me to sit down and have a little talk with Cody.”
His eyes instantly lit up with warmth and a hope that touched her heart. Allison suddenly remembered the absolute wonder, the overwhelming joy she’d felt when the doctor had first placed Cody in her arms. She was now sorry that she’d deprived Knox of that miracle moment.
“You think he’s ready?” he asked.
“I think we’re all ready,” she replied. She stepped aside as he opened the door and got out of the car.
“It’s crazy, but I feel as nervous as I did the first time I asked you out for a date,” he said once they were in the house.
She looked at him in surprise. “You were nervous when you asked me out?”
He smiled at her, the warm, wonderful smile that she remembered from that day so long ago. “God, yes. It took me a full week to work up my nerve.”
“The smooth Knox Colton? Trust me, it didn’t show.” She sat on the sofa and he took the chair opposite her.
“Do I look nervous now?” He raised a hand and swept it through his short hair.
This unexpected vulnerability, the show of nerves she’d never known him to possess, once again shot an arrow of sweetness through her heart. His uncharacteristic openness only spoke of his love for his son.
“You look fine, Knox,” she replied.
He leaned forward. “Do we need to come up with a story about why I haven’t been around before now?” A frown danced across his forehead. “I don’t want him to believe anything or anyone was ever more important to me than him.”
Fear suddenly replaced the warmth that Allison had been feeling. If they told him the truth, that she hadn’t informed Knox about Cody, then would Cody hate her for keeping his father from him? Would this build a new relationship between Cody and Knox and at the same time destroy hers with her son?
“Allison, I don’t want you to take the fall for this,” he said as if reading her mind. “I definitely don’t want this to ruin the relationship you have with him. There’s no reason he needs to know everything that transpired between the two of us at that time. Why don’t we just tell him that I was off fighting crime and you didn’t know where I was or how to contact me to tell me about him?”
“That works for me if it works for you,” she replied in relief. There was really no reason to assign blame in this situation; besides she wasn’t the only one to blame for the circumstances that had led them to the here and now. In any case, there was no reason to burden a child with adult things.
Knox checked his wristwatch. “He should be here anytime. Maybe the three of us should go to dinner together tonight to celebrate.”
As much as she would like that, she didn’t want Cody to get the idea that somehow, someway they were going to all be one, big, happy family. She didn’t want to fool herself into believing they could ever be a family again.
“Thanks, Knox, but I think the occasion calls for a father-son celebration,” she replied. She wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or disappointed that she didn’t intend to join them.
He stood from the chair and glanced at his watch once again. “You want to come outside and wait for him with me?”
“Okay,” she agreed. They stepped o
ut the front door and she took a seat on the swing, vaguely surprised when he joined her there.
“Still no more texts from Chad?” he asked and kicked his foot to move the swing back and forth.
“No texts, but the last two days he’s been sitting on the bench in front of the post office across the street from my office and staring at my building. It’s like he’s reminding me that he’s still around and he’s still angry.”
Knox put a foot down to stop the swing. “Did you call the sheriff?”
“For what? It isn’t against the law for a man to sit on a bench.” It had certainly been unsettling and more than a little bit creepy, but there was really nothing she could do about it.
“You want me to punch him in the nose?” He asked the question lightly, but the intensity of his gaze on her let her know he’d do it in a minute if she asked.
She laughed. “I appreciate your chivalry, Mr. Colton, but I would hate for Cody to have to visit you in jail, and there’s no doubt in my mind Chad would press charges against you.”
“Speaking of Cody, where is he?” Knox got up from the swing and moved to the edge of the porch where he could look up the sidewalk.
Allison looked at her wristwatch. “He’s only five minutes later than usual. Some days he’s as much as fifteen minutes later because either the bus was slow to leave the school or the bus driver pulled over to the side of the street to yell at the kids if they got too rowdy.”
Knox shot her a warm smile. “I’m just more than ready to be his dad for real.” His smile fell and he held her gaze. “Whether I return to the Rangers or not, Cody is always going to be a priority in my life. I promise you that.”
“Whether you return? Is there some question of you not returning?”
He frowned. “No, of course I’m eventually going back. I just want you to know that no matter where I live, no matter what I do, I’ll always figure out a way to be a good father to Cody.”
“That’s all I want from you, Knox,” she replied. But there was a little part of her that could still drown in the blue waters of his eyes and a big chunk of her heart that would always belong to him.
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