by T A. McKay
I hear the bell above the door ring telling me someone’s entered the shop. I pray that it’s Paul’s next client and not him, I don’t know if I would be able to cope with anymore of him today. I run my hands over my top and skirt trying to get rid of any creases that might be there from sitting on the floor. Plastering the biggest smile on my face I walk to my desk and see a pretty girl standing there. I can actually feel my body relax as I see her, knowing it isn’t him. Even as I speak to her, explaining that Paul had a sudden family emergency and that she would get her tattoo half price, I can’t stop thinking about how difficult it will be working with him. I wonder if now is the time to look for a new job, but it would be difficult to try and find something that I will enjoy as much as this. It will be an impossible that will be, I love my job here and I love working with Gabe. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
Chapter Seventeen
Where the fuck is it? I'm starting to freak out now, I can’t find my phone, if I don’t find it in the next five minutes I'm going to have to leave without it. I promised Gabe I wouldn’t be here when he got home but I can’t leave without my bloody phone. I throw all the pillows off my bed, I’m so sure I last saw it when I threw it on here while getting dressed. I hear my message alert beep and I squeal, dropping to the floor and following the noise. I can see the screen flash with the message and I lie on my stomach, reaching under the bed to grab it. Sneaky little bugger, I knew it was around here somewhere. Right, now to get out of here.
I'm making my way along the hall with a relieved smile on my face when I hear the front door shut with a wall-shaking slam. Shit. I should have been gone long before he got back. I contemplate sneaking out through the back door but he walks around the corner, throwing an empty beer bottle as he goes. I gasp as it flies through the air and thankfully I manage to duck before it reaches me. Instead it smashes on the wall behind, cracking the plaster and leaving beer dripping down the wall. I'm crouched on the floor surrounded in smashed glass when I hear footsteps rushing towards me.
“Shit, Rhys, are you okay? Oh god, I'm so sorry.” I can hear the pain in his voice as he talks making me look up at him. He reaches out and helps me from the floor, gently lifting me by the arms. Even with his anger I feel secure with his hands on me, especially after the day I’ve had, but my breath catches in my throat when I look up into his eyes. Gabe has always tried to hide his pain but I’ve seen it, no matter how deep he tries to bury it. I know he’s trying to hide from his past and not let his experiences control him but his nightmares tell me he’s failing. Today though, his pain is right there for all to see. He looks so tortured and I just want to reach out and hold him.
‘I … I’m fine. Sorry I'm still here, I was just getting my phone. Are … are you all right?” I see his muscles clench with the tension and I wish I could take the words back as soon as I see his reaction.
He steps back from me, his arms dropping to his side, his fists clenching and unclenching. I make a move towards him, giving in to my need to touch him but he holds his hand up in front of him keeping me at bay. I stop but continue to stare into his eyes. I can see the confliction there, anger and pain but there’s something else there, something I can’t work out. He’s trying hard to hide it, but I know him too well now. I just wish I knew what emotion it was.
Shaking his head he turns and heads back down the hallway. I'm torn trying to decide what to do. There is a huge part of me that wants to follow him, to see if there is anything I can do to help. I want him to know that it isn’t only sex between us, that I'm here for him and all he needs to do is ask. The other part of me just wants to leave, let him have his privacy. I shouldn’t have been here anyway, he had already asked for me to go out but my timing is terrible. He obviously didn’t want me to see what he’s going through but I can’t just walk away.
I follow him down the hall and into the kitchen where I find him standing by the back window looking out over the garden with a glass in his hand. I haven’t seen Gabe drink much before but going by the bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter that will change tonight. He raises the half full glass to his lips and empties it, walking to the counter he refills the glass before walking back to the window. I move forward quietly, standing close behind him silently. I see his shoulders tense when he senses me there but he doesn’t speak, he just raises the glass again and drinks. I lose track of time as we stand there together, not talking. His glass is empty but he doesn’t make a move to refill it.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is rough when he speaks, sounding like he’s trying to talk through unspent tears. I reach out, my hand pressing against his back. I feel the muscles tense underneath his shirt but I don’t move away. I start to rub his back, trying to ease some of the tension.
“I knew I would be like this, it’s why I didn’t want you here.” I move closer to him, rubbing my hands in larger circles on his back and leaning my head against his shoulder.
“He always makes me feel weak. A few words from him and I feel like a kid again.” I have a feeling that the ‘he’ that he's talking about is his dad, maybe he decided to go see him after all. That would explain his mood today. I stand there letting him talk, just listening to him so he can get everything out. He takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling.
“I hate that he can make me feel like this so easily. It’s why I haven’t seen him since his arrest. I feel so out of control. So weak.” I continue rubbing his back. I don’t think he’s looking for me to talk to him, he just needs to speak.
I walk around to stand in front of him. It takes a few seconds but he finally looks down at me, our eyes connecting with mine. He doesn’t look away and neither do I, we just stand there staring at each other.
“You are not weak.” I see tears forming in his eyes as I speak but it doesn’t hide the heat that’s also simmering there. The bright blue that I'm used to darkens to a deeper shade, showing me that he’s feeling the same as me. I should walk away and let him deal with this by getting drunk but I can’t. That spark is always there, a current of underlying electricity that is ready to explode. It’s this attraction that makes my heartbeat faster and everything below my belly button tingle. I move closer to him so there is barely an inch between us but nothing is touching, I need him to be able to move away from me if he doesn’t want this. I reach out and touch my hand to his chest.
“You are not weak.” His eyes close and his head drops as a tear runs down his cheek. I wipe the tear away with my thumb and repeat what I need him to hear. He is breaking my heart but I need to show him how fucking strong he is, he's still here even after everything he’s been through.
“You are not weak.” And he isn’t. He’s the strongest man I know. I know that he has experienced so much pain in his past, pain that still haunts him. He doesn’t burden anyone with his pain and never shows weakness … until now. His eyes open, fire burning in them.
“I feel weak. He takes my control. I need control.” His voice is so deep and it makes me ache for him. I shouldn’t be feeling like this when he’s close to breaking, I shouldn’t want him to take me and use me as he needs but I do. He has this power vibrating from his body. It’s like he’s using all his control to keep himself together but that control is about to break and I want to be the one on the end of that explosion. The feeling puts me out of my comfort zone, making me say something that I never imagined I would but I want to make him feel better, I need to give him anything he needs.
“Then take the control back. Control me, Gabe.” I hear a small gasp from him and I wonder if I’ve made a huge mistake.
I’m struggling to breathe. I can’t believe what’s just come out of her mouth, she spoke with so much strength that I wanted fall to my knees and worship her. I have dreamt about her saying those words to my since the first time I was with her.
I’ve been trying to keep it together since that she was still here, seeing my dad threw me, it was even worse than I had imagined. He had taken great pleasure in telling me
how he’d killed my mum that night and that he only left me behind because he thought I was dead as well. I thought maybe he had wanted to make amends for everything he’d done but I was so very wrong. He’d only wanted a captive audience to tell his warped story too. I stormed out after ten minutes, unable to listen to any more of his shit. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts on the drive home, emotions that I had tried to repress my whole adult life. I know I didn’t want her to be here when I got home but seeing her just made me want to hold her, let her soothe my frazzled nerves. When I nearly hit her with the beer bottle I had been so angry with myself. I’d let my anger take over, I acted just like my father.
My emotions had me feeling like I didn’t know which way was up, so many thoughts leaving me confused. I needed to get away from her, that’s why I left her standing in the hall, I’d hoped she would leave. The last time I let my anger control me I’d hurt her and I refuse to let that happen again, she is too important to me. I could sense when she entered the kitchen and even though I didn’t turn around I felt her, I knew she was near. With all the fucked up emotions running through me the one I didn’t expect was lust. Heat flooded my body as her perfume reached my nose and I had to down my drink. I wanted to become numb, I wanted to forget. I hadn’t meant to speak to her, I was planning on just waiting until she got bored and left but my mouth had other plans. When she didn’t she didn’t answer, I kept talking and couldn’t stop. it’s the first time since Clay that I have felt comfortable sharing with someone since Clay. Then she touched me, the warmth of her fingers seeped through my shirt and seared my skin as she rubbed my back whilst I spoke. When she laid her head on my shoulder I just wanted to turn around, pull her into my arms and feel her pressed up against me.
What we have is just sex, there are supposed to be no feelings involved but I want her to be my comfort. I want her to be the person to give me the one thing I’ve been looking for all my life. I want her to be my home.
When I did turn around and our eyes connected all I could see was undisguised lust. The moment I saw them I knew I would lose the battle to not touch her. My chest had tightened the more she spoke telling me that I'm not weak. She’s the first person since my mum that’s told me I’m strong, that I wasn’t the weakling my dad constantly told me I was. I had meant to stay strong and not show any emotion but I just couldn’t control the single tear that rolled down my cheek. I thought she would laugh at me and tell me that that I was crying like a girl but she didn’t. Instead, she gently wiped the tear from my cheek and the feeling of her fingers gave me more strength and courage than I have never experienced before.
I'm looking at her now and she must see what she’s doing to me. I want her so badly to lose myself in her goodness. But fuck, when she said, ‘then take the control back. Control me, Gabe.’ Hearing those words have my head spinning and my dick hardening. I just stare at her and I see colour spreading over her cheeks. I should say something, anything, but any words are stuck in my throat. Her eyes drop from mine and she moves away from me. Watching her move away actually makes me panic and I reach out, my hand grabbing the back of her neck. It’s her turn to gasp as her eyes connect with mine. I pull her body against me and drop my forehead to hers.
“Say it again.” I need to make sure she knows what she’s saying. I have enough alcohol pumping through my system to make me want to make sure we’re both on the same page. I'm not drunk so I would never use that as an excuse but my head is fuzzy and pleasantly numb. I want nothing more than to bury myself in Rhys and forget everything.
“Gabe, please? I want you to take what you need from me.” Her voice is low and sexy and my jeans become even tighter. I don’t even think about what to do next, I just react.
My mouth crashes onto hers and I lose my grasp on reality. I’ve constantly dreamt of her mouth since our first kiss, never able to get enough of it. Her lips are soft and warm and instantly part allowing my tongue access. She tastes of toothpaste like she’s just brushed her teeth and I try to taste her underneath the mint. My hand grabs her hair, moving her to the angle I want and she moans into my mouth. Fuck, she’s amazing. Her body is so soft against me. Her breasts rub over my chest and her stomach against my hard on, making me groan. I move both my hands down her body, wrapping them around her arse and lifting her up. She squeals as her feet leave the ground and I move us from the kitchen. She wraps her arms around my shoulders as I make my way to her bedroom. It’s the closest room to the kitchen and I’m struggling to get there before I take her against the wall. She doesn’t make a sound as we move, just letting me do what I need to, its like she understands that I need this to gain back some sanity. Its then that I realise that she just gets me, she sees me for who I really am and there and then I realise she’s worked her way into my heart a little more.
When my knees connect with the edge of the bed I release my hold on Rhys, dropping her onto the middle of the mattress. She leans up on her elbows and looks at me with a sexy little smile on her lips. Her tongue flicks out, wetting her lips and I just want to suck them into my mouth. She’s lying there panting and my focus is torn between watching her breasts straining against her vest top and looking at her sexy legs that are on show since her skirt has risen to her waist.
I must stare for too long because she starts to look nervous, like she’s not sure what to do. I move quickly not wanting her to feel awkward with what’s about to happen. She wants me to take control so now is my one chance to show her how good it can be. I lean over her, forcing her to lie back against the sheets. Her hair fans out around her head and she looks like everything I have ever wanted. I close my eyes and try to shut out all those thoughts. This isn’t about feelings, this is about control, about claiming back what my dad has stripped from me.
I kiss her, letting all my need flow from my body to hers and showing her see how much I need this. Her body arches against me and I use it as an invitation to explore, all the times we’ve been together I haven’t taken the time to worship her like she deserves. My lips move across her cheek and trail down to her neck. She smells like flowers and sunshine and I breathe in deeply, drowning in her scent. My dick throbs against my jeans and I lose the patience that I wanted to possess. I wanted to take it slow and take my time with her body but I can’t. I have a very desperate need to be inside her and I can’t deny myself any longer.
I rise up and pull my shirt off over my head. Her eyes move over my body and her stare feels like a caress. She licks her lips again, taking one between her teeth and it takes everything in me not to say fuck it and take her instantly. Even though this is about me and my control I need to make sure she’s satisfied, so I need to get her off first and then I'm taking mine.
I stand next to the bed and grab her behind the knees, pulling her towards the edge of the mattress. I chuckle as her eyes widen, shocked at my sudden movement. I pull her sandals from her feet and throw them onto the floor, returning my hands to massage her soles. She moans and I swear I can feel it all the way to my balls, she really isn’t going to make this easy for me. Her denim skirt and white vest soon follow her sandals leaving her lying there in just her knickers. I stand and stare at her making her feel nervous again and I see her hands moving up to cover her breasts, no way that is going to fucking happen.
“Keep your hands by your side, don’t cover what I want to see.” My tone is hard and it will leave Rhys with no doubt that I want to be obeyed. Her eyes widen but her hands stay where they are, I also see her thighs rub together letting me know that either my words or tone excited her, I’m going to have fun finding out which one it was. I let my gaze return to her breasts and my mind fills with thoughts of sucking as much of them into my mouth as I can. They aren’t huge but are a perfect, they fill my hands and they are perfectly pert and full, topped of with large pink nipples that I want to take between my teeth. Later, the first thing I’m going to do is taste her. My mouth waters as I stare between her legs, her knickers already showing how wet she is.
I undo my jeans and remove them slowly, letting the anticipation build between us. I leave my boxers on, I need to leave that level of protection there for Rhys, if I was naked I doubt I would have the will power to give her pleasure first. I run my hands up her thighs, massaging gently as I move higher. I hear her breathing stutter, leaving her panting under my hands. Getting to my knees I lean forward and run my nose along the wet patch on her knickers. She moans as my nose flicks over her clit through the lace. Fuck me, she smells so good. I pull my hand up to pull her knickers aside, there is no way that I can wait any longer to taste her.
When my tongue touches her for the first time I don’t know who moans louder. My dick surges against my boxers, trying to find its way to the heaven that my tongue has found. I lick her like I'm eating an ice cream, alternating between long strokes and little flicks of my tongue. Her wetness coats my tongue and I pray that I will be able to taste this for many weeks to come. Her underwear keeps betraying me by trying to cover her and it’s starting to piss me off. I growl as I reach up, grabbing the edges of the lace in my hands. One hard tug and the lace gives way, allowing me full access to paradise. I look up at Rhys and her eyes once again wide as she watches me return my mouth to her pussy. I see her eyes glaze over as I take her clit into my mouth and flick my tongue over it. It’s like she’s transfixed as if she needs to see what I'm doing to her body. I suck harder and push a finger inside her. It must be too much for her because she drops back, lying flat on the bed. I thrust my finger in and out of her, adding a second finger to her tightness. Rhys moans as I finger fuck her, my mouth continuing to torture her clit in the best possible way. I feel her tighten around my fingers and I know she’s close. I’ve never been so happy to make a woman to come before, but I want to be buried so deep inside Rhys and I want it now. Her moaning becomes louder and her body pushes against my mouth. I push a third finger into her and her body arches off the bed again and her hands grab my hair. I should stop what I'm doing and tell her to raise her hands above her head but the pain she is creating is only adding to my pleasure.
