by Aya DeAniege
“I’m not colour blind.”
“So, the cats do look different to you, and you placed the wrong ones in the wrong apartments, knowing that the one owner would be gone for some time and the other is out of town. What did you think would happen to the four cats you placed up here?”
“My contact information isn’t on the lease, but I do live here. I would have noticed and stayed up until the office opened. It would have been sorted out by morning.”
“The point is, someone else’s property was destroyed. We’re going to need the other tenant’s contact information. She’ll need to be notified and then decide what to do with the remains.”
“Do you still need Helen?” Quin asked. “The only thing you haven’t asked is about her previous boyfriends.”
“The only one who even knows where I live now is a professor I dated. He told me he was separated and he wasn’t. His wife was not happy about it. You don’t think she did this, do you? She’s a tiny woman.”
“We’ll need his contact information, hers too if you have it.”
I provided the officers with the information I had. They also took down my cellphone number, interviewer number, and Quin’s contact information.
The interviewer number had been assigned to us based on when our application had been received. My number was two-four-nine-six as I had gotten in the application relatively early. Despite that, I was the last one chosen.
That number was linked to several databases. The vampires may have been paying for the whole program, but government officials were told well ahead of time what was going on. If an interviewer turned up dead, our faces or prints or name would pop up in the system as an interviewer. Red flags were supposed to go up all over the place then.
None of the vampires had put us in a situation where that even mattered, not until that moment. It wasn’t even Quin’s fault. He had been bringing me home for the night. He had come up in the hopes of getting some alone time with me, not to see the look on my face when I saw my apartment and the cats.
He had been in the cafe before me. So, he hadn’t done it.
Sometimes, when you’re around a vampire, you just find yourself wondering.
“If that’s all, I think I will take her and tuck her into a bed somewhere with a glass of wine,” Quin said. “You can reach me any hour of the day. Uh, she’s mortal, so once I get her to sleep, I’d rather you call me to see if she’s awake.”
“Why?” The officer asked.
“The last mortal woman I tried to wake almost took my head off with a lamp. And she didn’t know I was immortal. I’d rather avoid the mess one might make if they knew I’d survive. Human office hours are outside interviewer hours. Early morning and late evening. You can even send someone around to check on her or ask questions tomorrow night.”
“It’s fine. They can call me whenever,” I said. “I might be groggy, but I’ll answer your calls the best that I can. Uh, did I give you my phone number?”
“Yes, you did,” the officer said.
“Good, it’s always on. Uh,” I motioned towards the apartment and realized the futility of that motion.
Of course, I couldn’t take something out of there, it was a crime scene. My mind was still reeling. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that Scruffy and Fluffy were at my feet in a carrier.
“Right, I suppose you’ll tell me when I can go back inside,” I said with a half-hearted nod.
“I will carry the cats,” Quin said. “You just worry about getting you down the steps.”
He moved around me and picked up the carrier with one hand. The other, he offered to me. I took it for the sake of contact. I felt as if I would blow over at any moment. Quin offered me a kind of strength as he led the way back down the hallway. He didn’t seem phased, carrying the cats in his left hand, me hanging off his right.
“Super human strength?” I asked.
He chuckled wryly. “No, no stronger than any man my size, with my workout regiment. Best to stay fit. It’s harder for mortals to overtake you that way.”
As we stepped into the stairwell, I looked down and grimaced. My shirt had tear splotches on it. I probably looked a mess, but at least I hadn’t worn makeup.
If I had, I would have been a real mess then.
I sniffed and rubbed at the tip of my nose idly.
Calls would be made. People contacted. Perhaps my parents would catch wind of what had happened. I’d have to have that conversation then, not one I enjoyed, to say the least.
Then, of course, would be the call from Erin. She’d blame me for whatever damage there was, but we both needed each other. Sure, I had hit a rough patch, but normally I was the one who was paying more than my share of the rent. Finding someone sober and in need of a roommate was difficult.
“It’s not as bad as it appears,” Quin said.
“I’m sorry?” I asked.
“This is not as bad as it seems.”
“Compared to your life, a world war wouldn’t be as bad.”
“I meant that even if you feel low, tomorrow is not going to cease to exist. It will still come, hell or high water.”
“I have no place else to go.”
“I’m guessing you were serious about the no family comment, as you’ve made no attempt to call your mother.”
“Told you,” I said sadly as is sniffled.
“Are they alive still?” He asked.
“They are, but I don’t have any children. Just, you know, if you’re still working on the hypothetical of turning me.”
“I think mortals may enjoy that, to know what a Maker looks for. However, I have never been a Maker, so perhaps that is not a hypothetical that we should dabble in.”
Quin came to a stop just at the front door. He looked out and seemed to sigh.
“No friends either, I’m guessing.”
“All my friends are back home,” I said with a shrug. “I’m not great at making new friends, so I haven’t made any yet.”
“That is highly unfortunate, but to be expected of one that we might consider turning. I don’t think any of us makes friends easily. As an immortal, we put up with mortals or put them to use, but never make friends. It’s uncomfortable to make friends and then to watch those friends die of old age.”
“Totally want to think about that right now,” I muttered.
“I could continue, if that would be a suitable distraction.”
“Yes, yes, I think I could use that very much.”
I checked on my tablet and was surprised to find that the little gadget had been recording the entire time. My robbery was on file.
Well, shit. What to do about that?
“What the fuck?” Quin said.
I looked up at his curse.
Across the passenger side of the windshield, spray paint had been scrawled.
‘Whores get what they deserve.’
I stiffened at the sight. Quin didn’t seem to hesitate. He lifted his hand. A car down the road turned on and drove towards us, coming to a stop alongside Quin. He opened the back door and motioned.
“You had us followed?” I asked.
“Just in case the old girl broke down. It’s been a few years since I drove her last. She’ll be picked up and repaired, then returned to my home. Now, let’s not think about how your neighbours appear to be quite literally mad. Let’s talk about something a little more entertaining.”
The base for a vampire is the how to of everything. Stock is a start, but only a small fraction of what an immortal needs to survive in the world instead of just drudging on. Most of us have positioned ourselves just so, wanting to be as comfortable as possible in our immortal years.
I was late in creating my base, as I told you before. Once you have the base, it grows on its own and spreads.
We can be very patient creatures, waiting centuries for something to come back into favour. Carefully cultivating things we love.
Like tobacco?
No vampire has ever had a hand in tobacco. We don
’t like the smell or taste of the stuff. A human who smokes it stinks of it. My stock is not permitted to smoke, for example. That is how much I hate it.
The smell doesn’t stop us, I should add. Just pisses us off, like squirting a big cat between the eyes with water.
I don’t think anyone has done that before.
I have, they maul you pretty good. Unlike most creatures, the big cat has no problem waiting until you come back to life, only to maul you again. It’s simply not a good idea.
What’s that look for? I was bored. I wanted to see what would happen. Sometimes we get self-destructive.
Oh, and don’t worry about the driver. The back portion is sealed unless I push that button there. Anyhow, where was I?
Lucrecia helped both Sasha and I set up our bases. Sasha had stock right away. She also had some luck in the prospecting area.
Which is to say, Sasha made her fortune robbing rich men who pissed her off. Anything went back then, as long as you didn’t get caught.
She’d do it slowly too, so it wasn’t a lump sum. Just odds and ends here and there. That was a clever way of doing it.
She, however, had the necessary breasts to do such a thing. Some lords were drawn to me, but I didn’t want to share their beds to rob them of all they owned.
Highway robbery was my start. I had some coins when Sasha found me, to which she repaid me begrudgingly.
It was during such a highway robbery that I spotted the two brothers.
After going to Lucrecia, she demanded I make money one way or another. She suggested I take Sasha’s route, I explained my problem with that, and she introduced me to the local ladies.
Women are much more willing to pay money for a man who will please them. And it wasn’t always about sex, before you ask.
Manipulating women out of money was difficult. Getting them to part with what belonged to their husbands, on the other hand, was simple.
Sasha and I worked as a pair a few times.
She’d choose someone who upset her in some way. Abusers were her favourite. Checking out the ones who abused their wives and then taking them for all they’re worth.
Then there was the time that we came across a couple who were both abusers. A lord and a lady who were growing fat on the backs of their people. Horrid man and woman.
We came upon them, then left and returned about five years later. By that point, we thought their people would have overthrown them. Sadly, that was not the case, and they recognized us.
Sasha was so upset by the pair that she told them who we were, then slit my throat as proof. No warning, either.
I got her back later.
If you’re going to take an immortal out like that, you should give them a warning.
Once I came to, the real fun began. You can’t leave mortals alive who know who you are. So, I knew Sasha’s plan from the moment I woke up again. They, however, did not.
“We can do the same for you,” she said. “Make you like us.”
It was still permitted at the time.
Of course, these people were not the sort that you turn. Not unless you want another Lu. No one wanted another Lu, not even me, and I had begun to crave his attention.
Was this before or after the Devils?
I spent time with the Devils on and off for five hundred years, give or take. Suppose that means it was during my time with them. By that point, I had learned the more brutal ways, knew how to draw out the suffering of a mortal. I also had little in the way of a moral compass.
You might call it my baby eating stage.
Thought babies aren’t as tasty.
I believed I was doing them a favour. They wouldn’t have to live in this world. It’s the adults I tormented. Sometimes those you would call a young adult or teenager. They’ve been assholes throughout history.
Anyhow, let’s call them Lord and Lady. Their land was, let’s say, called Land.
In what language?
Clever of you, but they took their names from other places. Their land was named after his father or something of that sort, as Papa Lord founded the city-state.
Just for the sake of not sending you on a search for their actual names and dates, and to carry on the suspense of whether I’m who I say I am, that is how I shall refer to them.
Don’t give me that look. I know the world is waiting on the edge of their seats for the first assassination attempt.
Those of us who are more delicate, or are in a bad place at the moment, were excluded from the selection for interviews. We protect the mentally unstable because we’ve all had decades where getting out of bed was simply too much to handle.
We also fully expect that someone will attempt an assassination. The names of the interviewers are being kept as close as possible. Altered after the fact, authorities were only given your numbers. If something comes up, then they are given access to your records.
A city with a burglary probably has more exciting things to report. And I believe Canada does not release the names of the victims without permission?
Or is that just minors they do that for?
Anyhow, I was coughing as I came to, there was still blood in my throat because she had cut deep and quick. Like most, Sasha has a great deal of experience taking off a head. It’s possible that she did just that, then placed the two right back together, which speeds the process.
What happens if you separate the head from the body?
Try it, see how many of you survive as the rest of us search for the head.
Lord asked the same thing. We would take to falsifying facts when we played with mortals, just in case one of them escaped.
Every time we were asked, we tried to give a different answer, to throw mortals off in case there were survivors.
“If you keep them separated, the head will grow a new body. The body will decompose as a body will,” Sasha said.
This excited the pair of them.
To never die?
That was their dream. Being so young, neither Sasha nor I worried about accidentally turning one of them. Our venom doesn’t turn humans for some time after our turning.
Baby vampires cannot make more baby vampires.
Lord and Lady were very excited indeed. They asked what was necessary.
The Council had few rules for us back then besides no witnesses. We could feed as much as we wanted, torture, rape, do whatever we wanted as long as no mortal knew that we were immortal.
Which was pretty well what we did. Behind closed doors, with only Lord and Lady as a witness. They fully participated, which only told us all the more, they would not be good vampires.
Now, they had an heir. Or at least Lady had an heir.
She boasted one night about how the boy wasn’t Lord’s, but his Captain of the Guard’s child instead. Talked about blood and how the boy inherited the stronger features of the Captain instead of the soft, yet squished look of her husband.
Her words, you understand, not mine.
The boy was bound to take after his parents, as all little lords seemed to take after their fathers. Sasha let slip the rule. No children. The couple leaped at the chance. They called in their son to a private dinner, then killed him as Sasha instructed them to, as they did it.
There was absolutely no hesitance.
At no point did these people show any care or loving for their child. He was simply a piece of property for them to do with as they pleased. Sasha pushed the point, trying to bring out some paternal care on their part.
They did things which made me leave the room. Then again, the boy was only four at the time. For me, that age is still a baby, and I was reminded so much of my time with Lu. Of those things I won’t discuss with you.
Wait, it was worse than rape? What’s worse than rape?
A great deal.
Anyhow, I had find a way to excuse myself. It just made me that sick to be in the room. I could tell that Sasha was on a sharp line. She continued in what I can only describe as a fit of rage.
; You should try asking her about her parents, the next the two of you meet. At least with mortals, she doesn’t respond by snapping a bone.
The boy’s screams could be heard throughout the hallways. I don’t think the mortals heard it, as they looked no more fearful of me than they had in days past. I wandered down to the kitchens and among the women there.
I chose one who was young and virgin. Lord made a point of deflowering all the servants. Lady demanded the servants all be virgins and remain chaste.
Of course, Lord said only he would be able to tell. He probably had half a dozen bastards living under his roof.
The servant was new. She had replaced one whom Sasha had done the last gift ritual for. A pious, God-fearing woman who had never done anything wrong.
We sometimes have moments like that. I believe the servant reminded Sasha of someone from her past. As far as deaths went, we allowed the Lord and Lady to choose who would die, then showed them different ways of doing it.
She was chosen, she was also probably the one who suffered the least.
I was reminded of that as I laid eyes on the new servant. I took her to my room, which was not close to the dining hall, and made love to her.
She didn’t resist, and I did not rush. By the time, I was inside her she was practically worn out from the pleasure I gave her.
Humble brag?
A point, more of. For all the pain, we are capable of causing, we can also cause pleasure when the fancy takes us.
I made love to her, trying to block out memories that nagged at me. As the night was drawing to a close, and we were both satisfied, I ate her.
A la vampire, I suppose you could say.
I bit down on her neck and drank until no more blood came. The taste of her sweat was almost sweet. I had also washed her as part of the seduction and had her put on one of Sasha’s dresses to make her feel pretty.
Not to make her look like Sasha. If she had, I might have saved us from the awkward one night stand that happened later.
I left the corpse in my bed and went to the hall. Having been glutted on blood, I was ready to rip Lord and Lady new assholes, and I was very tempted to do it.
Upon entering the hall, I found two bodies.
