Two of Hearts

by Alexa Jackson

  - Thank you, I'll be fine - dispense it with a fake smile.

  I'm still trying to digest everything that happened. Adam not only betrayed my trust, he violated my privacy. He saw me naked, soul, without reservation, each defect and mania we try to keep to ourselves.

  I grab my phone so lock the door.

  - Peter. Where they are? - I ask, my gaze sweeping across the room in search of the cameras.

  - Honey, where are you?

  - New York. Where are the cameras? - Demand, encouraged by anger and indignation.

  How could he have done this to me? I thought we were friends. What kind of perverse game they have?

  - I know it's hard to understand now. Adam is worried ...

  - I want Adam and you damn! Can ... can - I've never been very good with name calling, but right now, I would have the mouth dirtier than a sailor - Where are the damn cameras, Peter?

  I do not care what my escape may have caused them. Adam witnessed every time I cried calling for him. While Peter directs me every micro hidden camera, my anger will intensify, and dozens of memories revolve in my head.

  - There are two in the room, near the table, and another next to the TV and hamm ... Do not get nervous ...

  - Speak, Peter!

  In total, six cameras: two in the room, two in the kitchen, two in the room. My house had become an aquarium, and the goldfish had been me. How often he must have fun with me? The sense of betrayal grows in me frightfully.

  - Cum! Right. It has two in the bathroom.

  I stop in the center of the room, completely open-mouthed.

  - What did you say?

  - Look, Princess, seeing it that way, was something terrible, sorry. I should never have agreed to it.

  -Where is she?

  -One In the box corner and one in the closet. I am really sorry. Forgive me, that's all I ask.

  - I can not - I whisper, his voice failed - I ...

  I stare at the ceiling blankly, vehemently trying to keep the tears from storm overflows my eyes.

  - Penelope, my love ...

  I recognize his anguished voice.

  - Do not look for me more - the words are swept away. With it, I can not control my emotions - I do not want to see it.

  My Heart failure, dies, decays. He begs me to hear. My lips give enough.

  - Never.

  Turn off the phone did not make my pain go away. Only became more vivid.

  *****

  Well, my carriage had turned into a pumpkin, and I woke up than could be nothing more than a beautiful fairy tale. In real life there are no princesses and princes not. Only dragons to face.

  - Why does this face look so sad?

  - Evan?

  He smiles charmingly and reciprocates by education. Why did not I fell in love with him? This is a question that always made me. My life would have been so much easier with him.

  - I need to thank properly for the day ... For bringing me back, without question.

  - I did not do anything but help a friend who needed.

  - I know I owe you some explanation.

  I leave my desk and walk to it. I touch your shoulder and think of a way to explain that that crazy and bewildered woman was not me, not entirely. This was an injured woman.

  - You do not owe me anything.

  His hand slips into my face.

  - No need to explain anything to me, honey. Anyone suffering as you suffered, must also love with the same intensity. I get it.

  Pisco, holding back the tears that his words bring me. He had witnessed an annihilated and hopeless woman. My world again there was noise on my feet.

  - You know, I thought I would have a chance, and now I see not. Maybe one day, when her heart again belong to you.

  - I'm so sorry. When my heart back to me ... - hug it tight for a long time - I can give you that chance, if you still want.

  It is then, when I open my eyes, I see him. Looking at me.

  - Adam.

  - Sorry. I should not have come.

  Before he turns to leave, Evan do what I should have done: departs.

  - I'll let you talk in peace - Evan walks up to my desk and put a folder that only now noticed in your hand - are the reports that Neil asked. See you later.

  I did not notice exactly when Evan came out. Or what else he told me. My attention is focused on Adam. I knew this moment would come soon. I'm just not ready for it yet.

  - Have something to say? - His gaze to me is hard, cold, distant.

  - It is not I who should ask that?

  We had a lot of friction in our relationship, many hurt feelings and misunderstandings, but now, I feel like caminhássemos to the end. I have this horrible feeling that this may be a path of no return.

  - Not when you're not interested in hearing. Not when you were not there to hear anything I had to say. Now I understand everything perfectly.

  - What you got, Adam? I'm a woman injured, trying to find some way to rebuild?

  Take a deep breath and I face your look with courage. He can not just come here and play all that shit like it's my responsibility.

  - What I can not is to associate the man who lies, cheats, usurps all my rights, to the man who so often I rather believe in your love! Not even my father, with all his control over me, it was so far.

  - Usurp? Control?

  He takes two steps closer; I take two steps away.

  - Yes! You decided, controlled, manipulated my life as if anything that I thought or felt had some importance.

  - I protected you.

  - I do not need to be protected!

  We are face to face. Dueling, accusing leading this dangerous dance that surely only bring more hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

  - I suffered as much or more every day, every minute of separation. You did not know because I had walked away, I suffered with that forced me to stay away. Having you so close and so far away before my eyes and I can not touch you, not as I wanted. I martirizei with all the things I did. Knowing that even with all my good intentions, my actions would ever hurt you. So many times I wanted to tell ...

  - But did not! - All my strength begins to fall apart - did not trust me. Watched every day of suffering, sadness, loneliness. The most important was the control that you had. What you wanted, how I wanted and when he wanted.

  The words are so hard my lips as the really feel in my heart.

  I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. That does not make me someone better than him. At the same time, it hurts me a lot too. As we come to only cause pain to each other?

  - On my fifteenth birthday, I asked my father why he had changed so much - I say to him in a soft voice - He told me that people do not change. They reveal what they are. I have devised a man who never existed. Only in my dreams.

  I see him go, as if what I said had the force of a whip.

  - In all that time, which kept me standing was the hope - the voice is controlled, but the look speaks more than he. I see sadness. - Hope that I perhaps also deserved happiness, maybe you deserve. That we felt was strong enough to support it, but it was not. I may have even tried to be someone I'm not ...

  Cuttings will be digging into my chest, more lethal than the other, wiping out what little was left of me.

  - For you. Because it was the only good thing in my whole life. I'm really sorry to have made her so unhappy. You deserve someone who makes all her perfect day, not just someone who tries. My happiness was never above your and your security.

  I wanted to scream at him to stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

  - If I lied, manipulated, usurped all their choices and decisions, it was not because they did not respect. But it was because I loved intensely. My fear of losing it was much higher, as a result, more irrational. That's my way of loving. It may not be the best or the most beautiful, but all I did was out of love for you.

  - No! It was because you were selfish. All the time only cared about their feelings. With the pain that might have lost me, I could
not bear to have to go through the loss again. But I lost you, I suffered, I felt desolate. Protect me from the way he believed to be the right only brought comfort and peace to you. In his own conscience. And forgot that I am not a thing, an object. I was the one who said to be the most loved in life.

  How many years would need to pass for him to continue playing the victim and blame for killing someone else?

  - I was also dead, Adam, inside, and even that was not enough to rescue me. How can you talk about hope, when took away my? If my suffering was not able to overcome his selfish way? I hope that my indifference is. I do not need that kind of love, inside out, selfish, and that only brings suffering. This love hurts, destroys, takes away all dreams.

  - Then I released. Take the chance that promised Evan, he may be able to do what I could not: be the perfect man for you.

  He walks toward the door. I wish I could say that no one will ever be able to take its place in my heart. I gave him a irrevocably.

  - Love is not always perfect. It has its ugly side too, but mine still was true.

  And so I saw him leaving. Leaving behind nothing more than an empty shell.

  He believes it is not the man I need. Certainly, I pushed him in that direction. But I know the woman I am without him with me.

  Incomplete.

  ****

  The days pass.

  The hours pass.

  Emptiness, sadness, loneliness - these are the only words in my vocabulary. The only feelings I know.

  The work has kept me sane. Neil was gradually resuming their responsibilities. I am accompanying him on an important meeting. But although I try to keep me focused, being difficult. My days became difficult.

  - Miss Walker - one of the receptionists at the door caught my attention discreetly.

  - Yes.

  - There's a girl out there claiming to be the bride of Mr. Durant.

  - Jenny? Why not let her in?

  I close the door behind me and follow-up to the presidential room. Estaco to see that Adam is with her. Since we said goodbye that way I have not seen. Inevitably, my heart is filled with pain and joy. My feelings for him still intense.

  - What a pleasure to see you again, Jenny. Why do not you wait there? Mr. Durant is finishing up a meeting with the board, but should return soon. I will warn you're here.

  Ignore Adam, as he does with me, just hurt me more. But I have no other way besides this. Lovers to unknown groupers.

  - I need to resolve some things in the legal sector - he mutters before kissing her face. The gesture, even brotherly, cause me great envy - See you soon.

  Jenny drive to Neil room, trying to hide the obvious disappointment on my face.

  - Want something, Ms. Connor?

  Offer, wishing she ask something that make me away for a long time. I need more than ever to be alone and find a way to deal with my pain.

  - Coffee? Tea, a glass of water?

  - You can call me Jenny. Tea is good for me.

  Get out quickly. I pick up the phone, and with a choked voice, I request that tea and biscuits are provided.

  Upon returning to the boardroom, severely dry my face before entering and warn Neil Jenny waiting for him.

  I can be strong, I tell myself.

  - How are things between you and Adam?

  The question of Jenny takes me by surprise.

  - I'd rather not touch this subject.

  I'm on the defensive. I notice that she realized that in my voice. Talk about it still hurts. Everything about it hurts. And walk more emotional than normal. Perhaps because the reality that we are not born to be together is stronger every day.

  - Oh, excuse me. It was an indiscretion on my part.

  - Do not apologize. Only there is nothing to say. If you do not mind, I have some calls to make.

  - I do not want to disturb your job.

  The following were minutes, say, rather turbulent. After talking for a few minutes, watch out Neil furious of his room with a Jenny uneasily behind him.

  - Jennifer, go home.

  Neil went out like a hurricane, and did not have to look at her to know that something very serious had happened.

  - Neil! Penelope, do something!

  I stare at her, lost. I have seen my impatient boss, little tolerant, and sometimes nervous. But he had a murderous look. Whoever might have it boring, should fear to meet him.

  - Call Adam, Peter, or anyone who can speak. We have to stop it. Neil kill Sophia.

  Damn, that explains it. This shrew is the only one who brings this dark side in Neil. And by the way I saw him leave, Sophia must have done fucking great.

  Before I can investigate what happened, I witness Jenny passed out in my arms. Lord, what do I do now?

  He dragged her to a chair and picked up the phone on my desk.

  - Adam! I need you to come now.

  - I thought ... No matter, I'm going.

  -Penelope ... - He murmurs so crosses the entrance. His eyes fixed on mine completely.

  Forgive everything I said. Still I love you and can not stand this separation that I imposed.

  It's what my heart would like to say. But my lips are sealed.

  - Sophia came up to. Neil stormed out - indicate Jenny unconscious in the chair behind me - She's passed out, and do not know what to do.

  I see a brief flash of frustration pass in his eyes, but then his attention is turned to Jenny.

  - Try to find Neil and Peter - Adam walks over to her, taking her in his arms. Being a doctor's son sometimes helps in something.

  He goes to the Neil room where lay on the comfortable sofa.

  I return to my desk and do what he asked.

  Find Peter was easy. I told him everything that happened. He was seeking Neil, since my attempts were nil.

  Upon returning to the room, I see Adam out of the bathroom. There's a bottle in his hands, I believe it is alcohol.

  - Did you get Neil, Penelope?

  It passes the glass next to her nose and stares at me.

  - No, the phone is out of range.

  - What about Peter?

  He continues to pass the bottle gently on her nose and see your trembling lashes.

  - It is the way of the house of Sophia's parents. According to Peter, Neil should have gone there.

  Jenny awakens afflicted, and I join Adam beside her.

  - Neil? Where is he?

  When he can calm her down, saying that everything is under control, we convinced him to take her home.

  The path was made with Adam all the time on the phone and Jenny supported me, your hands are cold as ice.

  Richard and Paige arrive at his house an hour later. Everyone is tense, but Jenny jumped every time someone entered or left through the door. And when Neil finally emerged safe and sound, accompanied by Peter, she succumbed to the pressure.

  I take the time to meet again to exit the French. But hardly get to the sidewalk, looking for a taxi, when I Adam behind me.

  - Come, I'll take you.

  Follow him to the car. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally, at least it is this justification that give me not to decline the kind offer. Furthermore, we need not be enemies, do we? We'll see you regularly, you can not be dropping barbs.

  Even with all hurt occupying a part of my chest, I can not hate him. Even feel contempt.

  Instead, I am very aware of the tasty smell of her perfume as it moves while driving. The slender hands that have touched every part of my body, driving the wheel. And as this sexy mouth, now stiff, tore sighs me.

  How much I would like to support my head on his chest, and take back the feeling of happiness and security.

  - I accompany to the door.

  I smile to notice the anxiety in her voice. It reflects my.

  Again, we say goodbye. Again, part of me goes with it. It will be always like this?

  We walked in silence. In fact, there's a part inside me screaming for him unceasingly.

  - Thanks.

  I am uncert
ain what to do with my hands, so tightly grab my purse.

  - I hope ... - Adam says, indicating the door closed.

  - Oh, of course.

  Seeking the key. To my disappointment, it was not hard to find it.

  I know I look ridiculous. I was I who sent him away. Am I not know how to ask him to stay. My feelings are so contradictory as they are intense and inexplicable.

  Where is my self-esteem, self esteem, dignity? They are overwhelmed by a feeling called love.

  - Waiting!

  Follow everything in perfect sync. His hands on my shoulders, two steps that give toward him. The warm breath on my face and lips that move in a hypnotic way.

  - I know I have no right to demand anything - brown eyes, sweet, warm, have enough power to make me forget the rest of the world. My happy place is here at this moment with him - I can do the last request?

  - What?

  - A kiss.

  Then, without waiting for my answer, he does.

  Who said it would be easy? Why do I, at least, I contemplated him out? It would be possible?

  As in all other times, Adam brand me. It is the most amazing kiss of my life. Born of passion and despair. Love and grief. It tastes like heaven and farewell.

  - Sorry - the forehead touches mine, and try to catch my breath - It was not planned ...

  What? Make my heart gain new life? For that is how I feel. Viva, after a long time. Too much time. An entire life.

  - I swear it was not premeditated it - his hands run greedy in my hair - I'm sorry. Please excuse me.

  Speak! Say something something. Renounce pride.

  - I...

  - All right - light barely whisper in my ear. The drumming in my chest is deafening - Goodbye, Charming. Be happy. There is no person in the world who deserves this more than you.

  With tears blurring my eyes, I watch my first and only love from my life.

  There's no regret.

  ****

  It is a day of Thanksgiving. Jenny asked me to spend the celebration with her when he learned that he would be at home watching TV. Initially, I wanted to refuse. But staying at home, attached to memories, is not what I want today. Nothing sad thoughts on such a special day like this.