Two of Hearts

by Alexa Jackson

  If the doctor Ritter had not stated with such certainty that there is only a baby inside me, I could have sworn it was three. The swelling and the amount of liquid that my body keeps making me look bigger. I'm huge. A cute little paw, and says Austin.

  With the pressure bursting, a placental abruption risk, I was forced to get complete rest. It was to stay as long as possible lying, or complete the pregnancy in hospital. Rarely let me down a little bit on the balcony, only to not go crazy.

  Lola has returned from long honeymoon, then I'm not alone in no time. While I'm glad to have so much attention, I sometimes feel I'll freak out. But then I remember how everyone welcomed me with open arms, how the baby is loved, and let the feeling go away.

  I think on the other side of the baby's family. Sometimes I talk to him about his grandparents, uncles, and in his materials. Then something similar to repentance slaughter me. I have to give the option of them wanting or not be part of my son's life.

  - I have a surprise for you - Austin approaches, carrying a relatively large object covered by a sheet, the disproportionate ways prevent me from imagining what it is - Close your eyes.

  Do you ask me, but even before he put the object on the ground, my curiosity makes me cheat and open my eyes ahead of time.

  To my surprise, a beautiful wooden rocking, form horse in flutters so Austin away the sheet.

  - Oh, it's so beautiful - I try to get up, but he stops me.

  - I know it will take for him to use. But I still paint. I did that, it took me a few weeks carving out - he seems shy, more embarrassed - Well, you think he'll like it?

  - He'll love it, Austin - say with a crying voice.

  He mess the hair of a bewildered way. I'm so, so lucky. I do not think any baby in the world has more love than this.

  So my decision was made. Once I had the baby and could travel again, I would take him to the other side of the family knew. No matter how his father might feel uncomfortable with it. In the world dozens of people who love us. That's all that matters.

  And if things get too difficult New York, we'll always have a home to return.

  - Er ... - Austin holds me. Ah, if it were not my cousin ... He is terribly charming 'I think it's time to go back inside.

  It carries me as it has done every day when around the stables. The smell of apple pie in recepciona. There is nothing better in the world than that great feeling of being at home.

  Chapter 32

  Adam

  - Then he placed the sword with the sharp edge facing the dragon, and even feel the fear running through her veins, the warrior knew he had to face the terrible beast.

  - Uncle, it will kill the dragon now? - Lauren meanders around me, wanting to uncover the end of the book.

  - Lauren, if you stop talking, he would have finished - Lily retorts before yawning and even nest in my lap - You always do this and I can never know the end.

  These two, although twins are like water and wine. While Lily always falls asleep before the end of each story, Lauren is increasingly euphoric with the book's outcome.

  - Go on, Uncle Adam.

  I smile to see her sit on the floor in front of me.

  - Gilbert knew it was his last chance to win the angry dragon and take back his lost love. He ran as much as he could. With a bigger jump than he could imagine getting launched the direct sword in the heart of the dragon, that surprised by the attack, was unable to withstand the blow - continue narrating while Lauren gnaws his nails apprehensively - Gilbert had won. I was elated with his achievement, and to finally rediscover his lost companion. Then a big black hole was forming in the sky, like a storm in the rough seas. A dense fog was surrounding the dragon's body, preventing him from seeing beyond. And so, as quickly as it began, little by little the mist was falling. Heaven returning to normal. And before him, to the unbelievable sight of Gilbert where he had been wounded dragon, was the body of Hanna, with the sword stuck in his chest. The large and fierce dragon chased for so long, in fact, was his beloved Hanna. The fearsome dragon, which always appeared in his battle, was his beloved protecting him, his one true love ... But Gilbert was too blind to see.

  My narrative is interrupted by crying disconsolately Lauren. A cry so sorry that came to give twinges in my chest.

  - Poor thing Hanna princess - she jumps in my chest, crying - I knew the dragon was nice. I do not want her to die.

  The softly crying, but coming from his heart, he made my clench. There is a story that has a happy ending. Neither was a child of history. I had to adapt many parts to their age. Almost two months ago, when I had to visit my family after a long time running from it, all I wanted was to get away. Far from questioning away from the understanding and care of them, out of pity on their faces.

  So when the twins asked in a certain afternoon, I read a story to them, used them as an excuse not to have to talk to anyone else. So it was that had started our relationship. I was never very close to them. After Penelope came into my life, I had even approached me a little more, but we did not have this contact, this type of connection you have now.

  - This is story to tell to children? - My mother picks up the girl, who now weeps distressed.

  My mother away little weepy away from me and begins to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

  What I can say in my defense? I do not know bedtime stories. I'll never know. I had selected the first book I saw in the library of my parents. For me, then they would be bored, and like the rest of my family would end up leaving me alone. But it did not. We had created a moment just for us. And I enjoyed it. Before I did not want children because I was punishing me. Now I do not want because the woman I love does not want to at least stay by my side.

  Of course I'm still young, perhaps in the distant future I re-open my heart, but at the moment it is closed. So so food dreams that will never happen? But different from how I acted in the past, like having the twins with me. At that moment, are the only people I want on my side.

  - I'll put Lily in bed - say before going up to the room, with the sleepy girl in my arms.

  Luckily, Lily did not hear the end of it, it is even more emotional than her sister. I would not be a good father. I realize that, and again that pang in my chest.

  The girls' parents had traveled to a little vacation, and only them. My parents were in charge of taking care of the two. So I've come over here and told this story.

  Lily lay in bed in the same room was the mother of them. Both prefer to stay in this room than in them. Perhaps because here has many mother's memories. The walls lined with poster of a movie star who Katty loved. Skates roses under the desk. The pompons the crowd alloy, in a corner of the room. Everything here reminds Katty.

  Shot Lily's shoes. She squirms in bed. Open your eyes, look at me for a few seconds, recognizing me. Smiles and goes back to sleep. Last week has been like. Every night.

  I notice the presence of my mother after taking Lily's shoes, and start to cover it with the cover. Listen to the whisper softly to Lauren and leave.

  - Uncle? - The little voice looking me in the room dim - You stay with me until I sleep?

  - Of course yes.

  I go to the next bed, and Lauren away so I lie down next to her. The position is a little uncomfortable, but I can handle it.

  - It is sad because of the story? - I'm a mixture of regret and uncertainty of what to do.

  I am a true son of a bitch to take the illusions of a sweet child like her. Yeah, I'm really not a good person. Maybe that's why people away.

  - Why has no happy ending in history? - She painfully sniffles, sits down and supports his head in his hands to look at me.

  A funny miniature of great people.

  - So there's no happy ending in its history as well.

  - On mine? -pergunto surprised.

  She seems to think. As if joining pieces of a puzzle difficult.

  - Before you were sad and did not like us. After Penelope arrived and you like the people. I was happy. Now you still
like us, but it is sadder than before, because she was away. So how will have a happy ending?

  Children and their way of looking at the world. As in the story I told earlier, the hero had been responsible for losing the woman he loved. Just like I did.

  - And if I say I have a happy ending?

  - There is not. I saw that the book is over.

  - You here, oh - I put her delicate hand on my forehead - In my head. Do you want to listen?

  - Yes, I want.

  The sad look gradually changes to expectation. Maybe I was not a good guy, but at least the story of the book I could change.

  As I narrate as the hero moved heaven and earth to get your love back, I secretly wished that my life would be like the story just made up. Full of ups and downs, but with an incredible happy ending. But before I give exciting outcome, Lauren had fallen asleep.

  Walk out of the room on tiptoe, leaving the light on lamp if they wake up in the night, frightened. I return to the room, where I find my mother pretending to see something on TV.

  - I'm already going away - notice it, but it continues to look forward. A documentary about the animal kingdom unfolds on the screen - Still angry?

  - Why would I be angry? - His watery eyes my face - For you tell that story horrible for a child of six years? Or you have been more than a month ignoring my calls? Maybe because when reminded that still has a family and appears occasionally strongly prefer to ignore? Because we spend years trying to get to approach girls, and now it seems they are the only people who are there for you. Not when Cecilia died you isolated so much, my son. And I've never been so worried ...

  His words end in a whimper from the bottom of his soul.

  I am guilty of all she just dump. I have not been a good son. In fact, I have not anything that a good man should be. In the past I had found support and strength in my family. Today, all I want is to stay away and alone, alone.

  - I needed a break, Mom.

  I spent a few days visiting friends in Washington, other isolated on Peter's hunting lodge. I thought even move my office to Washington. Still ponder about this possibility. But wherever I go, that sadness does not release me. Liam, the few times I had spoken to him, came up with any crap maybe I need medical help. So I have avoided more than everyone. I know he resents again I isolate myself. But what I need is to get used to and live with this pain. This emptiness in the chest.

  - I need my son back - she mutters, her voice full of pain and resentment - I feel like I'm in mourning. You do not live, Adam, you Vegeta. No smiles more, does not speak, does not approach. So that's why I'm so angry.

  I wanted to tell her that everything would change. But I can not. It's my way to face all this.

  - I'll try to work harder - the words come out of my mouth as untruthful, like a junkie saying it would be the last dose.

  The growl that she lets tells me that my words were not convinced either of us. I feel for this cause hurt her.

  - I'll try, Mom - I insist and kissing her tenderly on the forehead - I swear I'll try.

  Maybe I should push myself a little more. If only to pretend better.

  I say goodbye it and then follow to my home. I have stayed a short time there, too. I finally choose to put the house on sale. But every new buyer, I seek inexplicable reason to reprove each. Not because I want to see me from all the memories that anyone can occupy it. Painful or not, they are precious to me.

  There are a couple without children, starting life and visibly in love, which had said it would leave the house as is. I've been postponing my decision a week ago. I must decide soon, they will not wait so long.

  As soon as I enter, I go straight to the bar. The last bottle of the old Jack, by half, is very inviting. I stare at the bottle of whiskey for a few minutes. My desire was to let every drop warm my body, as my soul seems unattainable. But not even all the drink I took alienate the ghosts of my mind.

  And I had consumed much of my bar, to conclude that becoming an alcoholic would only bring more pain to my family. I've played too much shit on them.

  Set the keys on the counter next to some correspondence, which for months rest there. Probably catalogs and promotional pamphlets. Anything that interests me.

  I go to the kitchen, put any frozen food in the microwave and go upstairs to take a shower. Like an automaton, I walk into my room. The case is still on the bed, just as I left. When the maid had asked her, in one of the times I called, she had ordered him to leave the way it is. Must surely believe that freaked. I may have.

  But I just can not undo the damn suitcase. I'm stuck in this world between past, present and no future perspective. Unpack mean the end. I was immersed in the end, but does not mean you are prepared to support it.

  I go to the guest room, where I have been there the memories are minimal. I take a long bath. I lie still in bed towel, the food waiting for me in the microwave. But only takes a few minutes to rest my body.

  ***

  Agreement hours later, frightened and disoriented. The coming light from the window, between the blind, awakens me once. I remained with the tangled towel in my body. I rub my face, trying to remember the night before. It is the first time I have a heavy and peaceful sleep.

  Levanto in a hurry. Despite being Saturday, I already have compromised morning. Since sweatpants and shirt. After brushing your teeth and combing hair anyway, I'm going to my destination.

  I have gone there every Saturday for over a month.

  I redid the list of things that Penelope had once reached the city. I went to the zoo, skated on the ice, I bought a shirt Donald Duck perfectly combine with his shirt Daisy. In each of these moments, it was as if I had a small part of it with me. Probably I'm acting like a lunatic as everyone believes. But those are the only times that for a moment, just a moment, I feel alive. I allow myself to hope. I do not know, in life.

  As soon as I enter the room simulator flight, Sheldon, one of the instructors, come greet me.

  - So Crighton, will jump today?

  I have postponed the moment every time. I made and remade classes so many times that the joke was at school that could teach classes for beginners with all tranquility.

  - That's why I'm here, is not it? - Answer roughly.

  Sheldon looks at me seriously, scratches his chin, looking at me, and casts a knowing smile. The kind of smile intended to comfort you.

  Fuck! I do not want the fucking shoulder to lean on anyone. I just want to jump with a parachute.

  - You always come, but never even come close to the plane.

  That's because my aversion to gerigonça what he calls the plane was always stronger than me. It's embarrassing to say, but I'm afraid of heights, as a two-year baby is terrified of the bogeyman under the bed.

  Still I do not understand why I had started it. Maybe because it was the only thing on her list that I could not do. It's vivid recollection of how I panicked when I saw her jump, and the relief I felt when I was back in my arms. Maybe I have come here for that. I want that feeling back. To have her in my arms.

  - I will jump - say convinced.

  - All right - he mutters with an encouraging look - The first group leaves in ten minutes. You better hurry.

  I go to the instructor checks the equipment. Talk to him for a moment, get the latest instructions, and force my body into the euphoric group of people. Three men and a woman. Four friends. Two of them are already used to jump and soothed others. I preferred to stay away as much as I could. I do not want to talk or hear confidences.

  - Can you - I was telling myself as he entered the ship.

  The first step had been successful. The plane took off and I do not shot the window. Although, on second thought, this would be a good option for my problems. Or maybe not open the parachute at the right time.

  Well, I can be a jerk, but I'm not suicidal.

  The doubles were being formed, and when the ship reached the limit, the door was opened. The two friends jumped alone. The girl jumped up soon, with on
e of the instructors. One by one they were going out, crying, happy. Everyone who jumped, I was cringing in my corner, more and more.

  - Are you ready, Crighton?

  Crighton? Crighton? All right?

  No, I'm not ready. I can not jump. Not without her.

  And for the first time after many days holding all emotions in my chest, I let myself cry. Shamefully, like a little boy. I'm not ready to jump, not because of fear, but because Penelope would not be there, waiting for me.

  Chapter 33

  Penelope

  According to the racing heart and that feeling that something is about to happen. It's just a weird feeling, but it bothers enough to interrupt my sleep in the middle of the night. The typical farm noise, like wind wheezing, the song of the cicadas, the hooting of the owl was not as uncomfortable as today.

  I sit in bed and look at my swollen feet; like two bowling balls. But not hurt much, since spend most of the time or lying in bed. Something I can not do at the moment. Then I get. The carafe of water Charlote leaves me every night is almost empty.

  The first pang comes when I arrive at the door. So suddenly that the jar escapes from my hands, causing crash, wetting my feet and carpet. Almost instantly, Dallas, occupying the room next to mine, appears confused and sleepy. His face changes to panic when he sees a puddle around me.

  Are you going to have the baby?

  I was ready to say no, when another stab in my back makes me wear this time more intense. I feel something running down my legs, and the liquid mixture to the water on the floor.

  - I can not have the baby, Dallas - grab of the door as much as I can not to fall - There are still two months.

  I try to fight the pain, against the despair that begins to gain strength within me. Against all pessimistic thoughts that tell me how much it looks wrong. I just got the seventh month of pregnancy. It is definitely not the right time for the baby to arrive.

  - We go to the hospital.