by Tenaya Jayne
The fear remained as he argued with himself. He couldn’t help Sabra survive if he was reckless with his time. No, he wouldn’t open a portal. He owed her. He wanted to pay his debt, despite the amount was more than anything he could ever do. He’d let her sister die. Nothing he did now could bring her back. Nothing could erase the pain of losing her sibling.
Shreve looked up. The boundary of the Wolf’s Wood wasn’t far away. He could find what he needed there, most likely.
Yet he feared going in there. He feared facing Shi. He’d never interacted with her. All he knew about her came from what Copernicus had told him. He thought of her as a mirror. She might show him the truth of himself. She would condemn him to himself.
It was cowardice, he acknowledged, adding that flaw to his mental list of things he was learning about himself. Shreve frowned, trying to think the way other people, good people, thought about themselves. When good people learned unsavory things about themselves, was that it? Did the flaw determine their life journey? He thought about Forest and the time he’d spent tailing her, watching her. What he remembered helped him through his thoughts.
It was right to fight against the bad things you found in yourself, and wrong to let them lead, or conquer you. He knew this must be extremely basic in the ways of morality, but he tried to not be ashamed of his beginner’s grasp of right and wrong.
So how did he conquer his fear of going into the Wolf’s Wood?
Shreve walked forward as he thought. His desire to help Sabra was stronger than his fear of facing Shi. He picked up his pace.
Shreve ducked under the low-hanging branches of the monumental trees that lined the perimeter of the Wood. The last time he’d been here, he was following Copernicus to kill Maxcarion, with a line of assassins on his heel. And that was exactly where he was headed now. To Maxcarion’s magically hidden home.
He walked slowly, using his elf blood to go invisible, in case people lingered around. His stomach felt hard inside as he worried, waiting for Shi to appear, or to speak to him in his mind.
She didn’t. He waited for it, continuing to move forward on the dirt path, covered in shadow sand.
Nothing. Not even the feeling of being watched. He felt totally alone in the Wood. He’d been prepared to face her, but now that it seemed he wasn’t going to, he exhaled in relief. He kicked a small amount of sand into the air, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest.
Now that his anxiety was gone, he focused on where he was going. It wasn’t too hard to remember the way. He made a few small wrong turns, but he was going in the right direction. There was something Maxcarion had left behind, a faint hint of residual power lingered after his death. Shreve’s wizard DNA felt it clearly, and the feeling guided him to the right place.
The illusion that hid the doorway was half broken. Part of the magic remained, so the entrance peeked through here and there, patchy like missing scales on a reptile. It was still hidden enough, that you might not see it, if you weren’t looking.
The rock entrance itself was broken, but there was a door beyond that. He pushed it aside and walked into the dark space. It was a mess. Stuff was strewn about and shattered on the floor. His heart began racing with excitement as he realized just how much was left behind, in spite of the fact the place had obviously been looted.
On the far wall stood a shelf lined with bottles of various colored liquids. Most of the bottles were fully intact. He recognized the wizard language on the spines of some of the books. Trinkets and artifacts from the wizard’s world, and many other worlds, lay about on the floor among broken glass.
His mind settled onto his task of the whip. He needed to clean up the space first. The remaining magic called to his wizard blood and made him feel stronger. He stretched out his hands and sent a small surge of his power into the mess. The floor cleared of debris, the broken glass went soft and collected back together in a lump before re-hardening.
Shreve’s heart thumped painfully fast in a warning. He dropped his hands. He‘d have to finish the job through actual labor. He didn’t mind.
An hour later, the place was clean and halfway sorted. He piled the broken furniture just outside the door, intending to burn it at the onset of evening. He kept the mat that had been on the bed frame, and a chair had survived, suffering only a few tears in the upholstery. A shard of mirror the size of his palm caught his attention in the stuff on the floor. He picked it up. Copernicus looked back at him. He glared at his reflection before looking closer. He could make his face into anything he wanted. What he really wanted was for his face to just be, without effort or alteration. He set the mirror down. He’d keep it, for now.
He surveyed the room. All in all it was a comfortable space. A place to sleep, hidden from most of the world, and best of all, it was close enough to Sabra. Shreve frowned as he analyzed his thoughts. He wanted to help her survive. He owed her. That was all. He tried to shrug off the uncomfortable fluttering in his stomach as he thought about the moonlight on her long hair, falling over her bare skin. What was this feeling inside him? He found it troublesome. Almost pain, a longing, and a pressure that begged release, while his mind was caught on a loop of the details of her. Her lips, her hair, her skin, and the wonder of what it would be like to touch and taste her.
He tried again to shake the feeling. He laid the whip out on the floor and began working on it. With only a few adjustments, he would transform it from a tired and mostly useless weapon, into something formidable.
****
Sabra spent more time than she’d intended working out. By the time she felt she couldn’t lift one more thing, hours had passed, and she was too late to slip away and make it to Paradigm and back before Tucker noticed. In the late afternoon, she watched and listened to her people from her window, as they moved about the square. Nothing official was happening, but people always came to the square to swap gossip or trade goods. She caught a conversation about her.
“I guess she won’t be fighting after all.”
“Not now. Gahu won’t permit it… Plus, I heard he’s going to fight.”
“Wow! Can you imagine mates against each other like that? To the death. That would go down in our history.”
“I don’t know if that would be romantic or twisted and sick.”
They laughed.
“I’m really disappointed,” a girl said. “I thought she would be the one to change things for us. But even she’s submitted to a man. I guess this just proves that none of us has a hope of free choice. We’re property, and we’ll continue to be bought and traded.”
An older woman patted the girl on the shoulder. “There are still good things to be had in life.”
The young woman’s face flushed red. “My father told me my time is coming next spring. I’d rather die. I think about committing suicide every night.”
Sabra looked closely at the girl, but she couldn’t tell who she was from her vantage point. She turned away from the window and left her room, so she couldn’t hear any more of what was said outside. They thought she had caved, given up at the snap of a man’s fingers. She understood it looked that way. She thought about what this new public perception would mean. At first, she wanted to scream through her window and tell them all nothing would stop her from fighting. But now…
As the evening blossomed through the sky, Sabra did something she had never done. She willing made dinner for Tucker. So when he came home, the smells of his favorite food met him.
He smiled broadly when he smelled it, but then his face fell comically as he looked at her. “What’s gotten into you?” he demanded. “I thought you were sick.”
“I was. But I’m much better now. Is Gahu going to come by tonight? I made extra.”
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion when she pulled his chair out for him. He sat down slowly, looking at his plate of food as though it might be poisoned. She held her laugh inside and sat down next to him. If she played stupid, he’d grow even more suspicious. He was a dumbass, but he wasn�
�t that foolish.
“Look,” she leveled with him. “I’m trying to say sorry for the trouble I’ve given you. You don’t have to look at the food with fear in your eyes. See?”
She grabbed her fork and took a bite off of his plate, and then she took a drink of his wine.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “I’m still confused. Who are you, and where is my sister?”
“I’m adjusting to the idea of mating with Gahu. He’s a good guy. I like him. I appreciate you’re not just handing me over to anyone. Really, I do.” And she honestly did appreciate it. “Is he going to come by or not?”
“He said he was.” Tucker took a bite and gave an approving noise in his throat. “This is good.”
She waited quietly while he ate. When he began his second helping, Gahu knocked on the front door. Sabra got up and went to let him in. He held out a single pink flower to her and smiled.
“Thank you.”
“Are you feeling better? You look all right…more than all right.”
“Thank you,” she said again. “I’m feeling much better. Please come in. I’ve made dinner, if you’re hungry.”
He came in and sat down at the table across from her. He exchanged meaningful looks with Tucker as she served him, clearly surprised and pleased by her actions. Her smile began to ache around the edges. Gahu gazed at her on and off while he ate, hungry heat in his eyes. She looked away from him, blushing demurely, causing him to smile broadly.
When the men were finished eating, she took their plates away and didn’t return to the table. Instead, she seated herself on the couch and put her nose in a book. They spoke openly next to her as though she wasn’t there, or couldn’t comprehend what they talked about. She turned the pages in a timed manner, not reading at all.
Tucker didn’t bother thanking her for dinner before excusing himself and going to his room. Gahu sat down on the couch next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed his thigh against hers. She closed her eyes and took a very slow breath as he began running his fingers lightly on her forearm.
She closed her book and set it down. He took that as an invitation, leaning in and pressing his lips to her neck. She didn’t move.
“Was dinner to your liking?” she asked flatly.
He pulled back looking at her closely. “Very much. It’s a pleasure you know how to cook.”
Oh, the things she wanted to say and didn’t. Instead, she smiled thinly.
“So, you and Tucker told everyone about our impending mating?”
“Yes. I was sad you weren’t by my side. Were you really sick? Or did you just not want to be there when the news broke?”
Sabra raised her eyebrows, and then nodded. Point to Gahu. “I was sick. But I think it might have been brought on by nerves… The thought of telling people, well, it makes me embarrassed. I know how men talk at such times.”
He scowled. “Are you…innocent?”
She blushed brightly. “Of course I am! Why would you even question that? Did you believe differently?”
She stood, but he grabbed her hands and pulled her back down next to him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I thought.” He smiled and kissed her mouth. “It makes me so happy to know that I will be your first.”
“And last,” she added.
“Yes, that, too.”
She looked away from him again. “Are you going to respect the ceremony date?”
He sighed and crossed his arms. “I certainly don’t want to.”
“If anyone found out, it would publicly disgrace me.”
“No, it wouldn’t. You’re mine, now. Everyone knows. There would be no disgrace.”
“You don’t understand. You wouldn’t be disgraced. The other women would be harsh to me. I wouldn’t be able to live it down. They would be relentlessly cruel. The Savage Solstice is a ways off. If you got me pregnant, I could be showing at our ceremony.” Her voice shook. “You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”
He pushed off the couch. “You’re killing me. I wanted to have you tonight. I thought I would.”
Her shoulders shook along with her voice. “You must do as you wish. I will accept it.” She looked up at him with wide-eyed horror.
He looked affronted, and then his expression changed, and he laughed. “Oh, stop that! I’m not going to force you. I’m not sure what’s gotten into you, or who you’ve been talking to, but the physical act is really nothing to get so worked up about. You just need to trust me to teach you.”
“If it’s not something to get worked up about, why can’t we wait?”
“Hmm…touché. Fine. I’ll wait. For a while. But I’m not going to promise to wait until the solstice.”
She blew out a relieved sigh, stood, and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you.” She kissed him softly on the lips.
He looked down at her, his brown eyes going feral. “I better leave before I break my word, just as I’ve given it.”
She let go, and he turned on his heel and left. She retreated to her room and leaned her back against the door, exhaling in relief. Her eyes finally enjoyed the roll she’d kept chained, and she made a mock gagging noise in her throat. Idiots. Both Tucker and Gahu. Oh well, so far so good.
Not everything she’d said had been a lie. She was a virgin, but she wasn’t the blushing flower she’d acted. Wolf men were ignorant to their women. Yes, she was innocent, as she’d said, but she was also a she-wolf, not some cold, debutante vampire. An animal lived inside her that taught her plenty. And Gahu didn’t put her system on edge. Not like the black wolf did.
Finally, finally it was full night. Sabra waited until she knew Tucker was asleep before slipping silently out into the dark again. Time for her to just be herself. She ran for the joy of running, her body buzzing with excited chills. Could she find the black wolf again? Would he be waiting? Would he show her who he was in man form? Not knowing his identity was driving her crazy, like an itch she couldn’t reach.
****
Shreve finished with the whip and walked through the darkness, to the shifter colony to put it back where it had been. The remains of the colony looked eerie in the moonlight. The burnt skeletons of the homes reached up, in a twisted dance of stillness. His heart sank again as guilt resurfaced, just as heavy as before. He shoved the emotion back. All he was here for was to return the whip.
He laid the coiled leather back in its hiding place. He smiled to himself as he imagined how she would react when she saw what he’d done to it, when she held it and experienced the change. He slunk back through the forest, the smile still fixed on his lips, just as she was fixed in his mind.
He thought about how she’d looked in the moonlight, before she shifted. He imagined touching her bare back with his palms. A shiver rose on his skin. Fool. As if that would ever happen.
Shreve stopped short. Sabra was near, he could hear her heart as she ran. His gaze dragged deep through the shadows, searching. There. He went invisible when he spotted her. It wasn’t like before. She wasn’t running very fast. None of the agitation she’d had before emanated from her aura. Instead, she gave off an excited, hopeful energy.
She slowed to a walk, turning her head from side to side, searching. What was she looking for? Him? He didn’t dare hope.
Her head whipped around to exactly where he stood, still and invisible, as though she could see him. She cocked her head to the side and frowned, taking a step toward him.
“Hello?” she whispered. “Are you there?”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t move. She shook her head and turned away. He followed. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, looking up at the moon.
“I’d hoped you be here…” Her voice was quiet. “I dreamed about you. I’ve never…never felt like that before. The way I did with you. It was like…like I’ve never been myself quite to that extent before. Just being next to you woke things inside me.”
His pulse thumped loudly in his ears. He was sure his heart would burst. She pa
ced back and forth, her head thrown back, eyes closed. He moved closer. Close enough to see the goosebumps on her skin. She sighed again, rubbing her hands on her forearms. Then her hands moved up to her neck, she touched her lips, and then raked her nails along her scalp, through her hair. It seemed like she was imagining something. His hands on her?
“I want to know who you are,” she said. “I want…”
He held his breath, waiting for her to tell him what she wanted, dying to know what she wanted, but she didn’t finish her sentence.
“I imagine what you look like as a man. I hope I meet you soon.”
She opened her eyes and looked around again. He was almost close enough to reach out and touch her. She scrubbed her hands over her face and shook her head. She looked back toward the Lair and began walking toward it. Panic filled him. He couldn’t let her leave like that. He shifted.
She walked swiftly, but he caught up in a second, nudging the back of her leg with his wolf snout. She jumped in alarm and yelped. As her eyes fell on him, she smiled. Her smile broke his heart in a thousand pieces.
“There you are. Won’t you shift back? Show me who you are?”
He barked once, turned, and trotted off. He glanced back, waiting for her. She frowned at him.
“This or nothing?” she asked.
He barked again.
She stripped down, brazenly, facing him. This time it wasn’t his heart, but his head that threatened to burst open. She was perfect, exquisite, and overwhelming. There was laughter in her eyes. She was taunting him on purpose with her flawless body and glowing skin. She trembled as the shift moved up and over her. She charged at him in her wolf form, pouncing him down with her front paws, biting him on the back of the neck before running flat out through the trees. He charged after her, intoxicated by the deep connection that pulled between them again, as it had the first time.
For Shreve, it was like the most beautiful dream he could have ever had. They raced again, running next to each other. Sometimes their sides touched. She delighted in his company. Feeling her value him made him surge with an emotion he didn’t have a name for, because he’d never felt such a thing before. She became the center of gravity.
