by Tenaya Jayne
He tried to analyze how he felt. “Yeah. I would.”
“Then stay. You won’t be the first vagabond to sleep on my couch.” Forest smiled.
“Dinner’s ready.” Syrus poked his head into the room.
Sitting at a dinner table with good people, eating and conversing easily, made Shreve feel as though he was walking through a dream. This couldn’t be happening to him. It felt so good, foreign, and terrifying all at once. Part of him didn’t believe he was actually awake. Maybe he was still under the hypnotic power of that Storyteller. He saw things, the invisible ties between the other adults at the table. Copernicus was a fool to think he was strong enough to sever these cords. They were impenetrable and immortal.
After dinner, Tesla began to yawn.
“It’s time for bed,” Syrus told her.
She signed something.
“No,” Forest said.
She signed something else and, from her face and body language, Shreve got the impression she was whining.
“No,” Syrus answered her this time.
She threw up her hands dramatically and rolled her eyes before climbing down from her chair. To his delight, she came over to him and held out her hands. Shreve took them, her power shoving its way into him again. When she pulled her hands free of his, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He was shocked and again his heart swelled. The little sprite was hugging him.
She bolted out of the room, her long, dark tresses flowing after her.
“Hey!” Rahaxeris called after her. “You didn’t tell anyone else goodnight!”
Syrus got up from the table and followed Tesla. In a few minutes, they were back. Her eyes were drooping, and she yawned as she clung to a fuzzy yellow blanket.
“Well, go on,” Syrus said to her.
She came back over to Shreve and thrust the blanket at him.
He took it, bemused. “Umm… What’s this?”
“That’s her favorite blanket. She insisted you have it tonight, since you’re not at your home and might need something comforting.”
Everyone’s attention settled on him. “Thank you,” he said, quickly.
She hugged him again before kissing Forest and Rahaxeris in turn, then taking her father’s hand and heading back to her room.
The pressure in his temples was unbearable. “Excuse me, I just…need some air.”
He got up, set the blanket on the chair, and strode quickly from the house, out into the garden. The cool night air caressed his face, and he exhaled. The breeze chilled the tears on his cheeks. He wiped them off with the back of his hand. He was growing a thick layer of understanding. Love, family, home, truth…
These were the things people fought and died for willingly. These were the things he never had and was taught to hate and destroy. It only took an open door, a meal, a little girl willing to sacrifice her comfort to give him some, and he was completely unmade.
He didn’t realize how long he stood there, until the lights in the windows began to go out, and Rahaxeris came out into the garden.
“A lot to process?” Rahaxeris asked.
“You could say that.”
“I know. It was for me, too, still is sometimes.”
“What do you mean?”
Rahaxeris smiled. “Look at me. I was the high priest of the Rune-dy. My life didn’t have any soft edges to it. I’d loved Forest since she was a baby, but I never imagined she would love me back. Never. Have you noticed she calls me Dad?”
“Yeah. I heard her.”
“She didn’t used to. It’s kind of a new thing, but I hope she keeps it up.”
Shreve shook his head and frowned. “So strange. I wouldn’t have ever believed I had these places inside me. Weaknesses. I used to think I was such a badass.”
Rahaxeris laughed. “You still are, but now you have a heart… Take Syrus for example. His heart belongs to his family, and it’s a big heart. But having seen him in action, especially in the last year, he takes badass to a new level.
“Having a heart doesn’t rob you of your strength, Shreve. It gives you a purpose. If you must fight, if you must kill, you know the reason.”
“I think I’m only starting to understand the difference.”
“You understand it,” Rahaxeris insisted. “I saw you in there with Tesla. I watched you transform. Just think, not that long ago, you were a part of the plot that hurt her, almost killed her. And now, what would you do to someone who threatened her?”
An acute bloodthirst seized him at the very idea. “I’d protect her. No matter what it cost me.”
He laughed again and gave him a hearty slap on the back. “See? You understand.” They stood in silence for a moment. “Will you help me protect Tesla from the coming army?”
“What can I do?” Shreve asked.
“I don’t know yet. But I have a feeling you’ll be needed in building our defenses.”
“I’m at your disposal.”
He smirked. “Not running off anywhere?”
“No. If I’m not near Forest, I’ll be close to the Lair.”
He walked a few paces and opened a portal. “I didn’t realize what it would mean to me to have both of my children together.” His voice was loud over the rushing. “In whatever detached, unnatural way, you are my son, Shreve.”
Then he stepped into the portal and was gone.
Shreve went back into the house. It was quiet, and most of the lights were off. A pillow and the fuzzy yellow blanket were spread out on the couch for him. Light and soft voices were coming through the cracked bedroom door. Then Forest came out in a light pink shirt and a matching pair of shorts. He smirked as he read the words under the simple picture on her chest.
“Hello Kitty?” he chuckled.
She glanced down at her shirt and huffed. “Shut up. I’m going to bed now. Syrus won’t be asleep for quite a while yet, but he’ll be in here with me. Hopefully, Tesla will sleep soundly, but she can get loud in the middle of the night—just fair warning. Is there anything you need?”
“I’m overwhelmed and humbled by the trust you’re showing me. It makes me think you’re a little crazy.”
She smirked. “I am crazy. Don’t forget that. And you don’t worry me overmuch. If you get squirrelly, you’ll be hacked to bits, electrocuted, and then turned into a reanimated automaton.”
“A what?”
Forest’s smirk broadened into an evil smile. “Me and Syrus are the least of your problems. If you threaten us, it’s Tesla you’ll have to worry about.”
His eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at the closed door of the little girl’s room. “So noted.”
He looked back at Forest, and her evil smile relaxed into a genuine one. “Thank you for staying.”
So many things he could have said. Words that felt odd because he’d never used them. Instead, he just nodded and looked down. She accepted his silence.
“Goodnight.” Her voice was soft.
She turned and went back to her room, leaving the door cracked as the light went out. He lay down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling for a long time, yet again wondering if he was dreaming. In a few short hours he had gained the titles guest, brother, uncle, and son. Syrus had been tolerant but more reserved than the rest of them. It was still better than he deserved, and he hoped he might live long enough to earn the mage’s friendship.
Right before he drifted off to sleep, he imagined he had a home, just like this one. One he shared with Sabra. How amazing would it be to share your life like that? To be known intimately, fully for who he really was and loved because of it, or even in spite of it? To have children? As he imagined all these things, the well of sorrow within him dug itself deeper.
Chapter Thirteen
After a week, Sabra finally decided to get on with her life and continue her training. Throughout those days and nights, she’d stayed locked in her room, Gahu had yet to come back. Or maybe he had, but she’d barely heard the occasional beating on her door. Tucker would yell at he
r a couple of times a day, but she ignored him.
A phantom of Shreve had taken up residence in her room. Sometimes he wore the face she loved, sometimes not. He didn’t speak to her. At night, in that place between being awake and dreaming, the phantom touched her. She could almost feel his hands on her body, his lips on her skin. Guilt-ridden, she’d bat him away, or pull him closer and let him take her over like the hot flash of fever. The fact that she couldn’t banish the apparition only brought her self-disgust.
She began to try to fight her constant thoughts of Shreve by refocusing her mind on tactical training for the tournament. It was a non-stop tug of war, and she had yet to clear her mind of him completely for even a moment.
Before the pre-dawn, she slunk from the apartment and ran through the shadows, away from the Lair, to the shifter colony. Nothing had changed there. Her weapons were hidden in the same place. Again, she felt guilty. Guilty that she had let Asher down by holing up in her room and moping for so long. She was done with that. She was done with thinking about Shreve. Really, she was. No, really.
She paced a few minutes, wrestling with her memory of when she’d caught Shreve here in the dark, and he’d given her the sword. Pissed he wouldn’t get out of her head, she began warming up and sparring with his phantom. She threw punches, rolled, and spun through the air in aerial kicks.
Heart in her throat, breathing hard, she swung out at nothing. Asher came out of nowhere and caught her fist. She dropped her attack stance.
“Didn’t know if you were ever going to come back,” he said.
“I’m sorry. That won’t happen again. I’m here. I’m ready.”
“I can see that. I’m glad you haven’t given up.”
“My resolve has never been stronger. So, what are we going to work on today?”
Asher smiled sadly. “Are you all right?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Shreve.”
She winced and swore. She considered just lying, and covering with bravado. Instead, she hung her head and closed her eyes. “Have you seen him?”
“Two days ago. He’s in a bad way. He’s hurting.”
“Well, good!”
Asher smirked. “Uh huh.”
“What does that mean?” she demanded.
“Nothing.” He was glib.
“Am I training today, or not?”
“Sure. Get your whip.”
Asher backed out of the space, where her whip wouldn’t hit him. He directed her from the sidelines. Now she didn’t envision Shreve as her opponent, it was Gahu. Her anger rose up as she thought of the way he had treated her the last time. It was the first time she’d really thought about what it would be like to face him in the tournament. It was the first time she felt she could take him out.
The whip was more than an extension of her arm, it was an extension of her will. The leather unrolled through the air, the tip snapping the exact point she wanted to hit on the charred house, splintering the wood. Her focus was razor sharp. Adrenaline compressed her drive till it became clear and hardened like a diamond. She pushed her body, time blurring in the background. Over and over she raised her arm, and the whip struck out at objects. She was determined to break her target to nothing.
“Sabra!” Asher yelled, breaking into her focus. “You’ve lost track of time. You better get going, or you risk discovery.”
She looked up at the sky. Where had the time gone? He was more than right. Reluctantly, she coiled her whip and put it away.
“Thank you, Asher.” She began sprinting away.
“I forgot. There’s something I need to talk to you about, but it’s too late now. Remind me tomorrow first thing. It’s important.”
“Okay.” She waved and kept going.
Damn, she was running late. No big deal, she thought. But there were a few people moving around the square as she ran through to the mountain’s entrance. People considered her eccentric anyway, she tried to comfort herself. But as she came through the front door, sweaty and out of breath, her stomach dropped. Tucker was right there in the living room, and she knew from the look on his face, she was in trouble.
“Tucker, I—“ Her voice turned into a wheeze as he plowed his fist into her stomach.
When she doubled over, he grabbed her by the hair, yanked her up again, and slapped her so hard in the face she went spinning to the floor. She gasped and spit the blood from her mouth.
“I can no longer tolerate your behavior. You are on the edge of ruining our family name forever.”
“What did I do?!”
“Gossip about you is rampant. You never removed your name from the tournament list. And somehow, it’s gotten around that you’re playing the whore.”
“Who says that? Silhon?”
The look in his eye confirmed it, even though he didn’t answer the question. “It doesn’t matter who says it, because now everyone believes it. I honestly can’t believe Gahu hasn’t backed out yet.”
“I wish he would!” she spat.
“Really?” he scoffed. “Because if he does, I’ve been given another offer for you.”
“I bet! By the one spreading the rumors!”
“That’s right. Now lower your tone, or I’ll choke it down!”
She looked up at him, seeing only red. “Just because our laws allow you to treat me this way doesn’t make it right. You’re not any better than me because you’re male. You’re not smarter, braver. You’re certainly not kinder. I don’t recognize your, or any other man’s, authority over me.”
“Bitch! Those words could get you killed.”
She only had a split second to decide what she was going to do. If she fought, he’d lock her in the underground, and she’d never be able to fight in the tournament then. Cowering submission was more bitter than poison, but it was the only way she’d see herself through this day, with blackened eyes no doubt. He bore down on her, and she took it, even though she could have kicked his ass easily.
He was relentless and brutal. Her heart broke as she realized in that moment she had lost her brother. He was the last living member of her family, and now, he was dead to her as well. The pain of the realization mixed in with the pain he inflicted on her until he finally hit her hard enough to knock her unconscious.
Time moved, and she lost it as it went by. Sabra opened her eyes very slowly. Both were swollen. The dancing jeweled colors of the sunset moved over her. The whole day was gone. She moved slightly, feeling her limbs. The cold hard rock under her kissed her with soreness. The bastard had dragged her out onto the terrace and just left her there. Her heart smarted again. When had her brother traded his good nature for cruelty?
She rose into a sitting position, gritting her teeth as her head hammered. What her brother had done to her was typical behavior of wolf men. Accepted if not encouraged. Her cheeks burned even though she was alone. She wasn’t designed for this degradation. No she-wolf was. It was coming to an end soon. Oh, yes. It was going to end!
She got to her feet and took a few testing steps. It wasn’t that bad. A little food and water, a small rest in her actual bed, and she’d be just fine. Was that the best he could do to someone who wasn’t fighting back? Coward. He wasn’t a man. Male, yes. Man, no.
She made to go in and take care of herself but found the doors locked. Nasty move by Tucker. She stretched and took a few deep breaths before kicking the doors inward. They swung in, the frame splintering around the knobs. The doors banged loudly against the walls. She stalked inside and looked around. Tucker wasn’t there.
Her throat was so dry, the first gulp of water she took seemed to shred and burn all the way down. The second gulp was soothing. She splashed water on her abused face and looked in the mirror. Dried blood clung to the edges of her mouth and circled the insides of her nostrils. As she suspected, both of her eyes were black, and one of her cheeks was swollen.
She ate cold leftovers and stale bread and locked herself in her room before Tucker came back. Her shir
t was stained with blood, totally ruined. Too many of her clothes had to be discarded from blood stains, she lamented. Sabra stripped down to nothing and took stock of her body. She was all right, just sore. He hadn’t broken any bones.
She slipped into a pair of soft drawstring pants and a loose-fitting shirt before lying down on her bed. What did she do now? How did she play her hand? What had gotten into Silhon? She guessed she underestimated his desire for her, aberrant as it was. Would Gahu believe the rumors?
She squirmed as she thought back to the last time she’d seen him. He knew her body was on fire, and she’d admitted it wasn’t for him. Would he think she had a lover? Was Silhon claiming he was the one she’d been messing around with? Ugh…what did she do with all this?
There was still too much time until the tournament for her to just hide, play sick, or hold Gahu at arm’s length. She’d have to give in to him physically, or… Could she run away? If she did, she could live for herself, but she would be abandoning the other women.
Sabra suddenly became exceedingly angry. Why was she the only one fighting against the abuse? Did none of the other she-wolves have a spine at all? How could she be expected to carry the whole load of this? Why did she have to forfeit her life, when no one else was willing to risk anything?
She contemplated the feeling of her heart, thumping against her ribs. That was all she had left. Just her life. She had no family anymore. Tucker was dead to her. She despised Gahu. She pinched her eyes shut and saw Shreve in his wolf form. He’d never treat her like a possession, with no soul, designed only for pleasure and breeding, to be beaten and caged when she displeased him. Or publicly humiliated for the fun of it.
Her body remembered how it felt to run with him. Just the two of them, under the moon, totally free for a short time. Connected, honest, primal. She wanted to feel that again. She wanted the honesty of it. Her hate for him was honest as well. He knew it. Her heart flinched, and chills surfaced on her skin as the memory of his voice calling for her reverberated through her mind.
She never wanted to see him again as a man…but as a wolf. That was the truth she craved but would never indulge in. She would make her heart an island, solitary and impossible to reach.
