by Tenaya Jayne
Chapter Fifteen
The ground reached up and began to pull Sabra under. Shreve had saved her life and paid with his own. No, no, please, please! Don’t die! She pulled the sword out of him, his blood spilling over her hands. She grabbed at his wound, but it wouldn’t close. Her tears blinded her. She couldn’t see anything clearly. His heartbeat sounded in her ears, slowing, growing quiet as he bled out.
The anticipation held her immobile. There was nothing for her to do but wait. Now? One more beat? One more? The pain rose up like a demon in front of her. She waited, on the edge, with no choice. Shreve’s heart stopped. She looked the pain straight on and braced herself as it slammed into her.
It threw her on her back. The first wave was like flash paper. A flame that rushed through her veins, burning every inch of her. Seared, then the heaviness began. Her heart strained against its natural function, questioning why. What was the point? Why continue when it hurt this much?
This was just the beginning of losing him. This was only the first moment. The first kiss of agony. The pain brought the unquestionable knowledge of how she truly felt. Only love, taken away, could leave this kind of pain behind. She couldn’t deny it anymore. The pain stripped away the lies she’d told herself and forced her to know, to taste love and the living-death desolation of having it taken away.
“Shreve!” She woke up with a start, her eyes burning with tears.
She didn’t know where she was. Her head hammered, and her arm burned. She took a few steadying breaths as she remembered the battle. She shook herself. Shreve wasn’t dead, but Asher was. She pulled her knees up into her chest and looked around her. She spotted the note and lifted it up.
Sabra,
Don’t be alarmed if you wake up and don’t remember how you got here, or even where you are. You got high on the sand, coming into the Wood. You’re safe. Please don’t leave. I’ve gone back to the Lair to learn what the reaction is when the bodies are discovered. We need information. I’ll be back before dark. Please, please don’t leave.
-Shreve
She put the note down. High on sand? That was why she didn’t remember how she’d gotten here. She pulled the bandage off and looked at her wound. It had pulled together, but it wouldn’t be healed all the way for a few more hours. She stood up and looked around the space. It was oddly sparse. A few books and bottles inhabited a shelf. There was an armchair with ripped upholstery, and a few articles of clothing folded in a pile on the floor. She spotted her knapsack and weapons against the wall and felt a little steadier knowing she still had them.
How long had she been out? She didn’t want to think about her dream, but it had changed things. The dream had taken off her blinders and revealed the truth. How was she going to handle being around him? When Gareth had stabbed him, when he’d fallen, when she’d held his wound with her hands, she got a taste of what she would feel if he died.
Her grievances against him faded into the background. She didn’t have to sit around and contemplate forgiveness. She’d already given it. He wasn’t the villain she’d thought he was. Not the villain perhaps that he’d been at one time. Her pride took a hit as she forced herself to really look at it. To really think about everything he’d ever said to her, everything he’d done. It wasn’t a betrayal to love him. It was a betrayal to deny it. Sophie would have understood.
Since she had left her life at the Lair behind and Asher was dead, Shreve was all she had in the world. She couldn’t bear to lose him now. But how did she move ahead? Was there any chance they could have a future? Would he still want her? There were things she needed to know. He had to tell her about his past and explain what he was.
She closed her eyes, goosebumps rising on her skin. When he came back, he had to kiss her. He had to touch her. She needed him to be her first. It had to be him. She couldn’t give herself to anyone else. She sighed. She’d still make him work for it. He’d tell her everything first. Everything she needed and wanted to hear.
She needed some fresh air. She stepped outside and turned around, looking at the half-broken illusion hiding the door. The day was wearing thin. It was late afternoon. The sky would soon begin to dance with the colorful ribbons of dusk. She looked at the ground, trying to ascertain whether she was standing in shadow sand or not.
It looked okay. She’d have to pay attention. The wolves had come to the Wood all the time when Phillipe was the leader, but they all knew to keep to the paths to avoid the sand. Since he’d died, no one hardly went to the Wood at all anymore. At the moment, she was grateful the place was deserted.
Her attention snapped up at the sound of someone approaching. She held still, her eyes scanning, but she didn’t see anyone. The noise kept getting closer and closer. Her heart beat hard and fast against her ribs.
Shreve materialized out of thin air forty feet in front of her. Their eyes held. It was all there. Everything she wanted to know. He’s all mine. To hell with making him work for it. She ran at him. His eyebrows went up, and he braced himself as though he thought she was about to attack him. She jumped, threading herself around him. He staggered back a step, grabbing her hips.
She kissed him violently hard. “I love you.”
He looked closely at her eyes. “Are you high again?”
“No.”
She pressed tight against him, forcing her lips against his so he couldn’t speak. He began to press back, a moan in the back of his throat. He let go of her hips, pushing her legs so she had to stand on the ground again. He reached around the back of his neck and pulled her hands loose, bringing them around to his face, breaking their kiss.
He kissed both of her hands. “Sabra, are you sure you’re not high?”
“Look in my eyes.”
He did. Her pupils were normal. He took a ragged breath. “I want…”
“What? Tell me what you want.”
“You’re so brazen.”
Her voice turned into a dark whisper. “That’s right. Tell me what you want.”
“You said I had a nerve putting my hands on you.”
She threaded her fingers through his and pulled his arms around her. “You do. A damn nerve. And since you’re all tongue tied, I’ll tell you what I want…I want a man who never loses his nerve.”
He smiled and slid his hands down from her lower back, down to behind her knees, and picked her back up. She wrapped her legs around him the way they had been before. He took her through the hidden doorway and laid her down on the mat on the floor and covered her with his body.
A look of hesitation came over him then. “I didn’t say it, not where you could hear me.”
“What?”
“I’m in love with you, Sabra.”
She smiled as she put her hands on his shoulders. “I know.”
He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I can satisfy you. I’ve never done this before.”
“You haven’t?”
“No.”
She gave a little laugh and pushed at him so she rolled onto the top. She smiled down at him, realizing he felt insecure and maybe a little embarrassed. “Well, I’ve never done this either…Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out, and I’ve got nothing but time for you.”
He gently put his hands on the back of her neck and brought her mouth down to his. He rolled her back under him, and it began. She began to be his. He became hers. And they both knew it. What was between them was the stuff of forever. Or would have been if he had longer than a few days left.
He splayed his fingers on her stomach under her shirt, and a cold warning shot through him, like a premonition. This joining would result in a child… He froze. She didn’t even know what he was. He couldn’t do this to her. He wasn’t staying. He couldn’t leave with even the possibility of her carrying his child, having to raise it alone. And what kind of child would it be? It would be part wizard, and the blood lock was built against wizard blood. Would the child even be able to survive under that?
He’d never felt a regret so deep as i
n that moment.
“Shreve, what’s wrong?”
He pulled away from her “I’m sorry. We can’t be together this way.” He covered his face with his hands.
“Why? I don’t understand.”
“I’ve never turned away from something I wanted as much as I want you. But you don’t know what I am.”
She sat up. “You’re a Halfling,” she said it confidently. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
“No. I wish I were a Halfling. I am a mix, that’s true, but an unnatural one. I’m a clone.”
Her eyes widened. “A clone…”
“I’m the genetic copy of a monster. I have my own mind, my own heart. I’m not the person he was spiritually, but I am exactly the same physically.”
She looked down at her hands, her brow creasing. “Whose clone are you?”
“Copernicus.”
Her mouth formed an O. He watched her process it. He waited in silence.
Her eyes came up and pinned him. A serious fire burned behind her gaze. “I know you, Shreve. Right there.” She pointed at his chest. “You.”
“Sabra, I…”
“No! I see you retreating from me. You can’t tell me how to feel about this. You don’t decide how I love, or what will make me stop. I decide the risks I take. I watched you die this morning, and then I watched you die again in my sleep. That forced the truth on me. The truth in my heart that I wanted to ignore. But now, I have no doubts about the way I feel about you. Does this revelation about your origins suck, yeah it does… Are you mine or not?”
“I’m yours.”
“Then I don’t want to hear about it again, unless it’s somehow pertinent.”
She moved toward him again, but he backed away and strode outside.
“Hey,” she complained, following him out.
“I can’t make love to you, Sabra.”
She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her cheek against his shoulder blade. “Why?”
“What if there’s a child? I wasn’t born, I was created. Copernicus wasn’t born. He was a lab experiment.”
“But—“
“I’m part wizard, Sabra! Those that cloned me added in their own genetic makeup just because they could. And now the wizards are threatening Regia. A blood lock is being created to hold them out. I have no idea if a wizard could live under that magic. You and I cannot risk creating life.”
Her hold tightened, and her chest began to tremble against his back. He turned to face her. She looked up at him through a sheen of tears. “I’m so sorry.” She shook her head back and forth. “So cruel… So unfair… What they did to you… I’ll take whatever you can give me, however fragmented.”
“My heart is yours. Every one of its broken pieces are yours.”
She pulled free, turned, and walked away from him. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“What are you doing?” he asked quietly.
“This is a day of mourning. The sorrow has held steady since the dawn and taken many forms. If I am to move past losing a physical relationship with you, I have to mourn the loss of it first.” She sighed deeply. “It would have been amazing, epic. I know it.”
“You’re quite astute at torturing me…I have something important to tell you, but if you need to be alone for a while...”
She turned on her heel and marched back to him. “Tell me. I need the distraction.”
“The bodies have been found. Everyone is afraid and shaken by it. Four of those bastards were going to fight in the tournament, and it’s believed they were killed because of that, or the fight began for that reason, even though the presence of Asher is confusing to them. There are only three names left on the list, someone named Urhal, Gahu, and you. The date for the tournament has been moved up in case what happened today is the work of someone trying to change the outcome.”
“Moved up to when?”
“Tomorrow.”
He framed her face with his hands. “What do you say? Are you ready to lead your people?”
“Yes…I’m ready.”
“There’s more. I listened to the women talking. They were upset when they learned you ran away, but it was good for them. Those I heard talking are ready to fight with you against the cultural norms.”
He eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Really…oh, and Gahu and your brother are planning to search for you. Gahu says he’s going to lock you in the underground until he breaks you.”
She closed her eyes.
“Sabra?”
She wound her arms around his waist.
“What is it?” he asked.
“You. I love you. You don’t want to break me. You don’t treat me like I can’t do anything on my own.”
He snorted. “I think you’re more capable than I am.”
“No. I’m not. I can’t open portals or heal myself instantly from mortal wounds. But still, you didn’t even flinch when Silhon had a knife to my throat. You knew I could take him, didn’t you?”
“I knew it.”
“My strength doesn’t threaten yours or lessen yours. I could never want someone who had to push me down to make themselves feel bigger…and I could never feel desire for a weakling. There’s no one like you, Shreve.”
He kissed her slowly. Marveling at who she was and that nothing he’d said had turned her away from him. Her love was real. He felt her physical response and forced himself to pull away.
“When do you think they will begin searching for me?”
“I don’t know. I hope the tournament being moved up will put the idea out of their minds for a while, but maybe they are looking for you already.”
“Let’s get out of sight, then.”
It was hard to be inside with her. So close. He wanted all of her, so much, every inch of his body hurt with wanting.
“Tell me everything, Shreve. Everything about you.”
“Please don’t ask that of me. You know I was bad. I don’t want to relive all that.”
She paced back and forth. He could feel her agitation in the air around her. “There has to be something we can do…”
“What?”
She stopped pacing and pinned him again with her eyes. “I want to feel you. I want to connect with you…” She rubbed her palms on her forearms. “It hurts…everything on me aches for you.”
“It’s the same for me.”
She moved forward into his space. “Touch me.”
“How?”
“I don’t care. Just touch me.”
He reached out and grasped both her forearms, just under the elbow. She closed her eyes and exhaled. He moved his hands up to her biceps as she reached out and put her hands on his face. She ran her fingers softly down the sides of his neck. He pulled her closer, moving his hands down to her waist, and then slid them up the back of her shirt until they rested flat on her shoulder blades.
Her skin was intoxicating and magnetic to his. It eased the frustration—and created new ones at the same time. But the sensation and ecstasy it brought just to touch her was worth the price of the pain it simultaneously created.
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
“I’m afraid to.”
“Don’t be. If that’s all we can have, I want it. When the moon rises, we’ll run together, as we did the very first night, as wolves. Just one hour, Shreve. Hold me next to you and make love to my mouth with your own. Close your eyes and just imagine all the rest any way you want it.”
He obeyed. In the breadth of a single hour, he knew torture as he never had…and it was exquisite.
When the moon crested the sky, they emerged into the cool night air. They shifted down into wolf form at the same time and took off running. Neither of them had ever run so hard, pushing their bodies to burn off the fire inside. Their spirits reached out and connected, allowing them to fully feel the depth of love the other had.
Shreve stored every moment in his heart. He had her. Her heart was his. Not because he took it, but
because she gave it.
Chapter Sixteen
Tesla sat still while Rahaxeris pulled the painful surplus of magic from her hands. He took more time than usual, attempting to drain them down to nothing. When her fingers relaxed, he sat down across from her.
“Why do you want it the cube?” he asked.
It needs improvement. I can make it better. She signed.
“Merhl is making it better.”
How does he know what to do?
“Maybe it’s time you met him. He’s like you in a number of ways.”
How?
“He’s gifted. His magic pools in his hands as well and causes him great pain. The more he creates, the less his hands hurt. Would you like to meet him? He’s here.”
She nodded enthusiastically. He stood and gestured for her to follow.
Merhl was in Rahaxeris’ old lab. He looked up from the operating table where the cube sat, glowing blue, and smiled at Tesla. She rushed forward to the table.
“Don’t touch!” Rahaxeris ordered her.
She scowled but put her hands behind her back and leaned in to look at it. She walked all the way around the table and then took a step back and looked up at her grandfather and the Ogre next to him.
“Manners?” Rahaxeris asked sternly.
It’s nice to meet you, Merhl. She signed. I like your hands. Grandpa told me about them. What do you think of mine?
Rahaxeris translated what she said to Merhl.
“It’s an honor to meet you, Tesla. Your hands are beautiful. Would you give me a closer look?”
She came closer and held her hands out for him. He touched her skin with one of his gnarled index fingers. Her power snapped on his fingertip. She pulled her hands back, embarrassed. He shocked her by laughing.
“Don’t worry,” Merhl assured her. “It took me a long time to learn control over my gifts. You’ll learn to make it do what you want. You didn’t hurt me. It kind of tickled.”
I like you. I think we can teach each other some things.
Again, Rahaxeris translated.
“What can you teach me?” Merhl asked.
