by Melody Grace
Ouch. “Do I really look that bad?” I reply, taking a mug from her. She gives me a sympathetic smile.
“It’s only because I know you,” she says, moving to stand beside me. “Believe me, I’ve done my share of wistful gazing out at this view.”
“About Ryland?” I pause. “I thought things were great with you guys.”
“They are,” Tegan beams. Even the mention of her boyfriend makes her whole face glow with happiness. “But we had plenty of bumps in the road. So, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Matt. I know how much you cared about him.”
I take a sip of coffee, feeling guilty. I told Tegan how things had ended with Matt, but I didn’t say anything about what happened with Austin. It seems wrong, somehow, that I’m more devastated over a guy I barely knew twenty-four hours than the man I was with for months.
“Come eat something,” Tegan urges me. “You know there’ll be no bacon left if we leave the guys alone with it for five minutes.”
I smile, glad for an excuse to stop wallowing over a man who probably hasn’t given me a second thought. “You don’t need to ask twice.”
We head back inside the house, to where everyone is collapsed around the huge dining table, eating breakfast and groaning over their hangovers. Technically, the house belongs to Tegan’s brother, Dex, and his fiancée, but a whole bunch of people are crashing here for the holidays too. It’s been fun staying in the middle of all the activity. With Tegan’s brothers, and Dex’s bandmates, it’s been a frat house kind of feel: late night drinking, movies, and impromptu music sessions, enough chaos to keep me distracted from the hollow ache in my chest. And tonight should be even more hectic: a big blow-out New Year’s Eve party that half the town seem to be invited to.
Suddenly, Dex’s fiancée, Alicia, lets out a shriek. She bounces up, clutching her phone. “It’s here!” she cries happily, “Oh my god, it’s happening!”
“Now?” Dex looks over from the kitchen.
Alicia nods. “Now! They were on their way over, and her water broke. They’re heading to the hospital now!” She rushes to find her coat, and Dex grabs for his sweater, pulling it on over his tattooed torso.
“What’s going on?” I turn to Tegan, who’s already frantically texting, a huge grin on her face.
“Carina went into labor,” she beams. “Our friend. And my future sister-in-law. At least, I think that’s how it works.” She frowns for a minute, then shakes it off. “Either way, this is big. She was due around Christmas, and they’ve been doing everything they could to make it come.”
“A New Year’s baby, that’s great.”
Alicia rushes back in, looking breathless. “I was going to run to the store for party supplies, but could you—”
“Don’t worry about it,” I reassure her. “We’ve got it covered.”
“Thank you!” She pulls a list from the counter. “We just need plates, paper napkins, that kind of thing. It’s not exactly glamorous…”
“That’s fine,” I smile, taking the list. “I’ve helped run fundraisers for the help-line before, so I know the drill.”
“Angel.” Alicia hugs me quickly, then turns back to Dex. “Keys?”
“Right here,” he says, holding them up. “But aren’t you forgetting something?” he adds with a grin.
Alicia looks blank.
“Shoes, sweetheart.” Dex laughs affectionately. “You’re not going to get very far like that.”
Alicia locates some sneakers and they head for the door. “Text me the minute you have news!” Tegan calls after them.
Tegan drives us into town in a beat-up old pickup truck. I look out the window at the quaint Main Street and small clapboard houses and smile. “I never would have guessed when we met you’d wind up out here. You seemed LA through and through.”
She laughs. “Tell me about it. But, this place is home to me now. There’s just something about it. Plus, Ryland has his family here, and I guess I do too now.”
“That must be nice,” I say, a little wistful. My mom is in Arizona with her third husband now, and my dad moved to Canada after the divorce. Our family gets by on long-distance calls and the occasional holiday visit, but it’s not the same, and I know it.
Tegan nods. “It’s funny how things can change, in just a split second. One minute, I was alone at a bar in Vegas, and the next, I saw Ryland. And that was that.”
“You really think you can fall in love that fast?” I gulp. I’ve been avoiding thinking about the “L word” since leaving New York.
“I think some people are just meant to be together,” Tegan says simply. Then she glances over. “Oh, crap, I’m sorry. Here I am going on about love and destiny, and you’re the one nursing a broken heart!”
“It’s fine,” I lie.
“Have you heard anything from Matt?” she asks.
“Just voicemails,” I sigh. “I don’t want to talk to him yet. Or ever again.”
“So, it’s a good thing!” Tegan declares brightly. “You can move on, and find the guy you’re really meant to be with. Maybe you’ll meet him tonight. There’ll be plenty of men at the party. Hell, you can take one of my brothers off my hands if you like.”
I laugh. “Thanks, I think.”
“Seriously,” Tegan adds. “Ash has such a stick up his ass these days, he could use some fun. And Blake needs to quit dating those Hollywood airheads and find a real woman for once. You guys would be perfect together!”
Tegan’s older brothers are about as gorgeous and charismatic as they come, and any other woman would be falling over themselves for a set-up, but to me, they don’t come close to Austin.
“I think I need to take a break from dating for a while,” I tell her. “Figure out how to avoid making the same mistakes all over again.”
“Simple,” Tegan says darkly. “Don’t date a coward who can’t get it up.”
I burst out laughing. “Tegan!”
“What? It’s the truth!” She gives me a mischievous grin. “OK, so if dating’s off the table, how about a New Year’s kiss? My best friend Zoey is flying in later for the party. Between the three of us, we should be able to find you a hunk of delicious man candy to chew on for the night.”
“OK, OK,” I agree, wanting to change the subject. “Whatever you say.”
As Tegan chatters about her plans for tonight, I can’t help but think of Austin, and the way he looked standing in the snow that night. As much as I want to curse him for being a lying, cheating charmer, I can’t forget the tender moments we shared; the way he made my Christmas dreams a reality, just to see me smile. Careless playboys don’t get up early to set up a cookie-baking station; they don’t take you ice skating, and break into a secret park for a midnight stroll. Everything Austin did during our time together said something about what kind of man he is: someone thoughtful, and spontaneous; someone playful, but sincere.
The kind of man who would make life an adventure.
My throat gets tight, and I realize I’m on the edge of tears. Not just for the memories that are tainted by his girlfriend, and the betrayal that I can’t understand, but more than that, the future we’ll never have together. It may seem crazy to feel this way after barely spending a day with him, but I believe what Tegan says.
Sometimes you just know. And with Austin, I knew.
His are the only arms I want around me, his kiss is the only thing that could make me feel alive.
But he’s a hundred miles away right now, and I don’t even know his last name. Even if I wanted to find him, and try to get some kind of explanation, there’s no way to track him down.
I stare at the wintery landscape slipping past outside the window, and realize. It’s over.
“Sophie?”
I turn back to Tegan. She’s looking at me with understanding, and a determined glint in her eye. “Sorry?”
“I was just saying, I’m going to do your hair and makeup later, you’ll knock them dead. The guys of Beachwood Bay won’t know what hit them
.”
I smile along. Maybe Tegan is right. Wallowing over a man I can never have won’t get me anywhere. I check the clock on the dashboard. Midday.
OK. I get twelve more hours of pining over Austin, and that’s it. When the clock strikes midnight tonight, I need to try and move on.
14.
Austin
The party is loud enough that you can hear it halfway to town. By the time the cab drops me off at the end of Beach Lane, the house is blazing with lights and classic eighties music is blasting out across the bay. Hundreds of people are crammed inside, lit up though the huge glass windows: dancing and talking and having the time of their lives. The Callahans always did know how to throw a party, and with this incredible house as a setting, right on the water, they’ve raised the bar for another year.
I stop on the front driveway and let my duffel bag fall to the ground. Laughter filters out, excited cries as old friends greet each other, but something stops me heading straight inside. I’ve been holed up in the studio all week, but I figured a party would help snap me back to life again. Some drinks, a few friends, some adoring fangirls to make me forget all my troubles… It sounded like the perfect New Year’s Eve to me. But standing here now, celebrating is the last thing I want to do.
The only thing I want is Sophie.
“Austin!” I hear a shriek of delight, coming from the upstairs window. Tegan waves down, then hurries away. A moment later, she comes bursting out the front door and attacks me with a hug. “Where have you been? You were supposed to come days ago!”
I stagger back, laughing. “Sorry, I got sucked into recording.”
“You guys and your muses.” Tegan pulls away and pouts. She’s all dressed up in a sparkling black dress and heels. I ruffle her hair, and she ducks away. “Hey! We spent an hour on our hair tonight, trying to show you savages some class.”
I smile. I’ve been in the band with Dex for years, and Tegan is like a little sister to me now. She grabs my arm and pulls me into the house, talking non-stop as she goes.
“…And Sophie’s here too, it’s like a big reunion.”
I stop on the threshold. “Sophie?” I echo, feeling my chest clench.
“My friend from LA,” Tegan turns. “But don’t get any ideas,” she adds, warning. “She just had a wretched breakup with a total asshole. She can’t handle any of your games.”
Someone calls to her, and she looks away, distracted again. “Dump your bags in any of the rooms, get a drink, I’ll talk soon!”
She bounds away in a shimmer of sequins. I catch my breath, adjusting to the mass of noise and party chaos. Sophie’s a common name, I tell myself. I can’t keep flinching every time I hear it.
Pull it together, Austin.
I find a place to stash my bag, and go grab a beer from the overflowing bar. I take a gulp, and wander the party, but now that it’s planted back in my mind, I can’t shake the thought of Sophie.
There’s no way it could be her. I’m being crazy and stupid, I know. But I can’t help scanning the crowded rooms, hopefully looking for her familiar face.
I catch myself, and stifle a groan. Man, I’ve got it bad.
“Hey you.” Dex finds me in the main room. He slaps me on the back in greeting. “I heard the album is wrapped, I can’t wait to hear it. How about a listening party this week?”
“It’ll have to wait a little while longer, I went back to the drawing board,” I admit. “I spent this week locked in the studio laying down new tracks.”
“Inspiration hit?”
I give a rueful grin. “Something like that.”
The truth is, after Sophie left I needed something to pass the time. All I could do was think about her, a dozen mournful melodies that slipped into my sleep and demanded to be written. At least something came from my wretched misery. The songs I had before were good, but these ones are great.
Dex looks at me carefully. “So it’s like that, huh?” He breaks into a grin. “About time. What’s her name?”
I tense up at the thought of her. “It’s nothing. It was over before it began.”
“Don’t count yourself out just yet. It takes a special woman to inspire that look in your eyes.” Dex looks amused.
“What look?”
“Totally fucking miserable.”
I snort. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Any time. Well, there’s plenty of booze and food here, so make yourself at home. Now, I need to go find my beautiful fiancée. She’s off in the corner somewhere, cooing over newborn baby photos.”
“Babies?” I raise an eyebrow. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Dex grins. “Not just yet. Let me get her down the aisle first. Catch up with you later.” Dex slaps me on the back again, and disappears into the crowd.
Dex Callahan, soon to be proud husband and father. Who would have thought it?
I wander the party, greeting old friends and chatting about the band and our plans. It’s great to see familiar faces again, but no matter how hard I try to get into the New Year’s spirit, I can’t shake the hollow feeling in my chest, like I’ve lost something precious I’m never getting back.
I looked for Sophie, back in New York. Hell, every time I came up for air in the recording studio, I tried something new: calling the cab companies that served the hotel that day, checking with staff, even looking into doctors named Matt at a medical conference to see if I could track her down via her ex. But I came up empty every time. Sophie disappeared into thin air that day, and no amount of desperate sleuthing is going to find her now. My last hope is to wait until school starts back up in the new year, and start checking with grad schools out west to see if she’s studying there. It’s a long shot, I know, but it’s all I’ve got.
And I have to hold on to something.
“Hi Austin.” There’s a breathy voice, and when I turn, there’s a stacked little blonde standing too close to me. She presses nearer with a smile. “Happy New Year.”
“Hey, uh…” I try to remember her name. She looks familiar, but I don’t know how.
“Leela,” the girl coos. “We met at the MTV awards last year. I’m a music blogger, I interviewed the band.”
“Oh. Right. Hey.” I look around for an escape, but she’s got me penned in the corner here. “How’s it going?”
Leela giggles. “Great. It’s an amazing party.”
I wonder for a moment if she was really invited. It’s not Dex’s style to bring the media in, but I’m guessing there’s a bunch of fangirls here tonight who gatecrashed for a chance to get up close and personal with one of The Reckless.
“How are you?” Leela inches even closer, pressing her breasts against my arm. “I can’t wait to hear the new record. I just know you’ll be an amazing solo artist.”
I pause. She’s a pretty girl, and Lord knows I could use the distraction. There was a time I’d drink up the adoration, hell, I’d bask in her flattery all night—and the next morning too, if I didn’t ditch her as soon as I woke up. But tonight, her syrupy compliments sound fake and useless, and as pretty as she is, she doesn’t hold a candle to Sophie’s effortless sexiness.
I don’t want a fan. I want a woman who’ll push back: who’ll laugh when I hit on her in a bar, and wonder out loud about my narcissistic personality. A woman who spins around in the snow, and kisses me like it’s the end of the world.
I want Sophie.
“I, uh, need to go see someone.” I extricate myself as gently as possible, side-stepping around her. “Look, there’s Cash,” I nod to our sometimes-drummer. Leela’s eyes light up, and I take the moment to lose her in the crowd.
I head upstairs. The party is thinning out up here, and I take the chance to admire Dex’s handiwork. He designed this whole place himself, open and light, with gorgeous views of the ocean beyond. I wander down the hall to the big balcony I remember, hoping to get some peace. But when I slide the door open and step outside, there’s someone already out there, leaning out into the wind.
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Her back is turned, but I get a glimpse of auburn hair tangling in the sea breeze, her sexy curves poured into a dangerous red dress.
My heart stops.
It’s her.
I know her body by heart; I can feel it, just by standing here.
“Sophie?”
15.
Sophie
I hear my name from behind me, and every nerve in my body pulses to life. I would know that sexy drawl anywhere.
It’s him.
I spin around, and there he is, standing in the doorway looking so good, I want to hold him tight and never let go. Casual jeans and a black sweater, his chocolatey hair gleaming in the party lights, and a look in his eyes that takes my breath away.
“You…” I stammer, lost for words. My mind races, but I can’t make sense of it. I feel like I’ve conjured him up out of thin air just through wanting him bad enough.
“I… You… What are you doing here?” I finally manage to say.
Austin looks about as shell-shocked as I feel right now. “This is my buddy’s place,” he explains, gesturing vaguely. “Dex. We’re in a band. And you…?”
“I know Tegan.” I’m still staring at him in total disbelief. But more than the shock that’s still racing through me, is the feeling of total and utter relief.
He’s here.
Right in front of me, real flesh and blood. I’ve been feeling like I imagined our time together, like it was a dream I’ll never get back. But seeing him again, the feelings crash over me, more intense than ever.
Until I remember what sent me running the first place. My joy fades. “What about your girlfriend?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Is she here too?”
Austin strides out onto the balcony, closing the distance between us. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he swears, reaching to take my hand. He cradles it to his chest, looking down at me with an agonized look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I never thought she’d show up like that.”
I struggle to keep the hope in my chest from taking flight. I know that he’s charming, he could smooth-talk anyone into believing him, but I’m too hurt to just accept his word. “But, she was in your room,” I point out, pulling away. “In her underwear! She said you do this all the time. That I was nothing special,” I add, unable to keep the hurt and rejection from my voice.
