by Camy Tang
“Oh . . . That’s really nice of you, Grandma. But don’t you need the rent?”
“I’d do anything for one of my granddaughters.”
This was way too creepy. Grandma was rarely stern or demanding of Trish — at least, not like she was with Lex and Venus, but then again, they’d walk off a bridge if Grandma commanded them not to. Grandma was a savvy businesswoman — look how she’d taken over Grandpa’s bank after he passed away — and she never did something that would lose her money. Not without some kind of return.
How to phrase it so Grandma won’t be offended? “That’s so generous of you. But, uh . . . I can’t take it without doing something for you.”
“Oh, no, dear. You don’t need to do anything.” Grandma was so good at the not-sincere-but-obligatory-first-refusal, she made it sound as if she really didn’t want anything.
“No, I insist.” She pressed her hand to her stomach. The rolling boil had started erupting and overflowing.
“You don’t need to repay me, but there is something that would make me very happy.”
“I always want to please you, Grandma.” At least, that was true most of the time.
“You’re not dating anyone right now, are you?”
“No.”
“It would make me so happy to see you together again with Kazuo.”
“What?!”
“He’s such a nice boy. He told me he’s so sorry for the argument that made you break up with him.”
“I broke up with Kazuo because he wanted to imprison me in his art studio.”
Spenser suddenly fumbled and dropped his calculator with a clatter. She turned to peer at him. “Is it okay? Do you need to use mine?”
“No, I’m good.” He didn’t look up at her.
Her cell phone crackled. “What? Trish, who are you talking to?”
“My coworker. Grandma, I don’t want to get back together with him.”
“You’re so melodramatic. No one actually imprisons people. You’ve been reading too many of those scary books.”
“No, that’s Jenn. I read romances.”
“Oh, the ones with all the sex in them.”
“No! Grandmaaaaa — ”
“Kazuo says he can’t live without you. Isn’t that romantic?”
It was. But without his powerful presence to cloud her brain, she could remember his impassioned rages, the way he wanted to control her, possess her. She couldn’t put all the blame on him for wanting to sleep with her, because she’d gone more or less willingly into that, but his moodiness, the pagan way he worshipped his art, and his tendency to force her free spirit to adopt his loner qualities had made him seem like a stranger in her bed. “Grandma, he and I don’t really suit each other.” Now that’s an understatement. But she wasn’t about to admit the truth to Grandma because she wouldn’t understand.
“I think you suit each other very well.” Grandma’s tone had hardened. “You know I only want what’s best for you.”
Why couldn’t things go back to the way they were before? Grandma had always been pleased with Trish, primarily because of all Trish’s boyfriends — well, except for the one with the belly button ring. Trish had never said no to Grandma for anything. Why was Grandma wanting something from her that she couldn’t give? Why was she demanding this when Trish was earnestly trying to do the right thing for once?
“Grandma, you know I’d do anything for you — ”
“Then why not this one thing for your Grandma?” The chiding voice made Trish seem like such an unreasonable child for refusing. “Do you know how much he loves you and wants you back?”
“Yes, I know he wants me back, but I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?” There was a razor edge to her voice.
“I just can’t.” I won’t. But she wasn’t about to tell that to Grandma. Here was her chance for rule number three with Grandma. “I’m trying to be devoted to God — ”
“God? What does God have to do with a boyfriend?”
“God will help me find a nice Christian boy.” Even to her own ears, that sounded rather stupid. She thought she heard a snort from Spenser. He wasn’t listening, was he?
“It always comes back to your religion. You put your God over your family. That’s shameful.” Her tone sliced into Trish with jagged edges. Grandma had never been so openly against Trish’s beliefs before.
“I love my family. God is going to lead the right boy to me, and the whole family will like him.” If all her crazy relatives didn’t make him run away screaming.
“What if Kazuo is the right boy for you, and you’re pushing him away?”
“Kazuo is not the right boy for me — ”
“Are you sure you’re listening to your God correctly?”
Trish had to unclench her jaw to answer her. “Yes, I’m listening to God — ”
“You are disappointing your grandma.”
Uh, oh. Grandma was talking about herself in the third person. Bad sign. “I don’t want to disappoint you, but — ”
“Grandma would be so much happier if you got back with Kazuo. Grandma will be terribly upset if you don’t listen to her.”
Trish’s heartbeat did double-time with her breathing. She’d never had to defy Grandma. Never. But Grandma had also never asked her to do something so impossible.
“I can’t.” She barely heard her own voice. She wondered if Grandma heard her, if she’d have to repeat it. She tried to swallow but something big and sticky had lodged in her throat.
Grandma had good hearing. “Trish, Grandma is . . . You’ve hurt Grandma a great deal.” Click.
She actually hung up on her. Trish stared at the phone in her hand.
Her hands shook. She shoved them into her lap. Well, she’d done it. Defied her grandmother. Lightning didn’t strike her dead, but then again, since she defied Grandma in order to please God, she didn’t really think He’d do any more bad things to her. God was happy with her new determination, right? Even if she alienated the most powerful person in her large extended family.
“You okay?” Spenser’s quiet voice soothed her raw emotions.
She glanced at him. His eyes were soft with concern.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” She bit her lip and flickered her gaze to the phone. She attempted a smile. “Pushy grandmas.”
He followed her lead. “Tell me about it. Chinese ones are just as bad.”
“She’s never attacked my faith before.” It came out on a whispered breath. Why did she say that? Spenser wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t be mean, but she’d feel like a dork.
“Family’s hardest.”
“Huh?”
He turned to make eye contact with her. “Friends usually flow with it when you become Christian, but sometimes family members don’t know how to handle it. Sometimes they feel betrayed.”
“But I’ve been Christian a long time. Since college.”
“Long enough for them to realize it’s not just a phase. Could be they’re afraid you’re going to start preaching at them.”
“Now? After almost ten years?”
Spenser shrugged and turned his attention back to his computer, but a bitterness had hardened his expression. “They’re more afraid of what they’ll feel if you do.”
Why would Grandma feel afraid?
TEN
Introvert, she was not.
The thought of an entire new church was a little intimidating, but she may as well attack it with gusto, get the unpleasant part of being the new girl in the pew over with as soon as possible.
Aiden met her at the door to his church on Sunday. His half-smile wasn’t cool — that was just Aiden. When he’d been her physical therapist, his expressionless face always drove her nuts and made her want to shake him up. She could admit now that pursuing him and asking him out — and getting soundly rejected — probably wasn’t the smartest thing she could have done.
Things were okay now, though. She hoped. She hadn’t actually spent any time with him since h
e’d started dating her cousin Lex.
“Hi.” She gave him her brightest smile.
He remained unmoved. “Hi.”
She bit the inside of her lip. “You’re okay with this, right? Lex talked to you about my new devotion to God and all that?”
“Yeah. I’m happy for you, Trish.” Still that neutral face. She wanted to grab his cheeks and rattle them back and forth.
“You don’t look happy.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Okay, okay, never mind.” Iceman.
“I really am glad for you.”
His eyes were sincere, even if his face wasn’t animated. Trish could live with that. “Thanks.”
They sliced through the crowd of people chatting outside the doors — what was it with people always congregating to talk in the middle of major pedestrian thoroughfares? — and entered the massive foyer, dominated by a round table and a soaring flower arrangement. The heavy scent from the star asters made Trish sneeze.
“Let’s get a seat before they’re filled up. I’ll introduce you to people later.”
Trish smiled brightly at the scattered people they passed, but no one seemed to notice her. How big was this church anyw —
Oh my garlic, the sanctuary was as big as a concert hall. It was even set up like one, with a semi-circular stage and chairs fanning out in rows around it.
And lots and lots of people in those chairs. How strange to be practically anonymous in the middle of this huge crowd. She wasn’t used to not being noticed.
They sat near the front with a good view of the stage. The worship team was in place, fine-tuning their instruments, doing last minute sound checks. The lead guitarist gave a thumbs-up to someone in the back of the sanctuary. Trish turned and saw an extensive sound system set up on a balcony. A long arm shot up from behind the equipment with a returning thumbs-up.
“Let’s get seated, folks, and start our worship ser vice this morning.” The lead guitarist had a rather plain voice, but his twelve-string guitar rang like liquid music on her ears when he strummed a chord.
Worship music at her old church was fine. Simple, straight to the heart. But this worship resonated in her soul.
It wasn’t the full band with acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboard, and drums. It wasn’t the speakers, only a few feet from where they sat, blasting into her so that her bones vibrated with the music.
It was the songs, the atmosphere, the way the leader sang with so much transparency. No one stood to sing, but she felt the energy in her legs, the joy in her heart propelling her from her chair. She wouldn’t block anyone’s view since they were sitting near the edge. She shot up, raising her hands and worshipping with her entire body as well as her voice.
She felt like God had breathed into her.
She sat down after the music ended. The pastor was good. Down to earth. Told a few bad jokes. Used a lot of Bible verses and didn’t raise his voice to get his points across like her other pastor did.
At the end of the ser vice, she sighed deeply. “That was great.”
“Glad you liked it.” Aiden motioned toward the back of the church. “Want to meet the Singles Group?” They headed out the back of the sanctuary, through a door on the right side of the foyer and into a large social hall, with a smaller gathering of twenty- and thirty-somethings.
New friends. New guys. No, she needed to stop thinking like that. Rule number one. Rule number one.
“Yowza.” What a hunk! Tall and blonde, Matthew McConaughey in the flesh.
Aiden cleared his throat.
Oops. She winced. She wasn’t doing a good job showing the new, utterly-devoted-to-God Trish. Aiden was going to think she hadn’t changed at all from when she’d embarrassed herself over him.
“That’s Ike.”
Trish’s appreciation factor plummeted. So that’s the creep who came on to Lex — before she started going out with Aiden — and then two-timed her with some other girl. “Where’s what’s-her-name?” She couldn’t quite keep the venom out of her tone.
“Lindsay?” Aiden’s look was faintly amused. “Over there.” He gestured.
Pretty, blonde, skinny. Way too many bangles on her wrists, didn’t she realize she was a walking fashion faux pas? Hair horridly streaked by a very cheap salon. Trish could probably let her know of a better stylist . . . but she wouldn’t. Ha!
Okay, that wasn’t the most Christian attitude, but she intended to stand up for her coz. Lex was worth a million Lindsays.
Lindsay glanced their way and caught sight of Trish. She abruptly left off chatting with her girlfriends and sashayed up to Ike, twining an arm through his as he stood with his hands in his jeans pockets. Gee, could ya be more possessive?
Trish nudged Aiden. “You don’t have to introduce me to them, but I’d like to meet everybody else.”
They approached a group of women — a spunky brunette, a cute redhead, a willowy blonde. “Hi, I’m Trish.”
Their smiles didn’t quite meet their eyes. Trish’s smile faltered, but she reasserted it with determination. Most people were uncomfortable with strangers.
“Katy.” “Kaitlyn.” “Kassie.”
“So, what — ”
“Aiden.” Ike came up. The three girls immediately perked up, but Ike focused on Aiden. “They need you up in the sound booth.”
“Oh, okay.” Aiden turned to Trish. “I’ll be right back.”
“Oh, sure. I’ll introduce myself to people.”
“I figured you would.” His half-smile told her he didn’t intend it in a mean way. She was glad he appreciated her ability to take care of herself in a crowd.
“So what do you guys do?” She glanced at the tricolored trio of friends and tried to look non-threatening but friendly.
Brunette flickered her gaze away, then back to Trish. “I’m an administrative assistant for a law firm in downtown San Jose.”
“Oh, that’s neat. My cousin Lex loves the admin at her company. She’s a quarter Japanese and — ”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I need to catch my friend before she goes. It was nice meeting you.” Brunette nipped away.
“Nice meeting you,” Trish told the empty space where she’d stood. She straightened her faltering smile and turned to Redhead and Blondie. “So what do you guys do?”
Redhead looked at Blondie before answering. “I’m an elementary school teacher.”
“I’m a software engineer.” Blondie inserted her answer as if she didn’t want Trish to have to directly address her.
“That’s neat.” The uncomfortable silence grated on her like a rake down her back. “I have a cousin — ”
“Do you always worship with so much . . . uh . . . energy?” Blondie’s smile was friendly — marginally — but her cool gaze seemed faintly disapproving.
Trish’s back slammed straight as a rod. She bared her teeth. “Oh, yes. It’s very freeing.” Music was the one part of her faith where she felt closest to God. Who was this chick to criticize how she worshipped?
“I’m sure.” Blondie shared a secret, amused look with Redhead. “It’s just very unusual.”
“Well, I would never want to be a lemming.” Trish blinked innocently at her.
Blondie’s smile disappeared entirely. “It was nice meeting you. Come on, Kaitlyn.” They disappeared faster than hot dog musubi at a church picnic.
Trish looked around. There was a group of guys nearby — one tall and skinny with a shock of red hair, one Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and one small and dark like a mole. The latter two had glasses and pocket protectors, and the redhead kept his eyes glued to his feet.
Another group of guys nearby were at the very least weekend warriors — trim, carrying themselves well. Dressed in Dockers, Polo, Structure.
One of them — the one in a dark green Hilfiger shirt — happened to glance at her. He paused and made eye contact, then deliberately turned away.
The nerve! Was this entire Singles Group full of snobs? She marched over to th
e cluster of nerds. “Hi, I’m Trish.”
“Jaspar.” The redhead spoke to her Stuart Weitzman slides.
“Willie.” Stay Puft had a wide, sweet smile like in Ghostbusters.
“Gerard.” Mole Man peered at her through thick glasses.
Jaspar addressed her knees as he mumbled how he was a door-to-door salesman. Stay-Puft — oops, Willie was a manufacturing engineer, and Gerard was a programmer.
Their short answers didn’t faze her. They’d loosen up if she gave them a little more time to get used to her. The shy ones usually did, anyway. “So what do you guys like to do?”
“Jaspar likes the movies.” Willie motioned to his friend.
Jaspar’s gaze suddenly popped up from her knees to her eyes. His vivid green gaze startled her more than the sudden action. “I love Star Wars. It changed my life. I liked the light sabers.” He gyrated in a few wild moves. Trish leaned back to avoid getting brained by his fists, held together as if gripping a light saber. What a change from the shoe-talking guy from a minute ago. “I even had a Boba Fett costume, with replicas of all his weapons.” Jaspar’s eyes dropped and he seemed to deflate. “I used to be too into it, but I’ve been learning how to make Jesus my priority and still enjoy movies.”
Trish blinked. Had he really said that? Sounded like something her third grade Sunday school teacher would have made her recite. Still, she wanted him to feel comfortable, not let on that she thought his choice of words was a little weird. “That sounds like me. I’m, uh . . . trying to make Jesus my priority, too.” She loosed a wide smile.
How weird. The three of them had suddenly frozen when she smiled. Jaspar had been about to say something, but his mouth stuck open instead. Willie’s smile was a little dazed. Gerard had erupted into a smile of his own which, although a little dreamy, made his entire face light up.
“Hey Trish.” Aiden showed up. “Hi, guys.”
The trio broke out of their reverie and greeted Aiden with comfortable familiarity. Gerard perked up. “Did you see BattleBots: the Rematch last night?”
While they chatted about some type of robot demolition show, Trish caught sight of Blondie as she strolled past with Green Hilfiger Shirt. Trish chewed her inner lip. She’d forgotten Aiden had been sitting next to her during worship.
