by Aline Riva
“No,I'm fine,” he said quickly, feeling sure a look of alarm had flashed clearly in his eyes at the thought of her finding out he was, beneath the surface, a highly sophisticated cyborg...
Joy couldn't help but smile as she recalled how Murdock had reacted in almost the same tone of voice in her dream. But that dream was urging her to keep it alive at least in her own way, here and now with Jekel, who had no clue what was about to happen. There could be no harm in it, Joy decided as she continued with her plan.
“This won't take long,” she promised him,” I just need to check you over, Jekel. If I don't do it Lynch will want you out of here – he needs to know you're not carrying anything contagious.”
Jekel gave a sigh, deciding to go with her request- as long as she did nothing that risked his cyborg identity being uncovered.
“You can check me over but you're to using any equipment one me – especially not that scanner of yours – its for cyborg use only - there's no way I'd trust it!”
Her rely came as such a relief he failed to pick up on the amusement in her voice.
“I'm sure that's fine,” she replied, “I just need to get your clothes off for a few minutes...”
“Let's just get this over with,” Jekel said, and he sounded annoyed has he led his way to the medical area.
Moments later they were alone together, and with an ache in her heart stirring as she recalled ever detail of her dream, she guessed no was the right time to make a move because in this uncertain world, there would never be a right time to wait to do it...
She turned away and hid her smile as she pretended to tidy some papers on her desk as she told him to take off his shirt and get on to the bed.
“I still don't get this,” she heard him say, “I'm fine, I did tell you that!”
As she turned back she saw he was on the bed, laying back against pillows, his shirt was off and the sight of his body naked from the waist up was a good one – he was slim and toned - and she wasted no time sitting on the edge of the bed as that powerful dream came to mind.
“I just need to check you over,” she reminded him, and then she ran her hand over his hair as a look of confusion clouded his gaze.
“What are you up to?” he asked cluelessly.
And she smiled, not because he had no idea of her game, but because she didn't want him to know how sad she was that he was not Murdock...
“I just wanted get you alone so I could make sure you're okay,” she said again, and as her fingertips brushed his flawless cheek his eyes widened and he started to smile.
“Oh...I get it!” and then he smiled, looking at her with a gleam in his eyes as he realised this was a game – and sex had to be at the bottom of it, which he was up for, because clearly this wasn't about to be some deeply romantic encounter...
Then he reached up and took her hand from his face, his smile fading as he looked into her eyes.
“It's a good thing you brought me I here...nurse...I've got this ache and you need to get down there and sort it out!”
Joy stared at him.
“What?”
“You know,” he urged, “Sort me out, Joy...you know I want it...come on don't waste time...the others could be back soon!”
And he slid her hand under the covers, pressing it to clothing that covered an obvious erection.
“Oh I love kinky games!” Jekel added excitedly, “Quick...sort me out... get down there -”
She pulled her hand away and got up off the bed, feeling as if the dream had been like beautiful music and reality the jolt that slid the needle sharply across the vinyl with a scratch.
“I...I didn't want you to be like this! Can't you be more subtle?”
He sat up.
“How subtle do I have to be about a quick one, Joy? Just get me off, I'll be five minutes!”
As she heard Lynch calling her name, she grabbed Jekel's shirt and flung it at him.
“Get you off? Stay classy, Jekel...And put your clothes back on, Lynch wants me.”
He shot her a look like a sulking puppy as he picked up his shirt, but Joy simply turned away and left him to it, walking off feeling like all her dreams had just come crashing down heavily. As she went up to join Lynch, she was still thinking on what a disappointment Jekel had been – but maybe she ought to have expected that, she decided, because at the end of the day, no other man could be like Murdock...
Lynch thumped the radar and swore again as he glared at it, the looked to the view of the hillside and back at the radar again.
“I can't make this piece of shit work!” he fumed angrily, and thumped the screen so hard Joy felt sure one more blow would crack it, but then he reached for the controls, snapping switches brutally and cursing under his breath as nothing lit up on the darkened screen.
“Elise!” he yelled, “Before I give another demonstration of my stupidity, how about we see yours? The radar's not working again!”
Elise hurried up to the front of the vehicle, looking a little harassed as Joy watched on and prepared to listen to another of Lynch's rants at his well meaning partner because of a malfunction that was not her fault at all..
Elise went straight to the control panel, flicked a switch, then looked at Lynch as she pressed a button below the scanner, keeping her finger on it for ten seconds.
“I'm not stupid,” she said as she tried contain her annoyance, “And neither are you, Felix. Hold it down for ten seconds to power it up when the vehicle is stationary...its own power system is secondary and takes time to warm up – there you go!”
The screen lit up, showing a clear radar with no threat visible on the horizon.
Lynch stared at the screen, then looked to Elise.
“I forgot.”
“Yes, you did,” she replied, “And that's okay.”
The look in his eyes changed to one of sorrow as he shook his head. All anger had vanished from his expression now as something else flooded his mind – thoughts of exactly what the process of becoming a cyborg had cost him with his stupid, damaged, foggy memory...
“You're right,” he said quietly as he turned away from the controls, “I did forget, but it's not okay. Nothing can ever be okay with me. My wiring's fucked and so am I - you'll be so much better off when I'm gone. One of us should regret falling in love with a monster...”
“Felix!” Elise turned around as he walked off and headed for the open door, then she ran after him and Joy looked on wondering what he had said so quietly to cause such alarm.
A door opened and Jekel stuck his head out.
“I heard him shouting so I stayed in here, what's going on?”
“I don't know, but we should find out,” Joy replied as she passed him, and then she too left the motor home as Jekel gave into his curiosity, came out of his room and joined her.
The wind blew strongly, banishing the last of the mist that had curled lower down the hillside as Lynch made his way to the top and stood there alone, looking out over the steep drop below as he ignored Elise calling his name.
“Felix!”
He turned his head as the wind died down, a breeze ruffled his greying hair and as she caught the look in eyes that reflected the clouding skies, her own dark gaze was filled with concern.
“What did you mean just now?” she demanded, “You have no future? I thought the future was us, you and me...What's this about?”
Felix put his hands in the pockets of his long leather coat and looked back to the troubled skies as he suddenly felt only they understood him as his mind swirled with equal torment.
“Talk to me.”
She had spoken softly, and as he turned his head and looked down at her, standing there looking up at him with her wide, dark eyes as she pushed her hair off her face to defy the breeze, he felt a surge of love for her that reminded him of the days long ago when he had been whole, in the days before half his body had been destroyed.
“Elise,” he said, “It's simple really – sometimes when the odds are against you it's
not enough.”
“What isn't?” she asked, “I don't understand -”
“Love.”
For a moment his reply had cut her off into silence.
“Love? You know I love you! I don't understand what this is about.”
Sadness reflected in his eyes.
“You stayed with me by choice and you loved me no matter what. You saw me through the years of pain I suffered after my lower body was replaced – thank you for that. But Elise, I have to live like this every day, with half of me gone. I have to live as part machine in a world that hates the cyborg race. I can't be the man I used to be -”
“No, you can't,” she replied quickly, “That's because of trauma, PTSD, post cybernetic conversion shock and the small but significant damage suffered when connecting wires were threaded into your brain tissue...and..” she paused, her eyes darting left to right as she searched for the missing word on the list, then she found it and snapped her fingers, “Oh yes! Depression...that too. There you go, Felix, that's everything. Of course you can't be the man you used to be – too much has changed and you know what? I still love you, I love you more than ever.”
As she stood beside him with such sincerity shining in her eyes, he managed to smile even though his eyes were shaded by sorrow as he turned to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“I love you too,” he promised her, “But I can't live like this any more. I can't be a cyborg in a world that wants my kind destroyed. I don't even think of myself as a cyborg – I'm human! But try imagining what its like for me – I wake every day with a machine body from the waist down. I thought I could live with this, I wanted to , I really did – but I can't and I don't have to . As soon as I get us to Sanctuary, I need to say goodbye.”
She tried to read his expression as his eyes filled with tears and emotion cracked his voice, but even though she had feared for his sanity for a while, Elise still didn't want to think he was suggesting his own death.
“You can't mean -”
“Yes, I do,” he replied, and he took his hands off her shoulders and slipped them back into his pockets, pausing for a breath and he composed his swirling emotions, summoning calm that cleared his mind enough to explain.
“I promised Ruby and Spike I would take them to Sanctuary. Most of all I promised you we would be safe there. I need to leave you somewhere safe. But ultimately it's up to me if I want to live like this forever, or not.”
Elise looked at him in disbelief.
“We both know I can handle myself!”
He smiled fondly.
“Yes but I happen to care about you too much to force you to do that. I just want to know you're safe, then I can end this existence. Sometimes the end isn't a bad thing, Elise. Sometimes its the only way out of misery.”
She shook her head, defiance burning in her eyes as she considered all she had held back for far too long.
“We have too much to look forward to.”
Lynch gave a sigh. He looked to the steep drop and back at his lover.
“I could do it now. I could step off the edge and its all over. But I'd rather wait, know you're safe and then take out a vital component in my side and pass away peacefully. At least understand I need that much. Understand I have nothing left to look forward to living like this.”
She stepped closer to him.
“Yes you do.”
“No,” he replied with calm resignation, “No, Frankie...I don't.”
Elise fixed him with a gaze that burned with sincerity.
“Felix, I'm pregnant.”
His eyes widened as he stared at her, then his gaze reflected all he felt that was somewhere between confusion and then rage as he considered his half machine body and all the months they had spent travelling with the only male who could have got close to her.
“I'll kill him!” he yelled as he turned away and began to walk down the hillside, anger blazing in his eyes as his coat tails whipped behind him, “Spike's a dead man, he's gonna be eating lead when I get my hands on him!”
“No!” Elise exclaimed as she realised his mistake, and she ran down the hillside, grabbing at his coat, “You've got it wrong!”
He turned to her angrily.
“I'm half machine, Elise. It's obviously not mine -”
“It is!”
He looked at her in disbelief. She looked back at him.
“Think about it,” was all she said.
He did, and then as a wonderful surge of hope rose within him along with a desire to very much keep hold of his life, tears of joy shone in his eyes as he looked to Elise, his wonderful Elise, who was so much more than the human she appeared to be...
“Come here, Frankie!” he said warmly, and as they embraced tightly on the hillside, as his heart raced and tears streaked his face and he thought on a past where he had fathered kids he had never met, he thought of those women he had walked away from – they and their children had probably died long ago in the conflicts...Time had done much to measure out his pain and his regrets and now this was a brand new start, another chance, a precious second chance and he was not about to waste it this time around. They kissed and then he held on to her, holding her tightly in his arms as he made a silent vow that he would never consider ending his life again, not when she had given him so much reason carry on...
After the two of them had walked back down the hillside and returned to the motor home, Jekel was outside leaning against the armour plating with a puzzled look on his face. Joy was beside him, looking thoughtfully at Lynch and Elise as she wondered what the quarrel had been about up on the hillside, and why it had ended so abruptly. Then she noticed something that surprised her, and Jekel had noticed it too – he stopped leaning against the vehicle and looked in surprise at Lynch, who had tears shining in his eyes as he smiled and looked back at them.
“Something has happened,”he said, and he paused, turning it all over in his mind as he looked down at the ground, smiling as he shook his head, then he glanced to Elise.
“You'd better explain,”he told her, and he laughed softly.
By now Spike and Ruby had come out of their room and were both stood in the open doorway of the vehicle, wanting to know what the fight had been about.
Elise looked to Lynch and smiled, then her gaze shifted to the others and she started to explain.
“I met Felix Lynch when he was a UNA General,” she said, “It was part of an experiment. The UNA told him in gratitude for his hard work and the inspiration he had provided to new human recruits as a human leader to look up to, he was to be given me.”
“What?” Joy exclaimed, “Are you telling me they....they trafficked women? And I don't know what you're looking so happy about!” she added, glaring at Felix, “They prostituted her?”
“It wasn't like that!” Felix snapped angrily as his eyes blazed like blue fire, “She was a gift and I was happy to accept a perk of the job. But it wasn't as bad as you're making it out to be! Would you just shut your mouth and hear her out before you jump to those conclusions?”
Joy's eyes narrowed.
“Don't speak to me like shit! I was there after the big one when you told me you'd do anything to walk again – even take the android parts! I was there for you long before word got to Elise!”
And Elise held up her hand for silence. Amusement danced in her dark eyes as she held back from laughing at the misunderstanding.
“No!” she said firmly, “It wasn't like that at all!” she looked to Felix, “Calm down,” she told him, “Remember, we have a lot to look forward to!”
His mood instantly changed as he started to smile and the anger faded from his eyes, replaced by a look of such deep and lasting happiness that Jekel thought it strange to see Lynch looking so happy. He was sure it had been impossible for the man to be as happy as this – at least, until now...
“So we do,” he replied in agreement, and still a smile played about his lips.
Elise turned her attention to the others once mor
e.
“Before I met Felix I was a photographer – I'd been placed in the human community by the UNA to observe and learn how and why human beings bonded. At the time Astral was curious about many things regarding what was then seen as the plague of this humanity spread across your planet, and I was supposed to learn and relay that knowledge back. But then Astral, who had many thoughts and many ideas decided to alter me for an experiment and I needed a mate. So I was recalled to be UNA photographer living and working within one of their facilities and General Lynch had been selected as a desirable mate for me because of his ideal qualities, his long and distinguished career, his courage in battle, his leadership ability and influence over humans of lower rank... I was introduced to him, he was told we could spend time together – they gave him time off, let us go off together for a while.”
Joy was staring at her.
“Don't tell me this was some kind of -”
“Breeding programme?” Elise guessed, “Yes, it was. But Felix didn't know – at the time.”
Then Felix looked to Elise as his heart filled with warmth and he spoke fondly.
“But she had been designed to adapt and allow her learning experiences to grow – that included her grasp of emotion. She chose to fall in love with me. And I had absolutely no choice about her,” he added as he laughed softly, “I was in love from the moment we first met!”
Confusion clouded Joy's eyes.
“So...this breeding programme? I mean why..how...What are you, Elise?”
As Joy asked that question, she was still staring at the woman who seemed so human, who looked like she could not be anything but human...
Elise smiled, and was more than happy to explain.
“I was originally intended to be a soldier – I am highly trained in several areas of battle. But Astral selected me to learn about the bonding process that humans seemed to understand. I was made capable of conception too – my breeding process is sophisticated – I am able to concieve through the human sexual method or through absorption of DNA via blood. I was instructed to concieve a child by Felix and...I have no idea what they would have done with that child had I allowed the pregnancy to accelerate to full term but thankfully, just after Astral lost interest in the project, the big battle happened and by then Lynch was a prisoner and being used for a very different experiment, which ultimately lead to his survival when the UNA were over thrown.”
