by SM Johnson
I just stood there awkwardly as the greeter exclaimed over Avery, kissing his cheeks and squeezing his bicep, running a finger along the line of his jaw, and ooh-ing and ahh-ing. “It’s been too long,” she said, but finally let go of him. She was tall. And I mean, the kind of tall that would be tall without high heels. The heels must have given her another three inches. She was almost a giant compared to Avery and I. She wore a kind of… ball gown? It was white, but glittered with rhinestones and sequins, and seemed made of layers and layers of fabric. She also wore a… well, maybe a cape? Yes, I decided, it was definitely a white velvet cape.
“Jules, this is April. April this is my, ah, boyfriend. Julian.”
I was suddenly engulfed in those layers of fabric, and so startled that I tried to take a step back, but she was having none of it. Her hug lifted me off my feet. She twirled me around, stepped on her own cape, and we both crashed into Avery. I envisioned all three of us on the floor, but somehow we didn’t actually fall down.
She released all of me except my hands, then took a step back and looked at me. “He is adorable,” she said to Avery.
I looked up at her, and realized she was a him. Or used to be a him? I had no idea the right way to even think about that, much less what to say out loud. It made me super uncomfortable, so I looked away and mumbled, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“April is one of my oldest, er, I mean dearest friends,” Avery said. “She was the first person I came out to.”
“I may be old,” she quipped, “but that only makes me better. At everything.”
I caught the innuendo and blushed.
Avery said in a stage whisper, “The cape. She’s convinced she’s Wonder Woman.”
“No, no, no!” April said. “I am wonder-wo-wo-man.” My discomfort must have shown on my face then, because she patted my shoulder, and said, “Dear God, Avery, we’re scaring this boy to death. Didn’t you warn him?”
“Not even a hint,” Avery said, and put his arm around my shoulders. “We’re your eleven o’clock appointment.”
April squealed. “Avery Phoenix, be still my pounding heart! I knew you’d trust me with this before you went to some hack. I’ve been wanting to poke you since the day we met.”
I decided I loved her, and especially loved her flagrant overuse of innuendo.
She was still talking. “You’re really going to let me pierce your tongue?”
Avery grinned at her. “Not my tongue. Julian’s.”
Wait. What?
My brain stopped and I clamped my mouth shut. My tongue? I imagined what that would feel like, and my stomach rolled. The instant nausea made me sorry I’d eaten so much bacon.
“Julian.” April was addressing me. “Yes? You want your tongue pierced?”
I shook my head, and snuck a look at Avery. “Didn’t we talk about nipples?”
Another loud squeal from April. “Nipples! Even more fun. Well. More fun to pierce. Pretty sure pierced tongues are more fun in the bedroom, though.”
Avery hushed her with a wave of his hand. “Pierced nipples are my favorite, I think, but that’s not going to help Julian stop biting his nails.” He looked at me, and his eyes were intent. “Think about it, Jules. Think about something permanently installed in your mouth to play with. It might be the cure.”
Avery was my cure.
But I did think about it. I rolled my tongue inside my mouth, scraped my teeth across it. Hmm. Tying my hands to my desk had worked awfully well, although it hadn’t killed my habit of chewing on myself entirely.
I felt too warm, and my head got fuzzy with the sound of blood rushing to my ears. I knew that was fear, and probably adrenaline. I also knew by now that I didn’t have to be afraid of this feeling. All I had to do was consent, and Avery would manage my anxiety.
“Tell me what to do, sir.”
“That’s green, for yes?” he asked.
There was an actual roaring in my ears now, like a fierce Minnesota wind.
“Yes, to all of it. But you have to go first.”
I heard Avery asking April if she had time, but whatever she said seemed too far away for me to hear.
I only heard Avery. He told me to give April my identification. And to initial here, here, and here. Sign here.
Then we were in a small room, and I watched Avery get first one nipple pierced, and then the other. It took a total of five minutes, and he hardly even flinched.
And then he was unbuttoning my shirt, easing it over my shoulders, and I was sitting on the table.
My head almost came out from underwater with the short, sharp pain through my left nipple. I heard my indrawn gasp, but before I could react more than that, April was piercing my other nipple, and that part was over.
I must have had a total adrenaline spike, because I grinned at Avery and said, “I did it!”
“Open your mouth,” April said.
I didn’t question it, and before I could even fit fear into my head, she had a clamp around my tongue. I let out a squeak, and my eyes flew to Avery.
I know my cheeks went red. Probably my whole face, my neck, and even my ears. “Your eyes are so big, Jules,” Avery said, and now it was his voice that held all the innuendo.
chapter twenty-four
accept unbounded affection
Avery was after me like a sadistic, kinky nurse all weekend. “Did you swish out your mouth? Here, let me clean those nipple piercings for you. Swish your mouth again.”
I rolled my eyes at him, several times, because he was badgering me nearly every hour.
“Stop being disrespectful,” he said. “I don’t want you to get an infection.”
Funny, though, how that barbell through my tongue completely stopped me from chewing on my fingernails, or my fingers, or the inside of my lip. Even when I was reading oh, so very naughty and well-edited demon porn.
“Thish will be the firsht book published by Shparks Rising,” I told him Sunday afternoon, trying to enunciate around my swollen tongue. Avery made obvious eyes at my crotch, and I giggled. Something about his hovering put me in a great mood.
Avery’s phone vibrated against the surface of the coffee table.
I glanced at the screen. “It shays Doc.” And then I shut up. Talking was too embarrassing right now. I really hoped the swelling would go down by tomorrow.
Avery didn’t answer me, but scooped the phone off the table and took the call. He exchanged pleasantries for a minute or two while I pretended not to listen.
“Monday? I don’t see why not. I’ll ask him.” To me, he said, “Jules, Tristan wants to hang out with you after work on Monday. He has an appointment just down the street from Phoenix & Phoenix, but should be done by five.”
There was a happy feeling in my chest that couldn’t quite be quelled by the quick rush of anxiety that was almost automatic at the thought of socialization. But it was Tristan. He was my age, and he’d been kind to me. We might get to be friends.
“Can he talk?”
Avery repeated my request into the phone, then said, “Okay, it’s on speaker.”
“Julian?” It was Tristan, but he was using the kid voice I’d heard when he was on the blue mats with Doc.
“Hi,” I said, then stopped, because of this new aggravating lisp, and because I already felt shy.
“We have to talk on speaker because I can’t hold the phone.” His next words came out in a rush. “But Daddy said maybe I can come over to your house to play after my appointment on Monday.” Then in a more adult voice, he added, “Well, hang out, you know? Watch a movie or something, if you’re not busy?”
I had the best idea then, and almost couldn’t keep a straight face. “Do you like RuPaul’s Drag Race?”
Avery glared daggers at me, which made it even harder for me to keep from laughing. He held up one hand, palm flat, fingers extended, and made a sharp, cutting motion in the air. I grinned at him, with lots of teeth, as Tristan said, “Ooh! I love it! Which season are you watching?”
/> Doc broke in, “All right, save it for Monday, boys.”
Tristan answered in that boy voice again. “Okay, Daddy. See you Monday, Jules!”
Avery ended the call.
“How come he calls Doc ‘daddy’?” I asked Avery, before he could say anything about the television show.
Avery shrugged. “I don’t know the details of their relationship, but every kinky relationship is unique. One person’s fantasy or fetish can be wildly different from those of another person. So in this community, it can be a little bit tricky to find a partner whose wants and desires complements your own, especially for long term relationships. That’s why I called the community incestuous, especially when someone like Roman is involved. Roman is a top, which can sort of be equated to the do-er. In Doc and Tristan’s scene, Doc was the top, and Tristan was the bottom, the receiver. In black and white, tops are Dominant, and bottoms are submissive. Do you follow so far?”
Really? Despite my swollen tongue and laughable lisp, I said, “I understand English, Avery. I get it, you’re the top and I’m the bottom.”
His teeth flashed white in a quick grin. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled. What I’m getting at is people who don’t have permanent or regular partners still might want to have scenes with someone who complements their interest. A submissive might wish to be flogged by a certain top after seeing that person flog someone else, or after getting to know him, or otherwise finding a way to negotiate it. A scene isn’t always between people in a relationship, despite what you’ve seen on the blue mats thus far. A person with a very strong and dominant nature, who frequently does scenes in public – let’s call him Roman – will attract submissives, like a fan-club. Roman always had a good reputation. He was able to negotiate a scene quickly, he didn’t whip someone who was afraid of whips, or penetrate someone who didn’t want to be penetrated. He honored safe words, and he gave good aftercare. He had a talent for reading body language, so much so that some subs believed he was psychic. He knew when to stop and when to keep going. Because of this reputation, he was trusted and able to play with a variety of people. He created the original club, and he honored his own rules to the letter. He’s pretty much a legend, among certain fetish circles. He gave kinky folk a safe and organized place to meet each other, and brought in new blood through background checks and a willingness to let new people come through the doors.
“That’s the gist of it – the club is a great place for tops and bottoms to meet, negotiate scenes, and give each other pleasure. A lot of the relationships are casual, whether the person gets off on the power exchange, or just wants to get off.
“Relationships are more complicated. Doc and Tristan, for instance. Doc likes taking care of people, and Tristan needs someone to care for him. He probably didn’t need someone to literally take care of him until Doc took his hands away, but I can only assume they came to some kind of agreement about that.”
“Tristan said he gave Doc permission to do that.”
Avery nodded. “Again, I can only guess at the specifics of their relationship on Tristan’s end, but I know Doc, and he’s always had an interest in something called ‘age-play’ – a relationship in which he’s the negotiated Daddy and his partner is the negotiated little boy. Some people might think that makes Doc a pedophile, but the key is the negotiation. And, of course, you can see that Tristan isn’t an actual little boy. He’s a young man who either has a complementary wish to pretend to be a little boy, or he’s at least willing to try it out because he likes Doc, or likes what Doc is offering him as a daddy.”
I remembered then, what Tristan said about me. “He said he was trying to get the tape off because he wanted me to think he’s normal!”
“He must have liked you.”
The thought was so foreign to me that I mentally tripped over it.
“You’re very likeable, Jules, when you get out of your own way. And you think you’re terrible at making conversation, and yet Tristan was worried about what you thought of him.”
I still could hardly wrap my head around that whole concept. “I don’t care what his kink is. I mean, he didn’t talk about it, except about his hands. And yeah, letting someone take away your right to use your hands is weird, but –”
I stopped myself and stared at Avery.
In the next beat, we both cracked up. I couldn’t stop, even when I started to fall off the couch. I tried to settle and breathe for a second, but my tumble started Avery laughing again, and it was utterly contagious. I had tears running down my face by the time I managed to climb to my feet, and then stumbled over the coffee table like I was intoxicated.
And I was intoxicated. I was. I didn’t think I’d ever laughed like this with another person, and it was the best feeling in the world.
For the first time in my life, I believed the sunburst of hope that filled my heart to overflowing. This was actually my life. Not a longing, or a wish, or a dream. It was the real thing, and it was mine.
[end]
8.5.17
4:34 pm
acknowledgments
First I need to acknowledge that I am spending my days in a world where I am allowed to be kinder and gentler to those in my charge, and it has changed me in a thousand ways. Autonomy and unconditional positive regard are enormous weapons against hopelessness, and I can’t help but feel those qualities have bled into Julian Sparks and Avery Phoenix. This is not a book about someone very different from the rest of us. This is a book about someone exactly like the rest of us, in every way that matters.
Thanks always to my family, who put up with my isolative, writerly ways.
Huge thanks to my in-person writers’ group, Kathleen and Sam. You ladies are always with me every step of the way, and your feedback makes my stories better.
Credit goes to Martin Bertin for A Loving-Kindness Meditation To Cultivate Resilience. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you feel safe. May you live your life with ease.
The inspiration for Avery’s “demon porn” came from a short story called ‘The Demon Under His Bed’ by Cally Sharp. It’s creepy and sexy and you should go buy it!
~SM Johnson
about the author
SM Johnson lives in Northern Wisconsin with an entrepreneurial husband, a gender fluid kid, and an assortment of mammals, reptiles, insects, and frozen dead rats. Find out more at SM Johnson Writes http://smjbookteasers.blogspot.com where life gets messy.
Books by SM Johnson
Dungeon Series
Above the Dungeon (1)
Out of the Dungeon (2)
Three in the Dungeon (3)
The Story of Hawk and Boy (short story)
Dare in the Dungeon (4)
Aftermath (5)
Nervous (6)
Vampire DeVante Series
DeVante’s Children (1)
DeVante’s Coven (2)
DeVante’s Curse (short story)
Other Work
Jeremiah Quick: A Dark Erotic Tale
Reserved (Uncommon Bodies Anthology)
Eighteen Dead (short story)
