“That’s clear as mud,” Griffin said dryly.
I snorted.
“I know, believe me. I feel the same. I have a small, pea-sized mass on my brain, and they don’t know what it is. They can’t biopsy it because it’s in my brain stem, the area that controls my breathing. So they can’t explore it like they would somewhere else in the body,” I mumbled into his side. “They tried chemo to see if it’d shrink, it didn’t but it also hasn’t grown, which is good. So now they’re back to the benign mass that they’re just going to monitor and hope it doesn’t change the diagnosis.”
“So you don’t have cancer…but they also don’t know what you have. Do I have that correct?” He clarified.
I nodded, my hair catching as I did.
Griffin had my braid in his hand, and he was running it between his fingers.
“You still have hair,” he observed.
I nodded again, getting the same result when he refused to let go of my hair to let me nod properly.
“Yep. My reaction to the chemo was some mild ‘thinning.’ It wasn’t enough that anyone besides me would really notice,” I murmured.
“You gonna be okay if I leave?” He asked.
“Mmm,” I said, my eyes going heavy once again.
“That a yes?” He persisted.
I nodded again.
“It feels like your circling your head around, not nodding yes or shaking no. Which one is it?” He nagged.
I fell asleep before I could answer, so I didn’t know that he stayed with me until the dawn kissed the sky.
And not because he felt bad for me, either, but because he wanted to.
Chapter 5
When the beard of your dream walks into the room.
-Beardgasm
Griffin
“Where were you last night?” Wolf asked, leaning back in his seat and staring at me with those cold eyes.
I turned to him and gave him a look.
One that clearly said, ‘Since when do I answer to you?’
He grinned.
“You were supposed to meet Peek up here at midnight, but you never showed. He whined about it this morning,” Wolf explained.
I shrugged.
I was supposed to meet Peek.
But I’d gone by Lenore’s place just to see her.
I wasn’t sure what kept me going back there.
I wasn’t even sure what it was about her that held my interest.
She had long red hair… I preferred blonde and short.
She had freckles and never wore makeup.
I usually went for women with painted-on faces, who wore enough mascara to make them look mysterious.
She was everything I never went for in a woman, so why did her innocence attract me like it did?
Why was sex with her the best I’d had in my thirty-four years of life?
I’d had more women than I could count, and none of them had ever affected me like she had.
I didn’t know why I stayed all night.
Maybe it was because I’d felt bad for waking her up when I shouldn’t have.
I didn’t know that the chick had fuckin’ cancer, though.
Although, if I’d known that, I probably wouldn’t have looked twice at her.
Most of the girls I fuck only see me for one night.
Very few of them, if any, ever received repeat status.
Just Lenore.
And look what I’d done.
Gone and fucking sunk my cock into a girl that could die.
Like I needed that in my life.
I needed it like I needed a hole in my fuckin’ lung.
Goddammit!
She would not get to me like this!
I had too many other fuckin’ things to worry about to add her ass to the list.
Motherfucker!
I would not fall to her! I would get my act together, find the motherfucker who’d killed my boy, then I’d get on with my life.
And it wouldn’t have that sweet ass, or her pretty eyes anywhere in it.
“I was sleeping and I forgot,” I lied.
I didn’t forget.
I stayed awake the whole night with Lenore’s face shoved practically into my armpit.
But I hadn’t moved, and I couldn’t tell you why.
It wasn’t something I was proud of.
Spending time with people made them start thinking things were different than they really were.
“Chick on your right checking you out,” Wolf said. “Who is she?”
I turned to find Lenore watching me from across the room.
Although she was trying valiantly not to make it look like she was looking.
She had the menu up in front of her face, and she was looking up periodically to stare at me.
I smiled as I picked up my coffee cup.
“She’s the girl I bought those batteries from the other day,” I told him. “The girl that owns the sex store.”
He blinked and studied Lenore a little more closely.
“She doesn’t look like she’d own a sex store,” Wolf muttered.
I shrugged. “I didn’t think so either.”
“Who’s the guy?” Wolf asked. “Her husband?”
I moved my head to watch as the best friend, Remy, came into view.
He took a seat at the table, then wrapped his arms around her.
His big hand curved around her chin as he turned her face this way, then that.
My hand clenched onto the empty coffee cup I had in my hand and the piece of shit broke.
The handle snapped off, and I closed my hand around it, allowing the sting of the jagged edges to dig into my palm to alleviate the raging need to pummel the man in the face.
“That’s the best friend,” I said. “He was at the crime scene yesterday.”
Wolf nodded.
We’d been partners now for nearly a year.
Well, unofficial official partners.
He was also a Texas Ranger, just like I was.
Although he was in my area, his cases were completely apart from mine.
He was known to help me, though.
Which was why he was asking.
I’d gotten booted from the case the moment the firearms used in my son’s drive by shooting came into the picture.
I was told to hand the case over to Wolf as of one hour ago.
Something I did not want to do.
Though I had to if I wanted to keep my job.
The entire reason I’d taken the job down here a year ago was because of multiple shipments of guns that were tracked down to the very lake and bayous that ran through Uncertain.
All of the Uncertain Saints members had been drawn to this area by the same common denominator. The motherfuckin’ Caddo Lake.
In my case they were using the Big Cypress Bayou and Caddo Lake as a transport.
Boats were bringing the guns up from the Gulf of Mexico, and they were following a multitude of rivers and the lake into Jefferson.
It had taken me quite a long time to figure out how, exactly, they continued to slip past me. I still couldn’t figure out who was doing it. Or why.
I knew where, and that was enough for now.
Because Caddo Lake would lead me to the bastards that had stolen my son from me…and, eventually, I’d let them know just what they’d done.
“What was his reason for coming?” Wolf asked, snapping me back to the here and now.
I held my cup up to the waitress, but couldn’t help but look back at Lenore before I answered Wolf.
“To see her,” I said, locking gazes with her.
“They fucking?” Wolf asked.
My eyes broke from Lenore’s to focus in on Wolf. “From what she told me, she doesn’t have anything but mutual friendly love for him. They’ve been best friends for a very long time.”
I knew I’d fucked up within seconds of saying it.
&n
bsp; “Knew you had something going for her,” Wolf snorted. “Would’ve been easier if you’d have just said so, though. Instead, I had to act like a damn woman to get you to admit it.”
I gave him an annoyed look.
“Bite me.”
He laughed.
My eyes returned to Lenore as I felt the waitress, Nina, take a seat at my side.
Nina was a habitual flirt, and there were times that I would rather pull my hair out than talk to her.
Today was one of those days.
So I stayed silent and kept my eyes on Lenore.
Remy’s back was to me, thankfully, otherwise I knew he would have confronted me about my staring by now.
It wasn’t like I was trying to hide it.
I should be, though.
Nobody needed to be dragged into my shit.
My baggage was enough to fill a train car packed full.
It would be unusually cruel to bring anyone into the shit storm my life had become.
“Can I get you boys anything else?” Nina purred.
I rolled my eyes to rest on the ceiling, gripping the jagged ceramic tightly to keep myself from pushing her off of me
Since I was dressed in my works finest, with my Texas Ranger badge on my hip, it wouldn’t do to shove around people that I was supposed to protect.
It didn’t mean I couldn’t have the thoughts, though.
“No,” Wolf said, ignoring Nina for his newspaper.
“What about you, handsome?” Nina asked, shaking my arm lightly.
“No. Check,” I answered shortly.
“Okay, sugar. I’ll get you your check,” she said, standing up and making sure to rub her nasty pussy against me.
I wanted to curl my lip in disgust but, alas, that would be another rude thing that I wasn’t supposed to do.
I was to be ‘nice to everybody’ according to Rider, my boss.
I breathed a sigh of relief when she walked off, and nearly laughed when I saw Lenore give Nina a disgusted look as she passed their table.
“So now that you’re officially off your case,” Wolf said, folding his paper to show me the article he was reading. “What are you going to do about this?”
I winced at seeing a picture of my ex-wife and her husband.
I really hated her.
With a passion.
The article’s headline read: Life after our son’s death.
I snatched the paper out of his hand and started scanning the article.
It was an exclusive with Senator Justin Hayes and wife, Noreen Hayes on the tragic drive by shooting of their son, Tanner Hayes.
The more I read, the more upset I got.
“Tanner was not his kid, he was mine. His name wasn’t ‘Hayes’ it was Storm,” I snarled, slamming the paper down on the table once I read the thing. “And she wasn’t the one who chose to do organ donation, I was.”
That was only a few of the things I’d noticed wrong about the article, and I had a half a mind to call up the so called reporter who’d written it and give her a piece of my mind.
“I’ve got to go,” I said, standing abruptly. “Let me know if you have any questions on the case.”
He wouldn’t have any questions.
Wolf and I shared all evidence between our cases.
He knew why I’d been looking for the guns that Robert Toler had sold on an online garage sale site.
Knew everything related to my son’s case.
He knew, as well as all the Uncertain Saints.
They’d caught me beating information out of a man that’d been witness to a shooting and had given us misleading information.
All the information he’d given the police were lies, though, and I had to deliver a lesson in telling the truth. And, my brothers, had stood there and watched me do it.
I’d known they were there, of course.
But nothing would have stopped me until I delivered my message. It was my good fortune, though, that they’d found me.
I’d not been in a good place after my divorce.
Not at all.
And with their help, I’d been able to channel that anger into sheer determination and will.
They’d given me that from the get-go, however.
There’d been no ‘initiation’ or ‘prospecting’ like normal motorcycle clubs do.
My membership had been based solely on my character.
They needed someone like me.
Just like I needed someone like them.
We were just a bunch of guys with knowledge, skills and connections, all bound together by the simple fact that we’d each been royally fucked over by someone at some point in our lives
It was what I’d needed.
And I’d gotten it.
They’d gotten me.
Wolf nodded to me as I stood. “I’ve got breakfast.”
I snorted.
We had company cards.
It didn’t matter who ‘had’ breakfast.
Neither one of us really had to pay for it.
“Got it,” I said. “Thanks.”
He nodded, watching me as I turned and left.
I felt his eyes on me the entire way.
I knew he was worried.
Hell, there were days I was just as worried about him as he was about me.
But that was the reality of living with the knowledge that you’d been screwed over, and each of my brothers knew it.
They worried.
Kind of like a certain red head who followed me out.
I’d gotten to the back alley, slowing down a bit when I realized she was following me.
I didn’t know what I was going to say.
She didn’t need to get tangled up in my business right now.
I was a fucked up mess who was just as likely to get arrested as I was to arrest someone.
I was walking on a fine line, one that straddled legal and not legal.
And every day I was leaning more and more towards the not legal side of life.
Something that a sweet girl who volunteered and still went to visit her parents every Sunday didn’t really need to be a part of.
“Griffin!” Lenore called.
I didn’t slow down.
Instead, I rounded the side of the restaurant and disappeared into the shadows cast by the building.
Lenore appeared at the corner, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was sorely disappointed.
She wandered to look around the other side, stopping within inches of me, which was why I was able to see the sorrowful look in her eyes that she didn’t try to cover up at all.
She wanted to talk to me and I’d gutted her by not stopping.
So when she turned to head back the way she’d come, my hand shot out and I roughly pulled her into the shadows.
She cried out as she slammed into me, and my arm banded around her back to hold her still.
“Shhh,” I said under my breath. “It’s me.”
She instantly collapsed.
Full blown, knees giving out, collapsed.
“Fuck,” I said, my hand going down to wedge under one ass cheek. “I’m sorry.”
She shook, and I turned and pressed her against the wall.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I said softly against her ear.
Her arms threaded around my neck, and she hugged me tightly to her.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I just have to tell my heart to stop beating out of my chest is all.”
I snorted and leaned back.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“You l-left,” she whispered.
I lifted a brow at her.
“Yeah,” I said. “I have to go to work.”
She shook her head. “No. I mean, this morning. You were there around dawn, and then you left and didn’t come back.”
I was wary of the way she was taking this conversation.
/> “Yeah,” I answered.
For some reason, the idea of her being upset that I left did funny things to my heart, and made me feel incredibly guilty.
“I didn’t want you to leave.”
My eyes closed and I leaned my head forward until it rested against her head.
“I’m not a good person,” I told her. “In fact, it’s very likely that by the end of the year, I’ll end up in jail because I’ve been toeing that line too close to the edge. There’s no reason you need to be taken down with me. There’s nowhere for us to go,” I said. “You and I don’t work.”
“You don’t know that.”
I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done. What I plan to do. All you know is that I fucked you good.”
She scowled at me. “That’s not what I was thinking. How dare you put words in my mouth.”
I laughed softly against her cheek, letting my head rest against the top of hers.
“It doesn’t matter what your reason is,” I said, moving away until she stood on her own two feet. “My mind’s not going to change. I won’t be responsible for you. I’m going to fuck you up.”
Her spine straightened as she glared at me.
“So why’d you even involve me at all? Why not leave me the fuck alone in the first place? Then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation right now,” she seethed.
I could practically feel the anger rolling off of her, and I felt somewhat bad for putting that expression on her face.
“I’m sorry,” I said, backing up.
I was out in the sunlight when the sadness in her voice made me freeze.
“Griffin?” she asked softly.
I closed my eyes.
“Yeah?” I croaked.
“You didn’t tell me why you involved me at all,” she whispered.
I opened my eyes and pinned them to her.
“Because I couldn’t help myself. I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life.”
Chapter 6
Sometimes it’s best to reflect on just how amazing tits are.
- Griffin to Lenore
Lenore
Because I couldn’t help myself. I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life.
Who did he think he was, saying something like that?
He was the king of what I would call wishy washy.
One second he was telling me he wasn’t good for me, and the next he goes and says something like that, something that makes me care so much more about what kind of trouble he’s in.
Whiskey Neat (The Uncertain Saints MC Book 1) Page 5
