by Alice Quinn
The final thing I did was close the last pair of shutters on the patio door. I was just about to shut them when I saw him. I swear I nearly died right there. A man was standing in front of the windows, peering through the glass, inches away from me. Pastis hissed, all his fur standing up. He sensed the danger as much as I did.
59
I checked the lock. With my own reflection in the way, I found it hard to see the man’s features, but I knew him as soon as I heard his voice: It was him! My Théo!
“Rosie Maldonne! Are you there? Is that you? It’s me, Théodore Dumond de la Pinsonnière. Could you open the door, please? I have some important information for you.”
His voice was calm and civilized. It wasn’t at all the voice of an angry killer who’d done away with his father and was now set on doing the same thing to the leading prosecution witness. (Leading prosecution witness? Where did I get that from? I watched far too much Ally McBeal when I was younger! I wasn’t a witness. How could I be if I hadn’t witnessed anything? I’ve always had a major tendency to exaggerate.)
I was giggling at my own overactive imagination as I opened the door for him. Théodore, my superhottie knight in shining armor, came into the kitchen brandishing an expensive-looking bottle of champagne. My head was spinning. I felt like pinching myself. Was this all part of my daydreaming craziness or was he really there?
“Rosie Maldonne! Alone at last!” he whispered with an expression of pure ecstasy plastered across his face.
Oh jeez! My daydreams are turning into reality right in front of my very eyes. This is surreal.
He took me by the hand and gently walked me to the living room. Pastis skipped behind us, but at a safe distance. He seemed wary of Théo. It was understandable. He didn’t know this man but saw him as a potential rival for my affections. And the warm welcome I was giving Théo wasn’t making him feel any calmer.
“Where are the glasses?” he asked. “I meant to bring some with me, but in a house like this, I’m sure we’ll be able to find some champagne flutes.”
By the time I managed to blabber a response, he’d gotten two flutes out of the art deco cabinet in the corner of the room.
“Hmm, Metternich, Val Saint Lambert. This is a great vintage! Perfect!” he exclaimed, setting the glasses on the table next to Lani’s oddball game.
In the time it took him to do this, I managed to compose myself a touch.
“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” Then I asked desperately, “You haven’t told the cops about me, have you? You know they’re trying to hunt me down, right? They found a load of stuff in my trailer. Evidence. You know, I didn’t steal that painting . . .”
He shrugged like he didn’t even care. Like it was just a minor detail.
“The police would be better off spending their time tracking whoever actually killed my father!” He leaned in closer. “Rosie . . .”
I let out a sigh. I was close to falling into a coma. “Cricri . . .”
“Yes, OK, Cricri . . . I had to find you. I haven’t slept a wink since Wednesday when I first laid eyes on you. I mean it. Every single night, not a wink. Honestly. There’s no point beating around the bush here. I’m in love with you. There, I’ve said it. And I can’t seem to get over this incredible attraction I have for you. I can’t get any rest at all until I’m satisfied.”
What? No! I can’t believe it! Is this actually happening to me?
“But . . . did this just happen to you out of the blue? And what do you mean by ‘satisfied’?”
I wanted him to think I was suspicious of him, that I wouldn’t take the bait, that I wouldn’t be duped so easily, that I wouldn’t be part of his little game . . . But at the same time, a voice inside me was saying, And why the hell not? You fell for him as soon as you saw him at the bus station. Why wouldn’t he feel the same? That’s why they invented the saying “love at first sight,” right? You know guys fall for you, Rosie Maldonne! You’ve got all the right curves in all the right places. Why should you have to live like a nun?
That was when he pressed his lips against mine . . . and that’s not all I could feel pressing against me . . . His deep kiss made a rush of heat course through my body. The wave started in my brain, leaving me incapable of any kind of rational thought.
“Come, my soft little kitten,” he whispered in my ear.
His voice rippled across my skin. It felt so good. The logical next step: More passionate kissing, stumbling onto the sofa . . . and of course, knowing how I don’t take the easy route in anything I do, I shouted, “Heeeyyyyyy!” and stood up like a freshly born zombie coming out of its grave.
Typical Maldonne behavior.
“No, no, no, and no!” I continued in the same strange, screechy voice. Was that really me screaming like that? What was going on in that pea-sized brain of mine? How stupid are you, Cricri? How dumb?
“What do you want from me, Théo? You think I’m easy, don’t you?”
I continued to throw aggressive lines his way like an idiot, but the whole time I could only think of one thing: spending the day under the covers with him in a cozy bed. It could be raining outside, but nothing but fun would be happening indoors.
Poor Théodore must have felt awkward as hell. Embarrassed maybe? Even ashamed about what he’d started? He was getting such an earful. But no. He wasn’t even bothered.
“I was sure of it!” he said. “You really like me! You know how I know? You just called me Théo! You’ve never done that. You’re mine, Rosie Maldonne. All mine.”
“Please call me Cricri!”
“Fine, Cricri, if that’s what you want. You’re like a fortress, Cricri. You’re so hard to break into, but then the feeling of actually taking you over is unbeatable. You see, there’s one thing you don’t yet know about me, Mademoiselle Maldonne . . . it’s that nobody can resist me. Nobody.”
“Wanna bet?” I whispered, vaguely straightening up my hair.
This one really thought of himself as quite the hotshot, didn’t he? Nothing could beat him or throw him off his stride. He didn’t give up easily. He even turned setbacks to his advantage. In some ways, Théo was a lot like me.
“Why have we left perfectly good champagne to go flat?” I said.
We clinked our glasses together and gazed at each other lovingly.
60
My head was full of thoughts. They were never-ending, popping up one after the other: Go on, Rosie! This could be the love of your life! What are you waiting for? Enjoy yourself while you’re still young! But another voice was saying, This is really complicated! This guy is all caught up in a murder. What if you fall for him and this is all just something he’s doing to get you in even deeper shit with the law? He could be the real killer. But underneath that voice, a third one stirred me: If he wanted to send your ass to jail, he’d have done it by now. He wouldn’t be here. He knew all along where your hide out was. He could have gone straight to the cops! Love exists! You could have the real deal here. This guy is crazy for you . . .
The whole time I was going over all this, Théodore Dumond de la Pinsonnière was pouring glass after glass of champagne—Metternich, Val Saint Lambert, apparently, although I wouldn’t have known it from the cheapest swill—and it was going down nicely. I tried to contradict what was going on inside my head (and what I’d said) with my eyes. But it didn’t seem like he’d noticed what I’d said, anyway. In fact, he was parading around the place looking as pleased as could be!
He was divinely handsome. I picked up my refilled flute, and we toasted each other again.
“So how did you find me?” I murmured seductively between savoring the bubbles.
“Well, after you left this morning, I followed you and my brother, and I found your little—or rather big—hide out.”
“Oh, so you know Humbert is here then?
“Don’t worry. I’m not the jealous type. And it’s me you’re interested in, anyway, isn’t it?”
Was it that obvious? His words could h
ave come across as harsh and made him sound like a big creep, but somehow it didn’t work like that. There was nothing pretentious about him. What you saw was what you got.
I couldn’t think of a response, though. I usually had something provocative or aggressive to say, but not this time. I was disarmed. I felt happy in his company, but not one hundred percent relaxed. I was guarded. I was being very careful not to get too carried away. Every nerve in my body was telling me to watch out. I had learned a fair amount from my past romantic experiences. I had a ridiculous habit of falling hard for the wrong men. Just like Marilyn in Some Like Hot Women or whatever.
Plus, I was a little scared. I had to remind myself that this guy was the only one of Max’s kids to get any inheritance. He was the one who the police should be questioning. Another thing I had to keep in mind was that I’d already let people sweet-talk their way into my pants only to find out they were using me. They were just assholes. And I never saw any of the bull coming.
I wondered what Théodore wanted from me. Maybe this one was another user? Or maybe, just like me, he’d fallen hook, line, and sinker, and I was wasting time overthinking everything.
I made the decision to live in the moment without nitpicking my choice, though I kept it in the back of my mind that the guy could be a dangerous manipulator.
He blew softly on my neck, sending shivers all down my spine. Delish!
“I hope you made sure you weren’t followed on your way here,” I said.
“I’m not brain-damaged, you know. But I will say you’d have to really want to find Rosie Maldonne to successfully track her down here. You’re in the asshole of the world.”
“Hey there! This isn’t the asshole of anything! This is Beauty and the Beast’s castle!” I replied, shivering (he was still blowing on my neck). “And the whole purpose of a hide out is to hide . . . out . . . where nobody can find you! Where they’ll never find you!”
He watched me as I spoke, positioned himself even closer to me, and wrapped his loving arms around me in a warm and protective cuddle.
“You’re right. You can’t be too careful. Prudence above all else. Safety first. Can I share your bed tonight?”
I ripped myself out of his arms and yelped with laughter. Pastis looked shocked. He still wasn’t so sure of Théo and was hanging around, keeping an eye on things.
Théo’s boldness tickled me. I said in a haughty voice, “Certainly not! This is our little secret! What am I saying? There is no secret. I’ve got nothing to hide. Put your coat back on and get out of here before the others come back. They won’t be long.”
I don’t know how I managed it, but I pushed him out the front door and slammed it behind him. He opened it three times to steal more kisses from me, but finally took the hint and meandered away back toward the gate.
Tuesday: A “Neither One Thing nor the Other” Situation
61
As usual, I woke up before everyone else. The tune in my head was by Shirley Bassey and woke me up with only one thing on my mind: I wanted to dance. My mother and I used to enjoy a good dance to the golden oldies. The song was all about kissing and being thrilled. What a great track!
My mother was a little tardy. She should have sent me the song the day before. I needed warning about Prince Charming showing up. Mommy was getting it all in the wrong order. Oh, it didn’t really matter. This was a great little sentimental piece, and I was sure I’d be humming it all day.
Pastis came to rub his nose against me. He was whining for some breakfast. The twinnies were gurgling quietly in their bed, which I’d surrounded with some armchair cushions to stop them from falling out during the night. Sabrina and Simon came running into the kitchen as soon as they were up.
While I heated up some water, I went and got the littlest ones out of bed and brought them to the kitchen table to join us. I happened to be passing Humbert’s bedroom on my way back downstairs when Lani came stumbling out. She stopped in her tracks when she saw me. She was flushed. Then she just laughed—her usual trick—and scampered to the bathroom. I stood there wondering what the hell it was I’d just witnessed. So it looked like love was in the air at Beauty and the Beast’s castle, didn’t it? And the Prince Charmings were multiplying.
I plugged the radio in and started having a little singalong. The atmosphere was upbeat to say the least. The air was crackling. You could almost see the sparks.
We all shared a classic breakfast. Well, a classic breakfast for the South of France! We had biscottes with confiture de lait. Lani and Humbert made an appearance halfway through the meal. Lani was all primped and preened and came across as being delighted with herself, whereas Humbert seemed completely indifferent to what was going on around him. It didn’t stop him gawking at Lani every now and then, though.
“Would you like me to take the children to Véro’s?” he asked.
“That’s very kind of you. It’s probably better if they wait for her on the corner of her street. Just in case her building is under surveillance. I’ll explain where to go.”
“Yes, that’s a better idea. You really do think of everything. Cricri, you’re wonderful.”
“Really? I thought I was a pain who never stopped moaning.”
“No! That was yesterday. Today, the world is a topsy-turvy place! Everything has changed.”
He couldn’t stop himself. He leaned across the table and touched Lani’s hand as she reached for the butter.
“On the way back, maybe you could take a detour by the Hôtel de Provence,” I said. “But I need to tell you something first. Sabrina, my daughter—”
“I know who Sabrina is!”
“Don’t interrupt me, please. You’ll make me lose the gist.”
“You only just started talking!”
I gave him the evil eye and he sulked. He was like a kid at times. I carried on.
“Sabrina has this real pretty necklace that used to belong to her grandmother. Now, it’s not worth a thing, but she was very fond of it. I was too. She used to dress her dollies in it all the time.”
I could tell he was distracted. His eyes were devouring every last inch of Lani.
“Hey! Are you paying attention to what I’m saying here?”
He jumped, startled. “Of course I am.”
“Fine. I’ll make it short. Sabrina wanted to help me when I was low on cash, so she sold the necklace to a friend of hers. The kid’s mother then went and sold it to a store downtown. The store sold it to some Dutch tourists. And they’re going to sell it back to you.”
“How’s that?”
“You’ve got to make it happen if you want to stay here with us.”
I threw a warning glance at Lani. Humbert went bright red (for a change).
“Don’t worry. I’ve got the money,” I said. “Ismène lent it to me. You need to make contact with these people. Make something up. I don’t care. Just be careful not to make them suspectful at all.”
“Suspectful?”
“Yes! We don’t want them to suspect anything’s up!”
“The word is suspicious.”
“That’s what I said.”
“And what are they supposed to be suspectful, um, suspicious of, exactly, if this necklace is a worthless piece of junk?”
“Oh, nothing. I don’t even know why I said it. I’m paranoid. Just get them to sell you the necklace.”
“OK. And I think I’ll go and get some Coco Pops too. I like Coco Pops for breakfast.”
And that was that. He didn’t protest in the slightest. He didn’t make a big deal out of it at all. For him, it was just another thing on his to-do list for that day. He must have never heard of the Sissi Diamond a.k.a. my Big Pink. That was fine with me!
“Just try to get it sorted. The happiness of my little girl depends on this.”
He didn’t answer me. He was too busy eyeing up Lani.
I rushed to get the kids dressed. I only bothered with Sabrina and Simon. The twins would be staying with me again. It was better fo
r them not to be going to school at a time like this. More practical.
Simon showed us his brand-new red vinyl boots. They were superb! The babaroonies were just about to head out the door when I remembered that I’d forgotten to write out a note the evening before for Ismène to somehow get to Borelli. I could have done something about it if only I’d remembered earlier, but it was too late now to give Humbert another job to do.
As soon as they were all out of the house, I gave Véro a quick call. I wanted to let her know that the kids were on their way. There was no danger. I knew my phone—well, Gaston’s landline—was not being monitored. My only concern was that I wasn’t too sure how things would be on Véro’s side.
Oh! But of course! She was using her weird artsy-fartsy neighbor’s cell. My paranoia was in full force again. I knew I had to try to keep it under wraps, but it was safer to take precautions.
I thought back to a few cop movies and TV series I’d watched. I thought about what I needed to concentrate on. There was no way I could allow the cops to recognize my voice. Also, I had to make sure that the message I left was supershort so they didn’t have time to track the call back to Gaston’s place. Oh yes . . . and I had to make sure it was a coded message. Of course. If I didn’t keep my wits about me, everyone would know about my little deal with Véro and how I’d entrusted her to take Sabrina to school.
There were a trillion rings before she finally picked up. It didn’t sound good. I couldn’t hear a peep at the other end of the line. There was something in the background . . . A rustling sound and some kind of music. So I stayed silent too. I’m no dumb bimbo. I know when to keep my mouth shut (OK, so I sometimes know). If the cops had laid a trap for me, maybe over at Véro’s place, I wasn’t going to fall headfirst into it anytime soon.
