As we rocked back and forwards, my mind started to wander. If I told him how I felt tomorrow, this would probably be the last time we ever slept together. I could suggest we have something more casual, but I didn’t think he’d agree. Anyway, I was missing the point. Even if it was more casual, why would I still want to keep seeing him when the sex was just okay and we didn’t have enough of a connection?
Charlie finished with an almighty roar like he was coming for England, Scotland and Wales. We lay there for a few minutes, then he pulled out and lay beside me.
I don’t think I can do it. I couldn’t look him in the eyes at lunch and make polite conversation for the rest of the day, knowing that I was thinking about putting things on hold.
I glanced at him from head to toe. The condom was on the sheet beside him. He took that off quickly.
I stared at the ceiling. This felt wrong. We shouldn’t have slept together. Horny or not, I should have insisted that we talk first. I couldn’t delay this anymore. It wasn’t fair to string him along. I needed to tell him how I feel. Not next week, not tomorrow. I needed to do it now. Planning what to say was nice, but I was learning that sometimes you couldn’t control these things. No matter how I said it, it was going to hurt.
‘Charlie,’ I said, sitting up in bed and turning to face him. ‘You know you’ve been talking a lot lately about meeting your parents?’ I said cautiously.
‘Yes!’ he said, bolting up in the bed, clearly excited by the idea. ‘I can’t wait!’
‘Well, you see, that’s the thing,’ I said, softening my voice. ‘I’m just not sure it’s a good idea right now.’
‘Look,’ he said, stroking my face. ‘There’s no need to be nervous. I know sometimes I paint them as being a little harsh and judgemental, particularly my father, but I’m sure they’ll love you like I do and will welcome you to the family with open arms.’
Wait. Did he say he loved me? Probably just a turn of phrase. And welcome me to the family? That definitely sounds serious.
‘I just…’ Come on, Sophia, spit it out. ‘What I mean is, it’s, it’s too soon. Premature, in fact.’
His face dropped. Then he froze as if his brain was trying to process my comments. After what felt like an eternity, but in truth was only a few seconds, he broke his silence.
‘What do you mean too soon?’ he scoffed. ‘We’ve been dating for months, have amazing sex and we spend every weekend together when I’m not travelling. I’ve showered you with all your favourite things and lots of compliments and affection. What’s the problem?’ The confusion in his voice was now turning into irritation. ‘I thought women liked to meet their partner’s parents, so that they could demonstrate the severity of their intentions. The fact that one is ready to make a commitment?’ he said, frowning. I was right. He is definitely looking to settle down. Shit. I’m not ready.
‘That’s not always the case, Charlie,’ I pointed out. ‘Every woman is different. I’m just…I need time to think about what I really want. I feel like I’ve come from one long-term relationship and am leaping headfirst into another one too quickly. I don’t want to hurt you, but I need to be honest.’
Silence. Once again, he seemed to be trying desperately to get his head around everything I’d said.
‘Okay, Sophia. It’s fine,’ he said finally. ‘I don’t want to rush you. If you need time, I can give you that. Perhaps you should go. Lunch is in the oven. Take it with you. I’ll arrange a car to drive you home.’
I saw tears forming in his eyes as he picked up his boxers from the floor, put them on hurriedly and scurried to the en suite.
My heart sank. I really didn’t want to hurt him.
I picked up the clothes I’d left on the chair last night, pulled my dress over my head, stepped into my knickers and tights, then scrunched my bra into my hand. I walked to the bathroom door and knocked gently.
‘Charlie?’ I called. ‘I’m going now. Are you okay?’
Still silence.
‘Charlie,’ I said softly. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought I needed to be honest. It just wouldn’t be right to meet your parents knowing I was feeling this way. Do you understand? I need to think about things. Try and work out if I’m ready for something serious. Charlie?’ I called out again. ‘Are you listening? Can you hear me?’
‘Fine,’ he snapped. ‘I said I’d give you time, didn’t I?’
I could hear anger and frustration in his voice. He’d never sounded like that before. He was always so calm, so nice, so sweet.
‘Just go!’ he shouted. ‘The driver’s downstairs waiting.’
‘But I need to know you’re okay,’ I replied a little taken aback.
‘I said I’m fine!’ he snarled.
‘Okay, Okay, I’ll leave you alone. Sorry again,’ I replied.
Silence.
I got the message. I’d hurt him and he didn’t want to talk to me.
When I got home, I still felt twinges of guilt, but tried to reassure myself that it was for the best. Continuing would have been worse.
Had we ended things? I’d said I needed time, as I did need to think about what I want. If I was honest, it probably was over, but I was just too scared to close the door completely. What if I never found another decent guy again? Look at all of the men on the dating sites. In comparison, my experience with Charlie was so much better. Let’s face it. He was the most eligible bachelor in London. Maybe my expectations were too high and he was as good as it gets. What if I never found someone that I clicked with?
What have I done? I’m probably going to end up sad and alone…
I’ll feel better after a shower.
I dried myself on the bed, threw my towel to the other side, then flopped back onto the pillow. I was feeling a bit more positive. Some music would make me feel better still. I reached for my phone to launch a mellow Spotify playlist. I needed to feel relaxed.
I touched the screen.
No fucking way.
I bolted up straight, nearly hitting my head on the headboard.
Shut the front door, the back door, the side door—in fact, all the fucking windows too.
It can’t be.
There’s a WhatsApp message.
A WhatsApp message from Lorenzo.
Fingers trembling, I unlocked the screen, clicked on the app and then into his message.
WTF.
He’s where?
In London?
OMFG.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I read Lorenzo’s messages again for what must have been the hundredth time.
Lorenzo
Hello, Sophia
Lorenzo
How are you?
Lorenzo
Sorry. I know it has been a long time. but I am in London.
Lorenzo
For work
Lorenzo
Would be nice to see you.
Lorenzo
Miss you.
It wasn’t often that I was speechless, but…
He’s in London?
Why?
Yes. I’d read the message enough times to know he’d said he was working, but I didn’t get it. What about Taste Holidays? Why had he stopped working there? Had he been sacked for sleeping with another guest? Had he quit?
How long had he been in London for? Where and how long was he staying?
So many questions. My head was spinning.
Well, the only way to find out would be to actually reply. But it wasn’t that simple.
This was a guy I hadn’t heard from for months. Who’d stood me up in Florence. A man whose messages to me (which only ever seemed to come when I initiated contact first) were bland and demonstrated lack of interest. Yet now all of a sudden he missed me? What a fucking cheek.
He’d probably arrived in London today and thought, Oh shit, it’s been twenty-four hours since I last had sex. Where can I get some for free? I know. I’ll message that desperate woman from the cookery holiday. She’s boun
d to say yes if I string her some BS about missing her. Well, I wasn’t going to fall for his tricks. Not this time. Once bitten, twice shy. What’s that quote I read somewhere? ‘Make a mistake once and it becomes a lesson. Make the same mistake twice and it becomes a choice.’
Exactly. Fuck you, Lorenzo.
But shouldn’t you at least reply to find out why he’s here before you dismiss him and make assumptions?
Oh, Reasanna. Get the hell out of my head with your logic. Surely I’d be mad to even give him the time of day. Why waste my time and risk getting hurt again?
But aren’t you a little curious, Sophia? Is there any harm in messaging him to find out? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Okay, okay, okay.
But I was definitely not bothering with that overthinking or planning what I was going to say again. Let’s just get this over with. I started typing out a reply:
Me
Lorenzo? Wasn’t expecting to hear from you…how come you’re in London for work? What happened to your job at Taste Holidays?
I tossed my phone on the bed, slipped on my nightdress, climbed under my duvet and glanced down at the phone screen. The ticks had turned blue. I wondered if he understood ‘how come’? I should’ve said ‘why’. That would have been easier to understand. Tough! I said, coming back to my senses. That’s how I speak and like I said, I wasn’t planning my messages. He’ll have to figure it out for himself.
He was ‘typing’. Annoyingly, I felt a little flutter of excitement. Calm the fuck down, Sophia. Remember, you’re still supposed to be angry with him…
Lorenzo
Season finished
Lorenzo
Until next year
Lorenzo
You said to come to London. That good restaurants are looking for a chef like me.
I take your advice
Lorenzo
And I wanted to come and see you too
Wait, what? So he’s come here to work because I suggested it? The season’s over? That means he might be here for a while? That he didn’t forget about me? That he’s been thinking about me?
Given his radio silence, I’d never even contemplated that he’d given me a second thought or that I’d ever see him again. And after our last exchange of messages, I definitely had not considered that he’d come to London, never mind stay here.
And he said he wants to see me?
My head started spinning. My heart was racing. The flashbacks of that night together came flooding back. My body started to tingle. My imagination flew into overdrive.
I can’t believe it.
I was trying to suppress my excitement, but I couldn’t help it. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm…
I attempted to compose myself. Rather than getting carried away, I need to take a deep breath and find out more about this situation…
Me
So do you have a job yet? How long are you here for?
Lorenzo
Yes
Lorenzo
Passed my trial so I will start this week
Lorenzo
Not sure
Lorenzo
Maybe two months
Two whole months! Wow!
Don’t act excited. Play it cool…
I thought you weren’t into playing games, Sophia?
Pipe down, Reasanna. This is different…
Me
Congrats on your job! Where are you working? And where are you living?
Lorenzo
Thanks
Lorenzo
Nice Italian restaurant East London
Lorenzo
Called Polignano
Lorenzo
Live in shordutch
Lorenzo
*shoreditch. you know where it is?
He’s landed on his feet there. I love Polignano. The food there is amazing.
Me
Yes, I know Polignano. Very good restaurant. Shoreditch is also a very cool place to live.
Lorenzo
Yes, good restaurant. Learnt lots from chef already
Lorenzo
My place is not very special
Lorenzo
Just one room with a kitchen so I can cook and a bathroom
Lorenzo
But I like
Lorenzo
Chef knows the landlord so he gave it to me for not a lot of money to help so I can afford the rent
Lorenzo
You want to see me?
Lorenzo
I want see you
Lorenzo
It’s been a long time
Lorenzo
I miss you
Some things hadn’t changed. He still sent multiple messages with a few words, when it could just fit into one message and one sentence.
Focus. He’d just asked if I wanted to see him. And he said he missed me again. Shit. The plan was only to message him, not to meet. Surely I was playing with fire…
Come on, Sophia. Remember MAP point number seven, to embrace all opportunities?
Yes, Reasanna. But after the shit he pulled before, which resulted in me becoming a pathetic mess, was it worth giving him a second chance? He certainly didn’t deserve it. And what about Charlie? Wouldn’t that be wrong?
What have you got to lose by giving him a second chance? It’s not like you’re flying to Italy. You can call the shots. Arrange to meet at a time and place that suits you. Give him half an hour of your time, and if you don’t like what he’s saying, then leave. And as for Charlie, technically you’re on a break. Plus, you’re only going to see Lorenzo to say hello and hear what he has to say for himself, aren’t you? Okay, probably not… but if you meet somewhere public, then that will help keep you honest and out of trouble. At least temporarily…
Seriously? You’re asking what I’ve got to lose? Erm, my sanity. My self-respect… Isn’t that enough, Reasanna? As for public places keeping me out of trouble, I didn’t seem to have any problems with PDA with Vincenzo, and he was nowhere near as hot as Lorenzo, so I wasn’t sure I agreed with that. But, yes, I was on a break from Charlie and, yes, Lorenzo was in London and if I met him on my terms, then I supposed it could work, if it was only half an hour out of my day…
Me
Maybe we could meet. Let me know when and where you had in mind and I’ll check my diary to see if it’s convenient.
Lorenzo
Tomorrow I have a day off
Lorenzo
You free?
Lorenzo
Don’t know. I am new to London
Lorenzo
You have ideas of where to go?
Lorenzo
I don’t mind
Lorenzo
Wherever you want
Tomorrow? When I’d asked, I hadn’t thought he’d want to meet so soon…
If this was six months ago, I would have jumped at the chance, but it had taken me a long time to get over things with him. Not that we were in a relationship or anything serious, but despite what Reasanna said about going and hearing what he has to say, I had to be careful about jumping back into something like that again and risking getting hurt.
Embrace life, Sophia. You owe it to Albert’s memory. Remember: MAP.
Well, I supposed I could make it, then. The team were self-sufficient, so leaving work on time wouldn’t be a problem. At least then we could get meeting up over and done with, and then I could just move on and forget about him again. I don’t want to meet too late, though. And it needed to be fairly close the office to minimise inconvenience.
Me
Okay. I can meet tomorrow evening. I finish work at 6 p.m., so 6.30 p.m.? Do you know Regent Street?
Lorenzo
Good
Lorenzo
6.30 is good
Lorenzo
yes i know. I went there before on the metro
Me
Fine. Let’s meet for one drink at 6.30 p.m. at All Bar One, Regent Street.
Lorenzo
Perfetto
&nbs
p; Lorenzo
i look forward to seeing you
I was careful not to show too much emotion. Last time I had been far too gushy. That’s why the two times he’d said he missed me, I hadn’t reciprocate. I typed out a reply, reiterating the time and location once again so there could be no confusion or excuses for not turning up.
Me
See you tomorrow at All Bar One, Regent Street at 6.30 p.m. Goodnight.
Lorenzo
Kiss
All day I couldn’t concentrate. I didn’t know what to expect. It had been so sudden. He’d appeared from nowhere. I hadn’t even thought about him much for ages.
Okay, who am I trying to kid? I thought about him a lot. But it wasn’t like those early days where I’d obsessed over him. I wondered what he was doing, if he’d thought about me. And I can’t lie, often when I was with Charlie having sex, I’d dream that it was Lorenzo on top of me instead. I know it was bad, but as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t shake the feelings I’d had that night.
And now he was in London? And I was going to be seeing him in just three hours’ time? Seriously?
I wasn’t as prepared as I would have been with a bit more notice. Although I had no intention of sleeping with him (well, that’s what sensible Sophia said…), I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, so I had woken up early (not that I could even get to sleep after messaging him) and had pruned everything within an inch of its life.
I had just showered at work and changed into a dress. I’d be leaving the office soon for an emergency blow-dry with Josh. Even if it was one drink, I wanted to look and feel my best (and also show him what he’d been missing—childish, I know, but I didn’t care). Plus, I didn’t want to have any grooming regrets like I did last time.
Forty-five minutes to go.
Josh styled my hair in record time, adding some sexy waves. Not dissimilar to my date with Charlie…I did feel a few pangs of guilt.
Unlike all my other dates, I was feeling quite nervous. This wasn’t some posh guy I’d met near the Kings Road or a stranger from Tinder. This was the gorgeous Lorenzo whom I’d shared a night of passion with. Who had kissed me all over. Who, eight months ago, had made me come so spectacularly without us even having sex. And I had been madly in lust with him pretty much ever since.
The Middle-Aged Virgin: A Chick Lit, Romantic Comedy Novel: Newly Single And Seeking Spine-Tingles... Page 29
