Leaving her cold. Humiliated. Hot tears burned. Becky stood in his kitchen with her pants shoved to her knees. She yanked them up and ran to her room. Shutting the door, her heart pounded. He’d been willing to give it to her exactly as she’d demanded. Crawling onto the bed, she yanked the pillow to her chest and buried her face in it as her tears poured out. She didn’t want to wake her baby with her sobbing.
Or worse, let Logan hear her.
…
Logan slapped his hands on his low dresser and stared at himself in the mirror.
There was no excuse for what he’d just done out there. Becky had been through hell today. She was having a reaction to nearly dying. He’d seen her eyes when she’d struggled to breathe—she’d been fucking terrified. And he decided now was the time to teach her a lesson about what meaningless sex really was. Never in his life had he treated a woman like that. Ever.
He heard her run into her room and shut the door. Not slam it, but ease it closed. Logan hung his head. She wasn’t the only one having a reaction. She’d scared the hell out of him today, and he’d taken it out on her, because he wanted her in his bed, needed to feel her alive, to know he hadn’t screwed up and let her die. And yeah, he’d wanted sex, but not like that.
He faced his reflection. Part of him wanted to get out of the house and take off. Just get some space. Go sleep in the trailer. But he couldn’t leave her like that. He’d humiliated her, hurt her when she’d already been hurting.
Logan pushed off the dresser. He walked to her room and opened the door.
“Go away. Please.”
Her voice crackled with tears. The light spilling in from the door showed him Becky on her side with her knees drawn up, hugging her pillow. He went in, glanced in the crib. The baby slept on her back, her face sweet and peaceful. She was fine, but her mother needed care and he couldn’t do it in here. Logan went to the bed, leaned down and lifted Becky.
“No.” It came out a sob.
“I’m not leaving you alone.” He carried her to his room, killed the lights, and put her in his bed. Stripping to his boxers, he slid in and tucked her into his arms.
She burrowed into him, her body shaking.
“Go ahead, baby. Let it out.” He rubbed her back as she cried. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” All he’d had to do was pick her up, take her to his bed, and make love to her as many times as they’d both needed to know that she was alive and safe. Then let her go sleep in the room with her child. Hell it even made sense.
It just felt wrong.
Becky was not the kind of woman a man kicked out of his bed. She was a woman a man did everything in his power to keep there.
She quieted, and he thought maybe she’d settle in and fall asleep.
“I’m afraid.”
He tilted her head to see her face in the thin moonlight. Her tears had stopped, but her face was swollen. Using the edge of the sheet, he wiped away the remnants of her tears. “Why?” He hoped to God she could still trust him. Okay, probably not to have sex with him, what he’d done was unforgiveable, but she could talk to him.
“I was so scared today, then you held me and calmed me down. I’m afraid I’m going to need you too much. Then you’ll be gone.”
He sucked in a breath. “Like your father and brother?”
It took her a moment to answer. “I was supposed to put my shoes on before I went outside, but I didn’t, and went out to play in the yard. I stepped on a bee. My mom had to take me to the hospital. When we got back, the house was on fire.”
His chest burned like he’d been branded.
“Bees freak me out now. My mom never blamed me. My dad and Tyler were welding something in the garage, and somehow the fire started. I know that now, I get it. If my mom and I had been there, I don’t know that anything would have been different. I understand that.”
“But you don’t always believe it.” Just like he knew he wasn’t back in Afghanistan standing inside that house that doubled as a school for girls, but sometimes…he believed he was. Not as much these days, but yeah, he got it.
“Not always. I couldn’t control my fear today when the bees came out of their hive. I’m sorry.” She pushed her face into his chest.
Logan stroked her hair. “Nothing to be sorry for, baby. Not a thing.” He kept proving over and over why he wasn’t cut out for marriage or having a family of his own. Becky had needed him to make love to her, give her that connection that made them feel alive and valued.
And he’d decided he’d humiliate her and teach her a lesson.
“Listen to me, sweetheart. I’m here. I can’t be the husband you deserve, but I’ll be your friend even when this is over. You need a man’s arms around you, you come to me. I’ll hold you as long as you need me too.” Logan was never going to have a woman and family of his own, so he could give Becky this. In time, she wouldn’t need him anymore. She’d find a man worthy of her.
“You’d do that?”
Her breath whispered across his chest like a caress. He held her tighter, trying to give her comfort. “Yes.” He tucked his hand beneath her shirt, spreading his fingers behind her lungs. He needed to feel her breathing. “You’re safe. I swear it. Go to sleep and I’ll put you back in your bed.” Just as soon as he could let go of her.
It was after midnight before he could make himself do it. When he settled her in her bed, and walked out, loneliness closed around him like a fist, stealing his breath.
When this was over, he’d have his land…but would that be an empty victory without Becky in his life?
…
“The good news is the judge has denied Dylan access to Sophie until the trial to determine who gets possession and visitation.” Felicia Redding folded her hands on her desk.
Relieved, Becky glanced at Logan. Her lawyer had requested that he be here today.
He met her gaze. “See, sweetheart? I told you. Nothing to worry about.”
“There’s more news.”
Becky turned back. “Good, bad?”
Felicia’s eyes appeared to be measuring them. “The judge has ordered home study.”
“What does that mean?” And why did the lawyer keep examining them like they were on trial?
“A social worker will be assigned to the case, and will evaluate Sophie’s home life by conducting a series of interviews with both sides. That will mean you, your husband…” She paused, her eyes hard on Logan. “Both your families, references, and some third parties. Everything will be looked at.”
Becky gripped the wooden arms of the chair. “Uh, Logan’s family is just getting to know us. Right now his sister, Pam, is babysitting Sophie.”
Felicia tapped a pen on her desk. “This marriage is rather sudden. When you were here a few weeks ago, you never mentioned it.”
Did she look like a deer in headlights?
“I hadn’t asked her to marry me then.” Logan reached over and took her hand. “I was waiting because Becky’s mom had been sick and just passed. But when I found out that Dylan was harassing Becky, my plans changed immediately.”
“If that’s the truth, then we don’t have a problem. But if you’re hiding something and this marriage is exposed as anything else…” She honed in on Becky. “You will lose custody.”
Her mouth went absolutely dry. It’d been just over a week since the bee sting. Logan had treated Becky with kindness, but they hadn’t so much as kissed. It was just too…awkward she guessed. They’d both focused on their goals, basically seeing each other at dinner, and the couple of times Logan took her riding to improve her skills.
They didn’t have a marriage. They had a roommate agreement, which was fine—unless they were discovered and she lost Sophie.
Chapter Twelve
Logan stopped his horse waiting for Becky to catch up to him and Sophie. The baby squirmed, her bottom lip pushing out in a clear statement. Unable to resist, he chuckled. “Hang on there, half pint.” He nudged his horse into turning a circle. Sophi
e bounced and kicked her legs, fully approving.
With the baby quiet for a minute, he watched as Becky guided Gemma up to them. Damn, she looked good on her mount. She still had a ways to go to be able to keep up with him, but her seat was natural and the glow in her face told him she loved it. The thought of riding full out with Becky, tearing across the pastures, laughing… Don’t go there. They only had a short time together, then he had to let her go. And after he’d hurt her with that stunt he’d pulled a week ago, Logan tried to keep his hands off her. Every day was harder though, he ached to hold her, kiss her. He missed that intimacy he had with Becky.
Stopping Gemma next to him, she smiled at her baby then lifted her gaze to him. “You doing okay?”
That right there was exactly what he meant. Despite her fear that she’d lose her baby, she was concerned that holding Sophie might trigger his PTSD. “I can control it as long as I’m outside.” The low grade anxiety was there, like a fly following him. Right now, focusing on getting his father on their side in the custody battle helped.
Not a chance in hell he’d let his old man see him struggling with flashbacks or anxiety.
Sophie fussed and squirmed, tired of waiting.
Becky’s eyes crinkled at the corners, and she leaned over to stroke Sophie’s arm. “Hope that impresses your dad.”
Those sweet gestures of love between Bec and her baby might look small to someone else, but to him, they were huge. That constant reassurance that Sophie was loved, cherished, and protected. This kid would never wake in the morning to find her mother had vanished.
He shut down that line of thought and answered her question as he nudged Remy into a walk. “Trust me, this will work. When he sees how much she loves horses, he’ll support us in the custody battle.”
She guided her horse next to him. “That easy?”
His neck tensed. “It’s never easy with him. Most kids are a little afraid of a horse the first time they see them.”
“What was it like when you first saw a horse?”
“I refused to get anywhere near it.” He’d never seen a horse up close before, and it scared the piss out of him.
“Was Brian mad?”
“Disgusted. He refused to have a sniveling coward for a son. He dragged me in the training ring with all the ranch hands watching—” He clamped his jaw closed.
“That was cruel.” Outrage cut through her voice.
“Long time ago, Bec. It doesn’t matter.”
But that fact that she cared…yeah that mattered to him. A lot more than he wanted to admit.
Oh, it mattered, Becky thought as she kept pace next to Logan and Sophie. What had he been, eight? Torn out of his life and thrown into a new one, with no one there he knew? Yet he’d survived, and mastered riding horses. But the biggest kicker? Logan wasn’t cruel. His father had been so harsh with him, yet Logan was gentle and patient with her.
Her throat tightened with a wave of thick desire to touch and sooth him, to chase out the lonely certainty that he couldn’t love. Or be loved. Logan had erected emotional walls to survive, yet he craved a real connection during sex.
Sex was his way of feeling, and she’d tried to turn it into a meaningless physical encounter to protect her heart. It didn’t work. She cared more now than a week ago, so why fight it? Determination seared through her. No more holding back. Instead, she was going to give herself to him completely. And when the time came to split up, she’d let him go and accept the pain.
“That’s Abby in the ring on her horse.”
Pulling herself out of her thoughts, she concentrated on his sister. Abby’s face was shadowed beneath her hat, but her long sinewy body sat perfectly aligned with the saddle while talking to Brian. Logan’s father had the same seat on his horse on the side of the ring.
Becky scanned the entire area. “There’s a calf in the ring.” A little brown guy nosed the fence line.
“Abby’s practicing roping. She competes and does demonstrations. She also trains horses for roping and a few other things.”
“She’s good at roping?”
“Top ranked, but she’d much rather run the ranch.”
“Then why does she do it?”
“Abby does everything our father wants in the hopes that one day he’ll see her as something more than a showpiece.”
Not wanting to be overheard, she let that go. Brian and Abby turned to them as they approached.
Logan stopped his horse close to her. “Becky, this is Abby.”
She shifted her gaze to Logan’s half sister. Her face was lean, her eyes sharp. “Hi, Abby, nice to meet you.”
“You’re holding the reins in two hands. Hold them in your left like this.” She held up her gloved hand to demonstrate. “Our horses are trained for that.”
Becky flushed. “Sorry, I haven’t been riding very long. Logan’s teaching me.”
“Your seat is decent for a beginner. Bring your elbows in slightly, right there. Now position your hand right here in front of the pommel.” She demonstrated.
Becky was slightly mesmerized by the woman. Abby’s voice wasn’t unkind, just factual.
“You’re a fast learner. Relax your right arm on your thigh.” Once Becky did that, Abby nodded.
“Thanks for the help.”
“No problem. The horse will respond better if your seat and handling are familiar to her.”
Becky leaned forward and rubbed Gemma’s neck. “She’s been really patient with me. She doesn’t even mind Sophie’s excited yells.”
Abby’s face softened. “She has a forgiving temperament. Logan rescued her, and spent one of his times on leave working with her to gain her trust.”
Becky’s interest spiked. “Rescue?” She turned to Logan, recalling that he’d told her working with abused or poorly trained horses was his favorite thing.
His jaw clenched. “Bad breaking and training. Those bastards nearly destroyed her spirit. When we got her, her mouth was all torn up. It took a month or two just to get her healthy before I started training her.”
Her chest ached for the poor animal. “How can people do that? Look at her. She’s so sweet. She even lets Sophie slobber all over her trying to hug her.” She had to blink the sick rage from her eyes so she didn’t embarrass Logan with her tears in front of his family.
Sophie chose that moment to bounce in Logan’s arms and complain.
Becky edged Gemma closer and took her baby’s hand. “Brian, this is Sophie. She’s my daughter.”
“What’s she squalling about?”
Logan laughed. “Because we stopped. She wants to ride. Or pet all the horses. Watch.” Logan clicked his tongue, and Remy backed up. Within three steps, Sophie quieted. Logan walked the animal, then set him into a jog. In seconds, Sophie laughed and kicked her legs. He brought Remy smoothly back around on Becky’s right.
Brian’s eyes lit up. “How old is she?”
Pride spread like warm oil through Becky’s chest. “Less than four months. I thought she’d be afraid, but she loves horses. She has Jiggy, our little dog, at home and she adores him, but this surprised me.”
Sophie frowned and let out an unhappy sigh.
“Abby,” Brian said, “rope the calf. Let’s see what the kid does.”
Logan’s sister lifted the coiled rope off the saddle.
Brian turned to Becky. “Know anything about roping?”
She shook her head while noting her daughter was watching Abby.
“The rope is a lariat. See how she holds the coils with the reins in her left hand? From that she feeds the loop in her right hand to rope the calf.” He turned to his daughter. “When you’re ready.”
Abby and her horse set off. That startled the calf into a run. The horse was incredibly agile, able to follow as the creature darted left and right. While watching the calf and controlling the horse, Abby effortlessly built the loop in her right hand, then twirled it overhead and threw it.
The loop slid around the calf.
&nb
sp; Once the calf was in place, Abby got off and freed it while the horse stood still.
“Well, look at that.”
Brian’s comment tugged Becky’s gaze from Abby and she smiled at her daughter. Logan held her high, and Sophie’s eyes were glued to the scene in the training ring. Quiet and totally focused.
Brian led his horse out of the ring. “Logan, give the baby to Becky and go rope the calf. See if Sophie watches you.”
Becky started to dismount.
“What are you doing?”
Flushing at her father-in-law’s sharp question, she grimaced. “I’m not sure I can hold Sophie and keep control of Gemma if something happened.”
“She’ll see better from the saddle.” He turned his gaze. “Sophie, come here darlin’. Let’s watch your step-daddy do some real work.” He took Sophie from Logan, then eased his horse closer to Becky.
Sophie was more interested in Logan as he got into the ring than who was holding her. Logan took the rope from Abby and showed it to his horse.
“Remy is a good roping horse,” Brian said. “Logan is letting him know they’ll be working with the lariat. Next he’ll warm him up in the ring.”
Logan worked that rope like an extension of his hand, while controlling Remy. By the time Logan and Remy chased the calf, they were working as a seamless team while Abby watched.
“Did a little research on your background. Dylan Ridgemont is Sophie’s father. You were both involved in a hit-and-run in Austin.”
The abrupt comment made her jump. Gemma shifted uneasily, probably trying to figure out what Becky wanted. She calmed the horse, taking a minute to recover. “Yes.” Lifting her head, she added, “He didn’t want her until he got out of prison.”
“Family wants her. If you have her, you can cause them trouble.”
“I don’t want to cause trouble. I don’t want anything from them.” She took a breath. Since Brian had asked, it’d be better to tell him all of it now. “We saw our lawyer today, the court is ordering a home study.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You’re dragging my son into a mess.”
The edge in his voice bit deep, but it was also true. “I know. And, by extension, your family. The social worker will want to talk to all of you.”
Her Temporary Hero (a Once a Marine Series book) (Entangled Indulgence) Page 12
