by JA Huss
Chapter Sixteen
I come to again. This time I'm in a pale yellow room and there are machines beeping around me. I rip out the IV and sit all the way up before Ryse pushes me back down on the bed and Arel slaps a towel over the blood spurting out from my arm.
"Relax, Junco. You're with us now," Ashur says, his voice even and disinterested.
I'm filled with rage. "You asshole, I told you he'd live. And so fucking much for not spying on me back on Earth, right? You piece of shit! Did you have fun watching me all that time?"
Arel steps back, a little annoyed. "What the fuck is she talking about now, Ashur?"
Isten comes up to the bed and then Mish and Rikan follow. They are all here, except Braun. "Junco," Isten starts. "It wasn't like that."
I swallow hard and cough. "He did, Isten!" The tears well up in my eyes and I am about to cry from all the stress and drugs. "He knows all my counter-attacks and I only ever practiced them in one place!" I scream it, I am so angry my head wants to explode. I dial it down and the words come out as a whisper instead. "One secret place, Ashur. Down on the holomat in my bedroom. And you know every single move. Every single counter-move."
His face is a mixture of anger and guilt as he looks up at his team. "How the fuck do you think we could bring her back if we couldn't control her, huh?"
They stare at him in silence.
"He watched me in my room. And not," I stress, "the princess room. He watched me in my real bedroom." I turn away and push Ryse off the bed. The towel Arel placed slips and the blood starts to flow again. It gives up and coagulates half way down my wrist, then becomes sticky until I absently wipe it on the sheets.
The silence is broken by Lucan's voice across the room. "You will all leave now."
They don't even say goodbye, either. They just file out and leave me there.
"Would you like to stay here tonight, Junco?"
I shake my head and more tears spill out. "No. It's not fair that everyone else has to sit there tonight knowing that we killed all those people and I get a choice."
I turn around and his face is so sad I almost take it back.
But I don't, I just let the tears slide down my cheeks.
"I should have to see what I did, witness the number of bunks shrinking as the space between them grows wider, so that I know what a fucked-up piece of shit you've turned me into and how much worse you avians are than–" I let out a sob and take a moment to wipe my wrist across my nose and pull myself together.
When I speak again my voice is low, but even. "I hope you got everything you needed, by the way. That was a classy fucking move, pulling me out after the fight and filling me up with drugs – you fucking shot me!"
He just stands there, looking at me. I watch as he swallows hard but even if he is sorry, it won't make it better. Not this time. "I trusted you." I turn back over so he can't see my face.
Tier was right all along. Trust no one.
Not Ashur.
Not Lucan.
And certainly not Braun who hasn't even come back to see me once since the day I left.
"You wanted to break me, right? That's what you said?"
"Junco–"
"Well, congratulations. You should feel very proud of yourself."
Lucan's private flyer drives me back to Fledge. I'm pushed up against the door on one side, my face pressed against the cool glass as I watch the high atmosphere mist part around us. Lucan is sitting, straight-backed, on the other side of the rear seat. I've got the blanket from the bed wrapped around me because the drugs have tricked my body into thinking I'm freezing-ass cold even as sweat pours down my back and puddles inside the waist of my pants.
The ride takes a lot longer than I thought it would and when we finally stop I'm almost asleep, still half intoxicated and the other half exhausted. Lucan gets out and walks with me into the Fledge building. He palms the elevator and the moderators watch with long frowns on their faces as I try to walk straight, but can't.
We ride up to level three and he takes my arm and leads me into the dorm. The lights are all on, but everyone is in bed, sitting up looking confused.
Kush gets up and runs over, then Isec joins him.
"What the fuck did you do to her?" Isec demands. He takes my hand. "Junco?" His little voice is full of fear and he begins to cry.
Kush drags me away from Lucan and takes me over to a bed.
My dried-up sobs are just small hiccups as I lie down shaking.
I hear Isec's little bare feet pad a few paces out into the center of the room. Then he screams at the receding click of expensive shoes on the tile, "She doesn't like you anymore, Lucan. She doesn't like you anymore!"
A fading laugh wakes me up and the first thing I think is that I'm dead. Eventually, as the seconds pass, I realize I'm not dead, I just wish I was. My entire body hurts. I shuffle and kick the heavy blanket until I unwind my legs, then push myself up and look around the room.
There are only single beds now and we've got a large portion of the room dedicated to a casual sitting area filled with couches, chairs, and tables. The news is on a screen that takes up one entire wall, almost floor to ceiling, but the sound is turned down.
Ashur is sitting on the next bed over.
I don't look at him, but I know he's there. I swing my aching legs out the side that faces an empty bunk and rest my feet on the cold tile floor, massaging my head to make the throbbing recede. It doesn't work.
I stand up and give the dizziness a second as well. Then slowly shuffle over towards the showers.
"We need to talk, Junco."
I ignore him.
I've got the hot water spraying down and I'm just about to try and remove my shirt when I see him standing in the doorway. "You will talk to me."
I stare at him, then release the seams on my shirt and whip it over my head, biting back the pain as my arms and shoulders protest.
When I look back at the door he's gone.
I stand under the barrage of water until my muscles are relaxed, then search out what the vision screen personality can do for my condition.
You there?
Yes.
Got anything to make me feel better?
A series of diagnostics run and the data presents as a graph showing which hormones and macromolecules are in what ratio. The ones that need improvement are blinking red.
Shall I initiate a recovery cocktail?
Is this legal for Fledge?
There are no rules for self-healing in the General Fledge.
OK, yes. Make me feel better.
I am not obtuse, I realize she wrote General Fledge. Which means the Aves probably have some restrictions. But hey, I'm not in the Aves Fledge, now am I.
I lean against the wall as the cocktail floods my bloodstream. The relief is almost instantaneous, and much appreciated.
So, you gonna tell me who you are?
Silence from the vision screen.
Figures. I don't really give a shit, what can I do about it? If there's an AI living inside my body, well, it's not like I can make her go away, can I? Live with it, Junco.
I adjust my towel as I walk over to the Aves 039 cubbie and there are a lot of packages there. I choose one that looks like the rest of Lucan's packages, pull out the clothes and boots, then stuff it back in and let the biometrics lock it back up with the rest.
I have no intention of opening any of them.
After dressing I walk back out into the dorm and head for the cafeteria. I thumb through the selections but I can't remember the things Isec ordered for us in the past, so I choose something that looks like a biscuit or cookie and force myself to eat it. I grab a drink and a six-pack of cigars and head out.
Ashur is waiting in the hallway.
I walk right past and don't even glance his direction. I'm feeling a lot better with the cocktail and I hop down the stairs and walk towards the outside door.
The thick-around-the-middle moderator glances up from his reading at the front de
sk. "Hey, Junco?"
I turn. "Hey–" I don't know his name.
"Hey, uh, Lucan's outside waiting for you, honey." He shrugs and makes a face at me. "Just thought you might like a heads-up."
I nod at him. "Thanks."
"And that other one is around here too. Your–"
Ashur comes down the stairs and the mod shuts up. I shake my head and walk towards the door. Outside the fake sunshine is bright, so bright it blocks my view of the bench for a second. I put a hand up to shade my eyes and I see Lucan. I can hear the door behind me whoosh open to let Ashur catch up.
Nowhere to go.
So I light a cigar and make for the grass before either of them can get close enough to order me around. I lie down and stretch back, one hand behind my head, one bringing the cigar to my mouth, and let out a deep breath as I cross my legs and close my eyes.
I feel fucking spectacular. That was one hell of a cocktail.
Ashur reaches me first since he was closer, but he remains silent until Lucan joins our little party.
"You will come with us, Junco. We will have that conversation now."
I don't even open my eyes. "No, I don't think so, Lucan." I take another puff and blow rings, eyes still closed.
"Junco," Ashur growls at me. "You will do as you're told."
"Fuck off. You can try and make me come with you, if you think it's worth it. But I'm not going unless you plan on shooting and drugging me again. I'm not going anywhere with either of you as long as I have a choice." I open my eyes, shade them with my hand, and then sit up. "You both fucked up. I'm not your friend." I point my cigar at Ashur. "And I'm not your…" I stop and look at Lucan because I'm not at all sure what I am to him. "… whatever it is you thought I was."
Ashur's fingers grab me and yank me to my feet, my cigar goes flying, and I overcompensate and stumble backwards a few paces. I want to get angry, but I force it down and then bend over to pick up my cigar to wait it out.
Lucan breaks our standoff. "Ashur, please leave us now."
Ash shakes his head at Lucan. "No way. I'm not leaving."
Lucan smiles like Ash is a toddler. "You are, Ashur. Immediately. Or I will have you forcibly removed. You are evoking far more anger in her than I am, so let me handle this."
I look back and forth between the two of them and my head throbs a little as I clench my teeth in frustration.
Ashur walks back into the building and I watch until he's no longer visible through the transparent doors. I look back at Lucan, but he just stands there, staring at me. I realize after a few seconds that he's scrolling in his own data display, reading something. It's the same look he got when he was telling me about the Vegas planet pad takeover. Distant and searching.
Is that how I looked in the testimony room? I sure fucking hope not, otherwise he knows.
"I know you lied in testimony, Junco."
Shit.
"I just can't figure out how exactly. The drugs were fully accepted into your profile, your vitals screamed the textbook readout of someone under the influence, and you never acted out of character. Nonetheless, I know you lied."
I smile. "Well, good fucking luck with that one, Lucan. Maybe you avians are allowed to make shit up like that and get away with it. I wouldn't know, not my world after all. But I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I know you lied, Junco," he continues, "because not twenty minutes before your testimony Tier admitted to breaking the treaty."
"Maybe his memory isn't so good, Lucan. I, on the other hand, have perfect recall."
"What did he say to you in the testimony room, Junco?"
"He said, Don't trust them."
I watch his face as he realizes I'm telling the truth.
"Pretty good advice, if you ask me. I'm gonna take it now."
I turn to walk towards the doors but he reaches out, not unkindly, and touches my shoulder. And then we are in the darkness of space and I fall forward as my mind adjusts to the nothingness below me. His hand reaches out again and steadies me. I'm steady, but he doesn't let go.
"Junco," he starts, then stops to sigh. "You've asked a few questions since we first met, but I am more surprised at the ones you don't ask."
I wait it out, not to try and gain momentum or anything, I'm just too tired to give a shit.
"Still nothing?"
I look up at him then. "No, Lucan. Nothing. I just don't care."
"What do you care about, then?"
"Well, I could tell you – but then you'd just take it away from me like I'm a child that needs to be punished."
"Do you not want honesty, Junco? Isn't that what you've always been after?"
"It's really not all that important right now, so no thanks. My interest in you, like I said, is gone."
"You'll turn down the answers? Take ignorance instead? Just to be stubborn."
"No, that's not it at all, Lucan. Sure, I'd like the truth, but getting it from you is like burning wood infested with wheat beetles. It heats your house for a while, but the poisonous fumes kill you before you're warm anyway, so what's the point."
"Who will you accept it from, then? If not me? Ashur? Isten? Braun?"
"Tier."
He laughs, a genuine hearty laugh, and it makes me flash with heat. "Ah, yes. You mean the one who instructed Ashur to plant spying devices in your bedroom? He's perfect."
I smile up at him. "You don't get it, do you?" I wait for his complete attention. "It doesn't matter what Tier did before. I granted him absolution back on Earth for all of it. It doesn't matter if he spied on me himself, or if he killed Charlie, or even if he was the one who turned me into this monster. None of it matters, because he was forgiven. It's a done deal."
He stares down at me, his features hardening as the seconds tick off.
Patience and inertia are not the same thing.
He taps my shoulder and we are back in the grass at Fledge. The sky is dark around us. "Well, I guess your secret is out then, right?"
I shake out another cigar and touch it to the striker, inhaling and exhaling before answering. "It's never been a secret, Lucan. You had me pegged right at the start. From the 039 with their plasmas at my head after morph, to the little speech about how sweet talk doesn't work on you. You got it in one. But you know what I don't understand?"
He turns away, so I don't wait.
"Why you let yourself be drawn into my little act. The stars, Lucan? Please, that is so predictable."
He turns back and I expect anger at the very least, but he hands me indifference. "If you interfere with what I am doing, Junco, I will be forced to punish you."
"Like I said that first day in the hallway, Lucan – death means nothing to me. I can kill myself tonight and be one hundred percent satisfied with how things end. Or you can kill me right now and be done with all of it. Because that's the only way you'll know for sure that Tier will die at the end."
I'm slammed onto the ground before I can blink, a sharp pain throbbing up the side of my face. I spread out my arms, crucifix style, and close my eyes to block him out. "Do it," I whisper.
But the fractions pass and I know he's gone.
Chapter Seventeen
Kush finds me like that sometime later. I didn't doze off exactly, just didn't see the point of picking myself up. He sits down next to me and when I don't speak, he lies back and waits. I've noticed some things about Kush over the past week or so. He's patient. And he keeps his distance. It's refreshing.
My grin grows as I turn my head to face him.
"What are you doing, Junco?" He smiles back.
"Lucan hit me and I fell down."
He laughs at me and shakes his head.
"And I don't know, it really wasn't worth the effort to get back up." I turn my head back and look towards the ceiling miles away. It doesn't matter if I spend all the rest of my days under this roof, I will never get used to looking up and seeing ceiling.
"Should I bother asking why he hit you?"
I s
hrug. "I sort of threatened him. In a roundabout way."
He nods. "Ah. OK. Well, that probably doesn't go over well in the best of times, and you seem to bring out the worst in lots of people."
"Yeah, probably."
"So, you gonna stay out here all night?"
"I dunno."
"Wanna see the cool rooms we have access to now?"
"What rooms? I didn't see any rooms."
"Did you go out past that lounge area? There's a giant mast with all sorts of stuff on the way up. And at the top there's an observatory."
I turn, interested. "Huh, what are the chances?"
He gets up and offers me his hand.
I hesitate, but he pulls me up without waiting for my answer.
I manage to pry Isec's fingers off my arm long enough to get into the bottom of the mast and look up. It looks fucking far. Like miles away to that observatory. In fact, I squint and I'm not even sure if I can see the opening. I might just be imagining it.
"Let's go up," Kush says.
I shoot him a dirty look. "Kush, I've flown a total of like three times. There is no way I can fly up there. Zero chance."
He points to his back. "Hop on, then."
I shake my head. "Nah, I've done that before and it was a struggle to get a fraction of that distance."
He screws up his face. "You've done what before? What are you talking about?"
"On Earth, when Tier and I–" I catch myself and turn away. Fuck. "Fine, then. If you think you can carry me…"
He smiles. "I can, Junco."
I hop on and he does. It takes a few minutes, but this is nothing like the escape flight Tier and I took up through that cave opening back in the RR. And even though I keep looking down, Moju's head never pops up from the floor.
When we get to the top he stands on the landing and then I hop down and look into a stairwell that goes up through the ceiling.
"Have you ever been in a gravity curve, Junco?"
I shake my head. "Don't even know what a gravity curve is, Kush."
"You know how the building is curved up against the outside wall?"
I nod, still looking up into the dark hole.
