by JA Huss
My com buzzes and I immediately wonder how Kadian got my new number so fast. "Hello?"
"Junco?"
It's Ashur. "Yeah."
"You all right?"
I nod, then remember he can't see me. "Yeah."
He lets out a little laugh. "Monk is freaked out. He's never had a girl on his team."
"I don't get it, how come I'm on his team?"
Ashur is quiet for a few seconds. "Rache wants to keep you, Junco. So…" He stops, maybe not wanting to finish the thought, or maybe he's listening to me breathe erratically on the other side as I begin to realize what's happening. "Don't be surprised if they treat you real nice."
I've done it now, my team is about to be ripped away before I even get the chance to enjoy them. I'm silent as I choke back my tears and try to swallow down the ache that prevents me from talking.
"Junco?"
I push it down one more time before I speak. "Yeah."
"You want me to come see you?"
I shake my head, then catch myself again. "No." I breathe the word out with a half-hidden sob. "No, I'm OK. Really. I'm just going to go to sleep. I'm tired."
"Tomorrow then?"
My nose is running and I sniff a couple times. "Yeah, OK. Tomorrow."
"OK, if you need anything, just call Monk. He's not a bad guy."
"All right, I will. Bye."
I end the call and sit down on the ledge to rest my back on the window and let the sobs out, a little bit at first, then I give up and the tears run down my cheeks like rivers.
How ironic.
After barely wriggling out of my father selling me to the highest bidder, then traveling a hundred million miles across open space to another world, it turns out I can't escape that fate after all.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ashur is sleeping next to me when I wake up. When I stir he reaches over and puts his arm around me. "Junco?"
I open my eyes and stare at him. He smiles. "You're not OK, Junco."
I look at him, first the one green eye, then the other. "I know. What time is it?"
I watch him check his vision screen and I realize I could have just checked my own. "5:42 AM."
"Too early to get up."
He pulls me to his chest. "Way too fucking early to get up."
"What time did you get here?"
"About an hour ago."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Juncs."
My eyes close and I fall back asleep clinging to him tightly and counting the slow up-and-down motion of his breathing.
The next time I wake Ashur is gone and Monk is giving me a vigorous shake.
"What the fuck?"
"Ah, sorry. But Rache said you have to eat something."
I flip open my eyes and stare up at him. "You're fucking with me, right?"
He screws up his face. "No, why?"
"What is it with you people and my eating habits?"
"I dunno, Junco. Get up and get dressed and I'll take you down to the cafeteria."
"Where did Ashur go?"
"Oh, he said to tell you he'll be back later."
I watch him leave and I force myself up and into the shower. There is a clean uniform waiting for me on the bed when I'm done and I slip it on. Monk appears just as I'm lacing up my boots and stands in the open doorway, talking to someone else outside for a few seconds before directing his attention to me. "Ready?"
I nod.
The hallway is bustling with activity and all sorts of people say hi to me as I pass them. "Who are all these people?" I ask as we start hopping down the stairs.
"Just other fighters."
"Oh, how many are there? Looks like a lot."
He hesitates at the bottom of the stairs as he waits for me to catch up with him. "Thirty-two? Thirty-five? Not sure this year."
"So, what type of person typically wins this fight?"
He starts walking down the hall, then looks over to me and smiles. "Warriors, Junco. Like you."
"And what do people usually ask for, in the wish department?"
"Oh, shit – healing mostly, if the winner isn't Aves that is. I mean after they're done, they're typically pretty fucked up."
"Oh, I thought that was included? This is not a fight to the death, right?"
"Right, but there's a limit." He shrugs. "Or they ask for status positions."
I think of Kush. "And how does that work? They just get promotions, based on the fight?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Nothing spectacular, I mean, it's a gift, it's not earned."
I grunt. "Yeah, who wants to follow a guy who never earned his appointment?"
He looks down at me as we walk. "Exactly. They never seem to figure that out, though."
"What else do they wish for?"
He stops at the cafeteria counter and starts grabbing food. "What do you want?"
I shrug and make a face. "Some of that," I say, pointing to the biscuits.
He shakes his head. "I'll choose for you. Ashur says he always orders for you, else you only eat cookies."
I smile. "He does. What else do they wish for, Monk?"
"Money. A better place to live, shit like that. What are you going to wish for, Junco?"
"I haven't decided yet."
He looks back at me and shakes his head. "Right."
He takes the tray over to a table full of guys and gestures for me to sit. "This is my team, Junco." He points and names them one by one and I say hello. He introduces me as the eight and I feel weird.
I watch and listen to them interact and realize they are pretty much just like the 039, only different faces. I breathe out and wonder if I will ever get to go home. Then I have to stop and ask myself where home is. It seems to be relative these days.
Ashur finds us before we are finished eating and slips onto the bench next to me, saying hi to everyone on Monk's team like he knows them well. He looks over my half-empty tray of food and smiles. "Looks like Monk's on feeding duty?"
I nod. "Yeah, I don't get why you guys are so interested in what I eat, but whatever. So what have you been doing all day?"
He turns and doesn't meet my gaze. "I went to see Tier." Then he looks down to me to see my reaction.
I look across the cafeteria and spot Kush watching me. "Oh."
"He wants to see you, Junco. Tonight."
"Well, I'm not so sure–"
"You're going," he says sternly.
I look up at him, to read how serious he is. "Why? I just don't think it's a good idea, I won't know what to say, it's gonna be awkward and–"
"It's his last night, Junco."
I shake my head at him and smile. "No, it isn't, Ashur."
"Oh, for fuck's sake." He takes my hand and pulls me up. "Let's go for a walk, OK?"
Monk takes an interest at this development. "Hey, Ashur, she's mine now, you don't get to just take her–"
"Fuck you, Monk. She's yours until tomorrow night and then she's going home, so don't fucking get used to her."
I smile back at them and let Ashur pull me out to the hallway. "So, is there an outside to this place? Or is it just an endless maze of interior corridors?"
"No, there's an outside, wanna go take a look?"
I nod. "Absolutely, I better get my sightseeing in before tomorrow, right?"
He puts his hand on my back, right between my wings, and it gives me a little chill. He feels it and looks over at me, then moves it up to my shoulder. "Is this bugging you?"
I shake my head as we pass through a doorway and the outside suddenly springs to life. "Oh, this is nice! It looks like Earth's sky!" The blueness of the upper atmosphere takes my breath away and I halt on the walkway to take it in for a moment.
Ashur agrees with a grunt, then leads me over to a patch of grass under a tree and we take a seat. "Yeah, I knew you'd like this part. And at night," he says, smiling at me as I lie back on the grass to look up, "you can see the stars."
I look over at him. "Ya know, ever since we sat and lo
oked up at the city I haven't missed them much."
This makes him happy and he doesn't even try to hide it. Instead he leans back with me and we are quiet for a while. I think about Tier and wonder what it would be like to talk to him again after so long. Will it be like old friends? Or will it be weird? Does he know Ashur has feelings for me? All these questions are running through my mind when I notice Ash is looking at me.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks.
"Tier. And what it would be like to talk to him again."
"Are you going to go then?"
I swallow and nod. "Yeah, I can't exactly say no if he asked to see me. He did ask, right? I'm not going to show up and have him look surprised."
Ashur laughs. "He gave me an order. Apparently Tier still thinks he's captain." He smiles at this thought, like it's typical of Tier to be bossy like that, even when he's in prison and about to be killed for treason.
"You think I'm full of shit, don't you? You don't think he'll be alive tomorrow night."
He shakes his head. "No, I don't."
"Do you think I'll kill him?"
He shrugs. "If you're in the fight, and you win, Junco, you better fucking kill him. That's what you've signed up for."
"Right." I exhale. "I'll make sure not to win then."
He looks over and frowns. "That makes no sense."
"Yeah, well – you'll have to take it up with the syrinx. Let's go do it now. I want to get it over with."
He stands and pulls me up. "You sure?"
I nod. "Yeah, let's go."
Chapter Forty
Ashur and I walk through a series of biometrically secure doors and at each one we must announce ourselves, then wait, sometimes for a very long time, for someone to come and let us in. Each time I pass over the threshold of a secure station my heart beats a little quicker and soon my whole body feels flushed.
Finally we arrive at the prison and then we are asked to wait yet again. Ashur points me to a straight-backed chair and I go take a seat while he arranges things with the people behind the desk. They seem to know him pretty well and I begin to wonder just how many times he's been here to see Tier and never told me.
After several minutes he comes and takes a seat next to me and smiles. "Be just a little bit longer, OK?"
I nod and play with a loose string on my thigh pocket. There is no one else in the waiting room with us, which should not be surprising considering how difficult it was to get back to this point. I begin to question how common it is to even have visitors here.
A buzzer sounds and Ashur gets up and looks down at me. "That's us."
I get up and my heart goes wild. My vision screen pops to life and I watch as my biogs begin to excrete cortisol to calm me down. Ashur looks at me funny. "You OK?"
I swallow and smooth out my uniform shirt, even though it never wrinkles, it's light armor for fuck's sake. "Yeah, I'm OK. No, I'm not. I'm nervous. So fucking nervous."
He takes my hand. "It's Tier, Junco. You spent quite a bit of personal time with him back on Earth, just be yourself."
I nod. "Yeah, OK. I'm good." I breathe.
He leads me to the doors where guards are waiting and then we pass through and they clank shut behind us. Ashur seems to know exactly where he's going, so I just follow, my stomach churning with each step. And then we turn a corner and I can see Tier through the glass at the end of the hall. He sees me at the same time and even from dozens of yards away, I can see his smile. My heart calms down and I smile back.
Ashur waits at the door and Tier goes over to the far wall and sits down on the bench. Then a buzzer goes off and the locks click to signal the door can be opened. Ashur grabs the handle and pulls.
And then Tier and I are in the same room. Ashur enters as well and then the door closes and locks behind us.
"Junco, yer so pretty." Tier gets up and walks over to me. I drop Ashur's hand and meet him halfway and he takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly, pushing my face into his chest and dropping his chin down into my hair. I wrap my arms under his and bring them up to grab his shoulders, letting out a deep sigh of relief. We stay this way for a long time. I tilt my face to the side and close my eyes as his hands stroke my hair.
"Ashur, hey, fuck off for a while, eh? It's my last night, let me have her to myself."
I don't hear a response but the door buzzes and mechanisms clank, a few seconds later we're alone. He pulls back and takes me over to the bench, then sits down and tugs me down into his lap. I straddle his legs and put my hands around his neck and look at him, noticing the dark circles and the strain on his face. "Why didn't I come sooner?"
"Yer here now, so who cares?"
I flash him a crooked smile. "Are you OK?"
He looks into my eyes and the glow I've missed so badly is there again. "Nah, not really."
I frown. "I'm so sorry, Tier. This whole thing is my fault."
"It's not, Junco. It's not. I did this. But I did give ya all those instructions in the virtual and ya didn't even follow one!"
"What? I did follow them, and there were only two, anyway."
"No, Junco. I had a whole list to help ya get by without me, but ya did it all backwards."
I shake my head. "I only got two sentences, Tier, it said trust no one and show no weakness."
He laughs. "Fucking Sera, I knew she'd screw it all up, probably did it on purpose."
"Who's Sera?"
"The redhead, ya seen her?"
"The syrinx?"
"Is that who she said she was? What a fucking liar. She's Sera." He shakes his head. "But anyway, I don't want to waste our time talking about her. If ya thought the only thing I wanted was for ya to trust no one, then why did ya go around handing it out like a fucking Utopian welfare payment? You've made more best friends in the last month than I made in my whole life."
I laugh. "Well, everyone has actually been pretty nice to me. It was hard to stay suspicious and aloof. And I didn't do too well with the show no weakness shit either. I've been an emotional wreck on several occasions."
His hand goes up to my scalp, lifts the hair away from my head, and then traces the scar down the side of my face. "That one healed pretty well." He lifts my chin up and looks for the SEAR scar. "That one too." Then his hand goes behind my neck and pulls me in. I stare into his eyes as he takes my left hand and holds it up to look at my missing fingers. "This been giving ya any trouble?"
I shake my head. "No, none at all. I played the piano last week and it sounded exactly the same, like there were no fingers missing."
He smiles. "And I saw ya in the fifth and sixth fights, so I know you can climb–"
"You did?"
"Oh yeah, Juncs. You're like a celebrity with all the screen time you get. I know all about yer life during Fledge. And I saw ya in that dress at the nargala." He shakes his head and exhales. "If I could have one wish it would be to take ya out like that instead of that stupid reporter." He lets out a small laugh, just a breath of air really. "I hope Ashur didn't get a look at ya in that dress, else I know what the two of ya did that night."
I blush and turn away and shake my head. "I haven't, Tier."
He smiles and then leans in to kiss me, but stops just short of my lips and looks into my eyes. "Yer sparklin', Junco."
I reach up to touch my face. "What color are they?"
"Gold, the color of the goddess. Like yer wings."
I breathe out and his lips cross the distance and I open my mouth just a tiny bit to let his tongue slip in and caress me. His hands go behind my head and then he pulls away. "No sense in making Ashur any more jealous than necessary."
I pull back. "It's not like that, Tier."
"You don't have to make excuses for him, he told me."
"Told you what?"
"That he kissed ya, Junco. It's OK, I'll be gone tomorrow."
"No you won't."
He hisses some breath through his lips. "Don't get yer hopes up, Junco, I don't see any way out of it."
&nb
sp; "I do."
He smiles. "Well, if so, best to keep it ta yerself for now, eh?"
I nod. "Yeah."
The door lock buzzes and I jump a little. "Yer escort is back." He looks in my eyes and kisses me again. I lean my head into his shoulder and begin to cry.
"Junco, it's OK." He reaches his arms around me and tugs me in tight but my back heaves up and down with my silent sobs. It's not OK. I cannot live without this man. Ever. It might have been possible before this visit, maybe. But now that he's fresh in my memory, and not a distant shadow in another lifetime, I can't let go. His hands stroke my hair over and over again to comfort me, but mine is a sadness that feels like forever.
I start counting to bring myself back from the sobs and when I get to number five I have it locked down, just like I told Annun I would. I pull back and stand up but he stays seated, the pain in his eyes almost too much for me to look at. I force myself to see him, so that tomorrow I will not forget.
"I'll see you tomorrow after the fight."
"I love ya, Juncs."
I let out one more choked sob. "I love you too, Tier. More than I can ever say."
He nods and frowns at the same time.
"But," I sniff and wipe the tears from my face, "I can show you. And I'll do that tomorrow."
I turn and walk away, past Ashur, out the door and down the hallway until I get to the end of the corridor. And then I wait, with my chin up, for Ashur to make them let me out.
We walk back to the Deliverance sector in silence, and then when we get there Ashur takes my hand and leads me outside. I lie down and bury my face in the grass as I cry. He doesn't pull me close, just lets me get it out and for that, at least, I am thankful.
Chapter Forty-One
Ashur leaves to go back to Amelia and I climb the stairs back to my room alone. There is a huge party going on in the arena for the fighters, but I have no interest in going. I palm my hand over the biometrics at my door and go in.
"Don't turn the light on, Junco." Kush is standing over at the window and the door that connects our rooms is open. "Fucking reporters out there, just waiting to get a look at you when you turn the lights on."
