Stella looked at her. “Who told you I stayed?”
“Nobody,” Maria said. “I’m just asking because you can’t have had many opportunities of being on your own.”
There was a little silence during which Stella did not deny staying late at the party and Maria did not push the point. Things were too serious, she decided, to argue about a lie told months ago.
Stella looked down at her nails. “Well, it was mainly in the car . . .”
Maria caught her breath at her friend’s casual attitude about them having sex. If it was more than once, there was a fair chance that Stella was pregnant.
Stella looked up now as though sensing disapproval. Her face was still pale but there was a jut of determination in her jaw. “I’m not ashamed, you know. I love Tony, and when you’re with the right person making love is the most special thing.”
“Oh, Stella!” Maria said. “You’re only sixteen. How can you be so sure?
“Well, I can’t imagine feeling like this about anyone else, and I just feel we’re going to be together forever. What about you?” she asked. “I’m sure you love Paul, don’t you?”
“I certainly like him a lot, but I wouldn’t . . .” She stopped herself from saying that she was not ready to think of going the whole way with him yet. She wasn’t up to an argument about something that couldn’t be changed and neither was Stella. “I don’t know what the future holds for us –” She suddenly stopped. “I don’t even know what tomorrow holds for me, Stella. When I start to think about it my brain just sort of closes over . . .” She could feel her eyes filling with tears.
Stella stared at her friend, her eyes wide and anxious. “I’m so sorry, Maria – I didn’t meant to upset you. I shouldn’t have told you all this – I know it’s the completely wrong time. I’m so selfish. It’s just that I didn’t know where else to turn. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if the doctor tells me for definite.”
Maria wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “It’s okay, Stella,” she said. “Nobody can change what’s happened to my dad, and I understand you have your own problems to worry about and I’m glad you felt you could tell me.”
Stella swallowed hard. “I’m scared, Maria.” She closed her eyes. “All that stuff I said about thinking it was fine what me and Tony did – it’s just to cover up how really scared I am. I know I’ve been stupid and I don’t know why I did it. It’s just at times I get really fed up with my mother and father always treating me like a child, and it makes me want to go and do whatever I feel like when I get the chance. But I know I’ve done something really wrong this time, and I just wish I could turn the clock back so that none of this had happened.”
Maria tried to think of something to say that might console her. “Other people have had babies at sixteen,” she said. “You won’t be the first. Look at that girl in the year above us who left school last Christmas. Everybody knew she was pregnant.”
Stella’s face sort of crumpled. “But everyone thought she was a complete tramp, Maria!” Her voice sounded cracked. “All the other girls said it.”
“I didn’t mean you were like her – of course I didn’t. I just meant that it happens to other people all the time.”
The front door opened and Stella’s mother called out to say she was back and Stella moved quickly to sit properly in the chair. A few minutes later she stuck her head in the door.
“Tea or coffee, girls? Or would you prefer some lemonade?”
Maria said she would have a cup of coffee and Stella said she would have the same.
“Did you have a nice chat while I was out?” She smiled brightly at the girls. “I’m sure you did, and I hope you both feel a bit better now.”
Chapter 31
While Maria was out, Franco and Diana went up to the presbytery to discuss how they were going to tackle introducing Maria to her relatives. It was a sunny, dry afternoon, so they decided to enjoy a breath of fresh air and leave the car. As they walked along, Diana thought what a decent, solid man Franco was. She felt she had got to know him and Bernice well these last few days, and that he had all the fine points that Leo had described before she met him – he was a good worker and a real family man.
“I was worried that Mrs Lowry might go against things,” Franco said, as they went along, “but when I showed her Leo’s letter this morning I thought she seemed to come round.”
“I thought the same,” Diana said, “because she told me she had met Anna’s parents briefly at their daughter’s funeral, and couldn’t understand why they didn’t make things up with Leo then.”
“We’ll never know the true story,” Franco said. “Leo obviously did not want to tell anyone what he had found out.”
“Well, I suppose it shows you what a loyal person he was.”
Father O’Donnell was very positive about it all. “They sound like decent, caring people,” he said, “and after we got talking, the first thing her uncle suggested was that she go back with them until she’s old enough to live independently. He said his mother and father would be delighted to have her back in Ireland, and had always hoped she’d come to them at some point. They said they’ll have someone in taking care of the farm while they are over, and they also have not booked their flights back yet. They will stay up in the Elizabethan Hotel until she decides whether she is going back with them or not. They also said not to worry about money for Maria’s flight back with them, that it will all be taken care of.”
Franco threw his hands up. “Well, that’s all very good news,” he said. “And I have the letter her father wrote to her, so we just have to decide now whether we give her the letter before they come, or let them come and introduce her to them first before she knows what Leo intended for her.”
“I’ve been thinking about it constantly since last night,” Diana told them, “and I think it would be better to let her meet them first and spend a day or two with them before giving her the letter. It’s going to be a big enough shock when she reads it and knows her father had been so worried about leaving her that he had to plan all this in advance. Also, if she knows that she might be going to Ireland, she might refuse to meet them at all.”
“She’s not that kind of girl,” Franco said. “She has always taken heed of her father.”
“But she’s not herself at the moment – you saw how she reacted when it was suggested they even come for the funeral. She’s still distraught at having lost her father and she’s not thinking straight.”
“Do you think she will be upset when she sees them?” Father O’Donnell said. “Could it make her go hysterical or anything like that?”
Diana looked at Franco then back to the priest. “I have no answer for that. The problem is she thinks they wanted nothing to do with her father all those years because he was Italian, but it turns out that her mother had other reasons for not going back to Ireland.”
Father O’Donnell nodded his head. “I know. Anna talked to me about it when she was marrying Leo. Some of it was during Confession, so you both understand that I can’t discuss anything that she said in the confessional box, but she talked to me here at the presbytery about other things related to it, which is quite different.” He cupped his chin in his hand. “I think a way round it might be if I see Maria before they arrive this evening, and explain to her that the family had absolutely nothing against Leo, and that her mother had her own reasons for not wanting to go back to Ireland. She has to realise that it was her mother’s decision to drop contact with the family and not theirs.”
“And do you think that she will agree to see them after hearing this?” Diana asked.
“I think so,” the priest replied. “Then hopefully she will get on well with them and after the funeral we can show her the letter when all the other people are gone and everything has quietened down.”
“I think also, Father,” Franco said, “that if she understands that there are financial difficulties to be sorted out and the house and the restaurant may have to
be sold, she might see things differently.”
Father O’Donnell sat back in his chair. “It’s an awful lot for a young girl to take on when her life has been so shattered by her father’s death. But we have looked at all the options and it would seem that this is the best one she has.”
Diana could not stop herself. “Have all the options been examined? Is there nowhere here she could live and continue with the life she is used to? I am just so worried about her going to a strange place where she knows no one. She has good friends here.”
Father O’Donnell looked doubtful. “But we have to remember her age. It’s important at this delicate, impressionable stage in her life that she is with relatives who will guide her in the proper ways that her father would have wanted. And it appears that the Italian side is not an option as Leo’s parents are very elderly and there’s the language problem and all of that.”
Franco nodded in agreement. “Plus we have to remember it’s what her father wanted,” he stressed. “It’s what Leo has instructed should happen. If I had not found that letter, then it would all be very different. Bernice and I would have assumed that we should take responsibility for her because she’s my godchild and we both love her very much – though we’re not blood family and our way of living is not what she has been used to on her own with Leo.”
“I feel that we have to abide by her father’s wishes,” the priest said. “It was all laid out in the letter.”
Diana looked from one to the other, thinking that her relationship with Leo and Maria counted for nothing because it had been so short, and yet she knew deep down that he had cared deeply for her. She was sure that if they had only had a few more months together – if they had only reached the first of January when he was updating his letter – then he might have mentioned her as a possible guardian for Maria.
She kept quiet throughout the rest of the discussion as the men planned how Father O’Donnell would come down to the house and he and Franco would explain to Maria about why they had informed her grandparents about the funeral, and why they felt it was important that she should be receptive to them.
After the meeting, she walked back to the house with Franco and she could see and hear the relief in him, while she herself felt flat and apprehensive.
“I think I will make a special macaroni dish for tomorrow,” he told her. “Just for ourselves, the people who are doing all the work. Maria loves it, and it will be a change from the quick food we have been eating.”
Back at the house Diana helped the ladies with the usual domestic chores and looking after the mourners and then she set out for home just before five o’clock to freshen up for the evening. She was able to leave a little earlier since Maria was at the Maxwells’ and probably wouldn’t be back until just before the Rosary at eight. Two of the waitresses from the shop had volunteered to stay in the house with Franco, so Bernice had gone home as well and so had Mrs Lowry – they were anxious to be back to make sure everything was as it should be for Maria’s Irish grandfather and uncle arriving.
When she arrived at her own place, Diana got the impression that her next-door neighbour, Mr Singleton, had been watching for her, because the minute her hand touched the latch on her gate, he appeared at their door. He wanted to know if she would, in the circumstances, still be able to feed Minnie for them, as they would really like to make the trip to the Lake District since the weather was so nice.
“How are things at your friend’s house?” he asked. “Mavis and I are still shocked to think that lovely man is dead and gone.”
She turned to check she had put the latch properly on the gate. “I can still hardly believe it myself,” she said. “But that’s life. You just have to get on with things.”
“And the young girl? How is she coping?”
“Up and down,” she sighed. “Up and down.”
“When is the funeral?”
“The day after tomorrow.”
He held a finger up. “I’ve just remembered. We have a sympathy card for you. Mavis told me to watch out for you and give it to you. I’ve got a head like a sieve these days. ” He went back into the house for a few moments and through the open door she could see him pick up the card from the hall table.
“You’re very kind,” she said, when he gave her the card.
“Is it very busy down at the house?”
“Yes,” she said, “there are people constantly coming and going.”
“When it’s as busy as that, it’s nice to get a bit of a break on your own from it.” His face became sad. “I had a younger brother who died last year and it was non-stop from morning until night. That’s what you get with big families, isn’t it? It was mainly his wife’s relatives – she had ten brothers and sisters.”
After receiving the usual instructions about the feeding times of Minnie the cat, Diana went in and made her phone calls to the shop before they closed and checked all was well. Then she went upstairs and had her shower. Choosing her clothes didn’t take long as she had a limited wardrobe of dark or black things. The warm weather made it more difficult as her summer clothes were all colourful, but she settled for a black knee-length fitted skirt and a black short-sleeved chiffon blouse with a bow which tied to the side.
As she was putting her mascara on in front of the small bathroom mirror, she noticed how pale her face looked against the black and her dark auburn hair. She wondered also how she would introduce herself to Leo’s in-laws. A family friend? A friend of Leo’s? All the other mourners could be described in the exact same way. ‘Girlfriend’, she felt sounded too flighty somehow– but she supposed that’s all she had been.
The phone rang as she was leaving and when she picked it up it was Clarissa.
“Diana,” she said, “I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re doing okay?”
“It’s been hard,” Diana admitted, “but I suppose it’s sunk in now and it’s just getting through until the funeral is over the day after tomorrow.”
“I know it’s been hard on you,” Clarissa said. “And I don’t want you to think I don’t understand what you’ve been going through and the effect it’s had on you. I was worried after our last chat when I said you hadn’t been seeing Leo very long, that I might have given that impression. When you meet the right person it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other.” She halted. “I just wanted to say that to you.”
“Thanks, Clarissa,” Diana said. “I appreciate that.”
“I also wondered if a nice break might do you good after this long week. You haven’t had a decent holiday these last two years, and it doesn’t look as though we’re going to get away until after Christmas as Nigel is really busy at the moment at work. It just occurred to me that there’s no reason why you and I couldn’t have a trip away by ourselves. I have about a month’s annual leave I could use, and if you could sort the staff out at the shop it would be lovely to head away somewhere nice.”
“Oh, I’m not sure . . . I haven’t thought about holidays or anything like that.”
“Well, as I’ve said, it might just do you good – why don’t you think about it?”
Diana looked at her watch. “I’m afraid I’ve got to rush now, but when it’s all over I promise I will think about it.”
For the first time it was quiet back at the house. Instead of seeing small crowds of people over by the corner where the flowers and the candles and the holy pictures were, Diana caught her breath when she saw the coffin on its own, with no one standing or kneeling or praying beside it. The door to the kitchen was closed, and she could hear Bernice talking to the Italian women. She stood for a moment looking over at it then she slowly went across the room.
He looked the same as the first time she had seen him in the coffin, but there was a waxy pallor to his tanned, handsome face that she had not noticed before. She closed her eyes and remembered the first time she saw him at the races and how, apart from his good looks, she had been captivated by his energy and enthusiasm and interest in
everything around him. Poor Leo, she thought – far, far too young to die. And he’d had such a love of life and people – and so much to live for.
Within half an hour the house was busy once again, and Diana was again serving refreshments when Jane Maxwell dropped Maria off, and came to the door to have a few words with Diana. She told her that she thought the few hours together had done both girls the world of good. She then talked about Stella’s doctor’s appointment the following day and said, what with Stella still not being well and fainting on her last visit, she hoped nobody minded if they didn’t see them again until the day of the funeral.
Diana walked out to the car with her. “Is there no improvement at all with Stella?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Jane said. “All I do know is that there is something wrong with her and we need to find out what it is. I’m trying not to think about it tonight. We’ll face whatever it is when we find out tomorrow.” She closed her eyes. “I’m just hoping and praying we haven’t got another Astrid on our hands. If it is, God knows what will happen.”
Diana looked at her for a moment, her brow knitted in confusion.
“The old school friend I told you about. Who ran away from home to marry a lower-class boy.”
“Oh, yes,” Diana said quickly. “I remember now. I’m sure it won’t be that. Stella’s a sensible girl.”
“I am glad you think so, but I’m afraid I know different. All this getting sick, fainting . . .” Jane shook her head. “My heart is in my mouth all the time.” She paused. “Just at the end there when Maria was in the bathroom, Stella said Maria had got upset. It was something about her not knowing what’s going to happen to her after the funeral. I know she’s not old enough to be here on her own, but we presumed she would go to live with her dad’s friend from the restaurant. Is that not the case?”
Diana hesitated. “It may not be as straightforward as that,” she hedged. “I think there are a few options.”
Music from Home Page 27
