by Issy Brooke
“We’ve made a few changes to the responsibilities of committee members,” she said. “I shall be overseeing the health and safety role going forward.”
Everyone looked at Penny and she sat up straight, fighting the urge to slump into her seat and pull her scarf over her face. She already knew, but it was unpleasant to have it announced in front of everyone else.
“Now, we’re got something wonderful to show you all. Shaun, will you help me with the reindeer, please,” Ginni said, standing up and dragging everyone’s attention back to her.
“Are we having an actual reindeer?” Mary squealed in delight, clapping her pudgy hands together.
But it was not to be. Ginni and Shaun, the diminutive butcher, went to the back of the hall and disappeared behind a screen. There was a scraping sound, and they emerged carrying an enormous, life-size model of a reindeer.
It looked to Penny as if it had been woven from willow and then spray-painted white with added glitter and sparkles. It looked amazing.
“The pupils at The Acorns have made it,” Ginni said as they placed it in the centre of the circle. Everyone ooh’d and aah’d.
Obviously Linda couldn’t let a bunch of talented school children take the glory. She said, loudly, interrupting the chorus of praise: “But is it flammable?”
Ginni stared at Linda. “I am sure that the school and the staff have taken all the necessary precautions.”
“It will blow over.” Linda got up and prowled around the sculpture, a sour look on her face. She prodded it and it rocked.
“We will weight it down from the inside, once it’s in situ.”
“I had thought we were having a Nativity scene as the centrepiece,” Linda said. “My ladies’ circle has nearly finished it. All that hard work can’t possibly go to waste. But that’s the way of the world, I suppose. I should have expected to be pushed to one side. I’m always overruled.”
Penny nearly laughed out loud at that.
“Of course, as usual, the Nativity scene will be central to the whole display,” Ginni said. She smiled grimly. “The reindeer is going to be placed outside the grotto.”
“That’s where the Nativity scene needs to be.”
“There is plenty of space for both.”
The two formidable women faced off. Linda was wider, but Ginni was taller. Penny found it amusing that these were the last two women in the country who still wore shoulder pads, although at least Ginni’s went well with her tailored trouser suit. Linda was wearing a cardigan with a butterfly motif picked out in sequins on it, and the addition of shoulder pads under that was particularly inexplicable.
Cath rose to her feet. Penny tugged at her sleeve, but Cath pulled free and frowned back at her.
“I want to see what they’ll do,” Penny whispered.
“Fight, probably.”
“I’m putting money on Ginni. A fiver says she wins.”
“No, you are not,” Cath hissed. “Stop it.” She turned to the two women in the Mexican standoff. “Ginni, Linda, I am sure that there will be lots of space and don’t we have more to organise right now? Ginni, that’s a marvellous reindeer. Linda, I remember your Nativity scene from last year and we are all looking forward to seeing the latest creation, I’m sure. Let’s sit down and move on with the meeting.”
Both Ginni and Linda’s faces showed the same thought process which ended with “…but she’s a police officer.”
They both went to sit down again.
“Next on the agenda,” Ginni said, pulling out a sheet of paper. “Next up … we still need a volunteer to be the stand-in for Father Christmas.”
Every person in the room went from looking around, to staring fixedly at their hands. Penny could hear the hum of frantic thoughts: not me not me not me.
Jared had been sitting quietly at the far end of the circle, almost opposite to Penny. They had nodded at one another, but they hadn’t spoken together since Jared’s declaration of affection earlier in the week. Now he said, “Honestly, everyone, the costume isn’t that bad.”
Still, no one wanted to volunteer.
“Come on, folks,” Ginni said. “You are not likely to have to actually do it. It’s just in case Jared is ill or something.”
“And I won’t be,” Jared said.
“Has the outfit even been cleaned since last year?” Shaun asked.
“Of course,” Mary declared. “I did it myself. That’s part of my role, that is.”
“Boil wash, I hope,” Shaun muttered.
“Not at all,” Mary said. “It’s more like a theatrical costume so we just spray it with neat alcohol or really strong vodka or whatever, and it evaporates to take away the smells as it goes. It doesn’t harm the cloth, that way, you see.”
“There you go,” Ginni said brightly. “A lovely fresh costume.” Her gaze alighted on Penny once more.
Penny did not like the look of calculated sympathy in Ginni’s eyes.
“Penny,” she said smoothly. “I would hate for you to feel that your role had been in any way diminished. Perhaps this is something you can do?”
“I was really hoping to enjoy the evening as a spectator,” Penny said, but she was filled with a deep sense of the inevitable.
Linda tutted. “You do shirk an awful lot of responsibility,” she said. “We’re only trying to include you as part of our community.”
Penny knew she was never going to win if Linda and Ginni both ganged up on her. She admitted defeat straight away. “Right, okay, fine.”
Ginni grinned. “Excellent, thank you. Right. The next item we need to address is the one-way system we are hoping to trial. Cath, I think you have some information to offer to the meeting?”
Cath began to talk about temporary pedestrianisation orders, and Penny sank into a gloom.
* * * *
The meeting concluding without any interruptions this time, and by the end, people were laughing and talking happily again. Penny was less happy, but everyone assured her she was merely a stand-in. It was a formality, nothing more.
Yeah, she thought. You all said that about the health and safety role, too.
Jared came over to speak to her. He met her gaze only briefly, and stammered awkwardly. “Hi Penny, hi Cath. Er, yeah, so thanks for being the spare Santa.”
“You’re welcome,” Penny said. “How long do you have to be in the grotto for?”
“I’ll be starting in the mid-afternoon,” he replied. He was smiling now but still avoiding her eyes. “But we don’t go much past teatime because it’s only for the little kids. I do actually enjoy it. I know that seems weird but it’s nice to be part of a family event, and it’s a great atmosphere. It’s so fashionable to look down on Christmas but I like it.”
“Me too,” Cath put in. “I am not so keen on all the cooking on the day itself, but I like the corny, cheesy films and the songs and all that.”
“You mean that you like the mulled wine,” Penny said.
“Give over,” Cath said. “Don’t be a grouch!”
Penny had to smile. “Yeah, well, okay, I don’t mind Christmas. I just think it goes on for too long, that’s all. I’ve enjoyed doing the carol singing, though.”
“You’ll be at the Christmas market doing that?” Cath asked.
“Later in the evening.”
“I’ll have packed up by then,” Jared said. “I tell the kids I’ve got to go and sort out presents. But basically I’ll be going to visit my parents, and drinking all their cheap alcohol.”
“Sounds great.” Penny was pleased to hear that he wouldn’t be spending Christmas on his own. She was also glad to find that they could still talk together as friends, and she hoped that soon, Jared’s crush on her would fade. It certainly seemed that way.
Ginni came to join the three of them. “Thank you so much, Penny,” she said. “I am sorry I put you on the spot but it will be fine. It simply covers our back, that’s all.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“I don’t suppos
e you are free at all this week?” Ginni went on. “I forgot to mention in the meeting about the need for volunteers to help decorate the inside of the grotto. It won’t take long if there is a few of us.”
“When?” Penny asked. “I’m supposed to be helping Linda with some flyers, I’ve got my own craft business to keep up with, there’s the singing, and I haven’t even done my Christmas shopping yet!”
“I’ll help,” Cath said. “With the grotto, I mean.”
“Would you? Marvellous,” Ginni said. “I will get back to you on a time; I’m just rounding up volunteers at the moment. Don’t worry, Penny, if you can’t commit.”
“Thanks.”
“You are taking time for yourself, aren’t you?” Cath said. “All work and no play.”
“I know. Yes. I’m still working on my night photography. Drew took me badger watching last week, in the woods by the slipe, so I thought I’d go out again on Wednesday night with my camera and see if I can get some nice shots. But that’s the only time I have free!”
They all grimaced and made sympathetic murmurings, but Cath was working full-time with a family, Jared worked long hours, and Ginni ran her own shop as well as leading the committee. Penny felt like something of a fraud by claiming to be so busy, and she brushed aside their good wishes.
“When are you getting on with your shopping?” Cath asked as they left the community hall. She was giving Penny a lift home in her car, and for once, Penny had agreed.
“I’m going up to Lincoln on Monday with Francine,” Penny said.
They drove through the brightly-lit streets, and Cath turned into her street to drop her off.
“Francine? Good luck with that,” Cath said. “She’ll be so … enthusiastic.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m ready for it.”
They laughed, but Penny was already regretting her decision.
Chapter Fourteen
Penny had a list.
Francine had had three cups of strong coffee and a compulsion to go into every single shop in Lincoln and its surrounding area.
Penny knew, from the first ten minutes, that they were in for a long day.
And she had, somewhat foolishly, expected to find that shopping on a weekday would be quieter than braving the crowds of a weekend, especially this close to Christmas. Well, if this Monday was quieter than the weekend had been, then the weekend must have been declared some kind of state of emergency.
They had ended up parking about a mile and half out of town, for a start. “We will be getting a bus back to the car,” Penny told Francine.
Her friend simply skipped ahead, and then disappeared. Penny fought her way through a knot of people but there was no sign of Francine; she must have dipped into another shop. The only places nearby were a locksmiths and an international food shop.
Penny rolled her eyes and went into the Sklep to drag Francine out. She was cooing about the quality of the chocolate. “They use a different proportion of milk,” she warbled.
“Come on,” Penny said. “We haven’t even started yet.”
Francine dismissed Penny’s carefully planned list. “I prefer to be open to the serendipitous promptings of the universe,” she explained.
“Come again?”
“I buy gifts on a whim,” she said. “I follow my heart, and my heart is hardly ever wrong, except when it comes to how much pizza I should eat.”
“That’s not your heart, that’s your belly.”
“Sometimes the voice of my belly is the louder one. Oh, look, wind-chimes made of forks! I must have a closer look!”
Penny sighed, and followed.
* * * *
Taken as a social meeting between friends, the day was a fun one. They chatted about the murder investigation, and Francine declared that all four of the suspects – Penny included – seemed equally likely, or unlikely, to have done it.
But as a shopping expedition, it was a dismal failure, at least for Penny. She came home with nothing but a packet of Christmas cards to show for it, and that had been a purchase of obligation simply because she’d been in the shop for fifteen minutes while Francine debated the relative merits of slippers with the furry fabric on the inside, or the outside. Penny didn’t even need to buy any cards at all, as she had already made her own, using stencils and paint.
Francine went home happy, but Penny then worked late into the night to catch up with some Christmas orders from her website. Increased numbers of orders had brought with it increased demands from customers, and she strove to meet everyone’s requests. Ninety-nine percent of her customers were normal, pleasant and sane people whom she was happy to help.
But that one percent of unreasonable idiots made her job very hard. It was the same in any role that dealt with the public, she knew, but her lifelong career in television had been quite different. She had called the shots then, not buckled to the demands of numpties.
She gritted her teeth and responded to the latest in a series of emails that had been exchanged with one woman who was very, very, very concerned that the bag she wanted to buy was the right shade of duck-egg blue.
“Can’t you make a new one to order but have it a little lighter because my aunt lives in Wolverhampton” was the most recent and slightly inexplicable directive.
Penny put some calming music on to listen to while she worked. It was going to be a long night.
* * * *
One of the reasons that Penny worked so late on Monday night was because she still had her Christmas shopping to do, and time was running out. So, on Tuesday, after her walk with Kali, she girded her loins and returned to Lincoln but this time without Francine. She arrived early and parked up in the lower area where there had been a lot of new development around the university. Term was over for most of the students but many were local residents and the shops and pubs and bars around the Brayford Pool were buzzing.
Penny decided to walk right through town, over the railway line and up Steep Hill to the Bailgate, to start her shopping at the far end of town. That way, she would be walking back to the car as her load got heavier and heavier. Furthermore, the smaller, independent shops at the top of the city were much more appealing. She preferred to buy unique gifts and support local businesses rather than line the pockets of multi-nationals and chain stores that probably didn’t even pay tax.
And Penny’s plan worked. She managed to buy most of her planned gifts in boutiques, and by the time she got back to the lower shopping area, she was pretty much done. Feeling smug, she loaded up her car and saw that she still had forty minutes left on her parking ticket.
She may as well pop into a café and treat herself, she told herself.
She was just settling into the corner of a noisy teashop when she caught sight of Linda Osmond. Penny bent to mess around in her handbag, hoping to evade detection, but it was too late.
Linda pushed her way over and plonked a cup of tea onto the table. Her eyes seemed even more prominently outlined than usual.
Why does the dreadful woman plaster on so much make-up? It can’t be good for her skin, Penny thought. It cracks when she smiles.
As it happened, Linda didn’t seem much in the mood for smiling. She greeted Penny and eased herself down onto the spare chair. A waft of heavy, cloying perfume crawled up Penny’s nostrils.
“Are you all right?” Penny asked, thinking that Linda’s awkward movements might mean she had put her back out doing vigorous housework or something.
“Yes, yes. And yourself?” Linda snapped.
Penny recoiled slightly from Linda’s bared teeth. “Fine, thanks. I’m just getting on with my Christmas shopping. Have you got all yours done?”
Linda shook her head. “No. What with one thing and another, I haven’t been in the mood.”
Penny didn’t know what to say. Linda had made it very clear she didn’t mourn her estranged brother, yet surely his death had an effect on her and her family, even if it had been simply the tedious paperwork. Penny stirred her coffee although it di
dn’t need stirring. She needed to move her hands.
Linda was lonely, she thought. Why else would she seek me out? She’s made it quite clear she doesn’t really like me. Or, indeed, anyone. I don’t think she has any friends at all.
“I’m sorry,” Penny said at last. “I know that sounds lame.”
Linda sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. The corners of her mouth pulled back. When she looked at Penny again, she seemed tired. “Thank you,” she said.
Penny nearly dropped her spoon. She didn’t say anything else. The expression of gratitude from Linda was like a snake bringing you a cake, and the cake turning out to be really nice and not poisoned at all.
Linda wrapped her hands around her cup. “How are the flyers coming along?” she asked.
“I’ve done the mock-ups following your spec. You are welcome to come and see them, or I can bring them to your house.”
“Thank you for all your hard work. I know I am a perfectionist and it’s not easy to work underneath me.”
Ahh, that was more like Linda. The snake was still a snake. She seemed nice on the surface but she was, as ever, tinged with a supercilious attitude. Penny was tight-lipped as she said, “It’s okay.”
“May I see them tonight or tomorrow night?”
“I’m carol singing tonight and … well, I was hoping to go and do night photography in the woods tomorrow. Later today, perhaps? I am heading home now.”
“I don’t think I will be back in any reasonable time later today. I’ve come up by bus,” Linda said. “The times that they run, I will be amazed if I’m home by the new year.”
That was very odd, and it was a chance to find out some more information. “I thought you drove,” Penny said. “Don’t you have a red sports car?”
“I do have a nippy little convertible,” Linda said. She seemed ill at ease. There was another awkward pause as she sipped at her drink. “Alas, I am finding it somewhat difficult to get in and out of lately.”
“You’re not so old,” Penny blurted out, and then wanted to stab herself with a fork. The tension of trying to make polite conversation seemed to make ridiculous statements almost inevitable.
