Luci and I are melded in a way that no one can ever refute. We’re joined, forever, in those four kids that rest in her little body. No matter what happens from here on out there will always be a link that can never be broken.
Maybe they’ll have her eyes and my hair. Maybe her cute little button nose and my fucked-up yeti hands.
The joy I feel knowing part of me is in her is just so incomparable that I don’t realize I’m crying silently until Woody pulls me up and hugs me to his chest.
“That’s why I didn’t pull it back and I’m not sorry for it, either, so you can stop trying to guilt me. I knew that no matter what you would love her and those babies, but I just couldn’t see you lose that first part of her like that. I know you, bro. She had you the minute you knew you’d be the first and the last for her, and she for real caught your stupid ass when she looked into your eyes and said those three little words for no other reason than she wanted to. She’s your one. The girl who gives you all her firsts because she can’t stand for anyone else to get them.”
His words are so true, I can’t and don’t bother to deny them.
“I love her so much, Wood,” I choke out when he pushes me away, holding me at arm’s length, his eyes a stormy hazel green. “I can’t tell her again because she won’t believe me and maybe I deserve that after the shit I pulled on her, but it’s killing me to keep the words in after waiting so long to say them.”
I’m being a total and utter pussy and I know it, and maybe years from now I’ll cringe a little thinking about how weak I really am inside, but here, with my first real friend, I feel safe enough to trust that he’s got my back and won’t laugh at me.
“So don’t keep them in then, bro. Say them. Shout them. Whisper them into her ear whenever you feel the need. She may not respond, hell knowing Luci she may just kick you in the nuts and tell you to screw off as she’s so fond of saying to lesser human beings like us, but my advice? You say it enough and maybe she’ll hear you one day. I won’t lie to you and spin you some rom-com bullshit, you messed up big time with that woman.”
I nod and retake my seat when he pulls away and sits down.
“I’ve watched her chase you for months, that big old beating heart of hers pinned to her sleeve like a freaking shout out to the world. Every time I saw her come after you I saw that heart bleed a little more till it looked like it was withering away. And yet she kept coming. You broke her in a way that made me want to hate you and for a little while. I was happy when she finally started seeing your shit and fired back.”
“Wood.”
“No, let me finish. I was happy because I could see you, man. I always could. You know why I chose you that first day in college? Because I saw you standing alone for all of two minutes, and in that time you weren’t Freddie the jock or the flirt or the prankster who could make you laugh one minute and kick your ass the next. I saw your loneliness and I thought, there’s someone who’s real inside. I spent my whole life around women and guys who treated them like disposable rags. You never did that, not once in all the time we were friends. You’d flirt and fuck, I won’t say you were an angel, but you never set out to make them feel like less just because you didn’t want to commit.”
“How could I, man? I would never voluntarily make another human being feel like they weren’t at least worth a friendship.”
Not after my parents and most certainly not after school where the worth of a man was what they could get out of you socially.
“You never did that once until Luci.”
My wince is visible and I feel like a dog as I look back at him and accept the truth of his words.
“That moment right there was why I didn’t beat the shit out of you and walk away from our friendship. I knew then that she was your one, the first and only woman who was special enough to rouse your heart and make you see her. I knew you’d pull a runner. Like I said, I know you but I always knew that you’d eventually stop and look back at her and see what you were losing.”
“How do I get her to love me back again?”
“That, my friend, I cannot tell you. Only she can.”
And now the biggest question of all and the one I’ve been avoiding.
“How do I tell her about the babies?”
“I don’t know that, either. My take on this? For once in your life, be sneaky instead of just barreling ahead and demanding what you want. I know honesty is important and I get that. I grew up in a freaking harem of sisters and cousins. Chicks do not take lying well. I’m not saying you should lie to her, just keep hold of this for now till she’s in a better place to handle the truth.”
Shit.
That was just the answer I was looking for, so I know immediately it’s the wrong one.
Chapter Fourteen
Home is Where the Heart Is
Luci
“Nooooo.”
“Yes.”
“Noooo.” Dot breathes again, her horrified whisper ringing in my ears like an omen.
It’s been like one day and a night since I was told I may or may not be carrying demon spawn and I still haven’t quite processed it all to the point that I can sanely deal with it.
My go-to has always been to just ignore it if it scares me, as if peeking at the horror movie through my fingers will in some way make it more bearable to watch.
So that’s what I am doing and why I refuse to talk to Cage about this at all. Just till I know how to feel about it. It was bad enough to constantly think about my regrets about doing this at all when what I really wanted was for them to be his babies.
But now I have to consider the fact that my uterus and eggs are bonded to some unknown man’s ball batter and it’s making me nuts.
Cage is also out of whack with this news. I see it in the way he barely meets my eyes now and in the way he seems to cling to me at times and rub my belly almost as if reassuring the babies that he still loves them.
I almost cried when I woke this morning and heard him telling them that they were his, for real his, and that he loves them so much already he can’t wait to meet them.
“So what the heck are you gonna do now?” she asks as she slides a glass of orange juice at me.
“What can I do, Dotty? The doctor doesn’t know who the other sample belonged to and they have no way of finding out. According to him it’s almost as if someone slipped it in there on purpose. What a crock! I bet they’re just trying to cover their asses in case I bring on the lawsuit,” I grumble, sipping at the orange juice with a grimace.
“Would you? Would you sue them?”
“No.” I sigh tiredly, rubbing at my aching head. “It would be all over the papers and I just can't see myself doing that to Cage what with his social status and everyone knowing when we go to dinners and stuff. It would just embarrass him and piss him off if people made some off-colored comments about it.”
“I guess that’s that then, huh? You’ll never know.”
“Unless…” I muse as an idea pops into my head just as Indie, Callie, and Percy come barreling in, laughing so hard I feel my tummy start aching.
“Unless?” Callie asks, coming over to kiss me, rub the beach ball, and sit down with a sleeping Jack in her arms. “What’s up? Unless what? Oh are we plotting? Because you know I love a good plot and scheme and I love the evil ones more. Is this about Gruffy and the way she’s been boning Gramps Levin at all hours of the night? It’s so gross and yet I can’t help being happy that two old wrinkles are so in loooove.”
Note to self, do not drink while breastfeeding, because just look what it did for Callie’s mental development.
“No, I’m not talking about that, and by the way, gross,” I mutter, shuddering again.
“Then what? Because I swear I just hear your plotting voice and you know how—”
“You love a good plot, yeah, yeah, I got it,” I cut in, narrowing my eyes at them all.
“Come on, Luce, spill the juice already. I’m dying here. Are we planning an assassination o
n Cage’s parents, because I am so there if we are. Jack told me all about them and I hate them enough that I could bite a chunk outta their snooty asses just because.”
“It’s not that, though please table and notarize that as a future option. I still want to hurt them for the way they raised Cage.”
Yeah, that sounds like a good future goal and one for the bucket list.
“Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me,” Callie chants, lowering her volume when Jack starts niggling and shifts around near her boob.
I roll my eyes and look over at Dot, who just shrugs and purses her lips.
Like I can keep this a secret from the three killers who are now staring at me as if they’d gladly slap me around if not for the four angels in my womb. Savages.
“The sperm got swapped and I don’t know who knocked me up,” I say in a rush, abandoning the orange juice as three silent sets of eyes look down at me.
“What! Oh, this is some sci fi shit, straight up. I watched this terrible movie a while back where this chick was knocked up and then this alien creature started tunneling out of her and ripped her apart. It was coolness to the extreme. Do you think that’ll happen? Do you think maybe the aliens came down, broke into the good doc’s office, and put their green baby batter in your cup?”
“Thanks so much for tonight’s nightmare. I appreciate any new material my brain hasn’t already worked through. Are you crazy? Like I need to be thinking that little green men came down and targeted me. You know I believe in that stuff, Percy!” I wail.
“So…” Dot says to get me back on track.
“So. I think I should call Mummy’s girl Cleo and get her over for a little looksee.”
***
“I see a stranger coming your way.”
“Oh, really? Because that’s like not even remotely spooky considering we see strangers coming our way every day,” Percy chortles, making Cleo scowl at her and narrow her eyes.
“Percy, just shut up already! Go on, Cleo, please.”
Cleo closes her eyes and concentrates as I flip Percy the bird and threaten to gut her like a fish with hand signs that do me proud when she gulps and looks away.
“This stranger is a man you know, one you have been avoiding for years. He’s your other half, the yin to your yang, the one you really pine for late at night when you’re alone and crying into your pillow.”
Huh? What? There’s no such person. My one is a dirty blond with eyes the color of sapphires.
“See! She’s a total fraud. Lady, her man’s like—”
“I was not talking to Luci, Percival. I was talking to you.”
The use of her full name and whatever the hell else she said has Percy tensing and going stark white before she does the one thing I have never seen her do. She bolts and is out the door before anyone can react.
“What the hell?”
“Do not worry, Luci, she’s just raw because her long-lost love is returning and she’s terrified of seeing him again.”
“What? What long-lost love? Percy doesn’t do love, Cleo. She does Mr. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday—”
“This man is one Percival loved very much and one she lost because they were both too foolish to see what was right in front of them. He comes for her now and it frightens her. But enough of that, we read you now, Luci. Ah yes, hmm. Ohhh, that is interesting.”
“What? What is it? Is my baby daddy green? Tell me he’s not green and hung like he could open wine bottles,” I beg.
Cleo chuckles in her husky, eerie voice.
“You are at a crossroads in your life, dear Luci.”
“No shit. I’m still trying to decide whether I want an epidural for the C-section, or to have the doctor knock my ass out completely, though at this point I wouldn’t take my eye off Dr. Sparks for all the gold in the Congo.”
“No.” She chuckles. “I see you standing at a crossroads, looking back even though you know forward is the only way to go.”
“What? That’s it, Cleo? Come on. I need more. I mean, ahem, I recently got some really bad news, and well, I was kind of hoping that you would help me with something that, uh, I need to know.”
Cleo just shakes her head covered in dreadlocks and smiles at me.
“You are not meant to know that yet, Luci, so no, the reading is done. Ladies, thank you for a wonderful reading and be well, yes? Oh, Dot? Your cashmere sweater? Percy accidentally put it in with the whites and it got ruined so she tossed it. Stop looking, hun, it’s currently going around the city on a hobo’s back.”
Dot gasps and I see her eyes go wide in a way that makes me chuckle. I’m still laughing as Cleo leaves and I turn to see Indie cross herself and shake herself a little.
“Damn, girl. That was some seriously freaky stuff. Seriously freaky.”
“Spooky,” Callie seconds, kissing baby Jack’s black shock of hair.
“My sweater.”
I ignore them. I was so hoping that things would go better and I’d have some answers.
Chapter Fifteen
Life’s a Beach
Cage
The morning has been one crisis after another as I tried and succeeded at rescuing a deal that I’d handed over to one of my juniors, only to discover that the fool boned the daughter of the man whose company I was looking to take over and reinvent.
It was something that I’ve been working on for a good year already and one I was excited about as the company started folding a little due to bad branding and an outdated way of doing business.
I did manage to rescue it, though, with a stern talking to my junior, Gideon, about being smarter and sneakier about his affairs.
At the end of the morning, after a few quick updates from the girls on Luci’s condition, I managed to get things back on track and Caruthers signed on the dotted line so I’m in a somewhat better mood as I kiss Callie and baby Jack as they pass me in the lobby and make my way upstairs.
I’m nervous and rethinking coming home so early as I unlock the door and walk in, my nerves strung taught as guilt eats at me.
“Cage!”
I panic at the cry and drop everything to rush to my wife, thinking a million terrible things all at once and ready to hit speed dial for the hospital.
“What! What is it? Are you in pain? Did your water break? Did you fall? I told you not to move from the sofa, baby!”
I come to a dead halt when she starts giggling and I look down to see a brilliant, joy-filled smile on her face. She looks radiant and whole and not in any way distressed, so I finally let myself breathe as I fall to my knees beside her, my hands going to her belly.
“I’m fine Mr. Paranoia. I just got excited when I saw these is all,” she says, turning her tablet so I can see what she’s looking at.
The page for a little baby boutique that I’ve already basically bought out meets my eyes and I look back up at her guiltily, withholding a wince when her eyes narrow and she glares at me.
“You got them already? Come on, Cage. At this rate there won’t be one freaking thing left in this city for me to buy the babies. Jesus, leave me one thing to give them.”
“Babe. You’re carrying them inside you, giving them life. And you get to feed them for months after they’re born. Throw a dog a bone already. Let me give my babies something before they start preferring you and your boobs later,” I wheedle, ignoring the pang of guilt that keeps festering inside me.
“Fine. You go ahead and buy it all, just don’t go overboard on all the stuffed animals. They freak me out with their beady eyes and constant grins.”
Her quirkiness makes me laugh and hug her close before I pull back and meet her clear gaze, my own eyes troubled.
“How’s my girl today?”
She surprises me by grinning so big her face splits and I definitely am not upset when she grasps my shirt and hauls me in for a kiss so sweet and passionate that my dick tries to respond.
“I’m good, real good. Me and the girls called Cleo and got her to come over and do a
reading.”
“Oh yeah?”
Good answer, Cage, she’s still smiling.
“Yup. My first reaction was to just ask her about the whole…” She waves casually. “You know, thing, but she told me it wasn’t time to know. And then when she left and I thought I was going to start crying Indie said this stuff that got me thinking and I realized, it’s true. That got me to feeling so much better, Cage. So much better that I don’t think I even care anymore.”
“What?” I clear my throat and try not to croak again. “What did she say?”
“That I was being an ass for even asking who the father is when all along it’s been you. You’re the dad, I feel it in my heart and that’s all that really matters to me, Cage. That’s all that matters to me because I love you. I never stopped, you know.”
I feel as if my chest is about to explode with all the love, joy and guilt that hits me like a ton of bricks. My mouth is smiling, I can feel and hear myself laughing as I push closer and start kissing her face off, but the guilt is so overwhelming I can’t fully savor this moment I’ve been waiting for for months.
“Cage?”
Her voice is small and hesitant and I hate that she feels unsure of my response.
“How can you not know by now that I love you so much it’s like I live and breathe for you, Luci? I wake up and see you and I feel like life gave me the biggest gift I could have asked for. I see you and know that you’re mine and I still pinch myself that a woman like you could look at me and think I’m good enough.”
“Oh, Cage.” Her hands stroke my face as a watery smile trembles on her lips. “I never thought you’d really feel this way. At first I let you bring me here because I was so scared and the thought of being alone with all that fear, I just…you made me feel better, like it was all going to be okay just because you were with me. And then, as we got to really talking and knowing each other, I realized that I loved you still, only now it was worse because I didn’t just love the flirt or the man I saw beneath the flirt, I loved the whole package you never let me see before.”
LUCI (The Naughty Ones Book 2) Page 9
