by N. K. Love
Oh my f-fuck.
I rest my head back on the ledge, absorbing the tender pulses of that ride. I feel my inner muscles contracting around my fingers, throbbing against my palm.
That was without doubt the most powerful self-made orgasm ever. I have never made myself come like that. Well I suppose I can’t take all the credit! Sexting like that is like somebody writing their own little erotica novel about you, for your greedy eyes only.
I think he thinks I’m more experienced and confident than I actually am. That must’ve been his final instalment, which is good because I can’t take any more.
In stark contrast, Miss Sensible is standing with her hands on her hips, shaking her head, tutting. What a prude! Whereas Miss Alter Ego is sprawled across the bonnet of a top of the range sports car with flushed cheeks, lighting up a spliff, wearing nothing but an “Always On Fleek” tight white vest! She doesn’t miss a trick.
Jax is way more capable than I ever dreamt possible. Here’s me, totally intimidated by his magnificent appearance; little did I know that anything he’s delivered to me out of his beautiful mouth was conceived by his even more intimidating mind and imagination. Hidden behind the profanities, I detect an intellectual special soul. Something tells me that tonight I’ve been privy to a part of him that he doesn’t share often. I’ve seen him with colleagues and customers at the gym and I’ve seen him around his friends. He is definitely different around me. Not just the rawness of tonight’s texts but the special way he looks at me. His mannerisms and expressions speak a thousand words. Words that I’m eager to translate.
I’m frozen for a minute longer then jump out the bath and pat myself dry. I down the rest of my wine without thinking. Dashing to the bedroom I slip my nightshirt on and sit cross legged on the bed. Heart racing, I try to compose myself. How am I supposed to text back to that? Is he expecting a reply? We barely flipping know each other so how did that just happen? He said he’d wanted to fuck me since the first time he’d seen me. Does he mean at the gym when I had the same thoughts of him? What’s his agenda? Has he done this to show me what I’m missing or because he’s a much more experienced player in this friends-that flirt game, which incidentally, I started? I think it’s the latter and kick myself for it. Dammit!
What just happened is categorically not flirting. Is there a label for friends that play between flirting and ‘benefits’, because that’s what that was? I jump when a message beeps, disturbing my autopilot crazy over analysis session.
I hope ur imagination is as good as mine.
Oh it is, trust me, it’s possibly better. Although my jumbled up brain still can’t fathom a suitable reply, not after I’ve just screwed my own head with a million unanswerable questions. I don’t know what to say, so choose to say nothing for fear of sounding like an idiot. He literally just fucked me with his words and it’s something I need to take some time to get my head around.
Jax has just taken my sexting virginity and it was incredible. I’m in the same confusing predicament as I was a few hours ago, bar an orgasm. Maybe if we find the right middle ground this thing between us could work out after all.
I refill my glass and for the next half an hour I treat myself to re-reading his messages over and over until they’re almost committed to memory. I’ve created our own little sex tape, although I don’t think it counts as such for my list but it does mean that I can replay it and relive it whenever I want.
All that sexting has sexed me out so I scrap my earlier idea of watching one of my new DVDs. I tidy the bathroom and don the comfort blanket that is my trusty fluffy robe. I decide to go and see if Wills is okay after her strange phone call.
As I walk down the stairs, my phone beeps. It’s Jax, a whole hour after ‘it’ happened. He stops me in my tracks mid-step, feeling a little apprehensive to read it.
I hope that I haven’t crossed the line B. I do respect what uv asked of me; not 2 touch u. As u can c, it’s causing me some issues but I thought this was an ideal middle ground.
‘Middle ground’, he’s thinking like me. If Jax respects that I’ve asked us to be friends only, it means that he’s not trying to tempt me into something more. So he is just letting off steam in my direction. I still don’t reply. Instead I vow to sleep on it, go to see him tomorrow and use the time to help me decide if I’m even capable of having this crazy kind of friendship we’re somehow evolving. If I do, I need to find a way to secure the boundaries that I instigated. Plus, hopefully he is as good with his hands as he implies and he can actually help fix these pains in my shoulders and back.
Yes, that’s what I’m looking forward to most; being pain free. My excitement about the appointment has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’m going to have his masculine hands all over my bare back. That’s bare back, not bareback. Although after his messages I don’t think my filthy imagination will be getting confused when I’m drifting off to sleep later…
I think that when I cross everything off my Fuck It list, I will surely be more sexually confident, explored, passionate and ready to take on the man that I’ve lusted after since the second I laid my lost eyes on him. Then I will be ready to truly let myself go and satisfy him, the way I know he would satisfy me. God I don’t want to keep this paused for too long but the words ‘sexual’ and ‘suicide’ spring to mind to remind me exactly why I made the decision in the first place. This heart isn’t ready to be trampled on again just yet. I can’t take that risk.
Okay, so my plan is to complete the list first. Now if that isn’t incentive enough, I don’t know what is! I’ll get to unclick this self-imposed pause button and have some incredible no-holds-barred sex with my gladiator. What a trophy that’s going to be. That’s if he’ll have me then.
After striking off number 12 – Sexting, there’s twenty-five items left to complete.
Fuck It List
1. Blowjob
2. Handjob
3. Cunnilingus
4. Sex in a workplace
5. Sex in a car
6. Sex in the shower
7. Multiple orgasm
8. Get a tattoo
9. Get a piercing
10. Sex on the beach
11. Phone sex
12. Cybersex / Sexting
13. Tantric sex
14. Get stoned
15. Use food / ice sexually
16. 69
17. Kiss a girl
18. Tie somebody up
19. Be tied up
20. Watch a porno alone
21. Watch a porno with a partner
22. Do a lap dance
23. Do a strip tease
24. Sexual role-play
25. Make a sex tape
26. Sex outdoors
27. Go to strip show / live sex show
28. Be spanked
29. Hit somebody
30. Kinky sex
I’m eager to keep exploring this next chapter of my life. Where will this journey lead me next?
Not so long ago my internal compass had broken. By then I’d already long since lost track of where I was, of who I was. Now, although I haven’t a clue where my life is heading, I’ve ditched the compass and torn up the map. I’m no longer attempting to orchestrate my life in fine detail as a way to protect myself. This time I am letting my feet feel the way. I’m entrusting fate on this exciting path that’s already been filled with new experiences at every turn.
If this list lives up to its potential, I’m in for a world of sexual milestones, much needed orgasms and a whole lot of fun and discovery along the way.
I have faith in this journey, in myself but most of all, I have faith in my future. I will no longer chase after happiness, I’ll trust that if it’s meant to be, happiness will find me.
What’s Next?
Thank you so much for reading Lost Angel, book one of The List Series.
Now you’ve had chance to get to know the characters, it’s time to turn the book temperature up from warm to red hot as you follo
w Beth’s journey into Dirty Angel, book two of The List Series. Let the list fulfil its promises to us and deliver page after page of face fanning fun.
Fallen Angel (#3) and Always Angel (#4), will soon be ready and waiting patiently to satisfy you once you’ve had your fill of Beth and Jax over in Dirty Angel.
Please take a moment to leave a review (UK)(US). After all, that’s how a lot of readers make their decisions as to which book to invest in next. Many thanks for giving your precious time to reading what I’ve loved writing. That concept still blows my mind.
Dirty Angel, book two of The List Series;
Beth’s finding her feet in the world of being single with the help of Willow, her best friend. After a rocky start, the sun’s shining on her journey and about to crank up the heat from warm to red hot.
A disastrous night out leaves Beth furious with her ex-husband as he deals a deceitful blow. Without her best friend around an unlikely hero comes to her rescue.
He’s handsome, successful, a beast with a gladiatorial presence and absolute sex on legs. Surprisingly, his dark and mysterious side doesn’t deter Beth from deeply connecting with the man behind the façade.
Is he exactly what Beth’s journey needs? The kind of guy who’ll hold the door open for her, follow her through it, then slam her up against it and show her what it feels like to truly lose herself.
Beth dives into her ‘F**k It’ list with both feet. She’s learning how exhilarating it feels to let go, to take chances and embrace her inner goddesses. Beth experiences sexual pleasure beyond measure during this rollercoaster ride. But in her pledge for a ‘no strings’ relationship, can she keep her heart away from the bedroom…or the car…or the woods oh and maybe the gym…?
Continue Beth’s journey as she climbs out of her comfort-zone to find a world of pleasure she’d only ever imagined existed before.
This road of discovery and exploration will take Beth through the entire series as she tackles her filthy ‘F**k It List’.
The List Series; Lost Angel (#1), Dirty Angel (#2), Fallen Angel (#3) and Always Angel (#4). All books are intended to be read in sequence. These are not stand alone.
The Author
N K Love is a sucker for a beautiful romance, especially when it comes with a bucketful of face fanning. Her partner doesn’t share her obsession and there’s always eye rolling whenever she gets giddy or teary over a great scene in a book or on screen. When she isn’t reading or writing, she’s probably being a child with her children or being a loner with her coin collection. Yes, I said coin collection, don’t laugh!
Follow N K Love on Instagram @novelkindoflove for tempting teasers and daily interaction. I’d really love to hear from you, so drop me a message on there or over on my Facebook page – Novel Kind of Love.
Acknowledgements
Firstly, a huge amount of gratitude to you, whoever you are. You are lovely. I’ve no idea what led you to picking this book but whatever it was, thank you! I often cross my fingers and hope that my books reach the eyes of like-minded people who will embrace the characters just like I do. Smiling is infectious and I really hope I can put smiles on faces of strangers.
To my social media peeps. I can count on my hands the amount of people who know who N K Love really is. So you guys are pretty much the only people I interact with about writing on a daily basis. You won’t realise that your support means so much to me. Some days I’ve secretly used it as a crutch when I’ve been feeling rubbish. You were all strangers a few short weeks ago but I freakin’ love your epic posts, badass likes, lovely comments, ‘dayumm’ reposts, sexy little teasers, titillating tags and most of all your selfless energy and love (Oh and your motivational face fanning pics that usually involve tattoos, muscles, abs on abs, gorgeous eyes and lots of flesh—yeah they’re also a crucial part of my pre-writing motivational preparations).
To my real life heartthrob and alpha-male, who lets me dive into my crazy, beautiful book world whenever possible and who inspired me to create that world in the first place. You have and will always be my ‘4eva always’.
To my children, for continuing to blossom beautifully, even when Mommy was attempting to blossom a book… or four. You are my reasons for striving, thank you for always reminding me not to take life too seriously.
To my big sister, the recipient of many random conversations when I wanted to bounce filthy ideas off her. I’m sorry your little sister isn’t as sweet and innocent as some would like to believe. Thank you for being the person to say ‘go for it’ and during the darker days, ‘keep going’. I needed to hear that.
To my little sister, who never got bored of hearing me say ‘Please can you…?’ and who continually comes through for me. My social media guru, photographer and technical genius. Having you at my fingertips has been imperative and I can’t thank you enough.
To Kimberley for the amazing proofreading—you are truly awesome—and for telling me when you had to take a cold shower, that always gave me the boost I needed. Thank you for lending me your brain and your precious time, for I will be eternally grateful for your invaluable contributions.
The List
Fuck It List
1. Blowjob
2. Handjob
3. Cunnilingus
4. Sex in a workplace
5. Sex in a car
6. Sex in the shower
7. Multiple orgasm
8. Get a tattoo
9. Get a piercing
10. Sex on the beach
11. Phone sex
12. Cybersex / Sexting
13. Tantric sex
14. Get stoned
15. Use food / ice sexually
16. 69
17. Kiss a girl
18. Tie somebody up
19. Be tied up
20. Watch a porno alone
21. Watch a porno with a partner
22. Do a lap dance
23. Do a strip tease
24. Sexual role-play
25. Make a sex tape
26. Sex outdoors
27. Go to strip show / live sex show
28. Be spanked
29. Hit somebody
30. Kinky sex
